Feel deflated.

nephilim_dreams

So I was on MFP a while ago, but scrapped my old profile and started fresh with the idea that I was going to be 'honest' this time.

Because of previous issues I've had with fragile mental health/self esteem/identity (including an almost life-long battle with self harm, disordered/binge eating and a number of suicide attempts), my mum agreed to help me monitor my progress. I asked her to promise me that she would be honest with me about my weight and whilst she said she wouldn't tell me exactly what I weighed, she would be. I took a few guesses, we came up with (what I thought was) an accurate estimate, I logged it on here and away I went.

Well I found out yesterday that she had been dishonest with me, and I'm about 40-50lbs heavier than I had been thinking I was. So my 70 ish lbs loss goal has turned into 100lbs + and I feel totally deflated and I don't know what to do.

I'm not going to stop what I'm doing because it transpires that since that first time a few years ago, I've lost 4 stones/about 55lbs, and I'm running and training for a 5K in June, I feel stronger mentally than I have in a long time and like I'm finally getting stuff together... but still. The thought that I was once over 300lbs makes me feel sick.

I don't know what to do, really, or what to think or where to go from here.

EmmaFitzwilliam

::hugs::

Focus on how much healthier you are now, and how much stronger you are now.

Yes, it means your "losing" journey will take a little longer, and you may have been shorted a certain number of calories in the early days, but try to move on from where you are now.

:hugs:

jenncornelsen

u are still making progress no matter what your starting place was. and u are still way ahead from where u were. i always try to tell myself the scale isn't the end all be all. my health is. u are doing great and the number doesn't change that. running a 5k is such a great goal . in the long run those 40-50 lbs is only a few extra months. where u will still in the end have a so many years of being healthy in the end. i wish u the best

notnikkisixx

It sounds like you need to ditch the idea of a goal weight and instead focus on your mental/physical well-being. You're improving your overall health and really THAT is the hardest thing to do. Might I suggest that you keep some sort of "this is how I feel" log? That way you can record how strong/full of energy you're feeling by the day and track your progress with that instead of by a number on the scale.