Depression hitting hard today

minca1920

I took me a looooong, loooong time to start not blaming myself for my condition, but some days... Today...
I have joined MFP very recently and with the journey of yet again finding the right meds and therapy I was quite exited about weightloss again. Dare I say more than I ever was.
I have lost 8lbs in the last 16days (keep in mind I am morbidly obese), which is great and it dies make me feel better, but... Today just sucks, everything sucks and look grim and dark and evil. It is days like this when nothing makes sense and nothing matters that I usually loose my weightloss battle.
People who di not suffer from the awefull "D" will not understand this. "But you lost so much! How can you not feel positive?" Is what they would ask. And by ask, I mean judge. I wish I knew.
Point being it does feel like n tiny step posting this - albeit the fact that I am terrified of the lash people might give me or the no replies at all.
It is a public holiday in South Africa so I want to close the curtains and crawl into bed, not eat because I want to spite myself or overeat because I dont care...

louminouche

Minca, this has helped a few friends a lot - go on to youtube and search for Brian Proctor - there are others too - and go for visualisation techniques on how being positive, self help for depression, etc. they are pep talks but so helpful.

squeakbunny

A little twist here i hope this helps some what mate. look up louse hay, google or you tube what ever but she is very inspirational and helped thousands around the world, The thing is life is all about our thinking , what we give out is what we get back so if your in a negative space , guess what you going to get in return, thats right negativity. shifting your thoughts to positivity and being kind excetra it will come back 10 fold my friend , change your thinking and you will change your life. its all in our thinking and thoughts, words we speak depression can be changed by changing your perception. you will get there you are doing it well done for coming here life is a journey and so is weight loss mate keep on going you can do this. its not easy but keep trying and never give up

minca1920

Thank you for the advice and I will have a look at those videos. After my post I decided not to go to bed and spent some time with all my animals (bearded dragons, a turtle, tarantulas and 3 doggies) they do sooth the soul and I feel content at the moment. This condition is tough to fight but I have made small changes the last few weeks and the results are showing.

PicoBoulevard

I think Squeakbunny meant to write "Louise Hay" not "louse hay." Louise Hay is a motivational speaker and author.

nicola8989

I don't really have much advice but I just wanted to send you some positive thoughts and a virtual hug. I have struggled with depression and anxiety ever since I can remember and I know how hard it is. I think you have done so amazingly well to lose all that weight while you have depression. This too shall pass x

build_them_skyward

I also have depression so I can at least understand some of what you're going through. It's hard when you have days like that, it's as if nothing will lift your mood beyond a set point. I look at the days when i'm feeling neutral as the best days for getting things done and as you probably know exercise is supposed to be good for your mood. Take small steps, keep going. I'm here if you want to talk.

RobinvdM

I dropped down to 209 2 years ago thanks to hard work and dedication. Then successfully failed to cope with severe depression and ate my way back up to 260. Depression sucks. The dark just doesnt seem to want to go away, but it will. Sooner or later. Just keep your head down and your chin up and tell yourself that today won't matter once tomorrow gets here. You can be successful even if it means you fail once in a while. Hugs to you.

HardcoreP0rk

Depression. Not easy.

Best thing you can do on a day like that is to make a short, totally doable to-do list. Try to have at least one item get you out of the house. A walk outside usually helps, and studies say the outdoors is a good way to improve mood. Knock out the few things on your to do list and at least you can go to bed tonight feeling that you didn't cave in completely. It's ok if today is A+ effort for C- results. That's gonna happen, even to the best of us.

Hope you feel better~!

DavidC1857

Minca I can totally relate to depression. I've fought with this since my early 20's and I'm 48 now. Major Depressive Disorder, they call it. Among other things. I can go to seriously not wanting to get out of bed depression, like lately. To mild every day depression. But I can't say I've ever not been at least somewhat depressed.

I did all the therapy, all the self help, all the meds (seriously, I think I tried just about every one out there). I still can't say I have an answer.

The only thing that sort of helps me is to simply make myself do something. I live in an RV park with a lot of open property (fields, etc.) and the last couple weeks I've been making myself go walk around the park. 3 or 4 times around gets me 1.5 to 2 miles of walking. Exercise releases natural endorphins that do help. I asked for some help from my adopted daughter. She texts me every few days to ask me if I've been walking. I don't want to disappoint and say no, so I go out and do it. That seems to help.

I've also been making myself do chores that I've been putting off. Organized the storage shed some. Organized the little piles of stuff that have built up around the trailer, etc.

All of this has helped some. But, still a lot of depression.

Feel for you man. (Or Miss. Don't want to assume).

bookworm_847

I'm another member who struggles with depression and anxiety, and understand what you're saying when you describe how you feel today. You're not bad or failing because you're having a bad day... sometimes the depression monster is just stronger than we are at that moment. It's kind of a cliché, but the only way to get through it is to get through it. Do whatever helps you and don't give up on yourself or your journey. Losing some weight and exercising has really helped. I'll probably never be able to ditch the medication or stop therapy forever, but the fitness stuff has been a nice addition to my treatment.

Congratulations on your progress so far! *hugs*

Lleldiranne

I struggle with depression and anxiety as well. I hear you on both wanting to not eat anything to spite yourself (or as "punishment") and wanting to not care and just eat it all. I also know what you mean by wanting to crawl into bed and hide. I've been there with all that! I'm glad you spent time with your animals. My dog is big comfort to me when I have these days (or the panic attack days).

Sometimes posting things like this can really help you "talk" out your feelings. Good for you for having the courage to put it out into a community, even of random strangers who will probably never know you beyond the screen. I hope you continue to feel better and break out of this slump. If you can, try some light exercise, it can often help. Being outdoors and getting some sun can really help, too. And if you "slip up" a bit an end up eating a few more comfort foods than your plan has room for, it's okay too, because one day won't set you back too far in the long run. Of course, the trick (and my biggest challenge) is to keep it to one day, so I can understand why you are nervous about that. Just try to do what you can today to keep yourself going.

DirrtyH

Depression is seriously the biggest enemy of weight loss. At least it has been for me. I'll be doing great, plugging along and then all of a sudden it's like, "Why am I bothering with this? What difference does it make if I'm fat? Life sucks anyway. I'm just gonna eat this ice cream until I die."

I don't really have advice. The only thing that has helped my depression is consistently taking medication, and frankly, a relationship with God. I'm not sure the former would be happening without the latter.

But I can say you're not alone. There are plenty of us who know your struggle. Strength in numbers! You can get through it.

DoctahJenn

**hugs** I've had major recurring depression since I was a child, so I know the struggle. It contributed to my own weight gain time and again, and there have been weeks where I couldn't even get out of bed. The best thing I ever did was ask my husband to force me to do some form of exercise whenever I tried to lock myself away. Go for a walk, get to the gym... some days he has to literally stand next to me and make me take the necessary steps to get out the door, but I always feel better afterwards. Not all the way better, but better enough to take a shower and do something with our daughter.

And I'll tell you what - it's a long road, but as I got into better shape and healthy eating/exercise became routine, I've actually had fewer and fewer episodes. I'm down to a few days a month, as opposed to half or more of every month. I'm not even on antidepressants anymore, which is huge for me.

I hope you're feeling better, and just remember that you're not alone.

DavidC1857

Is there an anxiety or depression group on MFP? I've been on online support groups for anxiety and depression and sometimes they help, or sometimes they turn into wallowing in self pity parties. Seems like weight and exercise can be related to depression (it's hard to lose when we're depressed, being overweight makes us feel worse about ourselves, and exercise can help with depression and anxiety).

Just wondering.

HumboldtFred

I have dealt with melancholy moods for as long as I can remember. It used to really bother me and I would get anxious about it, thinking there was something wrong with me. Then, my friends father gave me the following advice. I remember it almost word for word as several times a year I remember it during the hard times and carry on.

He said. " So you are prone to times of depression. That may be a good thing. It is not something that you can just change, so you must learn to cope. Do something with it. Do you think that beautiful music, or poems or paintings are always created by happy people? Do you think that content people with no anxiety change the world? It takes some sadness to appreciate gladness and some fear to instigate change. Embrace who you are, accept it as normal for you, and create something wonderful with it."

So, now when I get the blues, I play the blues, or I paint, or sometimes I write words that don't matter to no one in particular. But I'm not broken or abnormal I am just feeling a natural and wonderful human emotion that is part of who I am and I am pretty damn awesome.

My advice would be to find any kind of outlet, and spread joy with it for no particular reason at all.

minca1920

Thank you all for the words of inspiration and I will keep this bookmarked for every day I feel like this again. You all have given me some advice and know you have touched me in some way. (really trying not to sound too soppy) but thank you.
With all the meds and therapy, everyone seems to say eating healty, loose weight and especially excercise are a great "natural" anti depressant. This is why I joined MFP.
Feel free to push on my button if you just need to unload.
My family and especially my husband supports me and for that I am thankfull, but, to talk to people who really understand is libirating.

Becky_charles29

I can totally relate. I have had depression on and off for 11 years and I thought I had beat it 18 months ago. For 18 months I have felt "normal" yet feelings have been creeping back for a couple of months and then the last 7 days have been unbearable. No pleasure in anything, so tired, no appetite in the morning then binging later on till I feel unwell and those horrible thoughts of taking the pain away.

I have been back to the Doctor and will now be undergoing 2 types of therapy and on antidepressants so hoping I'm on the start of the road to normal so that's what I want to say to you...things can get better.

mistikal13

I have never experienced depression first hand, but I have friends/family that deal with it and I see the toll it can take. Hugs xoxoxo