How long did it take you to make the mental shift from fat to not fat

tequila5000

I still think of myself as heavy. And I get super offended if someone makes "fat jokes" in front of me. Recently, I was getting ready to board a flight, and the (slim) lady next to me in line started chatting with me. I commented about how the gate area wasn't full of people, so probably the flight isn't full. She said to me, "oh that is so great because when i fly I always worry that a really heavy person is going to sit next to me and since this flight looks pretty empty I won't have to worry about that". I couldn't believe she was saying this to me, until I realized---oh she seems me as a person who is not overweight. I doubt she would have said such a thing to me 50 pounds ago. It was still hurtful to know that 50 pounds ago, someone would have been hoping that I didn't sit next to them on the airplane.

determined_14

kansasgrl1500 wrote: »

TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »

So glad I'm a male and don't have to worry about this stuff! That's a great accomplishment on losing 60 pounds! Nice!

As far as your fears:

lol, Chill out. You think too much. People aren't paying that much attention to you. Seriously, you're so worried about what other people are thinking that you cannot enjoy your weight loss. Stop it!

What's happening is YOU are worried about all these things and then you are projecting those thoughts onto other people. 1. They more than likely are NOT thinking those things. 2. Even if they are, So? That's their problem.

Once YOU stop concerning yourself with who and what---who is the largest in the room, who belongs in what store, who should be buying what size, who should be doing what activity---you'll discover that all of those fears you feel have evaporated into space.

Best of luck!
Brandon

Logically I know you make sense. Emotionally not so much. It probably didn't help that a sales person in White House Black Market confirmed my fears and told me I was probably too big to be shopping there (I was a size 6/8 at the time).

I went in there as a size six and fit their size 4 capris. (Which I loved and which cost $90. Sigh.) Anyway, I'm going to say that was probably just the one sales person (who needs a new job), because I definitely saw a variety of sizes in there!

barbecuesauce

I could have written this OP. I don't know what to tell you, except remind yourself, before you head into the fitting room, to only take thing that are one size lower or higher than the clothing you are wearing. I have no idea when the transition occurs, but I do remember not realizing I was fat until quite late in my fatness. So maybe the cognitive delay works both ways.

And take your business elsewhere. There's honesty, and then there's ugliness. I recently had a very straight-talking sales clerk take a size 14 out of my hands (in case you're wondering, the 8 fit perfectly). I will be going back to her again!

felblossom

I'm smaller now than I've been my entire life. I've always been a size M, gained weight and wore L/XL a couple of years ago. Now I'm a size S/XS. I don't think I've mentally figured this out quite yet. I mean, I'll grab the small size of the rack and not be entirely surprised when it fits, but I still look in the mirror sometimes and my gaze goes straight to my slight belly and I fail to see the rest, that is significantly smaller. I believe it might take a while for my mind to catch up...

shrinkingletters

As a kid, I was always on the heavier side. At 15 I was 5'4 (on a good day) and pushing 180lbs. It took a lot of teenage/young adult disordered eating, going down to 115 lbs (which DID NOT look good on me) and then jumping right back up to 160lbs to finally learn how to lose weight the healthy way and to be fit.

That being said, my mindset is "once a fat kid, always a fat kid". I have this perception of myself that is very hard to shake off. I occasionally get down on myself if I'm not where I want to be, but I've gotten much better at it.

This weekend I bought some shorts in the wrong (bigger) size, because I am so used to that size being what fits. Whoops.

LisaKunz

I'm at 57 pounds lost, and I'm having a hard time with that, too. Just this weekend I took a pair of my new capris out of the dryer and thought they were my college-age skinny daughter's. They weren't. They were mine. Then I thought, "Oh crap. I shrunk them." Nope. They fit great. Also, last weekend I ordered some new lingerie from Kohls.com as a weight-loss reward (the first one I've allowed myself). It came this week. Instead of the Mediums I'd meant to order, I ordered XL's because that's what I always do. They're much too big for me. Some reward.

Shauna2626

I think maintaining for a year or more gives your brain a chance to catch up with your body. It's weird at first, though!
I've been maintainng for quite a while now, and it's still an ongoing process. Sometimes I think I still see myself as bigger than I really am. Yesterday I was looking at a picture taken after a Zumbathon I participated in, and at first I was kinda subconsciously like, "Who's that really toned girl in the middle?" before realizing it was me.

Francl27

I'm a US size 6 now, although I do have a large frame (30 inch waist. Sigh). I still feel fat. But honestly I see a lot of women my size who still want to lose 10 pounds (which I'd love to do, but every time I get under 133 pounds I end up hungry all the time), so I know it's not just in my head.

adp0196

I've lost 10 lbs in the past 4 months using MFP and 30 lbs before that. I'm 5"4 120 lbs and still see myself as fat. And honestly if I had boobs that fit with the rest of my body instead of being a D cup I think It would be much easier for me to see that I'm not fat anymore. However sometimes I look in the mirror and still feel like the 160 lb 12 year old I used to be 7 years ago and continued to be throughout middle school and most of high school. I've come to the conclusion that if I can get up the courage to wear a bikini this summer Because my boyfriend swears up and down I look good in one as well as my friends, then maybe after getting through it ill be able to see myself the way others see me

hmrambling

I still remind myself that there's a difference between 'not fat' and fit. For me, fitness will be ongoing and I always set higher standards for myself. I sometimes still have to remind myself that I'm not as big as I was, and that I've come a long way. Maybe a little bit of gratitude goes a long way. I had to clean out my closet and buy all new clothes - that's a great reminder that I've lost a great deal of weight. When I grab clothes from my chest of drawers that were new a year ago, I can clearly tell the difference between my size then and my size now.

srcurran

I am 54. I have been wearing "Large" and size 14 or 16 since I was 19. To put on a top that is Medium and have it fit, or to have on a pair of size 12 pants and have them be loose (after 32 pounds) still amazes me. I've only been at goal for 6 weeks. I have been "big" for decades - I'm sure it will take a long long time to undo all that conditioning.

cherisseb96

I'm currently 18 ...but I've been 145 pounds since I was 12.... I was pretty chubby 6 years ago ....back then I didn't understand that being small was the goal so I was ecstatic when my dress size moved from 12 to 14 until I watched an infomercial with a woman over 40 rejoicing that she was a size 6.....from then on I've been getting smaller and smaller....I'm currently 142, which means I lost virtually no pounds as my weight fluctuates from 139-145 depending on the time of the month.....even through all of this I have gone from a size 14 to a size 6/M...my boobs are what never fit in any size smaller lol

cherisseb96

LivingtheLeanDream

It took my head about a year to figure out I was actually now a slim person! but I still get the odd fat day

binglebandit

I think my brain was always lagging behind a good 20-40lbs. It caught up for a while when I was at goal for a couple of months. After sloppily "maintaining" for two years, I've slowly gained back 10-15lbs. I'm just barely within the healthy range for my height. For me gaining back weight has skewed things again. Rather than feeling like I'm now on the heavier end of healthy, I feel like I'm on the heavier end of overweight. I guess it's just a daily battle of trying to eat right. Try to drink water, exercise so you feel great, eat healthy, try to limit the sodium, etc. I think when you feel proud of your choices you'll feel more at "goal".

yirara

I've only lost 37 lbs, but I'm still not quite there in my head. I bought some new trousers this week: one in size S at H&M, and two office pants in UK size 8 I used to wear northern European size 42 and cannot quite imagine that those trousers really fitted. But after trying the M and UK 10 and finding both too large I guess those sizes are what I can wear now (unless it's skinny, but I don't like that anyway).

Sarasmaintaining

kansasgrl1500 wrote: »

So I've lost 60lbs using MFP. I'm now at a healthy BMI (although at the very high end), and I'd like to lose another 15lbs or so. However, despite everyone telling me I'm "tiny" I still feel like the fat girl in the room. So for those of you have been maintaining how long did it take you to make the mental shift?

I don't have any problems going into a store and buying the size of clothing that fits, but I still have some paranoia that the check out clerk is wondering why I'm buy such a small size. And there are still stores I go into that I think I don't belong in (even though I know I can fit into the clothes). I still assume I'm one of the largest girls in the room. I still stress out that I'm too fat for certain activities. So I was wondering how long it may take for me change my mindset? I know everyone is different, but I'm getting concerned I will never be able to shift my thinking.

It took me about 6 months after I transitioned into maintenance to realize that I was in fact almost 60lbs lighter and this was really who I was now. However, it's something I still deal with occasionally, even two years into maintenance. Yesterday my husband made a very flattering comment about how I looked and my knee jerk response was 'no I'm not!' My brain still hasn't fully caught up with my body yet, but it's slowly getting there

mtelt55

I've been losing weight for a couple years, 70 lbs lost. I'm a juniors size 3 jeans and x-sm/sm shirts. I still feel fat. I can't say so though because people get visibly mad if I do. I told someone I had loose skin (I've had six kids) and they got mad at me. I told my husband about it and he agreed with her. He told me that as skinny as I was for me to be complaining would probably piss anyone off. Wtf? People keep telling me I'm wasting away to nothing. No I'm not. I fit small clothes but I don't feel as small as other people who fit them. I'm at the bottom of my healthy weight range but no manner of being in healthy ranges and fitting small clothes takes the 'fat thoughts' away. I'm working on it though. I've been enjoying buying new clothes and looking hot. Still, I'd like to feel thin and not like I still have a ways to go.

Katieusa68

I am also glad to know that it is not just me that cannot make the mental adjustment. I lost 70 lbs and have been maintaining at 65 lb loss for 8 months. I wear size 6 jeans. And when I look in the mirror, I still see 205 lbs!

Sarasmaintaining

Katieusa68 wrote: »

I am also glad to know that it is not just me that cannot make the mental adjustment. I lost 70 lbs and have been maintaining at 65 lb loss for 8 months. I wear size 6 jeans. And when I look in the mirror, I still see 205 lbs!

I still have a hard time recognizing myself in pictures-it just doesn't compute that who I'm seeing is actually me (my profile picture, taken a few weeks ago, really messes with my head lol). Such a weird thing to go through, but it sounds like it's a pretty normal part of this whole process

yirara

I certainly don't see myself as 165lbs in the mirror (slightly overweight only) and to be honest: even then I didn't think I was particularly big. Just more curvy. It's mainly the clothes that leave me confused.

PokeyBug

TheLegendaryBrandonHarris wrote: »

So glad I'm a male and don't have to worry about this stuff! That's a great accomplishment on losing 60 pounds! Nice!

As far as your fears:

lol, Chill out. You think too much. People aren't paying that much attention to you. Seriously, you're so worried about what other people are thinking that you cannot enjoy your weight loss. Stop it!

What's happening is YOU are worried about all these things and then you are projecting those thoughts onto other people. 1. They more than likely are NOT thinking those things. 2. Even if they are, So? That's their problem.

Once YOU stop concerning yourself with who and what---who is the largest in the room, who belongs in what store, who should be buying what size, who should be doing what activity---you'll discover that all of those fears you feel have evaporated into space.

Best of luck!
Brandon

Best advice ever. Many of us (myself included) get this weird mindset that we're being judged by others, somehow. We're not in high school anymore; no one cares what we're wearing or how fat we look or don't look. If someone is really sitting in judgement of us for being too fat or too ugly, they need to go out and get a life of their own.

EmmaFitzwilliam

I'm not there yet - I'm 70 pounds down but 25 to go. I am still surprised by things like how differently a wrap fits now that my bust and shoulders are a few inches smaller. Or that a pareo fits. Or that a swimsuit fit on the first try. Or that I wore an outfit I haven't been able to wear in a decade.