WAYYYY OT - Trigs
ToTheLove
Posts: 357
Hi guys...
I hate you burden you guys with this, but I have no one else to talk to right now..
My cousin (who also works with me) has 2 daughters, one just turned 2 and the other is turning 1 in 3 weeks.
Her ex boyfriend is the "father" of both girls.. and I use that term loosly. :grumble:
He's been watching them during the day for the past couple weeks because he isn't working and she hasn't had daycare.. this is the most time he's EVER spent with them.
Let me give you some history... When she was 6 months preggo with her 1st baby, he pushed her down. Since then he's tossed her around like a rag doll a couple of times. I always thought she was smarter than this, but she sticks around because she can't imagine life without him. They've been together close to 5 years... and she's only 20.
Well, her eldest birthday party was yesterday and she shows up.. and the one year old has a HUGE bruise on the side of her face. I mean, HUGE, it went from her ear, across to her nose, from her eye and to her chin. It was huge, and REALLY nasty looking. Courtney said she fell and hit her face on a wall (she really IS a clumsy little thing). I didn't really believe her. So I asked her about it today at work... She admitted she didn't know what happened. She said ... we'll call him "Earl".. was watching them and that the bruise "Started small and got bigger and worse all day long".. mmhmm, sure Earl. :explode: Courtney had suspicions that it was him from the start. This happened Friday and she actually went and talked to our boss about it because she was VERY emotionally distraught over the whole thing and didn't know what to do.. meanwhile, Earl is home alone with the girls again and according to my cousin, very angry about something. Our boss let her go home to take her little one to the doctor... I'm very very very worried.... i can't imagine what kind of monster could do this to a baby....
But I do know that Earl is that kind of monster. I know him pretty well, and haven't liked him since the day I met him. He's a deadbeat, he's a druggie, he's VERY concerned with himself. :noway:
I hope to GOD that he did not hit that baby. That she really did just fall down. But I really don't think she weighs enough to do that kind of damage. I can't talk to anyone about it... it's obviously a pretty secret matter (until we know for sure what happened, which, who knows if we ever will) And i'm at work and I'm ready to tear up and throw up all at the same time. :brokenheart: I'm anxiously awaiting her phone call to find out what the doctor had to say.
Nothing like this has ever happened to our family. We have our problems.. just... nothing like this. Thanks for listening, I really really appreciate it.
I hate you burden you guys with this, but I have no one else to talk to right now..
My cousin (who also works with me) has 2 daughters, one just turned 2 and the other is turning 1 in 3 weeks.
Her ex boyfriend is the "father" of both girls.. and I use that term loosly. :grumble:
He's been watching them during the day for the past couple weeks because he isn't working and she hasn't had daycare.. this is the most time he's EVER spent with them.
Let me give you some history... When she was 6 months preggo with her 1st baby, he pushed her down. Since then he's tossed her around like a rag doll a couple of times. I always thought she was smarter than this, but she sticks around because she can't imagine life without him. They've been together close to 5 years... and she's only 20.
Well, her eldest birthday party was yesterday and she shows up.. and the one year old has a HUGE bruise on the side of her face. I mean, HUGE, it went from her ear, across to her nose, from her eye and to her chin. It was huge, and REALLY nasty looking. Courtney said she fell and hit her face on a wall (she really IS a clumsy little thing). I didn't really believe her. So I asked her about it today at work... She admitted she didn't know what happened. She said ... we'll call him "Earl".. was watching them and that the bruise "Started small and got bigger and worse all day long".. mmhmm, sure Earl. :explode: Courtney had suspicions that it was him from the start. This happened Friday and she actually went and talked to our boss about it because she was VERY emotionally distraught over the whole thing and didn't know what to do.. meanwhile, Earl is home alone with the girls again and according to my cousin, very angry about something. Our boss let her go home to take her little one to the doctor... I'm very very very worried.... i can't imagine what kind of monster could do this to a baby....
But I do know that Earl is that kind of monster. I know him pretty well, and haven't liked him since the day I met him. He's a deadbeat, he's a druggie, he's VERY concerned with himself. :noway:
I hope to GOD that he did not hit that baby. That she really did just fall down. But I really don't think she weighs enough to do that kind of damage. I can't talk to anyone about it... it's obviously a pretty secret matter (until we know for sure what happened, which, who knows if we ever will) And i'm at work and I'm ready to tear up and throw up all at the same time. :brokenheart: I'm anxiously awaiting her phone call to find out what the doctor had to say.
Nothing like this has ever happened to our family. We have our problems.. just... nothing like this. Thanks for listening, I really really appreciate it.
0
Replies
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Hi guys...
I hate you burden you guys with this, but I have no one else to talk to right now..
My cousin (who also works with me) has 2 daughters, one just turned 2 and the other is turning 1 in 3 weeks.
Her ex boyfriend is the "father" of both girls.. and I use that term loosly. :grumble:
He's been watching them during the day for the past couple weeks because he isn't working and she hasn't had daycare.. this is the most time he's EVER spent with them.
Let me give you some history... When she was 6 months preggo with her 1st baby, he pushed her down. Since then he's tossed her around like a rag doll a couple of times. I always thought she was smarter than this, but she sticks around because she can't imagine life without him. They've been together close to 5 years... and she's only 20.
Well, her eldest birthday party was yesterday and she shows up.. and the one year old has a HUGE bruise on the side of her face. I mean, HUGE, it went from her ear, across to her nose, from her eye and to her chin. It was huge, and REALLY nasty looking. Courtney said she fell and hit her face on a wall (she really IS a clumsy little thing). I didn't really believe her. So I asked her about it today at work... She admitted she didn't know what happened. She said ... we'll call him "Earl".. was watching them and that the bruise "Started small and got bigger and worse all day long".. mmhmm, sure Earl. :explode: Courtney had suspicions that it was him from the start. This happened Friday and she actually went and talked to our boss about it because she was VERY emotionally distraught over the whole thing and didn't know what to do.. meanwhile, Earl is home alone with the girls again and according to my cousin, very angry about something. Our boss let her go home to take her little one to the doctor... I'm very very very worried.... i can't imagine what kind of monster could do this to a baby....
But I do know that Earl is that kind of monster. I know him pretty well, and haven't liked him since the day I met him. He's a deadbeat, he's a druggie, he's VERY concerned with himself. :noway:
I hope to GOD that he did not hit that baby. That she really did just fall down. But I really don't think she weighs enough to do that kind of damage. I can't talk to anyone about it... it's obviously a pretty secret matter (until we know for sure what happened, which, who knows if we ever will) And i'm at work and I'm ready to tear up and throw up all at the same time. :brokenheart: I'm anxiously awaiting her phone call to find out what the doctor had to say.
Nothing like this has ever happened to our family. We have our problems.. just... nothing like this. Thanks for listening, I really really appreciate it.0 -
I'm so sorry. :flowerforyou: That poor baby. I know that at that age they do get rather klutzy and a lot of bumps and bruises, but one that big?? I have a hard time buying that also. I hope everything works out for the best - especially for those two baby girls.
*Stepping up on soap box* I think parents need to put their kids welfare before anything else in their life, including spouses and their own needs. I hope she can find the courage to ditch the loser.
*stepping back down* See that wasn't so bad, was it??? :blushing:
You and your fam are in my prayers!!0 -
If you need someone to go and kick some sense into him, I'm available:explode: Anyone who would beat on a baby like that needs to have their butt kicked.
I hope she is OK and I hope your cousin is OK too.0 -
This stuff is really huge to deal with - even if it's a relative and not you. Make sure you keep talking, 'cause we'll keep listening. Your cousin is taking her first steps to improving her life and is going to need all that you can give her and probably then some. Most people in these cases will take the abuse for a whole host of reasons', but often when that extends to their children, they start to wake up to what we have seen from the start.
In all of this remember to give your cousin and her children your love if not your understanding, and remember to keep loving yourself - don't let this send you backwards.
Vicki0 -
TOTHELOVE,
Your concern is certainly understandable. Is there anywhere your cousin can go to talk to them (like a safe house or womens shelter?) It doesn't sound like she wants to leave him, but it is good to have an escape plan for when it becomes too dangerous.
I have been in two abusive relationships and the first one I was about 20 years old. It is very hard to think clearly when you are the one being abused. The second guy that hits/pushes/abuses is a lot easier to walk away from after the very first abusive episode.
I am so sorry there are innocent babies and relatives (you) who are also being hurt. The abusers like to isolate their victims from family and friends and control every aspect of the victims' lives.
I will pray for her and your family. Try to bring her TOTHELOVE. And take care of yourself.
((((hugs
)))))
~Cheryl0 -
Hi all,
I generally just kinda lurk around these forums, I have been a member of MFP for about a week and really appreciate the sense of community here.
Tothelove, I spent several years as a Detective for a rather small police agency in my home town. I have seen first hand what you are talking about, and all I can say is that you are doing the right thing by not staying out of it. Child Abuse not only endagers the child physically, but has SEVERE ramifications on the childs long term mental health. I really encourage you to speak with your cousin and have her seek professional assistance. There are many really good programs that ensure that survivors (you are only a victim if you don't get help) don't have to face the darkness alone.
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/help/ca.htm is a good starting point, with a lot of information and good links.
The other thing that bothers me is there were VERY few cases I worked where the child was alone in their abuse. There is a very good chance that your cousin is being abused as well. Please stick by her and encourage her to get away from the situation. By being so dependent on him, he has her bound right where he wants her. Most areas have womens shelters, and even many churches have great programs for battered women and their children.
Your devotion to your family and friends is commendable, don't give up. It will seem crazy and even irrational sometimes, but she and her children will never be safe without the help of yourself and others like you. You are all in my prayers. If I can be of any more assistance, please don't hesistate to send me a message.
-Jeremy0 -
sgtinvincible your comments are perfect and I want to thank you for coming to the front and sharing them at the right time. Bob0
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Also, the child's pediatrician is obligated to report to local authorities, even if it's a suspicion of abuse. If the doctor is worth his/her salt, he will. If your cousin needs a scapegoat, BLAME IT ON THE DOCTOR....there you go. It sounds like everyone needs to leave this loser. I can't tolerate people who abuse, especially children, to make themselves feel more powerful. Best of luck. It seems like a no-win situation...but it isn't. :flowerforyou: Please keep us updated.0
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I know sgtinvincible's approach is the right way, but it still makes me want to kick the crap out of this *kitten*! If anyone ever touched my nephew I'd hit em over the head with a brick (family is VERY important to me).
Sorry, I'm usually very anti-violence, but something like this just drives me insane! Who touches a little kid?0 -
I am so, so sorry to hear about this. You are doing the right thing by supporting her and making sure it gets reported. I wish you and your family all the best. I've always thought these guys should be drug out into the street and shot!0
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I thank you too, stginvincible for speaking up.....she has to start thinking about 'life without' this looser.
Hang in there TOTHELOVE, she needs you to be there for her. She's so lucky to have someone who cares. (((hugs))) 0 -
TOTHELOVE,
I have to say to the men on this site, especially Sgtinvincible, reston & banks:
You men are the best of what this site is about. I am so proud of you men especially: but proud also to all who care about this young family and who are willing to offer support and resources. There are good men and good women in the world.
TOTHELOVE was very brave to share her pain with us -total strangers- and to trust that we would be gentle and loving in our responses. I'd like to say to her to message any of us who replied to this post, or to please keep talking to us in posts. We are put here for a reason at this moment in time. Sgtinvincible didn't just "happen" to join and have his very first post be one so close to his heart.
I hope TOTHELOVE will keep us posted, and we in turn will do whatever we can to help.
~Cheryl0 -
I have just now got on to MFP, busy day at work, but your post absoluately broke my heart. :brokenheart: WHO hits a child is beyond me. You have to keep involved, your cousin may not like you very much at the time, if she is still with him, but in the long run she will see that you had their best interest at heart. Hang in there and all will be gald to listen if you need to talk and/or vent. Please keep us posted.
You all will be in my prayers.
Rhonda0 -
Keep being strong and support your family the best you can. We are all here if you need to talk. I'm so sorry that this has happened, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. the most important thing is to be there for your family and try and help them to get away from this guy. She may not like hearing it, but it is truly the best thing for her and those kids. Please keep us posted and let us know how everything goes. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers :flowerforyou:0
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Hi all,
I generally just kinda lurk around these forums, I have been a member of MFP for about a week and really appreciate the sense of community here.
Tothelove, I spent several years as a Detective for a rather small police agency in my home town. I have seen first hand what you are talking about, and all I can say is that you are doing the right thing by not staying out of it. Child Abuse not only endagers the child physically, but has SEVERE ramifications on the childs long term mental health. I really encourage you to speak with your cousin and have her seek professional assistance. There are many really good programs that ensure that survivors (you are only a victim if you don't get help) don't have to face the darkness alone.
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/help/ca.htm is a good starting point, with a lot of information and good links.
The other thing that bothers me is there were VERY few cases I worked where the child was alone in their abuse. There is a very good chance that your cousin is being abused as well. Please stick by her and encourage her to get away from the situation. By being so dependent on him, he has her bound right where he wants her. Most areas have womens shelters, and even many churches have great programs for battered women and their children.
Your devotion to your family and friends is commendable, don't give up. It will seem crazy and even irrational sometimes, but she and her children will never be safe without the help of yourself and others like you. You are all in my prayers. If I can be of any more assistance, please don't hesistate to send me a message.
-Jeremy
Thank you all sooooooo much for your support. The good news is that she's stepped up for her babies. The doctor last night "couldn't rule out" child abuse and therefore called social services. They have an appointment at the local Children's hospital today at 1 for further investigation and to meet with child protection services. As of right now "Earl" is not alot to be alone with the children in anyway shape or form. She's getting daycare assistance set up through the county today as well so that she can return to work and have proper care. They are hoping to get the restraining order set in place today as well. (She had a retraining order on him before, but couldn't get one for the girls because he hadn't done anything to them, until now). The doctor did say that she can't see how a bruise that big could be the result of an accident. I think, (as someone said before) that before, it was just her he was abusing and she could handle it... but now that he laid a hand on her baby... there will be no more. I think this is the final battle in the war against him. And I think she's going to win. For the sake of her children, she HAS to win. She has to break her need of him and just be done with it. And I think... finally... that might happen.
Thanks again for all your kind words and support. I'll continue to keep you posted...
Oh, also, I think it's amazing the amount of fire and enthusiasm coming from you guys. You don't even know us and still I can tell that this story has all of you mad and heartbroken. And that's amazing. There really are good people still left in this world, and it's reassuring to stay the least to know that you all care.
Someone who can bare to harm a baby like that deserves the worst... and I hope he gets it.0 -
Someone who can bare to harm a baby like that deserves the worst... and I hope he gets it.
Don't worry, karma has a funny way of coming back...his karma will surely rise up to bite him on the a** one day.0 -
I'm so glad she is taking this opportunity for all it is worth!! She will def. need your support, as this is a very difficult transition. Bless you for sticking out your neck in this and I will continue to keep you all in my prayers. - Kim0
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I really think that either you or your sister needs to call child protective services or something... I mean that kind of thing is not ok in any circumstance. I'm scared that someone like that might hit a bit too hard next time and then who knows what could happen
It breaks my heart to think of that poor little baby being smacked around. I really hope somebody does something to assure that doesn't ever happen again...:( Good for you for coming forward with it. I hope their mother leaves the guy... 0 -
:flowerforyou:They are hoping to get the restraining order set in place today as well. (She had a retraining order on him before, but couldn't get one for the girls because he hadn't done anything to them, until now). The doctor did say that she can't see how a bruise that big could be the result of an accident.
I think it bullsh** that the children have to get hurt before a restraining order be placed. If the mother has one, it should be automatic the children get one. The system is made to protect offenders and it's crap. How many women and children need to suffer?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm glad to hear that she's finally stepping up. Now, the challenge will be to keep her away from him forever!
It takes a strong person to do what you are doing. Too many people look away and I'm sure your cousin is eternally grateful.
Keep us updated!0 -
My little sister is still dealing with the trauma of abuse when she was little. I was nearly killed trying to protect her (and still was not able to...she is only three years younger than I so I wasn't much bigger). Please, please encourage her to do everything she can to protect those little children. My wife and I will be in prayer for all concerned.
Cowboy0 -
I really think that either you or your sister needs to call child protective services or something... I mean that kind of thing is not ok in any circumstance. I'm scared that someone like that might hit a bit too hard next time and then who knows what could happen It breaks my heart to think of that poor little baby being smacked around. I really hope somebody does something to assure that doesn't ever happen again...:( Good for you for coming forward with it. I hope their mother leaves the guy...
Child protection services are involved and she is very greatful that they are there to help her babies.0 -
Oh thank goodness. It's hard for everybody now, but hopefully it will be for the ultimate good.0
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As a survivor of abuse there is one very important thing I can tell you. Push push and push, even when it seems she is mad at you, keep on being there for her like your already doing. If she leaves, believe me she may go back a few times, cause guys like this manipulate, use, and brainwash. But just keep being there, I'm glad I had a close family who saw me through. And please, if she leaves and goes back, do not blame yourself, just be her friend. Support her in anyway you can and know that it is always enough. I'll be thinking about you all and pray that she is a strong enough woman to see him for what he is!!0
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As a survivor of abuse there is one very important thing I can tell you. Push push and push, even when it seems she is mad at you, keep on being there for her like your already doing. If she leaves, believe me she may go back a few times, cause guys like this manipulate, use, and brainwash. But just keep being there, I'm glad I had a close family who saw me through. And please, if she leaves and goes back, do not blame yourself, just be her friend. Support her in anyway you can and know that it is always enough. I'll be thinking about you all and pray that she is a strong enough woman to see him for what he is!!
Amen.0 -
I'm sure everyone remembers Earl..
Dixie Chicks
Fly (1999)
Goodbye Earl
Mary Anne and Wanda were the best of friends
All through their high school days
Both members of the 4H Club
Both active in the FFA
After graduation Mary Anne went out lookin'
for a bright new world
Wanda looked all around this town
and all she found was Earl
Well it wasn't two weeks
after she got married that
Wanda started gettin' abused
She put on dark glasses :glasses: and long sleeved blouses
And make-up to cover the bruise
Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce
She let the law take it from there
But Earl walked right through that restraining order
And put her in intensive care
Right away Mary Anne flew in from Atlanta
On a red eye midnight flight :yawn:
She held Wanda's hand as they
worked out a plan
And it didn't take long to decided...........................
___________________________________________________________________________
Google "lyrics Earl" for the rest.......suffice to say - Earl goes away......
TOTHELOVE: Hang in there!0 -
I am so please to hear that social services are getting involved. It is truly th best thing for her and the kids. Keep supporting her the way you're doing, she will need all the help she can get. We are all here for you :flowerforyou:0
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