Unwanted attention

MightyDomo

Have you ever thought to stop him while he is doing this and pretty much say:

"I'm just going to stop you right there, what you just said is offensive to me and I would like it if you were a little more respectful when you talk to me, sorry I just needed to point this out" and if the conversation otherwise was fine and you want to continue you could follow up with something like this:

"but keep talking, I am still interested in hearing the rest of [what you are talking about]"

Or something along those lines. No one knows what they are doing 'wrong' if it isn't pointed out to them, he won't know he is offending you unless you actually tell him that.

breeshabebe

Just make the stank face everytime you see him. Out-crazy whatever he does. If hes creepily staring at you from afar... lock eyes and creepily stare back.

Pie319

You are making something out of nothing. There are creepo guys out there, deal with it, like every other women does. You said he's friendly, how do you know he doesn't say the same thing to other women?

I will really really love to hear these things he says that are crossing the line...

If he makes you uncomfortable, then it isn't making something out of nothing. Shying away isn't dealing with it, it's letting the problem persist. Women are constantly told to just deal with it as if they are the problem, but the real problem is the unwanted attention.

give him the benefit of the doubt - he probably doesn't want to be a creeper and will likely be embarrassed, but you have to stand up for yourself.

MightyDomo

Just make the stank face everytime you see him. Out-crazy whatever he does. If hes creepily staring at you from afar... lock eyes and creepily stare back.

This literally just reminded me of the "J*zz in my Pants" song by Lonely Island lol.

"Lock eyes from across the room
Down my drink while the rhythms boom
Take your hand and skip the names
No need here for the silly games"

katinachaos

<<You are making something out of nothing. There are creepo guys out there, deal with it, like every other women does. You said he's friendly, how do you know he doesn't say the same thing to other women?

I will really really love to hear these things he says that are crossing the line... >>

If it's making her uncomfortable, she's clearly not making something out of nothing. Women shouldn't have to "deal with" creepo guys, they should learn that unwanted advances and attention are not appreciated. Just letting creeps be creeps is step one in letting guys think their behavior is acceptable. Just because he says the same thing to other women doesn't make it right. She's paying for a service and he is making her experience unpleasant. Talk to his boss and make sure other women don't get put in the same position.

wibutterflymagic

I have been a member of my gym for quite a long time and a few months ago the gym manager started to say hi to me and talk to me about exercise and fitness etc... but over the last few weeks he has started to ask more personal questions and has started to drop in inappropriate comments which is now making me feel uncomfortable. I try to avoid him but as soon as he sees me come into the gym he makes a bee line for me! He stands behind the equipment I am working on, staring at me and its starting to annoy me now.
I used to love going to the gym but now I dread it because of him. I feel my only option is to find another gym or try to ignore him and hope he gets bored?
Part of me thinks maybe I am making something out of nothing, because he is a really friendly guy but I think some of his comments are crossing the line.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

You are making something out of nothing. There are creepo guys out there, deal with it, like every other women does. You said he's friendly, how do you know he doesn't say the same thing to other women?

I will really really love to hear these things he says that are crossing the line...

Wow, and you probably think no means yes. Unwanted attention in any form is crossing the line.

To OP, if you are uncomfortable that is the only thing that matters. However, I will add one caveat to this. If you have never told him to go away or that his questions were too personal, then what do you expect?? If he thinks you like the socializing, he's going to continue to come around. He can't read your mind, you have to tell him you aren't interested. You need to be direct with him and next time he asks you something say you aren't comfortable answering that or say it's personal. When he hangs by you tell him you need your space and want to workout not talk. Find another manager and say something to them about his behavior. Maybe you aren't the only one he's done this to. You are paying to use the gyms services not be hit on.

JonathanBB

just tell him nicely that you are uncomfortable. I have been in similar situations and I think honestly sometimes men don't know they are being awkward and aren't necessarily trying to hit on you. They can't read minds, so you have to be direct if he is truly being inappropriate and making you uncomfortable.

and as Murphy612 said be honest, direct and confident.

Guy perspective: And assuming a lot because we are not there to observe body language, tone, etc.: He is probably interested. He is probably taking you not saying anything to stop is an indication to him you are too. Politely but firmly let him know you think he is a nice guy (if you do) but you are not interested and let him know he is getting too friendly. If he continues it is sexual harrassment and I am sure his supervisor/gym owner will take it very seriously.

Ivyzmama

Just be honest and tell him you aren't there to socialize.

I understand, I'm avoidant too, but ultimately in life you gotta stand up for yourself, and the sooner the better. A very similar situation happened to me at work this year (although thankfully he wasn't a manager but on the downside he had a lot of anger and we were worried about potential violence.) Changing gyms is a ridiculous idea because there is at least 1 creep in every gym. You gotta be blunt. Go to the gym. When he comes over, cut him off and say, "I'm sorry, I don't come here to socialize." When he then asks you to socialize outside the gym, you say, "I'm sorry, you're not my type." You gotta turn him down flat and hard. He's gonna stammer, "I wasn't asking you out." Yeah, well, he was creeping you, and this is gonna be awkward - because he's setting it up to be awkward! There's no avoiding the awkwardness so just plow through it.

Subtle doesn't work, even if he understands that you're trying to push him away, which he may very well understand. He's going to keep pressing you because your boundaries are mushy. Because you're afraid to be rude (that's the no. 1 thing creeps take advantage of).

Your best bet is to have the above conversation in front of as many people as possible, because then you get the satisfaction of other women coming over to you later saying, "Good for you! He was creeping me out too . . . " Trust me, he's creeped out a number of people at your gym.

Ultimately he'll probably lose his job over something creepy that he does that really blows up in his face and you'll out last him there at your gym.

In my case at work, he turned out to be creeping a number of people, although he was creeping me the worst, and after he escalated it to an unwanted touching at closing time, they fired him. Whew and good riddance.

Vness813

It's probably nothing but I'd just make a comment that you appreciate his "friendship" and make it clear that's all you have in mind.
He could be a very good asset to you as far as advise, etc. and could turn out to be a good friend.

I met two very good friends this way at my YMCA. Running partners for 4 years now!

blondageh

]
You are making something out of nothing. There are creepo guys out there, deal with it, like every other women does. You said he's friendly, how do you know he doesn't say the same thing to other women?

I will really really love to hear these things he says that are crossing the line...

I don't think she is at all. Unless you have been on the receiving end of creepsters, you have no idea how it feels. I didn't have it happen at the gym but at a place I liked to go to a lot. One of the employees would sit down and start talking to me when I was there to do something else. He eventually asked me out and I said no, I have a boyfriend, (which was a lie) but then he still would try to talk to me. Finally, I just started being plain rude to him. One word answers etc. Made me feel totally uncomfortable and a complete *****, but dang, some guys just don't get the hint.

ninerbuff

Just fart while he's behind you. He'll leave you alone after that.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Sweet_Pandora

Have you tried telling him that he is distracting you from your workouts and you are on a time schedule?

I agree with what has been said, be honest, you are paying to go and workout.

Karen

JuliaLee67

You are making something out of nothing. There are creepo guys out there, deal with it, like every other women does. You said he's friendly, how do you know he doesn't say the same thing to other women?

I will really really love to hear these things he says that are crossing the line...

Looks like we've found OP's gym manager. :huh:

QueenE_

The mens comments on here are making me lol..

Just be honest and tell him you aren't there to socialize.

This is what I would do.

QueenE_

You are making something out of nothing. There are creepo guys out there, deal with it, like every other women does. You said he's friendly, how do you know he doesn't say the same thing to other women?

I will really really love to hear these things he says that are crossing the line...

Looks like we've found OP's gym manager. :huh:

That's what I was thinking. :laugh:

belgerian

IF being direct does not work nor does anything else you should consider filing a sexual harassment suit becouse more than likely you are not the first one nor will you be the last. At the very least it will get some attention lawyers are reall good at that.

nope31

Thanks for the replies
I have tried the headphone thing but he just stands there grinning at me until I take them out.
I would love to say 'back off' but I don't want to be rude. I think I'm too nice for my own good, but obviously I need to do something as I don't want this to keep happening.
Will keep trying to ignore him and if the comments do get worse then I will talk to his manager.
I am back at the gym tomorrow so wish me luck....

What do you mean "you don't want to be rude?" R u kidding me?
If someone is invading your personal space and you are uncomfortable, its your human right to say something.
Stop walking on eggshells and dancing around ppl.
Your not gonna get anywhere in life "being the polite" one trust me.
There will be others, they see a weakness in you and they feed on it.
Grow a pair or stop complaining.

NirvaniTeasley

I have been a member of my gym for quite a long time and a few months ago the gym manager started to say hi to me and talk to me about exercise and fitness etc... but over the last few weeks he has started to ask more personal questions and has started to drop in inappropriate comments which is now making me feel uncomfortable. I try to avoid him but as soon as he sees me come into the gym he makes a bee line for me! He stands behind the equipment I am working on, staring at me and its starting to annoy me now.
I used to love going to the gym but now I dread it because of him. I feel my only option is to find another gym or try to ignore him and hope he gets bored?
Part of me thinks maybe I am making something out of nothing, because he is a really friendly guy but I think some of his comments are crossing the line.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

You are making something out of nothing. There are creepo guys out there, deal with it, like every other women does. You said he's friendly, how do you know he doesn't say the same thing to other women?

I will really really love to hear these things he says that are crossing the line...

Hon, your comment just made her point very valid.

JeffseekingV

Say "HI!" Give him a high five and then say "gotta work out now!" and just walk away.

UsedToBeHusky

Just be honest and tell him you aren't there to socialize.

This.