All these cheating threads...
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Its not right to cheat but i can see how its hard to avoid sometimes.. i.e. you cant help who you fall in love with but if you do fall for someone else or want to 'do' someone else then you shouldnt be with the person your with its not fare on any of the parties involved.0
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I actually had started a thread asking for opinions as to why it is that spouses can not communicate with their partners of YEARS - and actually be forthcoming and say "I am thinking about cheating" so they can begin figuring out what to do like mature adults.
The general thoughts of the people of MFP was
1 - if a person is willing to cheat, the communication between the couple is already strained
2 - people like the idea of having "fun" but also having a "stable" place to go to afterwards.
3 - guilt/shame about admitting to thinking about cheating...especially to the one they (once) loved.
Done.0 -
I've never understood it, myself. If a relationship sucks, end it. If it doesn't... who's got the time or energy to juggle a second one? And why would you even want to?
This. Took the words out of my mouth!!0 -
i've cheated! i'd been seeing & sleeping with a guy for a while. one night i wasn't in the mood but he didn't take no for an answer. the next night i went and slept with another guy... i wanted to wash away that feeling by having sex i wanted and on my terms. for me it was about taking back control of my body as soon as possible. the next day i ditched my bf, in a public place, with one of his pre-warned friends on hand to deal with any reaction. i didn't tell him i'd cheated, obviously.
do i feel bad? nope!0 -
Just another point to throw into the melting pot ...
A is in a relationship with B
B has an affair with C
B leaves A and is then in a relationship with C
There can be no trust in the B/C relationship as they both know that neither of them would have any qualms about cheating.
IMO the B/C relationship doesn't stand a chance without trust.0 -
Personally no.
IMO, no relationship is perfect and it takes a lot of hard work from both sides to keep it going. There are times when it might become "roommate" like but you have to find a way to spark the excitement back into your own marriage before looking elsewhere. I've always told my husband that if/when the time comes where we are no longer attracted to each other, then let's just part ways before the cheating begins.0 -
I don't think people or emotions are so simple, they're complex things.
Cheating is not as simple as. "And then I didn't love A anymore and C was so curvy."
This person with an alphabet fetish still loves A, and they either don't want to hurt A by leaving, maybe they're confused, or they want their cake and want to eat it too--which is selfish.
What I'm trying to say is that cheating is wrong, but I don't think it's such a heinous act that it's made out to be.
"There are no excuses for cheating" seems like a silly statement when they're valid excuses for murder.0 -
Just another point to throw into the melting pot ...
A is in a relationship with B
B has an affair with C
B leaves A and is then in a relationship with C
There can be no trust in the B/C relationship as they both know that neither of them would have any qualms about cheating.
IMO the B/C relationship doesn't stand a chance without trust.
not true, i was in a relationship (not in love tho) , dont agree with cheating but fell in love with someone else and imediately finished the relationship i was in.. we've been faithful for 20 yr, ive never even looked at another man.0 -
I've never really cared if my husband slept with other women. As long as he's safe about it and doesn't waver emotionally, I don't see a problem. In fact, I'd like for him to have a few friends with benefits for when I'm not in the mood. Just because two lovers' sex drives don't match up doesn't mean one should have to go without or the other should feel obligated to have sex.
I don't mentally associate love and sex, so this is just my opinion and your mileage may vary greatly. But it works for us, we're happy, and cheating is a non-issue.0 -
I've never really cared if my husband slept with other women. As long as he's safe about it and doesn't waver emotionally, I don't see a problem. In fact, I'd like for him to have a few friends with benefits for when I'm not in the mood. Just because two lovers' sex drives don't match up doesn't mean one should have to go without or the other should feel obligated to have sex.
I don't mentally associate love and sex, so this is just my opinion and your mileage may vary greatly. But it works for us, we're happy, and cheating is a non-issue.
/ thread0 -
Just another point to throw into the melting pot ...
A is in a relationship with B
B has an affair with C
B leaves A and is then in a relationship with C
There can be no trust in the B/C relationship as they both know that neither of them would have any qualms about cheating.
IMO the B/C relationship doesn't stand a chance without trust.
Completely untrue. Please see my other posts.0 -
Just another point to throw into the melting pot ...
A is in a relationship with B
B has an affair with C
B leaves A and is then in a relationship with C
There can be no trust in the B/C relationship as they both know that neither of them would have any qualms about cheating.
IMO the B/C relationship doesn't stand a chance without trust.
Completely untrue. Please see my other posts.
Exceptions don't make the rule.0 -
Before I was married I cheated on every boyfriend I had (even my eventually husband). Honestly, I don't regret it that much, I was young and had fun. Now that I am married, it is a different story-I don't believe I would cheat, I would probably just divorice first before anything physical happened. Honestly, I don't think people are supposed to be monogomous but being married is making a promise to that person and I would expect the same from him. Sometimes when I get pissed off at my husband, I think "just wait until I'm hotter and other people are paying me the attention you should be". But then I think about what type of guy I would want to be with and it is pretty much exactly like my husband so what's the point lol. Couples go through ups and downs and I don't think cheating is as bad as a lot of people make it out to be, unless it is a cheating RELATIONSHIP then that's different than just sex imo.0
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it is weak sauce0
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I think the tv show ''cheaters'' shows just how devastating cheating is to the person being cheated upon....the physical satisfaction one may get from a night of passion with a new partner is not worth the spiritual damage done to the other person.......and the laws of the universe teach us that what goes around comes around ...sometimes morally weak people learn only when they feel the hurt themselves0
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i think one can have legitimate and reasonable issues with their significant other that would lead them to want to find the love of another person. but, i don't endorse crossing that line as a means to resolve those issues. Once someone has tried to cope with relationship issues by going outside of the relationship, then any legitimate and reasonable issues that person had are minimized by the magnitude of the act of cheating.
if that makes any sense.0 -
People make mistakes, but that isn't really much of an excuse. I have cheated, but I have also managed to avoid cheating. The best that we can do is just live our lives, try to remain open-minded, try to respect each other, and forgive where necessary.0
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My husband and I are firm believers in openness in a relationship. If either of us had emotional feelings for another person and had the intent of seeing them as more than just a fling, that would be a problem. If we just wanted a fling, we can tell each other about it and would be free to explore that realm with 100% consent of each other. Of course...I do not have those feelings for anyone else, AT ALL, and neither does he. But, we have a clear understanding if that time ever does come. It's the sneaky, behind-your-back stuff that creates an issue. If everything is on the table, why worry? We'd still come to the same bed every night.
Maybe we're weird.0 -
My thoughts on it.
Its ridiculous. No matter the circumstances. You mention Domestic Violence? Plaaaaa---leaaaaze. Get Out then.
No matter the situation its never the proper thing to do.
Unfortunatley there are a lot of excuse makers out there that want to be with someone so desperately, they will settle.
Settling is a weakness.
Make all the excuse ya want. I don't believe in staying in a relationship just for the sake of not being alone.
There are Greedy ppl in the worl that want it all, their cake and too eat it too.
There are those folks that have no morals or self Worth and they therefore cant have respect or value another.
just wanted to clearify... This isnt ME making excuses, I am not in a great relationship but I have never went outside of my marriage either.
The recent threads have sparked an interest, as well as a close girlfriend of mine who hid her affair from everyone, and ended up getting the strength to leave her abusive husband and is now head over heels in love with a ddue that seems really great, even though I passed judgement and said dude WASNT great knowing she was married... but I think it was kinda a captain save a hoe situation... I cant be anything but happy for her though, shes happy now and the kids have adjusted ok, so it seems.
Would you all turn your back on a friend who was cheating?
I love my real friends no matter what they do. I have a couple that have stepped out but that is their life and I am not in any position to judge them as long as they don't steal from me or do anything illegal in my presence. These 2 guys have done more for me than some family.0 -
I've never really cared if my husband slept with other women. As long as he's safe about it and doesn't waver emotionally, I don't see a problem. In fact, I'd like for him to have a few friends with benefits for when I'm not in the mood. Just because two lovers' sex drives don't match up doesn't mean one should have to go without or the other should feel obligated to have sex.
I don't mentally associate love and sex, so this is just my opinion and your mileage may vary greatly. But it works for us, we're happy, and cheating is a non-issue.
Yeah!0 -
I've never understood it, myself. If a relationship sucks, end it. If it doesn't... who's got the time or energy to juggle a second one? And why would you even want to?
^^This.0 -
ok this is going to get deeply personal for me, but I did cheat on my ex husband. It wasn't right but he was abusive physically and emotionally and cheated on me. I wanted to leave but wasn't strong enough and scared so I cheated in hopes he would leave me It didn't work, but I ended up in the hospital where friends intervened and helped me leave so while it wasn't a good reason, nor an excuse there are 2 sides to every story. Also this was a loooong time ago0
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I've never really cared if my husband slept with other women. As long as he's safe about it and doesn't waver emotionally, I don't see a problem. In fact, I'd like for him to have a few friends with benefits for when I'm not in the mood. Just because two lovers' sex drives don't match up doesn't mean one should have to go without or the other should feel obligated to have sex.
I don't mentally associate love and sex, so this is just my opinion and your mileage may vary greatly. But it works for us, we're happy, and cheating is a non-issue.
I'm just going to throw my opinion in on this comment because to me, cheating is a breaking of trust and love
To me, if and/or when your husband goes out and gets some, he's not cheating. When both of you have agreed that sex and your relationship at two mutually exclusive things, then it's not cheating. It would only become cheating if he broke one of your trusts...such as developing an emotional attachment to someone esle.0 -
Cheating is wrong and I wouldn't put up with it. That said, I messed around on boyfriends when I was young but then I was cheated on and it broke my heart and I learned that it's an extremely ****ty thing to do to someone.
If you're in a loveless marriage, get out, don't stay for the kids. I don't get the logic behind this decision. Kids learn by example and you're showing them that they should stay together eventhough you don't love each other? And it's their fault that your life is miserable and loveless? Wouldn't it be better to move on and hopefully show them that it's good to be strong and independent and eventually also what a normal loving relationship is?
If there's domestic violence, I get that's hard to get away from because there's so much manipulation and fear but how does cheating make that any better? You're just adding to the stress and drama. Better to get away, get things sorted out and then move on and find your happiness.
A few friends of mine cheated on their spouses/boyfriends and all for very stupid reasons - just needed attention, excitement, didn't want to leave spouse until they "test drove" the next guy, etc. In one case I was very disappointed and broke off the friendship because I couldn't deal with it. We did end up reconciling a couple years later because we have a lot of mutual friends and it was hard to stay away from her and honestly we did miss each other after a fashion. But it still took a few years to fully trust her and feel comfortable around her. We've known each other so long she's more like family and I think that played a part in forgiving and moving on - but it's definitely a scar on the history of our friendship.0 -
Cheating is wrong. There is no excuse for it. There are all kinds of reasons & different situations & whatever, but it all boils down to the decisions YOU make. It doesn't matter what your partner does---are they cheating on you, are they emotionally distant, are they abusive, etc. Those are all decisions that THEY make. If you have committed to a relationship & have promised to be faithful then THAT IS IT. You are faithful because that is your decision & that is what makes you a person of worth. You are not responsible for your partner's actions & decisions. If your partner is making choices that are making you unhappy then you have to make some very hard decisions--counseling, divorce, calling the police on them, etc. Cheating is not choice anyone should ever make. If you decide, after careful thought, that your relationship is not working for you--for whatever reason, then you need to leave before you ever get into a new relationship with another person. If you decide to break you word & cheat on your partner, that makes you WRONG no matter what your excuse is.0
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Well, yes, of course. What I was getting at is if specific boundaries are established (for example, safe sex with no emotional attachment being permissible) and certain freedoms are given in the interest of mutual fairness, happiness, and compromise, perhaps 'cheating' would be less of a prevalent thing and less people would be so deeply affected by it. I don't believe humans are naturally wired to be monogamous as much as it is a construct of society, and if you tell someone they can't have something they're only gonna want it more.I'm just going to throw my opinion in on this comment because to me, cheating is a breaking of trust and love
To me, if and/or when your husband goes out and gets some, he's not cheating. When both of you have agreed that sex and your relationship at two mutually exclusive things, then it's not cheating. It would only become cheating if he broke one of your trusts...such as developing an emotional attachment to someone esle.0 -
This thread makes me wonder how many friend requests have turned into a weekend rendezvous between MFP'ers who are married to overweight and/or unsupportive spouses. It would make sense. One MFPer works hard and loses weight, finds themselves getting more attention from the opposite sex, another MFPer's understand the struggle, has a similar story, starts to connect with another MFPer. Yadda, yadda...
Even though this is NOT a dating site, I bet it happens more than we would like to think.0 -
I think is all about willpower and temptation, even the best spouse ever may be tempted by someone, sometimes people is so nice that don't know how to cut off something as soon as it starts, or they don't see it comming as what it really is, and when they realize is too late and they are involved in some kind of temptation !, now to get to the point of cheating, just like with anything in life like food, games, etc, the tempation may be there, you may be wanting to eat this or that so bad, maybe you know you shouldn't eat it, and there comes willpower, I don't support cheating at all, but that is what I think, we are humans after all but I would say, if I'd want a woman so bad having a relationship, I would break my current relationship first, I guess the lack of communication in the relationship also plays an important role, if I would have talked with my partner about this girl that is tempting me or idk I'm sure we could solve it together, anyway I'm single and I have to go eat :P have a nice day !0
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many moons ago not only did I cheat on my fiance but the bloke I cheated with was also cheating on his fiancee, we went out together with some new friends and they spotted my engagement ring and launched into the 'so where and when are you going to get married questions'???
My relationship ended that night when I got home as why continue when you don't respect your partner? About three years later the other chap later married his fiance, unknown to me I had bumped into him on the stag night and fell into bed with him thinking he was single and on a lads night out, he told me in the morning he was getting married later that month. The difference between the first and the second time? I was duped the second time and felt like a big **** bag as there was some poor woman that had no clue she was marrying a ****head. Fast forward 15 years and life couldn't be much different, knowing how easy it is to cheat eventually leaves you with the realization that your new true love would also have the capacity for this behavior, a terrifying thought....0 -
There is NEVER a legit reason to cheat. Take care of the other issues that are causing you to want to cheat.0
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