my very unusual world....i guess

20and150

i am going to be very annoying im sure seeing as there are so many people who need help with all they have to go through with their weight loss and i totally understand that but i'm feeling a little lost right now. A year ago i was in a situation in which i was raped, this is difficult for me to talk about but i feel maybe now is the time. I had a horrible time, so horrific that i was unable to communicate with my friends and family, i stopped reading the news (which was something i really engaged with), i stopped talking to my friends and quit anything i really cared about as i couldn't bring myself to care about anything, it was too painful, i felt like there was no reason for me to be around. I basically had the worst thing that i believed could ever happen come true and I wanted to die.

I was very lucky though, i have an amazing family and amazing friends along with a wonderful girlfriend all of whom helped me understand this horrific situation.

Yet i still feel insecure, the man who sexually assaulted me has been been jailed for over 7 years (a number of which relate to the assault on myself), with other crimes involved too. But my own understanding of the situation is very skewed. I feel like that my weight has made my case less legitimate as i feel like my weight almost legitimised the sexual assault. I was both unable to stop it and at the time and i thought the jury were judging me, not just on my testimony but on my my weight too.

I lost some weight on my anti-HIV drugs that that i had to take for a month after the incident but i still feel so foolish, like a woman with no authority or determination, like i used to.

if anyone has any insight on this, well please feel free to get in touch,
i have already seen a counsellor on the the actual issue. I'm just a little worried my weight is exacerbating the situation and making my insecurities an issue when i need to be focusing elsewhere.

my3boys7145

Wow, that/this has to be absolutely overwhelming for you. Thank God you have the support system you do. So, just curious after reading your story - are you wanting to get stronger, more fit because you were unable to fend off your attacker? I would see that as major motivation. I have a similar fear of someone trying to hurt my children and me being so out of shape, I wouldn't be able to do anything about it.
I have not been thru what you have been thru - close, but I was able to convince my attackers - yes, 2 - that I would cooperate if they would just let me go to the bathroom. They did and I ran like hell.
I am here for you. You seem like a very positive person and with some confidence and strength can conquer anything. Please add me if you would like. I don't know exactly what you've been through, but I do know that fear and it's paralyzing.