How do you deal with the difficult days? Any advice appreciated!

cmg3004

Hello,

Most days, I find it easy to nurture myself with food that makes me feel good. I have my daily givens of 3L water, 2 cups green tea, veges with lunch and dinner and reading/writing (currently reading 'Buddhism for mothers') I feel calm and mindful and in control. I go to yoga and see a counselor once a week. I exercise daily and keep a gratitude journal.

But often, I have a day where it feels IMPOSSIBLE (although rationally I know it isn't) to eat well.

Yesterday I ate almost 2500 calories worth of chocolate/ANZAC biscuits/fudge in the space of about 90 minutes, on top of the almost 2000 calories I had eaten for the day. Eating like a maniac, quickly so my fiancee didn't see how much I was scoffing (as if he would care) I played on HIS facebook, because I try not to use my often and didn't want people to see that I had been on it ALL NIGHT. I hid some chocolate chips in my bedroom drawer so I could eat them alone. I tried to kind of fluff up rearrange the biscuits in the tin so it wouldn't be so noticeable that I had eaten 5 of them. It took all my willpower to brush my teeth before bed because I was lying on the couch like a sloth. I changed my diary settings here to private because I am so embarassed. This isn't the person I want to be.

I am breastfeeding my 6.5 month old daughter and have a half marathon in 2 weeks, and use both of these as a kind of justification in my head to eat lots. But lots of crap that doesn't help me with either of those things! Junk food that doesn't help me in any way! Why do I do it?!

I have just put my daughter back to sleep and have all these thoughts in my head that I don't want her to ever to feel like this - dealing with a problem that for some reason SEEMS insurmountable , even though I know it isn't as other people achieve it, and I have lost almost 20kgs before and kept it off (except for 5kgs that I haven't re-lost since giving birth).

I feel like the world's slowest learner as I have for YEARS gone through days of thinking I am sorted with my eating, then these days of stupid self sabotage that makes me feel terrible. Over and over and over, up and down. It is draining and I want to sort it once and for all.

Do any of you have any advice? Have you been in this position? Some days I feel hopeful that I can sort it out and be a great role model to my daughter, and other days I feel doomed forever. Any thoughts appreciated and thank you for reading my long post!

sofaking6

Well, I have to think that the hiding of the food and covering up of the eating points to binge eating disorder. There is a group here that you could look for and probably find some folks who can identify really well with what you're going through, and point you in the direction of good resources.

What I can say for sure is that having anxiety and food issues doesn't make you a bad person, or a bad mom, or a failure in any way. It just means you've got an unhealthy pattern going on that you want to change - and you CAN. Start with forgiving yourself for these mistakes, it's not like you kicked a puppy or built a dirty nuke! Shame is horrible - enjoy your baby girl and your marathon and remember that you're a good person who accomplishes what she sets out to do.

Ninkyou

I find I eat ridiculously when I start trying to restrict too much. If I cut something out, I begin seeing red and it's all I think about. So now I include all of those things within my calories.

The hiding food and such is quite concerning though. Perhaps you should speak to a professional about that.

SueInAz

Guilt and shame over food is a difficult cycle to break. I think the most important thing you can try to teach yourself is that food isn't something you should ever feel guilty over. It's food. You shouldn't let it have that kind of power over you. If you want a biscuit, enjoy it, but OWN the fact that you ate it. Log it in MFP. If one leads to 5, enjoy each and every one and simply realize that for the one day you won't be losing weight and might even a gain a little. So what? Tomorrow is a new day as long as you actually get right back on track there's no harm done.

Another tack: How much did you actually enjoy those biscuits you were secretly scarfing or the chocolate chips you ate quickly while no one could see you? I'll bet not very much. Make a vow to actually enjoy those treats. Eat them in the open and eat them slowly. Savor them. Really taste them. Not only will you end up eating less of them you'll be enjoying them for what they are and not treating them like some dirty, little secret.

If you really have a problem with treats being in the house, then don't buy them and don't let your boyfriend buy them for you. You can't eat what isn't there.

ironhajee

Nah man just chill - chocolate in moderation is healthy my dear!

SuesAzz had a very good point or whatever about enjoying that sh**t . Like you got one life to live so the days you ENJOY the junk food, let it happen mate.

Just know, you gotta put in the work tomorrow k?

Party on! Life is short so don't even try to worry lol

ironhajee

One more thing, people discount the benefits of exercise. Doing long bouts of cardio and some high intensity weight lifting you can truly LIVE and ENJOY and LOVE life.

You live longer.
You live happy.
You can enjoy foods without stress!
Your kids will learn from you!

cmg3004

Thank you for your replies,you wonderful,wise people!I feel like it is the perfect combination of responses to help me have a great day today.Really truly thank you,I was so disheartened when I wrote that in the early hours of the morning and am grateful to be awake again armed with all this thoughtful advice :-)

aportz

Be kind to yourself. We are all on here fighting the same battle. You are not alone. We all have those days. Pick yourself up and start again. Here's a quote that always helps me. "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You will begin it serenely and with to high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." Ralph Walcott Emerson.

disneygallagirl

okay, I need to point out you said you are breastfeeding a 6.5 month old and running a half marathon in 2 weeks....kudos to you! that is awesome.
so about the maniac eating, yup I have done that too - basically I can't buy Nutella cuz I will eat it with a spoon over a couple days until it is gone. As others have said, I think the key is not to deprive yourself, be kind to yourself and if you want a treat - have it, enjoy it, do it slowly to work to keep control and toss the guilt - life is too short....and tomorrow is always a new day.