A Confession, So To Speak... 400+lbs of Angst

Quasita

Perhaps it will be unwelcome or whatever, but I feel compelled to get a few things off my chest... I could do with some constructive support I suppose.

1. I wish people would stop posting this idea that "If you have 100+lbs to lose, you can easily lose more than 2lbs a week safely without having problems" to every discussion. You know what? I have over 200lbs to lose still and my doctor has clearly, vehemently stated that he is happiest to see me averaging 2-3lbs a week. When my losses get up to 5lbs or more a week, I have health problems. I get sick. My body goes nuts. I might be eating and exercising in a balanced way while losing like that too... While it might be true that it can happen it doesn't mean that it's good.

2. Yes. I do need to eat about 3000 calories a day, minimum, to lose weight. When I ask for cost-efficient, high calorie suggestions, 50 replies of "nut butters" doesn't really help me. Telling me I don't need that many calories doesn't help me.

3. Is anyone else subjected to emails from local gyms/trainers who find their profiles or information online, who contact them about their new programs and all that, offering help... but then immediately rejected when you inform said trainer/gym you have no money? Is there really not a single person out there that finds the value in a non-profit based weight loss assistance? I would love someone who actually knew what they were doing, who wanted to employ their methods and have a testimonial so to speak, take me up as a prime candidate for showing some extreme losses... without hoping to fill their wallets with my money. Don't get me wrong... I'm not asking for freebies. I'm doing this on my own and I've not asked anyone for charity or expected it. I'm just tired people saying "I can totally help you!" but then being deterred by my inability to pay hundreds of dollars for said "help." I can't afford to buy enough food for 3k calories a day, how am I supposed to pay a couple hundred bucks a month so you can tell me what foods I can't afford to buy?

4. Admitting to feelings of hopelessness, being discouraged by your appearance at times, feeling gross, or even unable, is not perpetual self-hate. It's called being human. I can love myself but also feel discouraged by lack of visual progress. I can feel lovable and unloved at the same time. Being human sucks like that, but I don't need a Hallmark card email about how "You have to love yourself first." I already do.

5. I'm getting god-awful tired of seeing posts from people who have had weightloss intervention surgery posting about weight loss achievements in a way that implies they've done it through exercise and diet alone. Example: Friend posts she's lost over 100lbs in 3 months. In comes a cascade of "What are you doing?" "Amazing, what's the secret?" and other questions, to which she coyly responds, never admitting that in fact, it's surgical. Don't get me wrong, it's hard to follow post-op protocol, I know that. She should be proud that she's maintained her treatment. However, allowing people to believe that 100lbs in 3 months came from a well-managed normal diet is... ugh. And then I get mad at myself because I think, maybe I'm just jealous because I can't say the same.

I don't know what to do anymore. I want to be more successful, and I'm trying. I'm working, and pushing, and trying to line things up... and nothing will budge. My body is swollen and in pain more than ever before. I just want to feel like I'm making a positive change. I'm tired of feeling so isolated and alone all the damn time. I'm tired of feeling ashamed that I can't afford to feed myself and I cry when I move my body.

Seriously, the doctors, the people on here, everyone that talks to me, they all say it gets easier as the pounds are lost... But for me, I just feel like it's getting harder. Walking a fine line between enough loss and not too much, enough exercise but not too much, and avoiding undereating without falling into the trappings of easy, empty calories. Can someone please just give me a hug, take my hand, and stick with me? Say, no matter how much you hurt and how slow you have to walk, I'll be right there by your side?

Who knows.

zyxst

veevee1950

Oh Quasita, it breaks my heart to read your story. What can anyone really say to help each other? In my mind it is not the number of kg/lbs we have to lose, it's the journey to get to our goal. And yes, it's bloody hard but the reward is truly worth it. I am on here every day and I would love to accompany you on your life changing journey.

LacednLace

Im not a PT and I don't work for a gym. Im a 911 operator. I'm not gonna ask you for money or neglect you when you say you cant afford something. Talking to me is free. Your goals are obtainable and you can get through this. I can't put in the work for you but judging from your post, you can handle this. If you'd like I can share some ideas/things that have gotten me through as well as how I learned to afford making healthier grocery lists and keep them in the nutrient values needed. Not everything for us will be the same but I'm here if you want some support along the way. And hell I can even tell you example starter workouts and how they build up. (I was the same, no one would help unless you paid and unfortunately I couldn't learn about the different muscles and workouts for my level on my own---so I used the rest of my tax returns after bills to pay for a few sessions). It doesn't get easier over time, because you increase the difficulty, but youll find that you'll be much healthier than where you began if you keep putting in the effort. Let me know if you wanna chat about anything, workouts, food, etc.

Quasita

For me, it's not a lack of knowledge or anything... I just see everyone able to move so much faster than me. I look happy and healthy but I hurt so much. *sigh* Physically hurt. The easier part, they told me when I was 515lbs that if I lost 50lbs I would hurt so much less I'd feel so much better that I'd just want to keep going. Had so much hope at the beginning

LacednLace

Quasita wrote: »

For me, it's not a lack of knowledge or anything... I just see everyone able to move so much faster than me. I look happy and healthy but I hurt so much. *sigh* Physically hurt. The easier part, they told me when I was 515lbs that if I lost 50lbs I would hurt so much less I'd feel so much better that I'd just want to keep going. Had so much hope at the beginning

Gotcha, it'll come back, give it time. I lost mine several times, still do every once in a while. I believe in you and so do several other people.

EvgeniZyntx

First off, good luck. Losing a lot of weight is hard and you are seeing a difficult period, if on top of that you are dealing with emotional challenges, it's so much tougher.

On the points you raise
1) please understand that while losing more than 2-3 lbs might be hard on you what those posts mean are not that you, having 100+ lbs, can lose easily much more but that unless you have a 100+lbs to lose you should not be trying to lose more than 2-3 lbs per week. For some people with a lot to lose more than 3 is possible and works. Generally speaking 1% body weight MAX per week should be a good rule of thumb. It's obviously fine to lose less. Those are max recommendations, not what you have to achieve.

2) Low cost high cal options include grapes and oranges at over 100 cals per dollar. Pizza, fries and donuts are up there. But you know what is really a great calorie burst for little money? Bananas. You can possibly find a 1000 cals for about 2$.
Cream and oils. Milk. Fast food - burgers and fries.

3) those people are contacting your as a promotion campaign to raise money for their business. So it is absolutely normal for them to move on to paying customers. It's their business. And most of them do not need a large weight loss challenge as pro bono to prove their business with the risk that they will put in some effort and it isn't going to succeed. (I'm not saying YOU aren't going to succeed, just that it isn't a motivation for providing a free proof service). If you do want free support look to the people here - ask for a mentor in the mentor thread. Can't pay for a gym? You can probably start at home and do enough free stuff there. Use your friend list here. Get quality people on it and boom, support network!

I'm going to say that it might not get easier but what does happen is that success builds on success. You'll see small changes that add up. Keep a note book or a blog - note the positives and negatives and every once in a whirl go back and review how things have changed. You'll see things you can't notice day to day while in process.

Good luck.

ETA: I see you keep a blog and went through some very difficult medical issues. Why not start writing again. 2015, I hope, is treating you better.

Quasita

EvgeniZyntx wrote: »

Quasita wrote: »

Perhaps it will be unwelcome or whatever, but I feel compelled to get a few things off my chest... I could do with some constructive support I suppose.

1. I wish people would stop posting this idea that "If you have 100+lbs to lose, you can easily lose more than 2lbs a week safely without having problems" to every discussion. You know what? I have over 200lbs to lose still and my doctor has clearly, vehemently stated that he is happiest to see me averaging 2-3lbs a week. When my losses get up to 5lbs or more a week, I have health problems. I get sick. My body goes nuts. I might be eating and exercising in a balanced way while losing like that too... While it might be true that it can happen it doesn't mean that it's good.

2. Yes. I do need to eat about 3000 calories a day, minimum, to lose weight. When I ask for cost-efficient, high calorie suggestions, 50 replies of "nut butters" doesn't really help me. Telling me I don't need that many calories doesn't help me.

3. Is anyone else subjected to emails from local gyms/trainers who find their profiles or information online, who contact them about their new programs and all that, offering help... but then immediately rejected when you inform said trainer/gym you have no money? Is there really not a single person out there that finds the value in a non-profit based weight loss assistance? I would love someone who actually knew what they were doing, who wanted to employ their methods and have a testimonial so to speak, take me up as a prime candidate for showing some extreme losses... without hoping to fill their wallets with my money. Don't get me wrong... I'm not asking for freebies. I'm doing this on my own and I've not asked anyone for charity or expected it. I'm just tired people saying "I can totally help you!" but then being deterred by my inability to pay hundreds of dollars for said "help." I can't afford to buy enough food for 3k calories a day, how am I supposed to pay a couple hundred bucks a month so you can tell me what foods I can't afford to buy?

4. Admitting to feelings of hopelessness, being discouraged by your appearance at times, feeling gross, or even unable, is not perpetual self-hate. It's called being human. I can love myself but also feel discouraged by lack of visual progress. I can feel lovable and unloved at the same time. Being human sucks like that, but I don't need a Hallmark card email about how "You have to love yourself first." I already do.

5. I'm getting god-awful tired of seeing posts from people who have had weightloss intervention surgery posting about weight loss achievements in a way that implies they've done it through exercise and diet alone. Example: Friend posts she's lost over 100lbs in 3 months. In comes a cascade of "What are you doing?" "Amazing, what's the secret?" and other questions, to which she coyly responds, never admitting that in fact, it's surgical. Don't get me wrong, it's hard to follow post-op protocol, I know that. She should be proud that she's maintained her treatment. However, allowing people to believe that 100lbs in 3 months came from a well-managed normal diet is... ugh. And then I get mad at myself because I think, maybe I'm just jealous because I can't say the same.

I don't know what to do anymore. I want to be more successful, and I'm trying. I'm working, and pushing, and trying to line things up... and nothing will budge. My body is swollen and in pain more than ever before. I just want to feel like I'm making a positive change. I'm tired of feeling so isolated and alone all the damn time. I'm tired of feeling ashamed that I can't afford to feed myself and I cry when I move my body.

Seriously, the doctors, the people on here, everyone that talks to me, they all say it gets easier as the pounds are lost... But for me, I just feel like it's getting harder. Walking a fine line between enough loss and not too much, enough exercise but not too much, and avoiding undereating without falling into the trappings of easy, empty calories. Can someone please just give me a hug, take my hand, and stick with me? Say, no matter how much you hurt and how slow you have to walk, I'll be right there by your side?

Who knows.

First off, good luck. Losing a lot of weight is hard and you are seeing a difficult period, if on top of that you are dealing with emotional challenges, it's so much tougher.

On the points you raise
1) please understand that while losing more than 2-3 lbs might be hard on you what those posts mean are not that you, having 100+ lbs, can lose easily much more but that unless you have a 100+lbs to lose you should not be trying to lose more than 2-3 lbs per week. For some people with a lot to lose more than 3 is possible and works. Generally speaking 1% body weight MAX per week should be a good rule of thumb. It's obviously fine to lose less. Those are max recommendations, not what you have to achieve.

2) Low cost high cal options include grapes and oranges at over 100 cals per dollar. Pizza, fries and donuts are up there. But you know what is really a great calorie burst for little money? Bananas. You can possibly find a 1000 cals for about 2$.
Cream and oils. Milk. Fast food - burgers and fries.

3) those people are contacting your as a promotion campaign to raise money for their business. So it is absolutely normal for them to move on to paying customers. It's their business. And most of them do not need a large weight loss challenge as pro bono to prove their business with the risk that they will put in some effort and it isn't going to succeed. (I'm not saying YOU aren't going to succeed, just that it isn't a motivation for providing a free proof service). If you do want free support look to the people here - ask for a mentor in the mentor thread. Can't pay for a gym? You can probably start at home and do enough free stuff there. Use your friend list here. Get quality people on it and boom, support network!

I'm going to say that it might not get easier but what does happen is that success builds on success. You'll see small changes that add up. Keep a note book or a blog - note the positives and negatives and every once in a whirl go back and review how things have changed. You'll see things you can't notice day to day while in process.

Good luck.

I took several issues but I am opting to one point of correction here, where you missed my point entirely.

The people contact me BECAUSE they find me on places like MFP with huge amounts of weight to lose or other places I post. They see me as someone that they can hook in for a long time and make money off of. They discuss my body. It's not a promotional campaign. It's personalized emails. They write back to me. We have phone conversations, discussions. The last one was a guy who is local, who went through The Biggest Loser and approached me because my goals were similar to where his were when he started. He chatted me up, personally, until I told him that I couldn't afford more than $25 a month. Obviously the point here was missed... This isn't some flier I'm getting, or a mailing list from a website. This isn't a mass email. It's predatory behavior, sure, but it's not a marketing campaign in the sense that I think some advert in my email is targeting me only. They see my posts about my successes so far and say they want to be involved in taking me farther and watching me succeed, but then bolt when the change isn't there.

EvgeniZyntx

I took several issues but I am opting to one point of correction here, where you missed my point entirely.

The people contact me BECAUSE they find me on places like MFP with huge amounts of weight to lose or other places I post. They see me as someone that they can hook in for a long time and make money off of. They discuss my body. It's not a promotional campaign. It's personalized emails. They write back to me. We have phone conversations, discussions. The last one was a guy who is local, who went through The Biggest Loser and approached me because my goals were similar to where his were when he started. He chatted me up, personally, until I told him that I couldn't afford more than $25 a month. Obviously the point here was missed... This isn't some flier I'm getting, or a mailing list from a website. This isn't a mass email. It's predatory behavior, sure, but it's not a marketing campaign in the sense that I think some advert in my email is targeting me only. They see my posts about my successes so far and say they want to be involved in taking me farther and watching me succeed, but then bolt when the change isn't there.

Predators suck. Sorry that's happening to you.

Suggest you post a disclaimer in your profile and perhaps not make your email/identity so available on-line. Anyway, most pro-bono aren't going to reach out to you - you'll have hunt them out, if you want them. There are some excellent free coaching/mentoring people on here - hope you find what you need.

What "issues" did you take?