Gaining Weight, loosing fake friends

Brianisation

Big ambitions, small support

Since couple months, I've been eating more than usual. I wanted to gain weight. I had great ambitions and high goals, but people around me doesn't seem to care much. They don't want to see me changing, being more buff and being more attractive. Even some of them, complained about how much I was eating everyday.

I realized that if I don't take care of myself, nobody will. I am alone in this adventure.:'(

mrs_coney

As they say in some circles, "haters gonna hate". Don't you worry about them, buddy. You are doing right for yourself. Try to find some like-minded individuals on bodybuilding forums or, of course, here on MFP. You can have the weight I'm trying to lose, I can't do a thing with it. I'm rooting for you!!

Brianisation

mrs_coney wrote: »

As they say in some circles, "haters gonna hate". Don't you worry about them, buddy. You are doing right for yourself. Try to find some like-minded individuals on bodybuilding forums or, of course, here on MFP. You can have the weight I'm trying to lose, I can't do a thing with it. I'm rooting for you!!

Thx girl

sarahwade0927

It's always better to have a few good friends than 20 fake friends

Alex37166

There is nothing worse than thinking you have great friends beside you when the actual truth is - they endure jealousy and hate around them. I used to have a few friends like that about 5-7 years ago and suddenly dropped them because they didn't care about me on the inside AND out, but the way THEY wanted ME to Be.

In a nutshell, if they can't be acceptive of you and what you want, then they weren't any kind of friend in the first place. Continue being you and you will prosper, and those who don't follow suit will drown in their hatred and negative thoughts.

Docbanana2002

Yeah, just hang in there and do what you have to do for your health. My friends and family have tried to be supportive, but there is only so much another person can do to carry you through--you have to find the motivation from within.

It is especially hard for others to be supportive when they are in the same psychological space that you were in before. This might not be the case with you, but many people who had unhealthy attitudes and behaviors toward food and activity learned those behaviors from family members and gravitated toward a friend group that shared their tendencies. For example, for years I was morbidly obese and ate poorly, had sedentary hobbies. etc. I learned these things from my family who still is that way, and shared these traits with a social group who still is that way. They see what I'm doing to lose weight as positive, but they don't "get it" or know how to be helpful since they are not in that same space I am and don't want to eat the food I eat or talk about the activities I now enjoy. They think I must be miserable and using horrific amounts of discipline, having to exercise and eat healthy food and awful stuff like that (yet I love being this way). I am still slightly overweight and want to lose more, but people are discouraging me, saying I don't need to lose weight and the BMI chart lies because it doesn't account for muscle mass. (For the record, I do understand the limitations of the BMI chart for those with low BF% but 'overweight' from muscle and know there is no magic in crossing 1 pound over that line... but trust me when I say that the people telling me this are NOT heavy from muscle and freakishly big bones, though they seem to think they are. Nor am I with my 36ish BF%. And it does mean something psychological to me to have a weight that is called 'normal' for the first time in my post-teenage life).

Since you are trying to gain weight, perhaps you hang around with people who don't focus much on food or on bodybuilding? Maybe they even think bulky = fat or bad or unattractive (instead of healthy or strong or buff). Or think eating a lot is a weakness or gluttony or something unpleasant you are forcing on yourself, rather than understanding it is part of the process of meeting goals that are important to you and maybe you even enjoy? If they are like that, it means you are trying to change into someone not only unlike your old self, but unlike THEM! There will be pressure to conform back to being "normal" (normal for them).

ndj1979

[mod edit by psuLemon]

your so called "friends" really monitor your intake and know when you are bulking, cutting, etc? when I did my bulk no one even know and the only feedback I got was "you look bigger" to which I said I am eating more and trying to gain weight, to which the response was "sounds good"…

BigGuy47

Brianisation wrote: »

I am alone in this adventure.:'(

Yes, you are alone. You are responsible for your own well being. There will be no cheerleading squad patting you on the back for improving yourself.

merde_il_pleut

I mean... when one person is unsupportive, okay, maybe that person wasn't really a friend to begin with. Maybe even two or three. But when MANY people you thought were your friends are complaining to you about this change you're making? Maybe it's worth having a look at yourself and your behaviour to make sure YOU aren't the problem. Are you being annoying? Do you shut up about food and your own body once in a while? Are you capable of talking about other things? Do your friends need you and you're incapable of supporting THEM because you're too focused on yourself now? Just consider it before dismissing them all as "fake friends" or "haters."

SherryTeach

Two thoughts here: yes, my health and well-being are my responsibility alone. I am an adult and do not need a cheerleading squad. And. . . I select my friends for pleasure, intelligence, good humor, kindness, and shared experiences. If I choose well, they do not disappoint.

McKittyJane

Hey don't worry about them saying you eat too much, thats not their problem, and i dont know anyone who would have a problem with a good-looking friend (other than maybe a little jealous (; ). Id say try to inspire your friends ad much as you want their inspiration. I used to have to force one of my friends to eat because he was very thin, and now he's much healthier and works out too. However, self motivation is the best!