I'm afraid to fall in love again.
BrandiStarr87
Posts: 28 Member
Title says it all. My last relationship ending, hurt SO bad... I didn't think I was going to make it through there for a while. I've just started to be open to finding... something else... but I'm so unbelievably scared.
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Omg that's cute! Lol. Thank you
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What I find helped me... let go of the need / desire to be in something again. Be open to friendships, don't rush feelings, and all of a sudden you'll find that you're surprised by it.
When your heart is ready, it'll be there. Just don't push it. If you're still scared, it is probably too soon for anything deep.0 -
Probably so... just seems to be the advice I get from everyone. that I need to let go, and move on.0
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BrandiStarr87 wrote: »Probably so... just seems to be the advice I get from everyone. that I need to let go, and move on.
Does time heal the wounds?
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Probably. But not for me. My long term memories are clearer than my short term ones.. and they're more painful.0
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I miss donuts. I haven't had donuts in months. Lol. DON'T TEMPT ME. I'm doing so good. Lol.0
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Time does NOT heal all wounds.. Its what you do with that time that does it.
Im in the same boat myself...went through a pretty horrible breakup 4 years ago (omg lol) which left me unable to trust anyone...not just men, people in general. I sat around for a couple years waiting for "time" to work its magic, and was no further along... came to realize I have to actually do something, focus on myself, do some reflection and start focusing on the things that make me happy.
Finally am dating again, still working on being able to trust, but Im actively working on it...not just hoping it'll magically happen anymore. Anyway! Good luck to ya!0 -
Thank you, Dragn77. I've never trusted other people... I didn't even mean to trust him, it just happened. *rolls eyes*.. life is so stupid sometimes. Lol. I'm glad you're feeling better, and I hope you continue to. Thank you for the advice, and good luck to you too. 0
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Yup, I feel you... Thats actually what made it worse... Im not much of a trusting person to begin with, and I grew to trust him very deeply, first time ever that I allowed myself to do that...which he ended up using to his advantage to hurt me. I came away with it feeling I learned my lesson to never trust anyone again.
But now realize that is not right...I cannot trust *him* but no way can I give him the power of stealing my joy in a completely unrelated relationship with someone else who might actually appreciate, and not take advantage of it that I love and trust them.0 -
Yup, I feel you... Thats actually what made it worse... Im not much of a trusting person to begin with, and I grew to trust him very deeply, first time ever that I allowed myself to do that...which he ended up using to his advantage to hurt me. I came away with it feeling I learned my lesson to never trust anyone again.
But now realize that is not right...I cannot trust *him* but no way can I give him the power of stealing my joy in a completely unrelated relationship with someone else who might actually appreciate, and not take advantage of it that I love and trust them.
I know you will but don't take your baggage to the next person. That is a hard concept I have to deal with too.0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »Yup, I feel you... Thats actually what made it worse... Im not much of a trusting person to begin with, and I grew to trust him very deeply, first time ever that I allowed myself to do that...which he ended up using to his advantage to hurt me. I came away with it feeling I learned my lesson to never trust anyone again.
But now realize that is not right...I cannot trust *him* but no way can I give him the power of stealing my joy in a completely unrelated relationship with someone else who might actually appreciate, and not take advantage of it that I love and trust them.
I know you will but don't take your baggage to the next person. That is a hard concept I have to deal with too.
Yup, exactly...and thats the plan.. and actually why I didnt date much / seriously for the first 3 years after my breakup. I knew I wasnt ready and it wouldnt have been fair to whoever I was seeing. Only now that Ive gained a new perspective that Im open to meeting someone that Im getting back out there.
Would have been sooner though if I hadnt sat around just waiting to feel better instead of putting some work into getting there!0 -
He was pretty much the first I ever truly loved and trusted too. He didn't...take advantage of it or anything like that.. he appreciated me.. he just wasn't in love with me, and my weight was a problem. I understood... but it still hurt more than anything. The biggest part of me, wants to try again, with someone else... the thought of it just kinda makes me feel sick.
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BrandiStarr87 wrote: »He was pretty much the first I ever truly loved and trusted too. He didn't...take advantage of it or anything like that.. he appreciated me.. he just wasn't in love with me, and my weight was a problem. I understood... but it still hurt more than anything. The biggest part of me, wants to try again, with someone else... the thought of it just kinda makes me feel sick.
Right now. If the bold is how you feel then take a break. Find yourself again because we do change as individuals.
Also, weight can be a factor to some.
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BrandiStarr87 wrote: »Title says it all. My last relationship ending, hurt SO bad... I didn't think I was going to make it through there for a while. I've just started to be open to finding... something else... but I'm so unbelievably scared.
I know this feeling all so well! : ( when it happens just go with the flow don't let the past rule your future.... just look at it this way.....if you happen to fall in love and are together a while but It doesn't work out..... look at it like.... well it made you unbelievably happy for a while... never let something consume you afterwards. ( easier to say it than do it!) Look at a new person as a clean,shiny, new slate.... the past is done . Can't change it .... try not to think about it. Lol. And do not think about getting back with that ex!... ever! The reasons it ended this time will always be the same reasons it ends again...
I do wonder why I still want a relationship sometimes lol. 0 -
I didn't mean to make it bold. Guess I hit the button and didn't realize it. Lol. and determined... I am really trying to look at it that way. In fact, I told him that. He was all upset about hurting me... and I told him that I wouldn't trade it for anything.. because he made me a better person, and being with him was the first time in my life I'd ever really been happy, so i couldn't regret it even a little. And I was thankful that I got the time with him I did. Lol and yeah, I get that. I don't know why on earth I would ever put myself through that again... but then the aforementioned thing comes to mind... I was really happy... I want that again. Even if it does destroy me in the end, all over again. *sighs* Life blows. Lol0
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BrandiStarr87 wrote: »I didn't mean to make it bold. Guess I hit the button and didn't realize it. Lol. and determined... I am really trying to look at it that way. In fact, I told him that. He was all upset about hurting me... and I told him that I wouldn't trade it for anything.. because he made me a better person, and being with him was the first time in my life I'd ever really been happy, so i couldn't regret it even a little. And I was thankful that I got the time with him I did. Lol and yeah, I get that. I don't know why on earth I would ever put myself through that again... but then the aforementioned thing comes to mind... I was really happy... I want that again. Even if it does destroy me in the end, all over again. *sighs* Life blows. Lol
MFP can read your feelings. That's why it made it bold.0 -
BrandiStarr87 wrote: »I didn't mean to make it bold. Guess I hit the button and didn't realize it. Lol. and determined... I am really trying to look at it that way. In fact, I told him that. He was all upset about hurting me... and I told him that I wouldn't trade it for anything.. because he made me a better person, and being with him was the first time in my life I'd ever really been happy, so i couldn't regret it even a little. And I was thankful that I got the time with him I did. Lol and yeah, I get that. I don't know why on earth I would ever put myself through that again... but then the aforementioned thing comes to mind... I was really happy... I want that again. Even if it does destroy me in the end, all over again. *sighs* Life blows. Lol
I made it bold because I felt it was important to talk about.0 -
Oh, gotcha. haha. I did mean it. That is how I feel. Sometimes worse than other times.. but it's still there. It's still hard to breathe. It hurts. and when I think about trying to find someone new... my stomach turns. It isn't healthy. I have got hardcore abandonment issues... I can't give people up very easily, I really really wish I could. If somehow, they get in... and I love them.. or trust them... it's so hard to let go.0
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BrandiStarr87 wrote: »Oh, gotcha. haha. I did mean it. That is how I feel. Sometimes worse than other times.. but it's still there. It's still hard to breathe. It hurts. and when I think about trying to find someone new... my stomach turns. It isn't healthy. I have got hardcore abandonment issues... I can't give people up very easily, I really really wish I could. If somehow, they get in... and I love them.. or trust them... it's so hard to let go.
You will find a man that will take all that away in an instant... it's just waiting until he comes along
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I'm trying. Thank you 0
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Bad Things happen so we have Good Things to look forward to...
And a Star cant shine without a little darkness.
Youll be fine. A little more time maybe. Get out with some friends.0 -
Fear is a choice. So is pain.0
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don't give up on love there is some1 who likes you for you0
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BrandiStarr87 wrote: »Title says it all. My last relationship ending, hurt SO bad... I didn't think I was going to make it through there for a while. I've just started to be open to finding... something else... but I'm so unbelievably scared.
Eventually you will. No rush.
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Join a nunnery0
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This world is full of liars and shady folks who just want to use you. Fortunately, there are some good people out there as well. It's not always easy to know the difference, but if you don't try then you'll miss out on all of those brights ones out there.
Side note, don't rush yourself into anything. Trust me, it just makes everything way more complicated for everyone. Besides, love comes from all sorts of places, not just romantic relationships. Start with you, your friends, and your family if they're not terrible. All you can do is try. 0 -
You say in your profile that, "Not many guys like big girls." I would say that any guy worth having likes a big heart and anything that comes attached to it. It has already been said here, but it is worth saying again. You are a very attractive young woman.
Don't doubt yourself. I ended an eighteen year marriage five years ago today. I has taken this long to feel normal. In fact, this post reminded me of the date. That is how many @3$%# were given about that today. Your post inadvertently made my day, and now I am going to celebrate with tacos. Tacos for everybody!
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Thanks you guys you're all so nice and supportive.
I want tacos
lol 0
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