Developmentally disabled with obesity, help!

buffywhitney

My sister is in her early 50's but developmentally she operates at around a 4th grade level. 5'1 and 270 lbs. she is the youngest of 6 children and spoiled rotten. If she doesn't do something to turn her weight around soon, she will die. 24/7 on oxygen. The doctors tell us she needs to lose weight but offer nothing as to how. Of course we have tried all of the encouraging tactics, rewards, praise and example but she just won't or can't commit long enough to make a difference. I searched the internet but can't find much on this subject. I'm afraid we will lose her. Anybody?

shadowfax_c11

Is your sister living independently? You can't force an independent adult to take care of themselves. It might be that you need to put her into a care home or have her live with family who can manage her diet for her. You can only do this if she is truly mentally incompetent to care for herself. I don't know exactly what the process is to do that though.

It must be really hard to watch someone you love get into this place and feel powerless to help them.

slaite1

Do you have any funding for support services for her? Perhaps a physical therapist or even just an aide. Anywhere she likes to go/things to do? Walks in the park, even walking around the mall. Don't call it exercise, call it a picnic. Anything to get her moving.

Does she help with her own care? Cook, etc? If not, and your family does it for her, you can implement healthy changes. Maybe split her portion in half and give her the other half when she asks for "seconds". She gets the sense of eating "more" but really is just eating one portion. You can also give her choices without being super unhealthy. Let her pick between 2-3 healthy meals rather than forcing one particular food on her. She gets to feel like she's in control.

If she had a day program or any funding, making healthy choices can certainly become a goal. Think of it like any ordinary person. You need to find a way to motivate her. Make it fun. This is a hard population when it comes to health and weight loss, especially at her age. Any professionals in her life should be able to give you valuable feedback/ideas.

It sounds like she is independent enough to make her own choices but dependent enough that you and/or your parents still have some control. Don't let it become a battle of wills. She is an adult and has rights and I bet she knows it! Get creative with your approach!! Best of luck :-)

Azexas

Does your sister have a service coordinator? If so, they may be able to find some services to help your sister; either setting up classes or educational services.

I work in the field and unfortunately much of the population is overweight

Is your sister in a group home setting or independent living?

^^I agree with the above about the split portions! I've seen that work a in a few of the houses that I work in.

buffywhitney

She is living independently and I live nearby. All great suggestions that we have already tried. I don't know what a service coordinator is, we live in a small town, maybe that's why. I regularly supply healthy food but she is just able enough to make her way to the scooter at Kroger to buy candy and deli garbage. So frustrating. Thanks for your kind suggestions.

funchords

Does she want to lose weight?

buffywhitney

Great question Funchords, I have asked her. Even after a hospital scare, she's not all in like she needs to be unfortunately.

brenn24179

I can barely fix myself, I am sure she has to really want it just like anyone else.

LKArgh

It sounds like first you need to figure out how far you are willing to go with your efforts to care for her, and then you need a lawyer, and figuring out if there is a legal process that would make you or some other relative her guardian. If she is truly mentally at the level of a 10 year old, it could probably be doable and safest for her. Which would of course mean no more living independently, someone having to take full time responsibility fo her, same as for a kid, and it might make her miserable, angry or both. It is a choice I had to face for my brother, so I can feel your pain.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

People with I/DD are still people. Yes, she functions on a 4th grade level, however, she is still an adult. Like any other adult, she is free to make personal choices for herself. You may not like them, that's the way it is.

Maybe if your presented it to her in that way, she would respond. "Karen, it's your choice to eat healthy and exercise. We hope that you do, because we want you to be with us for a long time. But if you don't, we love you anyway." Treating her as less than your peer or child-like is asking for resistance.

amyk0202

itsfuntobenormal wrote: »

People with I/DD are still people. Yes, she functions on a 4th grade level, however, she is still an adult. Like any other adult, she is free to make personal choices for herself. You may not like them, that's the way it is.

Maybe if your presented it to her in that way, she would respond. "Karen, it's your choice to eat healthy and exercise. We hope that you do, because we want you to be with us for a long time. But if you don't, we love you anyway." Treating her as less than your peer or child-like is asking for resistance.

This. It is hard to watch someone you love make bad choices for themselves no matter who they are or what challenges they have. I would be careful about getting a lawyer & taking over her life in an effort to force her to be healthy. Don't let your love and fear for her turn you into a tyrant.

spzjlb

A friend has a similar case. Her adult brother is in a group home. I'm not sure of his age, but I'd guess at least 40. We gave her our old Wii, as she hoped it would get him moving, even to play Rock Band, etc. Unfortunately, I'm unsure if it helped, but I will try to ask. I know of at least two other families with adult children with Downs and it is a huge challenge to watch their food intake and increase activity. Give. That your sister has so many siblings, and clearly has lots of attention (OP stated she's spoiled), maybe you could team up to walk, bike ride and dance with her on a regular basis. My godson has CP with developmental issues and he has an adult tricycle and he enjoys golf, though he can barely walk. Good luck - this is very difficult. I hope this helps.

shadowfax_c11

Does she like games? get her a fitbit and have other family members get one and do a family challenge. Whoever gets the most steps at the end of the week gets to choose a place to go out to eat or a trip to the zoo or something like that that she enjoys. Maybe the idea of "wining a game" will at least get her to increase her exercise.

buffywhitney

Thanks everyone. She knows I'm here for her and will never give up on her. I can only pray she will come around soon. We have been down the "Lawyer" road before and it only brings resentment.

LuckyMe2017

Try setting goals with her. Start short-term where she gets immediate (non food rewards), then try to stretch it out a bit. For example: if she replaces candy with a healthy choice one day, she get a reward ( something that will motivate her) then see if you can stretch it out to weekly with a slightly bigger reward.
Maybe if you can plan something like a trip to the farmers market with you or one of her friends as a reward, it will replace the habit of her going to Kroger.
Best wishes!