Battling weight loss saboteurs. HELP!!

tanzia97

I was always skinny my whole life and am a 5"3 girl whose is small boned, people complimented my petite figure. Till I went up to 138Ibs during my exam period 2 years ago.

Recently I went down to 103Ibs (close to my previous weight). However there are people in my life trying to sabotage my weight, and as a result I ended up going back up to 106-108Ibs.

1. Parents (they were brought up in a poor country, so they see figures such as Sarah Hyland as malnutritioned). They keep criticising my weight and trying to feed me junk food.

2. Sister. Were both the same height and are on our weigh loss journey. She keeps telling me I'm bony (On contrary people at school tell me I'm slim but have enough meat on my bones) even though she told me she wants to be my weight.

3. Friends. They're also on a weight loss journey. They also keep calling me a stick/bony, as well as trying more harder than usual to give me their left over snacks. Even though I strictly told them not to offer me food.

How do I deal with them?

jgnatca

Be gracious with your parents. Thank them, take the food offered and ask if you can keep it for "later" and then discard or give away what you don't want.

Smile, nod, and stand your ground with the rest. My sister and I are gentle rivals so I get it. You can either give in to temptation and goad her right back, or just let it go.

Your continued success is all you need.

Poohbly

Excellent advice from jgnatca. I recently ended a 30 year relationship for many reasons, but realized afterrwards that I was her "eating buddy". Anything we did together was with food and I didn't even realize it because we were both emo eaters! Stand your ground and do what feels right for YOU.

MireyGal76

When you live / interact with someone a long time, a drastic change in their appearance is as struggle. I have a coworker who was quite a lot overweight, and he has managed to lose the weight in a healthy amazing fashion. I know what is healthy, and he IS healthy... but when I look at him, he looks so thin compared to what he was that my mind thinks it is bad, even though I know he is exactly where he needs to be.

If your parents/sis/friends are reacting this way, its because they have an emotional attachment to the person you were and it takes a while to adjust. They need to know you are healthy, and have the time it takes to adjust. Be calm, be polite. BUT BE FIRM.

Parents: Be polite and thank them, but decline the food. Tell them that you are happy the way you are, and appreciate their concern, but request that they stop already. If they are unable to stop, then you will be forced to limit contact with them because it's bothering you too much to have to fight them all the time.

Sister: be empathatic. If you know that you are at a healthy weight, and are confident in that, then you're good. If she is jealous, then she will either step up and make the changes, or she won't. If her calling you bony is upsetting you then tell her that. Ask her how she would feel if you called her lardbutt. Tell her that her saying you are bony makes you feel the same way. If she keeps calling you bony, then respond with lardbutt and see how she reacts. WARNING: you may not need to worry about future interactions

Friends: TALK TO THEM. See all the above.


MY CAUTION FOR YOU IS THIS: if EVERYONE in your immediate circle is commenting on your weight, is it possible that they're on to something? What does your physician say?

SueInAz

The women in my immediate family are all around your height and small framed, tiny even. (I won't talk about myself because I'm a little taller and large framed like my dad). I can tell you with certainty that the weight you are trying to attain is too low for your size. My sister, at 5'2", starts to look skeletal at around 110 but she has a decent amount of muscle. My mom at 5'1" looks okay at 110 but 100 is way too low. I looked up a healthy weight calculator to double-check myself before saying anything and this is what it says:

Your ideal weight range-- 114 - 125.4 lbs. (51.8 - 57 kg.). --is based on a formula that calculates what a healthy weight is for most people of your height (63 inches) and frame size (Small).

Given that information, and the reactions to your weight of the people who love you, I think you may want to rethink your goal.

Rather than think of what you want in terms of pounds, why not look into body recomposition? Lift weights and look at your body fat percentage as a goal. Too often when we think of the body we want we're thinking in terms of pounds when what we really want is firmness and a certain size. Shift your goals a bit, put on some muscle and the number on the scale becomes nearly meaningless.

tanzia97

jgnatca wrote: »

Be gracious with your parents. Thank them, take the food offered and ask if you can keep it for "later" and then discard or give away what you don't want.

Smile, nod, and stand your ground with the rest. My sister and I are gentle rivals so I get it. You can either give in to temptation and goad her right back, or just let it go.

Your continued success is all you need.

Poohbly wrote: »

Excellent advice from jgnatca. I recently ended a 30 year relationship for many reasons, but realized afterrwards that I was her "eating buddy". Anything we did together was with food and I didn't even realize it because we were both emo eaters! Stand your ground and do what feels right for YOU.

I was guilty of taking some candies and brownies that my parents forced me to take after my cereal this morning, I'll definitely follow what you guys are saying. I am going to say no and think carefully before taking any food I'm being given.

tanzia97

MireyGal76 wrote: »

When you live / interact with someone a long time, a drastic change in their appearance is as struggle. I have a coworker who was quite a lot overweight, and he has managed to lose the weight in a healthy amazing fashion. I know what is healthy, and he IS healthy... but when I look at him, he looks so thin compared to what he was that my mind thinks it is bad, even though I know he is exactly where he needs to be.

If your parents/sis/friends are reacting this way, its because they have an emotional attachment to the person you were and it takes a while to adjust. They need to know you are healthy, and have the time it takes to adjust. Be calm, be polite. BUT BE FIRM.

Parents: Be polite and thank them, but decline the food. Tell them that you are happy the way you are, and appreciate their concern, but request that they stop already. If they are unable to stop, then you will be forced to limit contact with them because it's bothering you too much to have to fight them all the time.

Sister: be empathatic. If you know that you are at a healthy weight, and are confident in that, then you're good. If she is jealous, then she will either step up and make the changes, or she won't. If her calling you bony is upsetting you then tell her that. Ask her how she would feel if you called her lardbutt. Tell her that her saying you are bony makes you feel the same way. If she keeps calling you bony, then respond with lardbutt and see how she reacts. WARNING: you may not need to worry about future interactions

Friends: TALK TO THEM. See all the above.


MY CAUTION FOR YOU IS THIS: if EVERYONE in your immediate circle is commenting on your weight, is it possible that they're on to something? What does your physician say?

I've also been losing weight in a very healthy way. I'm actually having cereal, rice, wholegrain and different ranges of curries with different nutrients and a lot of fruits and vegetables (when I used to have candies, crisps and cakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner). My physicians even said my weight now is normal for me.

When I had a "middle but normal BMI", I didn't exactly look normal since I had ALOT of fat around my arms, face and especially around my belly (I actually had a pot belly), I even have proof too, I was practically plump since I'm small boned.

You might be right, people probably aren't used to the new me. I actually had a fight with my sister, but I did let her know that if she really wants to lose weight then she can lose it with me by following my meal and exercise plans. She agreed to follow with it.

I also told my friends that it feels the same being called bony and fat, they denied it but I explained that it does since I recently experienced being both plump and skinny, I know the feeling since its still fresh (they were the same weight for nearly their whole lives).

tanzia97

SueInAz wrote: »

The women in my immediate family are all around your height and small framed, tiny even. (I won't talk about myself because I'm a little taller and large framed like my dad). I can tell you with certainty that the weight you are trying to attain is too low for your size. My sister, at 5'2", starts to look skeletal at around 110 but she has a decent amount of muscle. My mom at 5'1" looks okay at 110 but 100 is way too low. I looked up a healthy weight calculator to double-check myself before saying anything and this is what it says:

Your ideal weight range-- 114 - 125.4 lbs. (51.8 - 57 kg.). --is based on a formula that calculates what a healthy weight is for most people of your height (63 inches) and frame size (Small).

Given that information, and the reactions to your weight of the people who love you, I think you may want to rethink your goal.

Rather than think of what you want in terms of pounds, why not look into body recomposition? Lift weights and look at your body fat percentage as a goal. Too often when we think of the body we want we're thinking in terms of pounds when what we really want is firmness and a certain size. Shift your goals a bit, put on some muscle and the number on the scale becomes nearly meaningless.

My body fat percentage is 21% so even though I'm now 106Ibs, and my waist to hip ration is 0.80. When I used to be 100Ibs, my physicians told me that I was normal. However when I became 116Ibs I became plump (I have pictures as proof too, I even had a pot belly, people used to even poke my belly) and my body fat percentage was 26%.

That is why I'm aiming for around 100Ibs when my body fat was 18%. But I do agree with you, I will also have more protein in my diet and gain muscles. I'm even eating healthier compared to now. Before I used to have candies, chips and cakes for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack. The only thing I did now was start eating cereals, whole grains, rice and curries with different nutrients and fruits and veg, and occasional treats.

I'm flattered that people are trying to keep my healthy. But the problem is if they did care about me, then why are they giving me junk food? Wouldn't that detriment my health more than what I'm doing now?

MireyGal76

tanzia97 wrote: »

I'm flattered that people are trying to keep my healthy. But the problem is if they did care about me, then why are they giving me junk food? Wouldn't that detriment my health more than what I'm doing now?

Many people equate food with relationships, and when someone's focus on (or relationship with) food changes, they will often panic and react in ways they don't understand.

It could be that they were always like this and you didn't really notice because your priorities were different. The shift in priority may scare them and cause them to think (deep down) that your relationship with them will also change.
Alternatively, it could be that they just want things to be the way they were before you lost weight.

For me, my parents love to go out for lunch. I used to always go. But their fav restaurant doesn't have great calorie options, and my dad's allergies limit his restaurant choices...so I have started to decline the invites more. They are sad. They feel like we've grown apart, but it's because they grieve the loss of the fellowship around the dinner table.

Sometimes, you just need to have patience with them too.