Help motivating a teenager!
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jemmadawnej wrote: »Thank you! If I keep any unhealthy snacks, I'm going to have to hide them well....but I agree, a total restriction isn't good. I am dieting, and trying my best to portray it as a healthier lifestyle, so I hope it comes off like that. My bmi is obese, and I'm trying my best to lead by example, but nothing seems to be getting him going.
If you're sneaking snacks and hiding them, no matter how well you think you're hiding it, I can tell you three things:
1) He knows.
2) He's learning behaviour from you that associates snacking with shameful, hidden behaviour.
3) He's going to follow your example even if outwardly he seems to rebel against it.
The truth is, obese parents are more likely -- due to genetics, environment, or some combination -- to have obese children. This isn't a judgment. Far from it. It's just a fact.
If you're dieting to lose weight, great. But have those 'unhealthy' snacks out in the open and incorporate them into a balanced diet. That's the way to teach him, subconsciously, to stop attaching emotional weight to food, and to stop the behaviour that will have him sneaking snacks around your restrictions. There's nothing wrong with a candy bar now and again, as long as you're not eating too much food.0 -
Um...that's not what I meant....I meant if I kept some treats, I'd have to make sure he can't find them...not that I'm sneaking them. I was addressing the total junkfood ban issue.0
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Perhaps banning is not such a great idea. Limit, yes, and also have a wide variety of healthy options available. No hiding anything.0
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jemmadawnej wrote: »Um...that's not what I meant....I meant if I kept some treats, I'd have to make sure he can't find them...not that I'm sneaking them. I was addressing the total junkfood ban issue.
Nah, 'cause then he'll just get them elsewhere. Friends' houses. School. The 7-11. Whatever. There are always treats available for someone who's motivated enough. Especially as he gets older and more independent.
Teach him to moderate. Teach him that there's no "good" food or "bad" food, there's just food, and that he can have some snacks as long as he covers his nutritional bases first and doesn't eat too much overall. Show him how to balance.
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I don't think we're on the same page here....if there are unhealthy snacks available, he does not moderate. He will eat them before I get home. So, a total junk food ban? Or limiting them by doling them out on my terms? If I dole them out in controlled portions, I'm saying I will absolutely have to hide the rest so it's not readily available.0
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He absolutely has had food issues...he would hoard when we first adopted him, but haven't seen that issue since he was 40
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jemmadawnej wrote: »He absolutely has food issues...he would hoard when we first adopted him, but haven't seen that issue since he was 4
thats a whole other can of worms you just opened. Is he being seen by a psychologist or therapist who specializes in adopted children and children with hoarding tendencies?0 -
I clearly don't know your son's issues like you do, but do keep in mind that at 13, he probably knows he's overweight from the kids at school and to be aware of little things that you do that might be telling him you think he's fat even if you're not saying it.
For example, my mom never told me that she thought I was overweight, but she didn't need to. When we went shopping, I left with tents. It left a lasting impact.
I was, however, very active, but also very pudgy before I grew a lot one summer.
ETA: Missed your new responses, OP, while I was super slowly typing this out, but agree with the post above mine.0 -
He did when he was younger, and we worked through that then. I guess the behaviour then was so different than right now, I didn't really associate them. It has been a long time since any obvious issues with his adoption have surfaced, I'm probably putting the blinkers oncallsitlikeiseeit wrote: »jemmadawnej wrote: »He absolutely has food issues...he would hoard when we first adopted him, but haven't seen that issue since he was 4
thats a whole other can of worms you just opened. Is he being seen by a psychologist or therapist who specializes in adopted children and children with hoarding tendencies?0 -
This mom crap is hard.0
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Hmmm...What could possibly motivate a 13 year-old male to do anything?
I tell ya...that is, indeed, a tough one.
I wonder what Squints' motivation is in this scene from The Sandlot.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=io4RWV681wQ 0 -
@jemmadawnej , my girlfriend fostered for years and she specialized in children with dietary issues (typically diabetic) who also hoarded because of a rather chaotic start before she got them. She has lots of strategies. Even though the children have all grown she still keeps a large bowl of fruit available for snacking any time. Children who hoard need to know that food is available for them at any time.
She described to me how her adopted son chiefly gets his comfort from sugary foods and she found ways to include sugar cereals in to his diabetic regimen so that he could stay on track. Healthiest choice? No. But the smartest way for him.0 -
The most you can do is encourage him to get moving and keep junk out of the house. Don't make it about weight, make it about health.
limit TV time and video game time, unless he is doing an active video game.
Don't put him on a diet, 13yo boys need to eat a lot. Do not limit the amount of food just make sure its all healthy.
I spent many years encouraging my daughter to be healthy. She was never going to be overweight, but to be healthy even thin you need to eat properly and get moving. Well she went vegan for a while, etc. So talk only to the health aspect.
BTW, I hate sports, but loved to jump rope or hula hoop or skate, so find something he likes along those line. It could be the competition that he hates because he isn't good at it.0 -
Lol @geotrice0
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@jemmadawnej , my girlfriend fostered for years and she specialized in children with dietary issues (typically diabetic) who also hoarded because of a rather chaotic start before she got them. She has lots of strategies. Even though the children have all grown she still keeps a large bowl of fruit available for snacking any time. Children who hoard need to know that food is available for them at any time.
She described to me how her adopted son chiefly gets his comfort from sugary foods and she found ways to include sugar cereals in to his diabetic regimen so that he could stay on track. Healthiest choice? No. But the smartest way for him.
That sounds interesting.….my guy doesn't care for fruit, but he loves crunchy veggies. I try to have veggie sticks available in the fridge, and he does eat that. I just have to try to help him choose that option more often.0 -
I have always told my children that they have to "choose" one activity that keeps them active. I don't care what it is - they just have to find something that they enjoy and stick with it. One plays sports, so that's easy. My daughter runs. She's not crazy about it, but it works for us.0
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fannyfrost wrote: »The most you can do is encourage him to get moving and keep junk out of the house. Don't make it about weight, make it about health.
limit TV time and video game time, unless he is doing an active video game.
Don't put him on a diet, 13yo boys need to eat a lot. Do not limit the amount of food just make sure its all healthy.
I spent many years encouraging my daughter to be healthy. She was never going to be overweight, but to be healthy even thin you need to eat properly and get moving. Well she went vegan for a while, etc. So talk only to the health aspect.
BTW, I hate sports, but loved to jump rope or hula hoop or skate, so find something he likes along those line. It could be the competition that he hates because he isn't good at it.
The TV/video game limits aren't going well, but I'm sticking to that part. Way too much screen time. Last weekend I told him if he wanted to play his iPod, he had to do it on the exercise bike...as long as he was moving on a rainy Saturday, I was happy, lol. Mind you, he wasn't moving too fast0 -
jemmadawnej wrote: »
He did when he was younger, and we worked through that then. I guess the behaviour then was so different than right now, I didn't really associate them. It has been a long time since any obvious issues with his adoption have surfaced, I'm probably putting the blinkers oncallsitlikeiseeit wrote: »jemmadawnej wrote: »He absolutely has food issues...he would hoard when we first adopted him, but haven't seen that issue since he was 4
thats a whole other can of worms you just opened. Is he being seen by a psychologist or therapist who specializes in adopted children and children with hoarding tendencies?jemmadawnej wrote: »This mom crap is hard.
I might take him back.... see what they think. Hoarding is always a control issue but maybe theres something else going on, too.
and yes, it is.0 -
I really appreciate all the feedback! Thank you all very much for taking the time to respond0
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Take this empathy game with a grain of salt, and if you think it would work, give it a go. Fill up a back-pack to forty pounds and tell your son you are going to try and carry it all day. Tell him you know this exercise thing sucks big time when a person is overweight, and you want to understand. Then see how long you last, how fast you move.0
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Take this empathy game with a grain of salt, and if you think it would work, give it a go. Fill up a back-pack to forty pounds and tell your son you are going to try and carry it all day. Tell him you know this exercise thing sucks big time when a person is overweight, and you want to understand. Then see how long you last, how fast you move.
Oh believe me, I got my own 40lbs and then some. You'd think my own struggle to lose weight would give me some better insight into what's going on with him....I guess it boils down to my trying not to shag it up and make weight a total hangup for him.0 -
jemmadawnej wrote: »Lol @geotrice
Lol I know. But speaking as a former 13 year-old male and avid video game player who was overweight, I can tell you this scene has a lot of merit. Games and television are an escape. Great in moderation, but problematic in excess. The thing is though you can't rationalize much to a boy at that age. But if you can show him how to achieve what he wants in life and how playing games will not achieve that you may start to see some change. It could be Wendy Peffercorn for your son or it could be something else. The point is, Squints sees what he wants. After several summers of not getting what he wants, he makes a plan and then goes for it. He takes takes bold action and does something different. His parents didn't make Squints go to the Pool and they didn't certainly didn't make him jump off that diving board when he couldn't swim. In the mean time he joined a baseball team and got active, made more friends to give him social confidence.
Find out what goals your son has and teach him how to make a plan and then execute on that plan. If what he wants would be made easier by eating right and being more active, then guess what...he's gonna want to do them all by himself because they're an means to an end.0 -
jemmadawnej wrote: »Lol @geotrice
Lol I know. But speaking as a former 13 year-old male and avid video game player who was overweight, I can tell you this scene has a lot of merit. Games and television are an escape. Great in moderation, but problematic in excess. The thing is though you can't rationalize much to a boy at that age. But if you can show him how to achieve what he wants in life and how playing games will not achieve that you may start to see some change. It could be Wendy Peffercorn for your son or it could be something else. The point is, Squints sees what he wants. After several summers of not getting what he wants, he makes a plan and then goes for it. He takes takes bold action and does something different. His parents didn't make Squints go to the Pool and they didn't certainly didn't make him jump off that diving board when he couldn't swim. In the mean time he joined a baseball team and got active, made more friends to give him social confidence.
Find out what goals your son has and teach him how to make a plan and then execute on that plan. If what he wants would be made easier by eating right and being more active, then guess what...he's gonna want to do them all by himself because they're an means to an end.
Awesome
. Now I just need to scare up his Wendy . I wonder if Kate Upton is available? According to our Google search history, he likes her, lol! 0 -
Girls were the motivation that my son needed to shower regularly. With soap.0
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It may help you kinda force him to go to the park with for you a walk. My little brother is 12yrs old, same situation as you. We had to trick him into getting in the car by saying we were going somewhere else, and took him to the park for an hour walk. He was mad at first but after a few times doing it 2-3 times a week, he loved it. Started inviting his friends with him to go, and started getting more attractive;also, he ended up having a HUGE growth spurt. He's at th age where he will eat everything, then a few months later he'll grow a few inches. Just try and trick him in the car, take him to the park once or twice a week without him knowing.0
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With my daughter I use the reward method. Once she looses x amount of weight she gets to pick a day out shopping for new clothes, gets the one dessert she loves or a dinner out. We try to make it fun for her too. She works out with me and we have small competitions. She loves saying " I beat my mom this week" lol0
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My boys used to be like that with boxed cereal. They'd eat all 3 boxes in almost 2 days. I told them I will buy the cereal every two weeks. It,s up to them to make it last.. Or not. Maybe only buy junk food once a month, he either eats it all in 1 day and has to wait 29 days of no junk, or he learns to portion control.jemmadawnej wrote: »I don't think we're on the same page here....if there are unhealthy snacks available, he does not moderate. He will eat them before I get home. So, a total junk food ban? Or limiting them by doling them out on my terms? If I dole them out in controlled portions, I'm saying I will absolutely have to hide the rest so it's not readily available.
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I am still waiting for this and my son is 21. He'll probably find a girl that doesn't have a sense of smell,,so he still won't have to shower.jemmadawnej wrote: »
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3foldchord wrote: »
I am still waiting for this and my son is 21. He'll probably find a girl that doesn't have a sense of smell,,so he still won't have to shower.jemmadawnej wrote: »
Have you considered getting a pretty girl his age to tell him (when your not around) to use soap?0
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