What if I don't like the "new" me?

LJgfg

I know, ridiculous question, right? But really - the more I try, the more I learn, the more I realize that to reach my goals (physical and otherwise), I'm going to have to make significant changes. But the more I look at the changes to be made, the more scared I get that I won't like who I change into. I admit, I am ALWAYS more comfortable in the way things are (even if unpleasant) than change - ANY change).

I'm not even talking big things. Little things - like eating a red/purple grape instead of a white grape (which I did for the very first time yesterday) can be a hurdle. Having a set bedtime. Making time for exercise. That's stuff "those" people do - not me.

I'm sure many - if not most of you - are completely bewildered by such thinking. And that's fine. I try the patience of my friends - and I certainly try my patience with myself!!!

But hoping there's a few out there who might understand and could offer me a little pep talk/advice to help move me along my journey.

Mr_Knight

Most people have this fear. If you want the change, you face that fear. Otherwise, you stay the way you are.

Up to you!

dakotababy

Why is it "those people" and not you?

What if you LOVE the new you?

myfatass78

This is a really common way of thinking. When you look in the mirror, you are not looking at the person you think you are. That is just what is on the outside.

But the changes on the inside are the hardest part to deal with. People have in idea of where they want to be but what happens when you get there ? Working hard towards a goal weights, gives you a purpose but when you get to maintenance, it is a matter is finding equilibrium again. The initial goal is gone but now you need to find something else to fill it.

Now that you have reached you goal, you are forced to look at the 'next' thing which is really scary.

livingleanlivingclean

There are sacrifices to everything. Think of what you sacrifice if you dont make any changes....

Shorter life, potentially more ill health, cost of I'll health etc.

myfatass78

As a human being, it is easier to stay where we are and keep "safe" rather than set ourselves up for the next new thing and possibly fail.

piercej12

You're just experiencing self doubt. Don't let it get to you. Embrace the fear of change, don't let it shy you away from becoming a better, stronger version of yourself. Change is the gateway to growth, it is in no way a bad thing to produce changes in your life. I can tell you that, even though I'm still nowhere near where I desire to be, physically, I am the happiest I have been in my entire life, and love myself a thousand times more than I ever did because of allowing myself to grow(not in a physical sense) and to let change happen.

This coming from someone who has lost about 115lbs and experienced these same thoughts that you are experiencing.




It gets better.

myfatass78

I look at it like a form of grief in a way. The old person what I actually really liked, has gone and who is new stranger in front of me, who likes to try new things and wear smaller clothes and who has confidence that is all brand new. Does that make any sense ?

piercej12

And I wish I could've shrunk that picture a bit, it's huge lol.

Alatariel75

I get what you're saying, I'm quite the same way. I guess the bottom line is that if I TRULY don't like who I am then, I know how I got to be who I am now and can always do that again. But I can't really imagine that, sure I'm working on different priorities, and maybe I'll be someone who says no more often, or takes more time for me, but thew quality I will gain from that has got to be worth it, right?

I'm never going to be a pro-athlete, hell, I'll never be someone who gets out of bed to exercise. I just want to be healthier, and happier. Finding the happy medium may be the best I can hope for, but it's got to be better than where I was.

jmerthen82

Everyone is some what resistant to change. Human beings like comfort and the more comfortable you feel even if it's false comfort the harder it is to change. I think that you may want to start small like I will go for a walk once today and try one new thing today. Don't look at the whole picture look at its pieces, so you don't feel so overwhelmed. You will like the new you cause it's still YOU!
Every journey begins with one step!

Alatariel75

myfatass78 wrote: »

I look at it like a form of grief in a way. The old person what I actually really liked, has gone and who is new stranger in front of me, who likes to try new things and wear smaller clothes and who has confidence that is all brand new. Does that make any sense ?

Indeed, and on from this - there may be a part of you that thinks that if you have to improve, maybe you weren't so great before, ans that's sad too. Example - it's my wedding anniversary this week and I LOVE LOVE my wedding photos. Happiest day of my life and I looked amazing!!! But now I'm 22lbs lighter than I was in those photos, and the dress doesn't fit and in a way I'm sad, because I was so happy then and I'm happy now, but I have "improved" since then, which makes then-me not as good. If that makes ANY sense.

Larissa_NY

Who exactly are "those" people? I mean, that sounds like kind of a fatuous question, but really though. Sit down and list out all the qualities of "those" people that make them other and not you. Then ask yourself how any of those characteristics necessarily follow from, e.g., not having a set bedtime. (I don't have a set bedtime either, for what it's worth. I don't know anyone over the age of ten who has a set bedtime.)

There are a lot of forms of excuse-making. Some of them are pretty subtle. For example, inventing an exemplar of a class of persons you would never want to be like, then pinning on them all the things you aren't really sure you want to do. I mean, you can't be expected to do something you really don't want to do if you don't like people who do that thing, right?

slp51

I mean this is in the kindest, gentlest way possible, but could you be obsessive/ compulsive? I have OCD. My lamp shades and wall hangings have to be level. All the light switches in the house have to point the same direction. The pillow cases on the bed must open outward. Drives my husband nuts but he's adapted.

Something to think about. And maybe talking to a counselor as well?

Best wishes to you!

999tigger

Not something I suffer from. The new you will be healthier and fitter. Its just a bit of fear of the unknown plus letting some of those mental gremlins start to put doubts into your mind becayse part of you doesnt want to make the changes required as they arent comfy and require effort.

What dakota baby said you could love the new you and hats more likely to be the case.

Ninkyou

Change is a scary thing. But only you can overcome that. People are also creatures of habit. But only you can break that habit.

It's not about becoming a new person. It's about caring and loving yourself, because you're worth it.

vixtris

Think of it this way... Try your "new self" including habits and all for a year or 2. If you don't like it, you can always put the weight back on and go back to how you were, lol.

LJgfg

myfatass78 wrote: »

I look at it like a form of grief in a way. The old person what I actually really liked, has gone and who is new stranger in front of me, who likes to try new things and wear smaller clothes and who has confidence that is all brand new. Does that make any sense ?

Wow. That makes a very great deal of sense! Thank you

mpeters1965

You haven't even really met the new you yet so how can you know if you will like her or not? Give her a chance! Hang out with her for a while. Be open minded to her way of thinking. You might get to be really good friends.

LJgfg

Larissa_NY wrote: »

Who exactly are "those" people? I mean, that sounds like kind of a fatuous question, but really though. Sit down and list out all the qualities of "those" people that make them other and not you. Then ask yourself how any of those characteristics necessarily follow from, e.g., not having a set bedtime. (I don't have a set bedtime either, for what it's worth. I don't know anyone over the age of ten who has a set bedtime.)

There are a lot of forms of excuse-making. Some of them are pretty subtle. For example, inventing an exemplar of a class of persons you would never want to be like, then pinning on them all the things you aren't really sure you want to do. I mean, you can't be expected to do something you really don't want to do if you don't like people who do that thing, right?

I like how you think. Definitely something worth thinking about. I do know there's lots of levels and changes of thinking/emotions going on in me right now. I appreciate everyone's support.

LJgfg

slp51 wrote: »

I mean this is in the kindest, gentlest way possible, but could you be obsessive/ compulsive? I have OCD. My lamp shades and wall hangings have to be level. All the light switches in the house have to point the same direction. The pillow cases on the bed must open outward. Drives my husband nuts but he's adapted.

Something to think about. And maybe talking to a counselor as well?

Best wishes to you!

LOL! The ONLY reason I didn't use the OCD label in my original post was that I haven't been formally diagnosed. I definitely have traits and behaviors that fit this category.

I know my struggle isn't with actual weight loss at all, but with all the behaviors and thoughts (good and bad) that got me "here", and deciding whether I can truly get to "there" - and then figuring out how to make the journey to "there" without losing the marbles I have left. *grin* (I really do have a good sense of humor about myself though it may not come through in my posts).

One struggle is with my tendency to hyper-focus to the point of inertia - which is part of what this thread is about, huh? The wanting to know/control everything before I can take a step.

LJgfg

vixtris wrote: »

Think of it this way... Try your "new self" including habits and all for a year or 2. If you don't like it, you can always put the weight back on and go back to how you were, lol.

But it's not just about the weight - but things like making time for myself to train (workout). To do so means less time for other things - which may include time with my kids/husband/or elderly mom. And then what will I feel if something happens to one of them and I regret the time I spent working out instead of being there?

It's about making new friends and losing some old relationships - again, choices with time/money effect everything. Will I be happy with those choices? What if I never develop new friendships (they are difficult for me) but my old non-running friends drift too far away for me to get back with them?

Yep, these are the kind of thoughts that can bounce into my brain at any moment - my brain excels at coming up with many, many terrible, horrible, thoughts of what could happen if changes are made!

LJgfg

Ninkyou wrote: »

Change is a scary thing. But only you can overcome that. People are also creatures of habit. But only you can break that habit.

It's not about becoming a new person. It's about caring and loving yourself, because you're worth it.

Thank you!