Helping Someone Else Lose Weight
ayannabayer
Posts: 153 Member
I haven't yet mastered losing weight yet. But I felt is SUPER important that my dad join me. He's still young, he's very overweight and he has had 3blood clots in his heart since he had a knee surgery. He is about 350lbs and wants to be a buff 250. So far I have been making all his meals. But soon I will be taking him to the gym. The only things he thinks he needs is weights. And when I bring up anything else, he is insecure about doing it. So if anyone has any great advice on getting a man to do something I need it lol
0
Replies
-
Go on walks in the park with him. Much better than a treadmill, and a great way to talk. Leave your cell phone in the car.0
-
It's not going to work if HE doesn't want it. He has to want it. The drive has to come from inside him.0
-
Let him start with weights. Cheer him on. Join in with him even. As he has successes he will gain enthusiasm to try more new things.0
-
He's lucky to have you. X0
-
Just lead by example, be really positive about what you're doing, and then don't knock down what he's doing. When he sees how your life is improving then he may get to the point where he's ready to also make changes. Or he may not. Some people never get to that point. But, if you're having success he'll be watching
0 -
It's not going to work if HE doesn't want it. He has to want it. The drive has to come from inside him.
^^This. Whenever someone has tried to make me join them on their diet, it would send me straight to the couch with bag of Oreos. Doing it because someone else wanted me to just made me resentful. The only times I have been successful is when I decided that I was ready to do it.
Would you like someone coming in and telling you not to do what you're doing, that you should be doing something else?
I know that your intentions are good, though. Just don't push him. Lead by example, as others have said. Let him go at his own pace. It sounds like he wants to get started, just not on your terms. And that's OK.0 -
There's nothing wrong with him just lifting weights right now. He may or may not decide to add other exercise in the end. He's an adult and can make up his own mind on that.0
-
Nothing wrong with starting with weights. He does need to do a warm-up, though, to prevent injury. 10 mins of cardio (treadmill, bike) is a good rule of thumb, and maybe if it's for the weights he'll be more open to it.0
-
Did he make the decision to lose weight, or did you make it for him? Also, there's nothing wrong with weights. Lifting burns calories too, not just cardio.0
-
Yeah, why would it matter if he wanted to do weight lifting? It's a slower process, but it would build muscle instead of just making him shrink in size...0
-
atypicalsmith wrote: »Go on walks in the park with him. Much better than a treadmill, and a great way to talk. Leave your cell phone in the car.
That's sounds great. He always wants to go on walks. But the thing about dad is, he doesn't really like to be in public and he always tries to find a way around it. For instance today. I BEGGED him to go to the gym and he said he's going fishing and that's plenty of exercise. The only thing that makes him even close to exercising is thinking he's going to lift weights.0 -
It's not going to work if HE doesn't want it. He has to want it. The drive has to come from inside him.
I know. And its hard for me to accept it. I'm pushing him and pushing him. And he's like a damn horse. I'm doing everything I can to get him motivated. I'm encouraging him, I bought him a gum membership, I'm making him meals and allowing him moderation of snacks he's likes. It makes me want to cry bc he makes is so easy for someone to just give up on him. But I can't. I need him to be around. He's to young to die from a heart attack.
0 -
shadowfax_c11 wrote: »Let him start with weights. Cheer him on. Join in with him even. As he has successes he will gain enthusiasm to try more new things.
Maybe you're right. I need to step back and let him build his confidence up his own way. I keep pushing him to do things my way and that hasn't worked at all....minus feeding him lol0 -
0
-
ayannabayer wrote: »I know. And its hard for me to accept it. I'm pushing him and pushing him. And he's like a damn horse. I'm doing everything I can to get him motivated. I'm encouraging him, I bought him a gum membership, I'm making him meals and allowing him moderation of snacks he's likes. It makes me want to cry bc he makes is so easy for someone to just give up on him. But I can't. I need him to be around. He's to young to die from a heart attack.
Much as your intentions are good in doing these things, I can tell you that unless he's the one who's motivated, none of those things are going to help. You're becoming a crutch, and at worst he may start resenting you for bugging him about his weight all the time and it could drive a wedge between you.
Focus on yourself. If he wants to lose weight, give him encouragement. But by doing everything for him, you're not giving him the tools he needs to succeed.0 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »It's not going to work if HE doesn't want it. He has to want it. The drive has to come from inside him.
^^This. Whenever someone has tried to make me join them on their diet, it would send me straight to the couch with bag of Oreos. Doing it because someone else wanted me to just made me resentful. The only times I have been successful is when I decided that I was ready to do it.
Would you like someone coming in and telling you not to do what you're doing, that you should be doing something else?
I know that your intentions are good, though. Just don't push him. Lead by example, as others have said. Let him go at his own pace. It sounds like he wants to get started, just not on your terms. And that's OK.
Lol exactly. But he keeps telling me and my mom he needs someone to pish him hard so he has to do it. He really foes want to lose weight. And I know its hard for him to move a lot bc his bad new and blood clots. But he's been begging for someone to push him into working out. I just don't know how hard I should push his big brat butt. The diet is the only thing he loves bc he doesn't have to cook for his self and the meals are delicious to him.0 -
lemonsnowdrop wrote: »Did he make the decision to lose weight, or did you make it for him? Also, there's nothing wrong with weights. Lifting burns calories too, not just cardio.
He's been needing to lose weight for a fee years now. And he's been constantly talking about how he wants to but doesn't have the drive. He told me that he needed someone to do it with him and push him so he can get started. But so far I'm doing everything for him. Except i just can't burn the calories for him.0 -
Aw, sweetheart. I understand what's driving you, but unless your Dad feels driven, he's not going to do it.
I started my weight loss at 364lbs. Telling myself (and having others tell me) that I needed to get healthy so I could be around for my daughter made logical sense, but there was always the voice in my head saying "you're still young (36), you've got heaps of time, and she'll be all grown up before your weight causes major issues". (denial) Even my doctor telling me I was pre-diabetic didn't kick start anything.
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what did set me off, was rather sub-conscious I think. But now I want it. Bad.
As others have said, you're just going to have to be the good example. The more you push, the more likely it is that he will resist.
At some point it will click for him, and then you can be his coach. Until then, be patient.0 -
Has his doctor cleared him for weightlifting and other types of exercise?0
-
If he doesn't want to help himself, there is nothing you can do.
Diet (as in nutrition) is 99% of the weight loss. It doesn't matter how much exercise he does, if he over eats he will never lose weight.
0 -
NekoneMeowMixx wrote: »Yeah, why would it matter if he wanted to do weight lifting? It's a slower process, but it would build muscle instead of just making him shrink in size...
He already has lots of muscle. He's more fat than anything. He needs cardio. And honestly his life depends on it. I told him he should burn his fat and than weight lift as much as he desired to tone everything up. I don't think he's gonna make it much longer if he doesn't make a change soon. He cant walk for long periods of him, or even longer than 5 minutes for that matter. He eats like an animal, he's not your average 40 year old. He has gotten those blood clots bc of his knee surgery but the doctors can't even operate on him bc of his size. So that's my problem with him only lifting weights. I don't want him to gone in a couple years. I want him here until he's at least 70. Living a happy, healthy life.0 -
my hubby likes bike riding more than walking, just a thought0
-
I kind of agree that he has to want it himself, but when its the young daughter and she doesnt wnat him to take the very real risks associated with obesity, then maybe she has a bit more persuasive power. It depends on the dynamic. Id normally say nagging pushes people away.0
-
Aw, sweetheart. I understand what's driving you, but unless your Dad feels driven, he's not going to do it.
I started my weight loss at 364lbs. Telling myself (and having others tell me) that I needed to get healthy so I could be around for my daughter made logical sense, but there was always the voice in my head saying "you're still young (36), you've got heaps of time, and she'll be all grown up before your weight causes major issues". (denial) Even my doctor telling me I was pre-diabetic didn't kick start anything.
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what did set me off, was rather sub-conscious I think. But now I want it. Bad.
As others have said, you're just going to have to be the good example. The more you push, the more likely it is that he will resist.
At some point it will click for him, and then you can be his coach. Until then, be patient.
My problem is he begged for someone to point him in the right direction. And notlw that he has it...idk. I think hes scared to embarrass himself. Or like he's embarrassed on how much he can't do. And how unfit he really is. I think he's scared to take the step his self bc what it will reveal to him.0 -
Nohealthygreek wrote: »Has his doctor cleared him for weightlifting and other types of exercise?healthygreek wrote: »Has his doctor cleared him for weightlifting and other types of exercise?
Not Weight lifting like he wants. But smaller weights yes. walking and speed walking have also been approved.0 -
Sarasmaintaining wrote: »Just lead by example, be really positive about what you're doing, and then don't knock down what he's doing. When he sees how your life is improving then he may get to the point where he's ready to also make changes. Or he may not. Some people never get to that point. But, if you're having success he'll be watching
Totally this^ He will get curious. Just be honest and enthusiastic about your own journey. You are a good daughter, and by taking great care of yourself you will inspire him the most. Best of luck to you both:-)0 -
I kind of agree that he has to want it himself, but when its the young daughter and she doesnt wnat him to take the very real risks associated with obesity, then maybe she has a bit more persuasive power. It depends on the dynamic. Id normally say nagging pushes people away.
My dad is kind of crazy. He LOVES people who nag bc he loves trying to irritate them. Its his FAVORITE thing to do. And in the past, when I bugged him, things usually came in my favor. But I talk to him earlier and I think he came up with a plan for me that I know will work. He told me if doesn't workout 3 times next week he will give me $100. Now my dad is Mr.Krabs. he doesn't like giving his Penny's away lol. So I think keeping his money will possibly motivate him.0 -
areallycoolstory wrote: »Sarasmaintaining wrote: »Just lead by example, be really positive about what you're doing, and then don't knock down what he's doing. When he sees how your life is improving then he may get to the point where he's ready to also make changes. Or he may not. Some people never get to that point. But, if you're having success he'll be watching
Totally this^ He will get curious. Just be honest and enthusiastic about your own journey. You are a good daughter, and by taking great care of yourself you will inspire him the most. Best of luck to you both:-)
Thank you so much ❤❤❤❤0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.8K Introduce Yourself
- 43.9K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 428 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153.1K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 15 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions