I'm afraid to fall in love again.

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BrandiStarr87
BrandiStarr87 Posts: 28 Member
in Chit-Chat
Title says it all. My last relationship ending, hurt SO bad... I didn't think I was going to make it through there for a while. I've just started to be open to finding... something else... but I'm so unbelievably scared.
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  • _incogNEATo_
    _incogNEATo_ Posts: 4,537 Member
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    cce21ea05bfca8d8b66987a35cd2b56402bee681ebfaa9f768ab17828384bb57.jpg
  • BrandiStarr87
    BrandiStarr87 Posts: 28 Member
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    Omg that's cute! Lol. Thank you :)
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    What I find helped me... let go of the need / desire to be in something again. Be open to friendships, don't rush feelings, and all of a sudden you'll find that you're surprised by it.

    When your heart is ready, it'll be there. Just don't push it. If you're still scared, it is probably too soon for anything deep.
  • BrandiStarr87
    BrandiStarr87 Posts: 28 Member
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    Probably so... just seems to be the advice I get from everyone. that I need to let go, and move on.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    BrandiStarr87 wrote: »
    Probably so... just seems to be the advice I get from everyone. that I need to let go, and move on.

    Does time heal the wounds?
  • BrandiStarr87
    BrandiStarr87 Posts: 28 Member
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    Probably. But not for me. My long term memories are clearer than my short term ones.. and they're more painful.
  • BrandiStarr87
    BrandiStarr87 Posts: 28 Member
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    I miss donuts. I haven't had donuts in months. Lol. DON'T TEMPT ME. I'm doing so good. Lol.
  • Dragn77
    Dragn77 Posts: 810 Member
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    Time does NOT heal all wounds.. Its what you do with that time that does it.

    Im in the same boat myself...went through a pretty horrible breakup 4 years ago (omg lol) which left me unable to trust anyone...not just men, people in general. I sat around for a couple years waiting for "time" to work its magic, and was no further along... came to realize I have to actually do something, focus on myself, do some reflection and start focusing on the things that make me happy.

    Finally am dating again, still working on being able to trust, but Im actively working on it...not just hoping it'll magically happen anymore. Anyway! Good luck to ya!
  • BrandiStarr87
    BrandiStarr87 Posts: 28 Member
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    Thank you, Dragn77. I've never trusted other people... I didn't even mean to trust him, it just happened. *rolls eyes*.. life is so stupid sometimes. Lol. I'm glad you're feeling better, and I hope you continue to. Thank you for the advice, and good luck to you too. :)
  • Dragn77
    Dragn77 Posts: 810 Member
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    Yup, I feel you... Thats actually what made it worse... Im not much of a trusting person to begin with, and I grew to trust him very deeply, first time ever that I allowed myself to do that...which he ended up using to his advantage to hurt me. I came away with it feeling I learned my lesson to never trust anyone again.

    But now realize that is not right...I cannot trust *him* but no way can I give him the power of stealing my joy in a completely unrelated relationship with someone else who might actually appreciate, and not take advantage of it that I love and trust them.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Dragn77 wrote: »
    Yup, I feel you... Thats actually what made it worse... Im not much of a trusting person to begin with, and I grew to trust him very deeply, first time ever that I allowed myself to do that...which he ended up using to his advantage to hurt me. I came away with it feeling I learned my lesson to never trust anyone again.

    But now realize that is not right...I cannot trust *him* but no way can I give him the power of stealing my joy in a completely unrelated relationship with someone else who might actually appreciate, and not take advantage of it that I love and trust them.

    I know you will but don't take your baggage to the next person. That is a hard concept I have to deal with too.
  • Dragn77
    Dragn77 Posts: 810 Member
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    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    Dragn77 wrote: »
    Yup, I feel you... Thats actually what made it worse... Im not much of a trusting person to begin with, and I grew to trust him very deeply, first time ever that I allowed myself to do that...which he ended up using to his advantage to hurt me. I came away with it feeling I learned my lesson to never trust anyone again.

    But now realize that is not right...I cannot trust *him* but no way can I give him the power of stealing my joy in a completely unrelated relationship with someone else who might actually appreciate, and not take advantage of it that I love and trust them.

    I know you will but don't take your baggage to the next person. That is a hard concept I have to deal with too.

    Yup, exactly...and thats the plan.. and actually why I didnt date much / seriously for the first 3 years after my breakup. I knew I wasnt ready and it wouldnt have been fair to whoever I was seeing. Only now that Ive gained a new perspective that Im open to meeting someone that Im getting back out there. :)

    Would have been sooner though if I hadnt sat around just waiting to feel better instead of putting some work into getting there!
  • BrandiStarr87
    BrandiStarr87 Posts: 28 Member
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    He was pretty much the first I ever truly loved and trusted too. He didn't...take advantage of it or anything like that.. he appreciated me.. he just wasn't in love with me, and my weight was a problem. I understood... but it still hurt more than anything. The biggest part of me, wants to try again, with someone else... the thought of it just kinda makes me feel sick. :/
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    BrandiStarr87 wrote: »
    He was pretty much the first I ever truly loved and trusted too. He didn't...take advantage of it or anything like that.. he appreciated me.. he just wasn't in love with me, and my weight was a problem. I understood... but it still hurt more than anything. The biggest part of me, wants to try again, with someone else... the thought of it just kinda makes me feel sick. :/

    Right now. If the bold is how you feel then take a break. Find yourself again because we do change as individuals.

    Also, weight can be a factor to some.
  • determined_ella
    determined_ella Posts: 4,354 Member
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    BrandiStarr87 wrote: »
    Title says it all. My last relationship ending, hurt SO bad... I didn't think I was going to make it through there for a while. I've just started to be open to finding... something else... but I'm so unbelievably scared.

    I know this feeling all so well! : ( when it happens just go with the flow don't let the past rule your future.... just look at it this way.....if you happen to fall in love and are together a while but It doesn't work out..... look at it like.... well it made you unbelievably happy for a while... never let something consume you afterwards. ( easier to say it than do it!) Look at a new person as a clean,shiny, new slate.... the past is done . Can't change it .... try not to think about it. Lol. And do not think about getting back with that ex!... ever! The reasons it ended this time will always be the same reasons it ends again... :joy: I do wonder why I still want a relationship sometimes lol.
  • BrandiStarr87
    BrandiStarr87 Posts: 28 Member
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    I didn't mean to make it bold. Guess I hit the button and didn't realize it. Lol. and determined... I am really trying to look at it that way. In fact, I told him that. He was all upset about hurting me... and I told him that I wouldn't trade it for anything.. because he made me a better person, and being with him was the first time in my life I'd ever really been happy, so i couldn't regret it even a little. And I was thankful that I got the time with him I did. Lol and yeah, I get that. I don't know why on earth I would ever put myself through that again... but then the aforementioned thing comes to mind... I was really happy... I want that again. Even if it does destroy me in the end, all over again. *sighs* Life blows. Lol
  • _incogNEATo_
    _incogNEATo_ Posts: 4,537 Member
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    BrandiStarr87 wrote: »
    I didn't mean to make it bold. Guess I hit the button and didn't realize it. Lol. and determined... I am really trying to look at it that way. In fact, I told him that. He was all upset about hurting me... and I told him that I wouldn't trade it for anything.. because he made me a better person, and being with him was the first time in my life I'd ever really been happy, so i couldn't regret it even a little. And I was thankful that I got the time with him I did. Lol and yeah, I get that. I don't know why on earth I would ever put myself through that again... but then the aforementioned thing comes to mind... I was really happy... I want that again. Even if it does destroy me in the end, all over again. *sighs* Life blows. Lol

    MFP can read your feelings. That's why it made it bold.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    BrandiStarr87 wrote: »
    I didn't mean to make it bold. Guess I hit the button and didn't realize it. Lol. and determined... I am really trying to look at it that way. In fact, I told him that. He was all upset about hurting me... and I told him that I wouldn't trade it for anything.. because he made me a better person, and being with him was the first time in my life I'd ever really been happy, so i couldn't regret it even a little. And I was thankful that I got the time with him I did. Lol and yeah, I get that. I don't know why on earth I would ever put myself through that again... but then the aforementioned thing comes to mind... I was really happy... I want that again. Even if it does destroy me in the end, all over again. *sighs* Life blows. Lol

    I made it bold because I felt it was important to talk about.
  • BrandiStarr87
    BrandiStarr87 Posts: 28 Member
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    Oh, gotcha. haha. I did mean it. That is how I feel. Sometimes worse than other times.. but it's still there. It's still hard to breathe. It hurts. and when I think about trying to find someone new... my stomach turns. It isn't healthy. I have got hardcore abandonment issues... I can't give people up very easily, I really really wish I could. If somehow, they get in... and I love them.. or trust them... it's so hard to let go.

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