I'm afraid I'm damaging my body

Ame_ly

Hello guys! I'm new here and I was hoping you could help me with some advice and motivation for keeping the weight on(yes, you read that right).

A little bit of backround about me: I'm a 160 cm, 48 kgs(5'2, 105 pounds) 18 y/o female who lost a bit of weight recently(around 15 kg/33 pounds). I've did this by eating what I considered it was 'clean': only lean meat, fish, sea food, veggies, low-fat yoghurt/cottage cheese and 200g fruits per day(usually an apple or some kiwi). Also sports(strength training and bit of cardio).

The thing is when I reached my goal weight(50kg/110 pounds) I was too afraid of rising my calories(I kept eating only around 1,2k/day). I added more fruits, even stuff like peanuts and almonds and I went as far as having chocolate in my diet: but I kept eating below 1,2k. The weight kept coming off(slower than before) and at some point people started commenting I look 'sick' and when I stepped on the scale I was 47kg/102 pounds(which put me at a underweight BMI). I was beginning to feel more fatigued, grumpy and tired overall and I've been missing my period for a few months now.

I realised I was being an idiot and I incresead my calorie intake but not enough. Now I'm around 48-48,5 kgs(which is better).

I'm happy with how I look(I'm not anorexic, I know I'm quite thin), expect maybe my abs(or lack of them). I wish I'd get more muscular, more toned. I wanna be stronger, feel stronger and look stronger. But I'm aware that is a lot of hard work and I need to meet my calories goal in order to do it.
I know I'm supposed to eat more, I do it for a few days but then I see the weight on the scale and I freak out and eat at a deficit caloric for a few days and ruin it. A week before I decided I had enough and I need to do it: I managed an entire week at 1,3k calories and now I'm trying to hit 1,4k calories, next week 1,5k calories.
I know I'll sound shallow and like a terrible person overall, but being overweight was one of the worst things that ever happened to me and I'm not planning on going back. Losing the weight turned my life around: last months I've been happier than ever(until my calorie deficit got to me). I want to keep the confidence I've got once I lost weight, but I also want to have more energy so I can profit of it:).

Currently I eat around 1,3k-1,4k calories/day, I strength train 3 times a week, do aerobics twice and I try to go running whenever I have free time(I'm really busy with school and some other chores I have to do). I want to increase my calories so I can at least maintain my body weight and I want to put on some muscles(I'm already seeing lots of progress in the gym and I've even had people telling me I got more muscular -especially in the legs- ). I just have an irational fear of gaining weight(sometimes I feel like MFP somehow calculates it wrong and I ate like a pig, when instead I don't really eat that much). I want to be healthy and enjoy food without feeling bad(if I eat a chocolate I feel like I need to skip dinner to make up for it). Also, I'm still missing my period.

I already feel heavier since I've been eating more, but it seems that I'm the only one 'seeing it'. Is it alright how I chose to increase this? Also, I wanna mention I'm really accurate with how I log my food(got a kitchen scale and everything) and I usually hit my protein goals(it's fat and carbs I never do).

I apologize for any mistakes as I'm not a native English speaker and thank you for reading all this. I'm a bit ashamed of it tbh, but I wanna improve(not only for myself, but my parents and some friends are starting to worry). Any thoughts you have are welcomed!

fvtfan

Stay off the scale...

Ame_ly

It's easier said than done.

jenncornelsen

u know what u need to do. increase calories. u have been working at it but u need to probably eat close to 1800 cals a day to maintain with the amount of working out u do. u are probably netting only 800-900 calories a day when u work out (1200-400 approx for exercise) u will definitly continue to lose if u don't make changes. no period is a huge sign your body is shutting down. listen to it. if u can't... u may need to seek help from a dr.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

Eudoxy

Try eating 2500 until you're back up to a healthy weight. You can probably maintain at around 2000. You sound pretty active. How tall are you? If you're weight lifting you'll be able to put on more muscle with the extra calories.

You should have an idea of how much you can eat to maintain by looking at how much you were eating when you were losing, look at how much you lost per week and add those calories back. 500 cals per day equals one lb per week. So if you lost 1.5 lbs per week, add 750 cals per day to whatever you were eating while you were losing that. But more for now because you want to gain.

You can eat carbs and fat, the carbs will give you energy and you need a certain amount of fats for hormone regulation. Try to hit the fat numbers mfp gives you as well as the protein.

breathless575

I would suggesting consulting a physician. It's possible that even though you're weight puts you in the underweight category, that you may be healthy. Those weight/height charts are not always accurate. It's also possible to not have periods, but still be healthy.

maxit

When that irrational fear about what a gain in scale weight means arises, look at it square in the face and tell it to hush and to stop pushing you around

pmm3437

Your ideal range is 109-136lbs. @ 109lbs, your Sed. TDEE is ~ 1475. With your activity level, your required intake is most likely over 1900 cal/day.

The fact that you decided you were overweight @ 138-140 lbs., and then went to the opposite extreme ( to sub normal ) is concerning. The fact that you "freak out" about gaining back a couple lbs. is concerning.

You are most likely experiencing exercise-induced Secondary Amenorrhea. This is common ( 5-25% ) in female athletes. You should mention this during your next doctor visit, but should not be alarmed unless there are other associated symptoms.

Take the scale out of your bathroom ( or wherever it is ), and put it in the trunk of your car. If you take it out of the trunk in < 2 weeks, you need to see a health professional, and have an assessment.

TheVirgoddess

I'd recommend increasing your calories slowly, 50-100 calories a week. Take it nice and slow, so if you start gaining too fast, you can pull back a bit (but frankly I think you still have a ways to go until that happens). Continue with your strength training (are you doing a program?). If your goal is to gain muscle, you're going to have to eat more

I also think it might be worth it to talk to someone (like a therapist) about how you view yourself and what your goals are. It can't hurt, right?

Springfield1970

I'm going to tell you something that will change the way you view weight forever. This fixed my problem when I was in exactly the same place you are.

When you step on the scale after eating more and you weigh more, you aren't just seeing FAT GAIN.
This is what you see

Food in gut and system gain
Blood volume gain
Water in food and gut gain
Glycogen in liver and muscles gain
Calcium in bones gain
Water in muscle repair gain
Possible muscle gain(Only if you are in excess, noobie gains, and lifting)
Possible fat gain.(ONLY IF YOU ARE OVER MAINTENANCE) <<<<<<<>>

So raising calories will make you weigh more...because you are eating more food and it weighs more!

Go for fat loss!

I am always at maximum water and glycogen gain - I stuff those carbs down so I can kill it in the gym, but my body fat is LOW and my muscle gain is higher. That's why I feel and look really well and I am so full of energy and am athletically like so,done half my age.

PJ3937

I think you need a different website.

DirrtyH

This is all in your head. You already know what you need to do, and it sounds like you're doing it, it's just scary to you and that makes perfect sense to me. Just trust the process. The good news is you've recognized that you were doing something unhealthy and you're trying to change it. That's awesome! You're already ahead of a lot of people. Just keep going and don't fret over the scale.

But if eating a chocolate is still making you feel like you need to skip dinner, you might need to eventually seek some professional help.

noclady1995

Same thing happened to me (amenorrhea) when I was in college and lost weight (I was 118 lbs and 5'5.5"). But I lost it eating way too far below 1200 cal/day. What can I say, there wasn't a lot of common knowledge about this kind of stuff in the early 90's. It came back after 3 months of eating normally. And mind you, I only ended up gaining back 7 lbs and kept my weight at 125-128 for years and years, until I had my first baby.

Ame_ly

Eudoxy wrote: »

Try eating 2500 until you're back up to a healthy weight. You can probably maintain at around 2000. You sound pretty active. How tall are you? If you're weight lifting you'll be able to put on more muscle with the extra calories.

You should have an idea of how much you can eat to maintain by looking at how much you were eating when you were losing, look at how much you lost per week and add those calories back. 500 cals per day equals one lb per week. So if you lost 1.5 lbs per week, add 750 cals per day to whatever you were eating while you were losing that. But more for now because you want to gain.

You can eat carbs and fat, the carbs will give you energy and you need a certain amount of fats for hormone regulation. Try to hit the fat numbers mfp gives you as well as the protein.

Ive already said I'm 160 cm/ 5'2 feet.
2,5k calorie a day sounds crazy, I'm struggling to hit 1,3-1,4k calories and I already eat more than I feel like I need.
Also I don't wanna gain weight as in fat. I'm happy with how I look, I just want to be more fit and strong overall.

I know I can eat carbs. I do post workout and pre workout. I just have trouble eating enough of them.

Ame_ly

maxit wrote: »

When that irrational fear about what a gain in scale weight means arises, look at it square in the face and tell it to hush and to stop pushing you around

Hehe thank you, I'll try doing that!

Ame_ly

pmm3437 wrote: »

Your ideal range is 109-136lbs. @ 109lbs, your Sed. TDEE is ~ 1475. With your activity level, your required intake is most likely over 1900 cal/day.

The fact that you decided you were overweight @ 138-140 lbs., and then went to the opposite extreme ( to sub normal ) is concerning. The fact that you "freak out" about gaining back a couple lbs. is concerning.

You are most likely experiencing exercise-induced Secondary Amenorrhea. This is common ( 5-25% ) in female athletes. You should mention this during your next doctor visit, but should not be alarmed unless there are other associated symptoms.

Take the scale out of your bathroom ( or wherever it is ), and put it in the trunk of your car. If you take it out of the trunk in < 2 weeks, you need to see a health professional, and have an assessment.

Thank you, this reply helps

Ame_ly

TheVirgoddess wrote: »

I'd recommend increasing your calories slowly, 50-100 calories a week. Take it nice and slow, so if you start gaining too fast, you can pull back a bit (but frankly I think you still have a ways to go until that happens). Continue with your strength training (are you doing a program?). If your goal is to gain muscle, you're going to have to eat more

I also think it might be worth it to talk to someone (like a therapist) about how you view yourself and what your goals are. It can't hurt, right?

Thanks for the recommendation, it's kinda what I'm trying to do but I think I tried to add too much too fast. 100 cal more every week seems a bit too much, I'll 50 without being to restrictive. I mean I'll try to hit 1,350 and if I'm a LITTLE it behind or above that I won't freak out.

Yes my goal is to gain muscle! I'm working with a professional trainer but I'm pretty sure he has no idea how little I'm really eating. So far he said I have good progress, lots of strength for someone who weights as little as I do but he mentioned I kinda lose energy mid workout. I have a program he made for me that I follow and he somtimes changes it a little. Since last month(where I gained like 1kg) I've actually got a few comments on my legs and someone even said my shoulders seem bigger , but I dont really see it.

I know I could use talking with someone about this, but I'd hate to give my parents a reason to worry even more about me so Id rather not.

Ame_ly

Springfield1970 wrote: »

I'm going to tell you something that will change the way you view weight forever. This fixed my problem when I was in exactly the same place you are.

When you step on the scale after eating more and you weigh more, you aren't just seeing FAT GAIN.
This is what you see

Food in gut and system gain
Blood volume gain
Water in food and gut gain
Glycogen in liver and muscles gain
Calcium in bones gain
Water in muscle repair gain
Possible muscle gain(Only if you are in excess, noobie gains, and lifting)
Possible fat gain.(ONLY IF YOU ARE OVER MAINTENANCE) <<<<<<<>>

So raising calories will make you weigh more...because you are eating more food and it weighs more!

Go for fat loss!

I am always at maximum water and glycogen gain - I stuff those carbs down so I can kill it in the gym, but my body fat is LOW and my muscle gain is higher. That's why I feel and look really well and I am so full of energy and am athletically like so,done half my age.

Thank you so much!!
This actually helps me! Seeing weight on the scale doesn't necessarily mean its fat, I need o write that down and put it next to my scale .

Ame_ly

DirrtyH wrote: »

This is all in your head. You already know what you need to do, and it sounds like you're doing it, it's just scary to you and that makes perfect sense to me. Just trust the process. The good news is you've recognized that you were doing something unhealthy and you're trying to change it. That's awesome! You're already ahead of a lot of people. Just keep going and don't fret over the scale.

But if eating a chocolate is still making you feel like you need to skip dinner, you might need to eventually seek some professional help.

Thank you, I actually had 80g of chocolate yesterday and still ate dinner! Small victories .

Ame_ly

noclady1995 wrote: »

Same thing happened to me (amenorrhea) when I was in college and lost weight (I was 118 lbs and 5'5.5"). But I lost it eating way too far below 1200 cal/day. What can I say, there wasn't a lot of common knowledge about this kind of stuff in the early 90's. It came back after 3 months of eating normally. And mind you, I only ended up gaining back 7 lbs and kept my weight at 125-128 for years and years, until I had my first baby.

I'll try eating normally and if my period doesnt come back in lets say a month or two I'll go see a specialist. Thanks for sharing .

MonsoonStorm

Ame_ly wrote: »

TheVirgoddess wrote: »

I'd recommend increasing your calories slowly, 50-100 calories a week. Take it nice and slow, so if you start gaining too fast, you can pull back a bit (but frankly I think you still have a ways to go until that happens). Continue with your strength training (are you doing a program?). If your goal is to gain muscle, you're going to have to eat more

I also think it might be worth it to talk to someone (like a therapist) about how you view yourself and what your goals are. It can't hurt, right?

Thanks for the recommendation, it's kinda what I'm trying to do but I think I tried to add too much too fast. 100 cal more every week seems a bit too much, I'll 50 without being to restrictive. I mean I'll try to hit 1,350 and if I'm a LITTLE it behind or above that I won't freak out.

Yes my goal is to gain muscle! I'm working with a professional trainer but I'm pretty sure he has no idea how little I'm really eating. So far he said I have good progress, lots of strength for someone who weights as little as I do but he mentioned I kinda lose energy mid workout. I have a program he made for me that I follow and he somtimes changes it a little. Since last month(where I gained like 1kg) I've actually got a few comments on my legs and someone even said my shoulders seem bigger , but I dont really see it.

I know I could use talking with someone about this, but I'd hate to give my parents a reason to worry even more about me so Id rather not.

I understand you wanting to do this, however, you are currently eating 1.2k per week. A poster said above that they reckon you need 1.9k per week to maintain. That means you will be potentially below maintenance (and thus losing whilst gaining little to no muscle) for another 14 weeks (4 months) before you manage to get there. You've gone for the "fix" that someone has given you that will allow you to stay in this state the longest, despite worrying that you are damaging your body.

I think you should be paying more attention to what Springfield said and focus on changing your outlook/mental attitude, with the help of a professional if necessary.

I also disagree regarding what one poster said regarding lack of periods being healthy. Yes, this will happen to female athletes, but you can be damn sure they aren't living on 1.2k/day.

Tell your personal trainer how little you eat. It's kind of important.

spyro88

Hi Ame. Well I am not an expert but I'm just going to give you some common sense advice which you can take or leave It sounds to me like you are stressing about this a lot. It sounds like you are doing loads of physical activity, and that should be plenty enough to maintain your weight at your age without you needing to worry too much about restricting calories. 1,200 calories a day and that much physical activity.... well, you will either continue to lose weight or certainly won't be able to gain much muscle and strength... it's simple science.

If you want to be stronger, you need to feed your body, not deprive it. The average woman (who is not trying to lose weight) needs 2000 calories a day, and that is on a normal level of physical activity. Your current intake is just over half of this and you are pushing your body even further with all the exercise. You will be running on empty Ame.

I know that this maybe isn't what you want to hear, but really, I do think it is possible to get very hung up on calories. At your age, you have a high metabolism. It's great that you are focussing on exercise and building muscle, so why not have that as your main focus for a while and not worry too much about calorie counting for now? Just try and keep it healthy and you could still log what you eat, but don't make it a major concern? It's a mentality shift and I know it's not easy but I think it could really help you to try and relax a little when it comes to food.

You could try it for say 2 weeks and see how it goes. Eat what you want within reason, just eat when you're hungry, listen to your body's needs. It's going against your common sense because you'll be thinking "But I can't eat what I want - I'll put on weight and be fat!"... but actually, bodies need good, nutritious food just as much as they need exercise. You wouldn't try to drive your car with no gas/ petrol.

My advice is, for 2 weeks, don't restrict yourself with food AND of course, don't stuff yourself either, just eat things you know are healthy, when you want them, not based on how many calories they have. You are very unlikely to gain fat because of the amount of exercise you are doing. And you will have enough sustenance in your body to build some strength and muscle, because you won't be depriving yourself. You will feel stronger and more energetic, more able to do all of this physical activity because you are not making your body run on less than it needs. And don't forget if you do gain weight it could be muscle. It's not all bad.

I know this sounds extreme because you have been so used to counting calories and not I am saying, IGNORE it. It's hard to do. But I think it's what you need to do, just to shift your mentality away from it for a little while. Give yourself a break from counting calories and trust yourself to know what foods are healthy (and filling!) based on your judgement. You know that anyway.

And if it doesn't work for you, 2 weeks is not going to be hard to recover from. It could be an interesting experiment for you and if it works it could totally take the pressure off for you with food. What do you think?

That's just my advice anyway, as I said you can take it or leave it Good luck whatever you do