Engagement broke off. Now I can't eat

Ewh1983

I gained a lot of weight with my fiancé. I was with her for 3 years. She left me for a guy she met living on my friends couch (ouch). Now I can't eat. I am averaging maybe 500 calories a day from stress and anxiety. Any advice is appreciated. In less than a month, I have lost almost 30 lbs. I only have about 30-40 more lbs to lose to get to my goal weight.

Annr

Therapy. I am not a therapist, but you settled for your fiance' for 3 yrs...and she moved on. So you learn to "wake up" and live life. Don't live your life asleep and not feeling, or eating.

jddnw

Stop telling yourself you "can't" eat. Of course you can. Don't be such a drama queen. Just eat. At least drink protein shakes. I know you "can" do that.

petlady1

A broken heart can be more painful than a broken bone. I am so sorry. I could tell you that better now than after marriage, that as time passes it will hurt less. But there is nothing I can say that will make it better right now. I agree with Annr that sessions with a good therapist can help you deal with your loss. Be with friends and family that care about you, if you can. This is not a healthy way to lose the weight. If you can't eat at a healthy deficit (20-30% less than your TDEE), maybe you could make up as many calories as you can with protein drinks or Ensure. I promise you, some day you will be happy again.

usernameenvy

Its time to fall in love with yourself. Be kind to your heart and be good to your body. Eat good food, exercise well and get out and experience life you'll be ok, trust me on that !

losingitseattle

I'm sorry for your loss. Been there done that only he was found cheating on me 2 weeks before our wedding after a 5 year relationship. Now after 20 years of marriage to someone else I can easily tell you it's the best thing that could have happened to me. But we all have our own stories. It sucks but you will come out of it wiser and better off but only if you work to learn from it, better yourself and try to move on. Have you considered counseling?

You are not doing yourself any favors by losing weight in this manner are you are totally hosing your metabolism and your muscle mass. I think deep down you know this. When you do start eating again and living life you are setting yourself up for a brutal return if you don't start eating again.

Annr

true broken hearts hurt...but so does a hungry belly... Be thankful you got out of that toxic relationship when you did. Some things happen for a reason. Chin up... think of things you ARE thankful for, and focus on that.

merde_il_pleut

Don't worry too much. Eat what you like when you can and try to drink some calories. Understand that at least part of the reason you're feeling like such crap is because you aren't eating anything - lack of food is making all of the feelings you're having way worse than they need to be. Try to get yourself together if you can, get therapy if you think it'll help (I firmly believe that there are very few people on the planet that would NOT be helped by therapy) and your weight will likely bounce back once you start eating normally again.

999tigger

Dude you arent getting enough nutrition by starving yourself like this its unhealthy. Do you really need us to tell you that? Yes you must be gutted but change your mindset. For a marriage to work its best both parties are happy and in this instance the feelings werent mutual and she decided she was better with someone else. Better now and avoid the hassle and expense of a wedding and divorce. If you need to get some therapy then get some or just figure a way out of your slump. Dont you have any good friends who cna guide you through it?

Eat more and make an effort to eat the min your body needs fro nutrition. If you cnat be bothered to ccook then get some meal replacements people use for when they are ill. At least they will provide you with some balanced nutrition. There will be thousands of other potential partners out there who will be a better match, but you will need to get out of your slump first.

GWehsling

Taking all the emotion out of this and looking at it practically.... Dude. As somebody who has been through five years of extreme anxiety I am telling you now to be a real man and go ask a trained therapist for a conversation about your position. Losing weight this way is not sustainable because when you get your mojo back, you'll go back to being you.

A professional may offer nothing more than an ear to bend but there is a chance I am right and you get a message or click mentally with your chosen therapist and you see some light.

Think about it this way: you are currently not yourself as you have said, above. Anything you do now successfully - new relationship, new diet, new schedule, etc. these things are you in an alternative state. At a certain point, you will have the pendulum swing back and you will be regular you and your new habits and successes will die with alternative you.

Getting some help means you get back to your a-game sooner than later. I spent five years hating my ex, I could have spent three minutes with that baggage and moved on if I had a therapist sooner.

Friend me up if you want to go tramping in the wilderness or grab a few commiseration beers, but always plan to move on regardless of how bleak it looks now, from where you are standing (yep, it will look better from someplace else, regardless of how you feel about your position now).

Good luck, and always be the better man...

licb5167

Not eating is not a healthy way to lose weight. I understand you don't feel like eating...you're going through a loss...your heart hurts, you have emotions racing like crazy. When I was married & my ex cheated on me, I wanted to crawl in a hole & die. Long story short we ended up getting a divorce & I felt there would never be another man in my life. Well, years later I met my current husband. We've been married 17 years, will be 18 years on June 21 of this year. I'm glad my ex cheated on me because I've never been happier.

MelodyandBarbells

Ewh1983 wrote: »

I gained a lot of weight with my fiancé. I was with her for 3 years. She left me for a guy she met living on my friends couch (ouch). Now I can't eat. I am averaging maybe 500 calories a day from stress and anxiety. Any advice is appreciated. In less than a month, I have lost almost 30 lbs. I only have about 30-40 more lbs to lose to get to my goal weight.

It's getting warm. Go out for a walk. Feel the sun on your face. Get reacquainted with the world. What have you been missing out on all this time? Make it your mission. Try to take your mind off things. Go workout. And for goodness sakes man, eat something

s_y8s

You're a very attractive guy and there is a beautiful woman out there for you! Don't let this one upset you to the point of starving yourself. Prayers for you!!

Alatariel75

The fact that you tie not eating to now only being x amount off your goal weight says to me that in your head, you don't actually think the not-eating is a bad thing. I think you're using your misery as a type of appetite suppressant, which means you aren't fighting it off or moving past it. This could mean you're keeping yourself in a state of mental distress, because you're seeing some sort of advantage to it. You're taking a positive from a negative, and that can be a good thing, but in this case the positive (weight loss) is coming about through some seriously unhealthy stuff.

It's been a month. Go speak to someone. Get some counselling. Go out and get drunk with a friend and eat a big greasy kebab. But you need to stop seeing the not eating out of misery as an advantage. That's seriously unhealthy, both mentally and physically.

Karen_can_do_this

GWehsling wrote: »

Taking all the emotion out of this and looking at it practically.... Dude. As somebody who has been through five years of extreme anxiety I am telling you now to be a real man and go ask a trained therapist for a conversation about your position. Losing weight this way is not sustainable because when you get your mojo back, you'll go back to being you.

A professional may offer nothing more than an ear to bend but there is a chance I am right and you get a message or click mentally with your chosen therapist and you see some light.

Think about it this way: you are currently not yourself as you have said, above. Anything you do now successfully - new relationship, new diet, new schedule, etc. these things are you in an alternative state. At a certain point, you will have the pendulum swing back and you will be regular you and your new habits and successes will die with alternative you.

Getting some help means you get back to your a-game sooner than later. I spent five years hating my ex, I could have spent three minutes with that baggage and moved on if I had a therapist sooner.

Friend me up if you want to go tramping in the wilderness or grab a few commiseration beers, but always plan to move on regardless of how bleak it looks now, from where you are standing (yep, it will look better from someplace else, regardless of how you feel about your position now).

Good luck, and always be the better man...

Yep listen to this guy

foursirius

Pizza and beer. That combo will get the calories up.

Ewh1983

For all the people saying to get a therapist, well that is what I do. I am a child therapist. I do plan to see someone soon but unfortunately as the guy who helps everyone else, I seem to have few that I can go out with to go grab a beer or anything. Plus I have decided during this time not to drink. Not a smart move to drink while depressed. Thank u all for ur kind and r outraging words though

SherryTeach

A broken heart is hard. I remember that 35 years ago when I got divorced, I could hardly eat. Food just wouldn't go down. I survived on cinnamon toast and oranges for a while. I got down to about 90 pounds. But time heals, emotions and appetite rebound though it's hard to imagine that you will ever feel better. Over the short term, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Spend time doing things you love. Be with people you care about. You will be okay.

Alatariel75

I re-read my post, and it sounds more tough love than I meant it.

I'm prone to depression, and I have been known to 'use' it to cut down my eating. A "well, everything else is crap, I may as well get some good out of it" thing. So I let it kill my appetite and don't really fight against it. I'm just saying you need to be forcing yourself to take care of your self.

Tubbs216

SherryTeach wrote: »

A broken heart is hard. ... But time heals, emotions and appetite rebound though it's hard to imagine that you will ever feel better. Over the short term, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Spend time doing things you love. Be with people you care about. You will be okay.

I think this is good advice.
Sorry you're going through this, but it will pass.

Unknown

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ems212

My ex and I broke up and I went through the same thing. He cheated, broke my heart. I went about a month without really eating. But then I realized that it wasn't really the end of the world. He wasn't the one. I started taking better care of myself, going out with friends, and eating again.

Everybody grieves in different ways. Your's isn't the healthiest, but you did it. Now you just have to pick yourself back up, dust off, and get back out there. I'm not saying to start dating right now. I'm just saying, fall back in love with yourself.