How do you change your mental self-image?

erkerns

Guys, I need help. I've lost 70 lbs, yay! But I can't change the mental image I've had all my life. I've been overweight/obese my whole life until the past couple of years. And it's not that this is too new - 15 lbs has been in the last year, so it's been kind of a little up and down and some slow overall losing. But, I just can't make myself truly believe in my mind that I'm not some fat ogre. And if I slip up and gain 3 lbs, I beat myself up so hard... it seriously depresses me for a couple of days. If I pig out one night, when I look in the mirror the next morning I swear that my face is fatter... now, I know logically that that's not possible. But it's what I perceive. When I compare myself to other people, I naturally assume that I'm bigger. I was talking to my friend and she mentioned that she's a size 10, and I thought... "No way! I'm a size 10! There's no way that we're the same size!" For some reason, I perceive myself as bigger than her, and I'm pretty sure I'm not. And I have so much negativity inside... I look in the mirror and think "Ugh, you look terrible." My boyfriend gets really frustrated with it. He says apart from the fact that he thinks I'm beautiful and it's frustrating that I can't see it, that he's getting tired of me complaining about myself all the time. He's even started trying to get me not to overeat at times, because he says he can't stand how I complain the next day, or the next time I weigh myself.

Have any self-haters out there been able to change their mental image and thought process?

MamaRiss

Thats something I'm working on. I don't really beat myself up too much if I over eat, and I don't really see myself as huge, but I don't see me for what I really am and I'm having a difficult time learning to love my body the way it is now. My breasts are practically non-existant now, but my thighs and love handles seem like they havn't changed at all ( I know they have, I've taken measurements, I just don't see it). My rid cage sticks out past where my stomach area starts. And I just get so sad looking at myself in the mirror. I was supposed to talk to my doctor about it today, but couldn't get up the nerve to bring it up

kristigibsonzeski

I think your mind takes awhile to catch up with you body, but in your case it may take a bit longer because you had been overweight your whole life. I look at my body as a whole, I look at it as being part of me and who I am, if I feel good that is what matters most not what the mirror says. One thing that does bother me though is that nobody has said...."Wow you have lost a lot of weight" I have lost 63 lbs since Dec. 4, 2014....I know I look better because I have went from a size 22/24 to a 14/16, but not one person has said anything. That is one thing I am waiting for, someone to see my progress. One thing I suggest is take baby steps in looking at yourself in a new body. Like look in the mirror, really look. Notice anything different? like your stomach is gone or you seen a waist line? Those are things you can do to start small, then start looking at the whole picture even if you have to take pictures of yourself and compare then to larger people, and say to yourself damn I look good

erkerns

Thanks guys

MamaRiss, I go to therapy but it's the one issue I have a really hard time bringing up with my therapist. I think that for me, there's just so much shame involved with being overweight. I was made fun of as a kid and tormented by others for my weight, so I got the idea that being overweight makes you a bad person. Which is strange, because I don't feel that way about other overweight people - just myself.

Kristi, I can't believe no one's said anything! I moved 2 years ago, so people here have never seen me really overweight. Sometimes someone here will see an old picture of me on facebook or something, then they'll tell me, "wow, is that really you?" 63 lbs is a huge accomplishment! I guess we need to learn to do this entirely for ourselves and be proud of ourselves, without needing verification from anyone. I'm getting there. I know I'm so much better than I used to be, but I still have a ways to go. Thanks for the advice!

Lizzy622

Think of what you can do now that you couldn't do 70 pounds ago. I can tie my shoes without holding my breath. You can also go to the store and try on some size 10 clothes and buy a new outfit to show off the new you.

FitGeekery

Now I'm just at the start of my journey, so take it for what it's worth but self-image and self-worth has been something I struggled with for most of my life.

I think it has a lot to do with overvaluing ourselves based on physical appearance. Think of ALL the other non-physical qualities you have and value in others; things like kindness, generosity, empathy, honesty, openness, fun-loving, easy-going, organized etc. Which do you appreciate more in others, their appearance or who they are? What do you think others appreciate in YOU more? And which holds a higher value to you, which should?

Look at everything you've accomplished thus far, all of the physical roadblocks you've surpassed and blown out of the water. Think of all the things your body can do now that it couldn't before! That's a reason to be proud, to be kinder and more forgiving of your body and yourself.

I've found that 90% of this journey is mental and emotional and it can be much slower, but it is ultimately SO worth it to do the work. You've shown enough care and dedication to yourself to get this far, the seeds are already planted. Build on it as slowly as you need to however it works for you (journaling or writing, painting, dancing, affirmations, therapy, giving yourself any kind of extra TLC etc) and soon you'll find that as your self-worth improves, your self-image will naturally start to match it