Overeating/binging - would this help? Thoughts please

Ahrena

To cut a long story short, ive suffered from disordered eating most of my life.

I recovered for a few years then relapsed badly last year, first dropping over three stone in 6 weeks then falling into a terrible bulimic cycle where I was binging and purging around 8 times a day.

Ive gotten a lot better and have been in therapy for a couple of months which, combined with a house move so change of environment has hugely helped and I'm no longer purging or setting out to buy food with the sole purpose of binging.

So ive come a long way. However now I tend to eat normally for a couple of days, I feel free from it, don't obsess ect and its bliss. Then a little niggley feelibg which makes me just want to pick all day creeps in. I tend to hold this off for a couple of days then crack and over eat to various degrees, sometimes a little, sometines I eat all day long.

Luckily I'm very active and this cycle is resulting in me maintaining my weight. However I'm desperate to lose about 25 pounds which ive gained since I previously recovered. I'm at the high end of a healthy bmi and those 25 pounds puts me at the low end of a healthy bmi but I was so happy with my body then, it was an
Amazing feeling to not hate
Myself.

So now im feeling stuck. I know if I stop binging I'll start slowly losing weight. Maybe I'm being impatient as clearly therapy has helped a lot so far.

When I recovered before, I was in the same sort of place - eating well most of the time and the odd binge. I started a new very active job and threw caution to the wind and atw whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Eventually I stopped caring about and wanting food as much because it was always available and I wasn't restricting myself in any way. Thanks to my active job, I effortlessly maintained that weight.

That's how I want to be again - I could buy chocolate and forget about it, I just didn't care as much.

For the last year I've figured that's what I'll do 'as soon as I lose weight' but that hasn't happened, it's only crept up.

A couple of weeks ago I had a tricky week - I went away for 4 days and for various reasons the lead up to this was very triggering and I ended up binging like crazy then thinking *kitten* it imll start again on Monday. After a couple of days eating like mad, it began to taper off. By Sunday night, I went out for dinner, left half my main as I was satisfied and didn't want desert despite them having what is basically my death row desert, I just didn't fancy it. So that suggests this would work.

But basically. I am terrified of gaining weight. I'm terrified the binging won't actially stop and I'll end up heavier. I'm rven terrified it will work but I will maintain, not lose like I hoped.

I'm sorry this is so long, I would appreciate opinions!!

Just to add - when I give in and eat, Igive in because I want the feeling to go away, not because I even want to eat. Despite much abaya losing ive never figured out a different way that really helps

harpsdesire

This is just an opinion, I'm not a doctor, but someone who's also had problems with a negative relationship with food... I think you should focus way more on the good work you're doing to recover from disordered eating, and way less on your weight.

Practice having what you want mindfully and moderately, without severely restricting, overly binging, or just having chocolate and 'not thinking about it'. The likely end result will be losing weight, but if you're already in the healthy rage, it may be slow to happen.

I know it feels like losing weight is how to not hate yourself, but really, being lean, healthy and strong is a good and worthy goal, but the only way to like yourself is liking yourself. It shouldn't be tied to your weight or how you look. This is something I also struggle with, but I think it's important to make that distinction. We need to keep our bodies healthy and treat them well because we are worth it, not so we will be worth it.

Francl27

For me, eating things in moderation has really helped with binging. When I start restricting is when I start binging.

Ahrena

Harpdesire - totally get your last paragraph. I know that...feeling it is the issue!

I would love love love to be able to get weight loss out of my head right now, but frankly I don't even know how. It's so ingrained?

By the way will just say, my idea of restricted eatibg these days really isnt restricted, it's probably more than most here eat but it's reatricted in the sense that I try not to give in to every whim to eat when I'm not hungry.

Like a standard day food on a good day would be
3 Wheetabix with nuts/seeds and fruit
Snack of humous and veg sticks
Slice of frittata, salad and fruit or couscous with veg and halloumi cheese or sweet potato with beans and salad
Snack of maybe pistachio nuts or Apple with peanut butter, that sort of thing.
Dinner is anything but usually from scratch, always lots of veg, good protein and wholegrain carbs. Then tend to have a little packet of maltesers or a curly wurly for desert so all in all relatively healthy and moderate