Lack of support

astgte

One thing thats really surprised me is the lack of support, continued motivation even comments on how ive done, especially from my partner who is a fitness freak. It seems like a type of jealousy and an inabilty to say that ive done well. I asked her the other night, just what do I look like, I cant compute in my brain my new physique, and all she could say was I looked the same but that ive lost *kitten* loads of weight. I also find it from the sportier, healthier, fitter people I would know, they just dont seem to be able to say well done, more like comments like I really should tone up now, nothing positive. Is it just me that attracts that sort of behaviour, or is it a common thing that I wasnt aware of happening?

flippy1234

I'm sorry that this is happening to you. You have to realize that most people are so into themselves that they cannot see past their own issues. Don't take it personally. Be sure you are not losing weight for others...it's for you and how you feel about yourself. Do not place stock in what others think. Do not rely on others for compliments, etc... It all needs to come from within you. Yes, it feels good when people notice but don't expect it. Don't ask for accolades either. It's best when out of the blue someone will say to you, "hey, you look great".

geotrice

First, congrats on the weight loss.

Second, not to be a jerk, but that's life. You're not making progress for anyone else's benefit so why would they compliment you? No ones going to be like, "hey thanks for not being so fat/skinny/etc) any more. Your progress really makes my life so much better." You'll get a well done from others when you do something for others.

You've got to be making progress for yourself and only yourself. If you're making the changes just for the kudos, talk to the person who raised you. If you have lost all that weight, then it sounds like you actually do have the support you need to be successful and you're not really lacking it after all.

If you want a reward for your accomplishments, sign up for a competition like a 15k and get a medal.

And again...good job on the weight loss.

astgte

Oh no, im not loosing it for anyone else but me, im not self appreciating and looking the adoration of the madding crowds, continual patting on the back, but ive found that those closest to me are the least supportive, thats what I cant understand.

geotrice

Well change is hard for people to deal with. But that's on them. They'll come around. Or they won't. If they don't support you then don't look to them for support. They have to walk their path just like you have to walk yours. Sometimes the paths will be side by side. Sometimes not.

Either way as long as you're living life the way you want to then that's all you need because it's not them looking back at you in the mirror.

TheNerdyMonkey

I have experienced that so much, I personally rid my life of people like that. As far as my boyfriend goes, I sat him down and put everything out on the table. I told him that to me this is a very big deal and that it's very important to me, to know he is rooting for me. I let him know that I don't need his or anyone's approval or pity. It's just nice to know you have someone that is not only happy for me, but proud of me. If other people don't want to show their support, screw them. But maybe try to sit down and speak with your partner. I hope this all works out for the best and of course, congratulations on your success so far and best of luck to your future

ElizabethKalmbach

That may just be the kind of people they are. I don't give out a lot of compliment, and I don't really know what to do with a compliment when I get one. I'm a relatively fit person because every time I look at how I'm doing, I tell myself that I can do better, and then I try to. To me, it feels like "Yay! Good job!" means that I'm done and moving on to something else. I'm like that about everything, including things I truly enjoy. I don't knit so many socks because I want compliments for my socks. I knit more socks because I think of something I can improve over the last pair of socks I did.

Don't let it get to you. You're doing this for YOU, so congratulate yourself and move on to the next goal. The only person whose opinion matters is YOURS when it comes to your body. Other people may not feel comfortable commenting on it, even if you invite them to. Your accomplishment will not grant social skills to your loved ones. Love them anyway.

omelet2000

It's funny because there's another thread on this forum where posters are complaining about people commenting that they've lost weight (it makes some people uncomfortable when someone else comments on their weight, even if it is a compliment).

I guess there's no pleasing everyone.

lil_piece

To be fair, losing weight is a gradual process and those closest to you are the least likely to notice. To them you look pretty much like you did yesterday, even if you look completely different than you did a few months ago. You're far more likely to get an reaction out of a friend or acquaintance you don't see too often.

wizzybeth

I generally don't comment to people about their weight loss because I've seen people gripe on FB and other forums saying something like "so you mean I looked horrible before???"

ProfessorPupil

lil_piece wrote: »

To be fair, losing weight is a gradual process and those closest to you are the least likely to notice. To them you look pretty much like you did yesterday, even if you look completely different than you did a few months ago. You're far more likely to get an reaction out of a friend or acquaintance you don't see too often.

^^ This!

A few years ago, I lost 96 lbs and no one that I saw on a daily basis seemed to really notice or care. I couldn't really notice a difference myself either! I could fit into one leg of my old jeans, but in my mind I was only slightly smaller.

However, people who hadn't seen me in a while totally flipped out.

If someone who sees you daily seems less than enthused, I think that has a lot to do with it. (Unless they are being obviously negative or unsupportive, of course.) They see you every day changing very gradually and it doesn't really register.

JordisTSM

lil_piece wrote: »

To be fair, losing weight is a gradual process and those closest to you are the least likely to notice. To them you look pretty much like you did yesterday, even if you look completely different than you did a few months ago. You're far more likely to get an reaction out of a friend or acquaintance you don't see too often.

Yep, this. One of my bosses lost a ton of weight over a couple of years, but no one really noticed until a few weeks ago when we were looking at old photos. All of a sudden everyone was talking about how awesome he looked now compared to then.

MelodyandBarbells

astgte wrote: »

One thing thats really surprised me is the lack of support, continued motivation even comments on how ive done, especially from my partner who is a fitness freak. It seems like a type of jealousy and an inabilty to say that ive done well. I asked her the other night, just what do I look like, I cant compute in my brain my new physique, and all she could say was I looked the same but that ive lost *kitten* loads of weight. I also find it from the sportier, healthier, fitter people I would know, they just dont seem to be able to say well done, more like comments like I really should tone up now, nothing positive. Is it just me that attracts that sort of behaviour, or is it a common thing that I wasnt aware of happening?

I agree more with the other posts, but just to be facetious, maybe she feels fitness is her territory and what are you suddenly doing here? She's the fit one, go away Hey, could be worth asking!

bedtelyonraymond

Congrats on the weight loss man. Sometimes you should congratulate yourself to help you push yourself. If you are not finding the happieness you want from friends of people around you I would confront them with the problem and say how you feel. And if that's not good enough then what kind of friends are they anyway. You have to do what is good for you. Don't try to be some figure your friends are looking for, be yourself.

November_Fire

I would say this isn't uncommon. As for the weight loss, people often won't notice or won't comment - the changes could be too subtle or they fear being seen as rude. I have a relative who must have lost 100lbs+, practically halved her bodyweight, but she hasn't said anything about so nor will I, even though I want to congratulate her; it must have been a lot of hard work.

The fitness thing I read about a lot, and it happened to me. I assumed when I started doing all kinds of fitness activities my husband would be interested - he's an athletic man who enjoys endurance sports like cycling races, and goes to the gym to use the spin bikes and rowing machine for long periods. I went the strength-training route, lifting weights and progressing through bodyweight exercises. His reaction was hurtful. Strength training was 'stupid', 'pointless', the people who do it are 'stupid', he would never 'waste his time' on such things. I began to eat more protein and fat, he declared this 'rubbish I'd read on the internet'. He was dismissive of my weight loss and subsequently dismissive of my muscle definition.

It really changes how you see a person. It's not so much about the fitness anymore, but about the vitriol and the sneering.

My only tip is don't talk about it to anyone, ever, unless you want a faceful of sneers.

999tigger

If you remove the element of expectation that people have to be your cheerleaders, then it stops being an issue. Sipport yourself its much easier and more beneficial. If you see the weight dropping off and your performance times increasing then you know you are making progress and soon your body starts to support by looking different, muscles, lss flab etc.