Disordered Habits- Confession/Support

Revonue

So, I hope it's okay to post this here!

Long story short, losing weight seems to have done something to my brain. I don't think I have a full-blown ED, but I certainly have what I would consider disordered habits that have caused me to more or less maintain instead of gain or lose.

I'm wondering if anyone else has found the same thing happened to them and is also struggling with negative behaviors.

Pinkranger626

what sort of disordered habits have you been experiencing?

RoxieDawn

I don't see any disordered habits from looking at your diary... I would like to know why maintaining as you said above is a bad thing or disordered thinking...

ChaoticSilhouette

Hi there,
I can definitely understand a sense of where you're coming from with knowledge as well as my own experience.
Always having been not only a creature of habit, but an occasional destructive one at that, when I initially began my journey I would make short-lived bets with myself. If I binged, I would vow to purge. If I didn't or couldn't purge, I would hurt myself. Same went for my 60/20 chew-spit rule. The obsessive logging, weighing, & measuring still dies hard, but has lessened& balanced out over time. I, of course, knew that these disordered behaviors only fed the fire of my distorted thought process& ultimately gave it up knowing that this past pattern was EXACTLY what I was trying so hard to escape. The fact that I was either slowly gaining, slowly losing, or plateauing obviously helped me kicked that as well, because not only was my body still absorbing some of the the absolute *kitten* I put into it during those binges but the sheer quantity of that *kitten* did not bode well for weight loss even if I had spit or hacked up the majority.

I'm not sure what your specific habits consist of or if you have struggled with a history of addictive personality and/or maladaptive behaviors, but I can say that this process is 80%+ a mental one-- in this, it is completely normal for our minds to react& change accordingly. Be it negatively or positively, what is so important is that we recognize& ultimately desire to change this. However it is a process& it does take time& oh so much energy among other things.

Do you remember when these habits began, or rather, when you first acknowledged them in the slightest? Can you identify any emotions/triggers/etc. at the time-- other than the desire to hasten the weight loss process? What are some positive& productive habits &/or hobbies that you have& can turn to?

For me, just being cognizant of these natural changes& learning as much as I possibly could about health& what real healthfulness means for my specific body& mind helps. Also, delving deeper into my writing roots helped subdue these behaviors. I've documented the majority of my journey& the moments, days, weeks that it is toughest to stick to this lifestyle change without compromising my mental& physical health, writing every thought down or re-reading previous entries helps immensely. This is something I think everyone should do, regardless of what they struggle with.

I wish you the best in this& I am here as support if you'd like, as this is the best place possible for people of all walks of life dealing with varying similar journeys.

Catherine E.A.

fliesdonotbelong

I hate that I read ED as Erectile Dysfunction.

Revonue

Gia07, that's because it's not entirely truthful. I know that's not the purpose of keeping a diary, but there's no "half loaf of bread, one pint ice cream- mostly/somewhat purged" option on MFP.

Workoutgrl87, purging, binging, and brief periods of heavy restriction in a mix that has maintained my weight.

ChaoticSilhouette, thanks so much for your reply. It really helped and I will add you as a friend when I get home from work. It mostly started Febuary of this year and I will definitely work on building positive hobbies to turn to instead of negative behaviors. I also enjoy writing so I like the idea of journaling. 

BoneisBeauty

I had bulimia when I was 148 and I always struggled with an ED since I was ten. As a result I got a bladder infection but can't help but resort back to the same routine because I'm all fat again.