Secret Eating - help!

fruitsalad15

Hi there,

I just want some advice or help if anyone has any! I am a secret eater. I eat when I'm on my own, stuffing food in my face and hiding the evidence. My husband caught me - he was nice but asked why I do it and was there something wrong. I don't know why I do it, I feel like its boredom and greed. I felt humiliated and ashamed. I feel guilty too because I feel like I am letting him and myself down. I still don't seem to be able to stop myself from wanting to buy huge amounts of food and shove it in my face though!

Does anyone else suffer from this? How do you overcome it? What is wrong with me!

I have tried to identify what it affords me - the only thing I can think is that I like the way it tastes so I keep eating. I guess that comes down to greed. I really want to lose weight and be healthier so why do I sabotage myself in such a way?!

Thanks for anyone who has some advice to offer that isn't 'get some will power' or 'just eat less and move more'. I know HOW to lose weight, I just don't seem to be able to stop myself.

Thank you!

Sammie262

Omg I can totally relate to this Hun, I'm trying my hardest to cut down but it feels like I'm obsessed with food. Like I'm scared if I don't have it near me. I've been back on mfp for a week and I think I've turned a corner. Only a small one mind. although I really miss my huge bars of chocolate and whole tubs of Pringles. I'm ashamed to say it's just pure greed for me. I love junk food. I am an addict and I wish I could get to a point where I overcome it. Good luck with your journey. Add me if you need motivating xx

Sammie262

Era I just realised I offered no advice there. Haha . Um I'm trying to keep busy, I'm getting a puppy in two weeks. One of the reasons was to get off my *kitten* more and move. I mean you don't see many overweight dog walkers do you.

fruitsalad15

Ha ha! That's true! I think one of the issues this week was that I was home alone in the day time. Something that never happens - and in my mind that meant I could have a 'treat' and fill my face!

italiangirlinva

These compulsive behaviors are nothing to be ashamed of, but your awareness is good. What you are doing is addictive behavior that some use to escape. There is help, it you are willing to seek it. www.oa.org has lots of info that could help you. Best wishes!

italiangirlinva

PS, I should have added that I used to binge eat, sneak eat, do all kinds of crazy things with food. OA helped me. I have been "clean" for three years. xoxo

agartin

Realizing it is an addiction was mine. I honestly and truthfully am addicted to food. I was one of those who would eat until my stomach literally felt like it was going to burst. I always felt so ashamed. I pace myself when I eat, wait a few moments to make sure the 'full feeling' sets in. I drink water with every meal, and then I preoccupy my mind with something else. I know it doesn't help much, but it's all I got.

fruitsalad15

Thank you italiangirlinva!

MikaMojito

I can relate to that. For me it was stress, frustration and loneliness and being unhappy. In my last relationship I often ate small portions during family meals because he always said he "only eats one meal and 2 snacks a day" and I knew he generally preferred slim women. I also felt left alone a lot, so I made stacks of sandwiches and then quickly did the dishes so nobody would know.

With my current partner there was a period of weight gain in the beginning because we cooked for each other and enjoyed snacking together. And I was doing lots of grading. But we've both decided to get healthier and we've both got more emotional stability now. And that has helped me not eat all the foods.

To be fair, I've also stopped buying chips and chocolate in large amounts. Last weekend, we bought a tub of pringles and ate it together. And I still buy small chocolate bars but I get expensive ones, so I feel bad about eating a whole one at a time.

I don't think it's just about the taste when you binge in secret. Think about it and talk it through with your partner or maybe a therapist and find out what makes you eat.

fruitsalad15

Great! Thank you agartin! So, I just need to try to keep myself busy! Something to focus on for a few days and see how I get on. CAN'T . . . . STOP . . . . . THINKING . . . . .ABOUT . . . . . . FOOD!!!! I'm not even hungry!!!!! That can't be normal!

lilmissmanx

I have the same issue. I seem to be doing ok at the moment. I find it easier to avoid stuffing my face with things if I just don't have them in the house, not even to allow myself a treat. I also find i'm ok if a package isn't open, I can resist biscuits etc. But once the pack is open, i'm all over it.
I can't tell you how to stop the secret binges, but recently I've found a specific thing that has been motivating me to watch what i'm eating and whenever I feel the urge to binge, I focus on it. Maybe you just haven't found the thing that makes you focus on not stuffing your face. But I feel I can't rely on the "hate fire" forever!
I'd definitely be interested to see where this thread goes.....

mrsboisvert

OMG me too! only mine is the chocolate drawer... you see the chocolate drawer in my house contains chocolate ... but when I am trying to loose weight this magical chocolate drawer is my sabotage... I eat it.. don't log it and think oh I'm still on plan. NOPE.

I need to omit this drawer from my life. I have done so in the past, and that is how I have lost my weight...

But it now contains hershey kisses. I am addicted to it. last night after weighing in at a ww meeting I shamed myself because I gained 1.2 pounds this week. So what better thing to do then go home... open chocolate drawer and go nuts!! And by the way while doing this telling my husband.. this is why I am not loosing weight! we need to get rid of the chocolate drawer! (I just need to throw it out.) The gateway drug was the Reesse's peanut butter eggs from Easter. Once I started those... it was down hill & have not lost anything since March.

Ok now that I have admitted to it.... it needs to stop.
Can you see me with these two voices in my head?

I seriously feel like I have an angel and a devil just sitting on my shoulders... I need to kick that little red jerk off my shoulder!~

I guess I am looking for advice too... and letting you know you are not alone!!!!!

fruitsalad15

Its terrible because we have stuff in the house but I know if I eat that then my husband will know so I go out and buy MORE stuff that I then eat and get rid of the packaging so he never knows!!! He is trying to be supportive but I wonder if somewhere deep down I feel like he is interfering so I am sabotaging myself. Perhaps. He asks what I have eaten today because he knows I want to lose weight - perhaps its defiance to that question. Its making me a liar and I don't like it.

Of_Monsters_and_Meat

Hiding things from your spouse like that? It sounds like cheating to me. You should just break up. Its really no different than having an emotional affair.

Sammie262

I'm going out to cut the grass now cos I want food haha. I'm still full from my lunch. What have you started .... Preoccupation is needed. then I'm going to make my kids tea. I'm ok with that as I'm a veggie and don't eat the same meals. Then I'm going to hoover upstairs, then make tea for me and hubby then it's bath and bedtime for kids. Thats another day over...... Good luck and I'll stay with your thread to see how you get on x

sarahharas5

I've done the secret eating in the past. As I was reading these responses I was trying to figure out why I used to and why I don't seem to do it anymore. I think for me, I changed jobs which cut way down on stress. I also think a big factor is a change in my routine. I used to have a routine where I would drive 25 minutes to pick my kids up from daycare. I got into a habit of stopping to get a snack for the road. That snack was often a huge snack with lots of calories. I would eat all of it and throw away the containers before my husband saw. It seems crazy to me now. Anyway, when I changed jobs, I no longer have that drive so that helped.

I have also made a commitment to myself that I will log my food whether good or bad every single day for a year. One of my MFP friends inspired me. She also told me to not look at your food diary as a judge of your food. It is simply a tool. That helped me too. I don't want to see that I've eaten 600+ calories in chocolate covered pretzels and I'm going to log it if I eat it!

Good luck!!

fruitsalad15

Ha ha! Love the idea of kicking that little red jerk off your shoulder!!

flightybird

I am not a doctor, by any means, but struggled with this type of behavior for YEARS. I would hide in my room and eat, and even hide the trash afterwards until my roommate was gone and wouldn't see me sneak it out. For me, it was a symptom of Binge Eating Disorder. It may not be that, for you, but regardless, it is something that you should get help for. There is no shame in going to see a behavioral therapist and talking it out, and in the end, it's likely to help much more than you'd even think.

With my insurance, behavioral therapist visits are something like $12 - a super-small price to pay to get my emotional/boredom/binge eating in check, and be able to focus on my health, rather than focus on how I can sneak off to binge-eat something and then feel ashamed about it.

SoDamnHungry

Sammie262 wrote: »

Era I just realised I offered no advice there. Haha . Um I'm trying to keep busy, I'm getting a puppy in two weeks. One of the reasons was to get off my *kitten* more and move. I mean you don't see many overweight dog walkers do you.

Just make sure you actually want one, too. Animals aren't exercise equipment.

Zombieinkpot

I am a secret binger. When I am upset, I eat until I feel sick.
Some things I have found that help -
1. Are you eating enough? If I cut my calories too low, it can lead me to binging because hunger, tiredness and low blood sugar combine together to make me feel upset.
2. Do you enjoy your meals? I think about food all the time. If a meal doesn't satisfy my brain, I don't get pleasure out of eating it and thus don't feel satisfied after I eat it, even if I am physically full. If a meal doesn't excite me, I would rather eat nothing, which can lead to binging. I have found it very helpful to plan my meals in advance and get really excited about them, as excited as planning a binge, except I know the foods and quantities are within my diet plan.
3. Where do you eat? I try to keep to the rule that I only eat at the kitchen table. When I binge, I binge in my bedroom, so allowing myself to binge as long as it is in the kitchen, in front of the family, means I don't binge. It doesn't really help with binging, but it helps with boredom eating and by allowing myself to eat under those conditions takes away the feeling of being restricted or curtailed that can happen if I just tell myself 'No eating!'.
4. Why are you really eating? Push further through your feelings. Is it really boredom and taste? Do you want comfort? Are you angry, upset, frustrated, sad? What happens just before you eat to make you reach for food? I understand now that I reach for food for comfort when I am upset because I can't deal with my feelings of sadness. While I haven't got to the stage when I can just sit and 'be with my feelings', it is always good to know why you are doing something.

Anyway, good luck!

Of_Monsters_and_Meat

SoDamnHungry wrote: »

Sammie262 wrote: »

Era I just realised I offered no advice there. Haha . Um I'm trying to keep busy, I'm getting a puppy in two weeks. One of the reasons was to get off my *kitten* more and move. I mean you don't see many overweight dog walkers do you.

Just make sure you actually want one, too. Animals aren't exercise equipment.

well, actually.
https://youtu.be/AGVAR1m8gf8

2snakeswoman

I didn't think of it until right this moment, but I eat in secret, too. This is exactly why my eating binges look like this: a bite of this, a dab of that, a sip of this other thing, a lick of that other thing. I don't want anybody to be able to see that all of something is gone since the last time he or she was in the kitchen, so I make it hard to pinpoint what and how much I ate. It's hard behavior to change; that's for sure! I think the first time I joined an on-line support group, I weighed about 30 pounds less than I do now. I try and give up on myself on a daily basis!

YoungIronG

i chew gum... hard gumballs, then my jaw is too tired to eat

fruitsalad15

Thanks Zombieinkpot. I will try to look at my feelings a bit more! I have tried but I can never identify anything going on, I just seem to be greedy and bored!

I think you might be right about not eating enough or not being excited about what meal I have planned though - that seems to ring really true. As well as when I don't have any meals planned - that seems to set them off - like I have so much choice I grab loads of things and eat them all.

Thanks everyone! I feel better knowing I'm not alone!

tamelakaye79

I can relate to your post in so many ways- I know that seeking counsel and OA are often recommended- but I simply do not have access to that in the small rural town I live in. Having said that- I have found a lot of help in flexible dieting/iifym. Before- I "dieted" my way into obesity- eating "clean" and I would do great for a handful of days then binge. I definitely have food issues- and do not know where they stem from or all of my triggers- but since I have been practicing flexible dieting- I feel like I have control over it now- have made great progress- and never feel denied. I am now a heavy lifter- strong-empowered- and no longer feel panic or loos of control. Know that you are not alone- and you have a wonderful support group here!

kas1317

i am the same way! I am a smaller person (5'1 and 117 pounds) but I can out eat any man. Last weekend i ate 5 pieces of papa john's pizza and then went to get a milkshake and had to cookies (from Chick-fil-a) on the way home and threw away the wrappers and only walked inside with the milkshake. Of course my stomach hurt and i felt guilty, but while i was shoveling food in my face...i DIDNT CARE! it was so good. If i didnt order the pizza, i would have been fine. Everyone says "eat 1-2 pieces". HOW???????

brookekingyens

I also have a daily desire to down an entire family sized bag of potato chips by myself. I'm pretty sure the only reason I do this is because it tastes good, and I've somehow convinced myself I deserve it.

I've only been back on food/activity tracking for 10 days. I've done this before and lost weight, my issue is that once I've lost it, I quit. This time, my goal is to keep at it to maintain my weight as well.

I've found that staying committed to tracking does help (but you REALLY have to own up to EVERYTHING you eat). When you do slip up, don't be too hard on yourself. You ate it, you logged it, move on and fix it with better habits tomorrow.

Aside from just tracking calories, this time I'm also trying monitor my nutrient breakdown. When I'm feeling like a snack, I'm aiming for a snack that fits what I've been lacking for the day (sadly it's always protien). The goal here is to actually give my body what it's actually asking for. Usually this involves preparing something as well, so it forces you to think 'how bad do I really want a snack?'.

Lastly, whether I keep them in the house or not, it's easy enough for me to go buy a bag of chips or a chocolate bar (Everything is walking distance). For this reason, I do keep substitutes on hand like pop-chips, special K cracker chips and 80% cocoa chocolate bars (which for me is enough cocoa to limit my intake). This way, if all else fails and I do end up finishing a whole bag/box of something, it's usually only enough to prevent weight loss for the day and doesn't really set me back any. Again, you eat it, you log it, and you do better tomorrow.

fruitsalad15

kas1317 wrote: »

i am the same way! I am a smaller person (5'1 and 117 pounds) but I can out eat any man. Last weekend i ate 5 pieces of papa john's pizza and then went to get a milkshake and had to cookies (from Chick-fil-a) on the way home and threw away the wrappers and only walked inside with the milkshake. Of course my stomach hurt and i felt guilty, but while i was shoveling food in my face...i DIDNT CARE! it was so good. If i didnt order the pizza, i would have been fine. Everyone says "eat 1-2 pieces". HOW???????

How do you do that and stay at 117lbs!!!! Well Done you!!! I agree - who can only eat 1-2 pieces!!!

PaveGurl

I so relate to this. I've had a history of disordered eating, so when I find myself in a "secret eating" mental place, I have to stop and think about what's going on in my life. Like, I'll be painfully full, and still eating! For me, it's usually that there is something in my life that I feel like I'm unable to control or that I'm dreading dealing with (or both), and for me, that's a trigger -- but once I can identify it, and spend some time thinking about it/ talking it through with my partner, it typically alleviates the behaviour for me. Stress is a MAJOR thing for many of us, and it has so many more impacts than we even realise.

I'm not saying that's what triggers yours, but it can't hurt to offer experience. Good luck!

meganlee65

I have the exact same problem and finally this week, I got fed up with it and I looked into OA. I live in a small town in North Dakota and the closest meeting is 50 miles away, but I found both telephone and online meetings so you don't have to live near a face to face meeting! Go to www.oa.org and you can choose find a meeting and click on online meetings. I don't think it's as good as a face to face meeting, but it connects with you others who are going through the same thing!

jgnatca

I was going to suggest an online meeting of OA. Bravo, @meganlee65 . I'm not prone to binging myself, and I own my love of food (no hiding it away). But I sympathize. I relate it to the abstention/binge/shame cycle common with addicts. You guys can correct me if I am wrong because you have way more experience with this than I do, but it seems to me that there are two main issues. First is figuring out what emotion the food is suppressing and work on that, and the other is to remove the shame from food.