"Obsession" Causing Problems

Danny_Boy13

Do what makes you happy would be my advice. If working out makes you happy then do that. If being with your friends makes you happy then go out with them. I hate when I get out of my routine but from time to time it is good to break from that and do something different. If I have an important function to attend I plan for it... I will either train in the morning or re arrange my schedule that my rest day is the day of the event and my normal rest day will then turn to my training day.

marfhutch

Thank you so much for the advice! Especially those reminding me that its my choice not my friends!

In terms of the jealousy, its not that. I am the biggest in my group of friends by a long way (both in height and weight), and we did all used to go to the gym together. However, now they have 'got a bit bored' as they didn't see any changes, whereas I am determined to keep going despite the lack of changes for health/enjoyment.

However your right-sometimes its better to have a balance (and I do, promise!), its just a shame that these friends are only in the same location as the gym :P

bullsfan22

Have a look at this (very good website)
http://www.coachcalorie.com/social-pressures-of-a-fitness-lifestyle/

A lot of their resistance is probable from the fact that you are making that positive change and it highlights what they are doing is bad for them.

Great article, I enjoyed reading this. I find myself in this situation a lot. If we go out to eat and I decide on a salad instead of my usual (pre-MFP) food then I get questions to live a little. Well living a little is what got me to this point so that's really all I ever have to say.

Stay strong people, understand that you are doing this for yourself and no one else.

Lesa_Sass

Balance is the key to life.

Figure out how to incorporate all of it together, then live your life. The problem when we get obsessed with diet and exercise and cut ourselves off from friends, we eventually burn out and have no friends. Who wants that?

Another thing is to make new friends that are like you. Find a running group in your area or even a group training for the spartan sprint or something like that. Then you incorporate it all.

I found that when I stopped drinking and started being healthier, the friends that did not, well I just met them for lunch. The ones that were my real friends had no problem with that.

Good luck,

Lesa

DIG_

i would get new friends.

naomipelley

It's all about balance. Spending time w/friends & family is important for your well-being. Live your life. A day out every other week or every 3rd week in lieu of the gym will not hurt your efforts as it sounds like you are right on track with your goals

mrslcoop

Is it possible that you and your friends can pick one night a week or one night every other week that is dedicated to each other for food and drinks or what have you? This way you know its coming and you can shift one of your weekend days to fill in for that day instead. I don’t think you should give in and put your life on hold, but maybe some advance notice so you can move things around might satisfy everyone.

JessiBelleW

Uh, why not every two weeks switch one of your weekend non work out days for a week day?

Someone mentioned making the "dinner and drinks" night your higher cal nights, but why not switch the exercise too? I read that you don't live near a gym on the weekends but you could still get your cardio in, and you could do a bunch of body weight exercises as well (not the same as exercises with weights but still a good workout!)

You don't want to (nor should you!) let your friends help/encourage/ enable you to make bad choices and derail your healthy plan, but at the same time if you miss them and want to be able to hang, and they miss you you need to change something to get your social time in too!

welly5

There's already so much good advice here! I had similar issues with work/fun/workout balance and discovered that getting up early was the best way to fit it all in.

I also really agree with people who suggested inviting friends to work out with you, I take a hot yoga class with my boyfriend once a week on a night that we would have normally gone out for dinner in the past.

lucaborgia

Yes. My diet pal friends and I spend alot of time discussing how it seems like every get together, celebration or event seems to be
"Food and Drink Centered". Any suggestions of alternative activities have been met with resistance. You just have to do what you have to do for yourself. Let everyone know that you are taking this time to work on something that is important to you right now and you will catch them when you can. Stand your ground. Be willing to fight for your enceself and goals. After all...one day you will get to a "Maintanence Point" and be more free to join the party now and then.

marfhutch

Just wanted to say thanks for all the great replies in the end this evening went ok as I went for pudding with them...so did half my normal gym and had healthy dinner, but still got to have fun and all within my daily calorie goals!

I think your all right on the advanced planning though, as this would mean i could remain in control of my exercise and food. So for next week ive asked them to plan ahead so I know that I need to be low cal one day this weekend haha

tigersword

So... You insist on going to the gym, and refuse to ever possibly skip a day to hang out with your friends, but then you're complaining you feel cut off from them?

Either make plans with them on the weekends when you aren't obsessing, or rearrange things during the week. This is the rest of your life. Taking a day or two here or there to hang out with your friends is not a bad thing. Intentionally pushing them all away is a bad thing.

MarianneC93

I was worried about this when I started - and then all my friends decided they wanted to join MFP too and go to the gym as a big group in the morning! Tell them how your feeling ? Or ....go out, have a lovely time with them, and work extremely hard at the gym the next day

Go and have some fun - you don't have to get drunk and eat chips and fried food etc. If needs be, tell them you're on antibiotics so cant drink etc at the moment. Or that you don't want to anymore because it's going to stop your weight loss. You might find the first excuse easier to start with until you feel like you can be more honest.

Best of luck - don't let anyone or anything stop your amazing progress!

Lesa_Sass

I would like to add that I ALWAYS find that treating people like I want to be treated works out for me best in the long run.

I hate being lied to, therefore I feel the truth is always better and never comes back to bite me in the *kitten*.

There is never a reason to have to lie for an excuse, the truth is best and if a person can not handle the truth, its time to re evaluate the reason that person is in my life. Most people do not care if we drink or not, it is only those who have a problem with alcohol that have issues with others not drinking. Alcoholics can not fathom a person being able to have fun with out alcohol and that is why we push it on other people. When that happens with me, I simply say, I do not need alcohol to have fun, do you? Do you think you may have a problem? That typically sends said person across the room and away from me the rest of the night. I am coming up on 6 years sober, trust me, all you have to say is no thank you.

marfhutch

As I said, I wish my friends were all still dedicated to MFP+gym, as it used to mean we could do both (socialise and gym) without problems, but the naturally slim people I know seem to have less motivation than me :P

I agree on the excuses front. When I said "find reasons that I can't go out", they are still valid, truthful reasons (such as needing to squeeze in some work in the evening alongside the gym). Its more that I feel I can't use the gym as the main reason anymore without having some sort of comment being made about my 'addiction'.