I need help!

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Mountaingirl33
Mountaingirl33 Posts: 80 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I was doing so well...lost 25 lbs in a few short months and then had a family reunion and was told by my mom that 'I shouldn't lose any more weight'. Since then I've been overeating to discomfort and feeling horrible. Please help! I feel I have totally lost my confidence and motivation (FYI live far from family and wasn't in face to face contact when I was losing)
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  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
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    Your problem with your mom is more than anyone here can help you with.
  • whmscll
    whmscll Posts: 2,254 Member
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    You are experiencing thin shaming. It's fat shaming in reverse. Your weight loss is threatening to your mom, either because she knows she herself should lose weight, she needs to control you, or some other issue. You need to understand that her telling you not to lose more weight is something you should absolutely ignore, unless you are anorexic or bulimic. You must overcome this emotional abuse and take charge of yourself rather than letting your mom control you like this. Can you put distance between you again? Or perhaps counseling to better understand the psychological forces at work here.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    Mountaingirl33 wrote: »
    I was doing so well...lost 25 lbs in a few short months and then had a family reunion and was told by my mom that 'I shouldn't lose any more weight'. Since then I've been overeating to discomfort and feeling horrible. Please help! I feel I have totally lost my confidence and motivation (FYI live far from family and wasn't in face to face contact when I was losing)

    We don't have privy to the conversation between you are your mom, and there's always more to the story than meets the eye, so the only thing I can offer is to talk to her about it. In your profile picture you look pretty thin, so perhaps she is worried?

    That said, you have the power to stay within your calorie goals, to have confidence and motivation, no matter what another person says.

  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    whmscll wrote: »
    You are experiencing thin shaming. It's fat shaming in reverse. Your weight loss is threatening to your mom, either because she knows she herself should lose weight, she needs to control you, or some other issue. You need to understand that her telling you not to lose more weight is something you should absolutely ignore, unless you are anorexic or bulimic. You must overcome this emotional abuse and take charge of yourself rather than letting your mom control you like this. Can you put distance between you again? Or perhaps counseling to better understand the psychological forces at work here.

    This goes way into the left field of assumptions. You don't know the whole story.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    atypicalsmith wrote: »
    Your problem with your mom is more than anyone here can help you with.

    Spot on.
  • TimothyFish
    TimothyFish Posts: 4,925 Member
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    If your profile picture is anything to go by, she may be giving you good advice. What is your BMI?
  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
    edited May 2015
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    TimothyFish wrote: »
    If your profile picture is anything to go by, she may be giving you good advice. What is your BMI?

    What's wrong with her profile picture?
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    edited May 2015
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    atypicalsmith wrote: »
    TimothyFish wrote: »
    If your profile picture is anything to go by, she may be giving you good advice. What is your BMI?

    What's wrong with her profile picture?

    Nothing at all, but the person in the profile picture looks very thin. She's 5 ft 6 and trying to get to 120 pounds, which is right on the cusp of underweight. Weight Chart
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
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    Overeating to the point of discomfort is a sign of emotional eating.

    Maybe some counselling to deal with your issues with your mom?
  • Mountaingirl33
    Mountaingirl33 Posts: 80 Member
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    Thanks for the positive support. I was giving context because I have identified that it's emotional eating. I regret giving TMI. Anyway, my BMI is 21.5. Need more tools especially for holidays...
  • jorinya
    jorinya Posts: 933 Member
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    Mountaingirl33 wrote: »
    Thanks for the positive support. I was giving context because I have identified that it's emotional eating. I regret giving TMI. Anyway, my BMI is 21.5. Need more tools especially for holidays...

    Your BMI is healthy. From a mum's point of view. If my daughter had your BMI and your stats........ I would tell her to stop losing too. You mum wants what is best for you. I would listen to her and those here advising you to stop. Its time for maintenance or even to gain a little bit, its up to you. You are fine the way you are. Its time you tell yourself you are fine.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    Mountaingirl33 wrote: »
    Thanks for the positive support. I was giving context because I have identified that it's emotional eating. I regret giving TMI. Anyway, my BMI is 21.5. Need more tools especially for holidays...

    Well, with such a low BMI, I advise you to not lose anymore weight and to perhaps, if you feel like it would work for you, to take up a weight lifting program. Your scale might show some weight gain, but that's okay because you get smaller. Body recomp is amazing.
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
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    21.5 is mid-range of healthy for BMI. And remember, BMI is just a gauge. Without knowing your other stats, it's impossible to know whether it's a healthy goal or not for you to want to lose more weight.

    But in any case, if you're so easily derailed by one thing that one person says to you -- even if that person is your mother -- then as you probably already know, you're giving her way too much power over your own mind and your own life.

    Think about why this bothers you so much. Is it because part of you actually agrees with her and knows she's looking out for your best interests? Is it because you know she's wrong but you have a pattern of turning to food when she criticizes you? Tracing the source and understanding the issue can help you develop strategies to battle it.

    Good luck!
  • whmscll
    whmscll Posts: 2,254 Member
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    SLLRunner wrote: »
    whmscll wrote: »
    You are experiencing thin shaming. It's fat shaming in reverse. Your weight loss is threatening to your mom, either because she knows she herself should lose weight, she needs to control you, or some other issue. You need to understand that her telling you not to lose more weight is something you should absolutely ignore, unless you are anorexic or bulimic. You must overcome this emotional abuse and take charge of yourself rather than letting your mom control you like this. Can you put distance between you again? Or perhaps counseling to better understand the psychological forces at work here.

    This goes way into the left field of assumptions. You don't know the whole story.

    Okay, true. What punched my buttons was that someone else was telling her what weight she should or shouldn't be, which in my opinion everyone should be able to determine for themselves, unless they have an eating disorder. I only have a few pounds to lose, and nothing saps my motivation faster than friends or family who tell me I look great and should quit trying to lose more.
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
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    whmscll wrote: »
    Okay, true. What punched my buttons was that someone else was telling her what weight she should or shouldn't be, which in my opinion everyone should be able to determine for themselves, unless they have an eating disorder. I only have a few pounds to lose, and nothing saps my motivation faster than friends or family who tell me I look great and should quit trying to lose more.

    It's normal for all of us to project our own issues. I've had that issue with some relatives who seem to lack boundaries and keep telling me I'm too thin, even though I'm actually still on the high side of a normal BMI range and hovering at nearly 30% body fat.

    But then, I don't have any EDs and I'm well informed about healthy vs. unhealthy weight ranges. There ARE a lot people out there who struggle to see when enough is enough, and who legitimately shouldn't be losing more weight because they're already at a healthy-to-low weight.

    None of us know the whole story here except for the OP. The part I picked up on was the fact that she's over-eating to the point of discomfort since she heard her mom say that. Most of us might get annoyed when someone doesn't respect boundaries, but to get derailed to that point suggests there's probably something else going on here.

    OP was asking for help with that particular issue, and I'd say that we should give it to her in the form of support or resources to tackle some of these issues around what she herself describes as emotional eating. As a bonus, most forms of counselling for that sort of thing will also include a reality check about healthy goals, and an assessment as to whether it's appropriate or not to be trying to lose more.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
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    The question I have is, why did your mom saying that freak you out so much that you went from dieting to binging? Have you suffered from an eating disorder in your past?
  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
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    sofaking6 wrote: »
    The question I have is, why did your mom saying that freak you out so much that you went from dieting to binging? Have you suffered from an eating disorder in your past?

    Listen carefully to sofaking6! She has your best interests at heart.
  • lolymommy
    lolymommy Posts: 11 Member
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    You can't control what comes out of other people's mouths, but you can control what goes into yours.
    If you have had weight loss success in the past, you can get back on track. But do it for yourself and your health.
  • Mountaingirl33
    Mountaingirl33 Posts: 80 Member
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    whmscll wrote: »
    SLLRunner wrote: »
    whmscll wrote: »
    You are experiencing thin shaming. It's fat shaming in reverse. Your weight loss is threatening to your mom, either because she knows she herself should lose weight, she needs to control you, or some other issue. You need to understand that her telling you not to lose more weight is something you should absolutely ignore, unless you are anorexic or bulimic. You must overcome this emotional abuse and take charge of yourself rather than letting your mom control you like this. Can you put distance between you again? Or perhaps counseling to better understand the psychological forces at work here.

    This goes way into the left field of assumptions. You don't know the whole story.

    Okay, true. What punched my buttons was that someone else was telling her what weight she should or shouldn't be, which in my opinion everyone should be able to determine for themselves, unless they have an eating disorder. I only have a few pounds to lose, and nothing saps my motivation faster than friends or family who tell me I look great and should quit trying to lose more.

    Bingo! It's generally hard for me to be consistent with a deficit. When everyone's saying I looked great then I guess I just gave up on the diet and went straight into gaining mode because it was easier and I don't have the tools to maintain, deal with holidays, boredom, what to do when I'm tired, etc. down yet. I just went back to my lack of tools before the diet. As far as the goal I was waffling between 120-133 for my height. No I haven't been diagnosed with an ED and yes I do HIIT to try and get less squishy.

  • jorinya
    jorinya Posts: 933 Member
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    Hmmm...... Check how much you need to eat to maintain, check your TDEE and also strength training will help. Maybe see if you could do some activity during your hols or even visit a gym.

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