The importance of a supportive significant other

TheCareerDiva

in a relationship with someone who has a hard time being supportive in the way that I need and I don't know how to handle that. We had to park a fair distance from our destination this evening for a graduation (downstairs and down a hill, which meant on the way coming back, uphill and up several flights of upstairs.)

I've been back on the wagon for a couple weeks now, & I feel like I should be happy because I did it was much less trouble than I know I would have a few weeks ago. But for some reason my boyfriend went from telling me it's okay, and take my time, to looking at me and saying are you kidding me when I wanted to pause and catch my breath. And when I said, well, do you want to go on ahead without me, he started walking away! This was in the night time! he was really going to leave me to walk back by myself at night to my car. Smh.

Then when I start to get upset he's trying to tell me to buck up and don't cry because know we both are out of shape, and I'm thinking, that's not what I need to hear right now! You're sitting there shaking your head at me because I'm having a hard time? Who does that? Then he leaves before even making sure I'm calmed down and okay to drive. He's telling me I need to stop being so sensitive, and I'm telling him I need him to take a softer approach with me. It's just so frustrating! Has anyone ended up breaking up with someone for lack of support?

minizebu

I think that it's reasonable for you to expect your significant other to slow to your pace in order to walk with you.

However, you communicated something else to him: "do you want to go on ahead without me". You may have been thinking, "don't go on without me", but he heard "go on without me". Then when he did this you became upset and he was probably perplexed and frustrated.

He seems to be literal minded, so you may want to be more explicit with him about your needs and wants, e.g. "Would you please stay here with me until I'm calmed down and okay to drive."

A lot of conflicts can be avoided if both parties are more clear with each other about their expectations.

Alluminati

I don't rely on my significant other to support me, because ultimately at the end of the day I have to answer to myself and support is not always going to be there. That being said, was he always like this? Or was it just one time? You did ask him If he wanted to go on without you, which was kind of passive aggressive. It's hard to say because there isn't a lot to go by except this one incident your posting about. He could've been dying to make a poop and needed to get home quickly. Only you know the answer, OP.

LadyLots2Lose

Yay for getting back on the wagon and being fitter than you were! It's the little milestones that really helped me keep going when the scales weren't doing much.

I'm currently single but, I had a boyfriend that very insensitive and super un-supportive so, I've experienced similar frustrations. We broke up in the end (for a number of reasons) and I can't say it was much of a loss after four years of his misogynistic attitude and humiliating behaviour. I stayed in the relationship far too long because he was insecure and somehow I thought I deserved to be treated so appallingly. I'm guessing that the latter had something to do with my low self esteem at the time though as I definitely know better than to put up with such *kitten* these days.

And here's where the rubber meets the road. You don't deserve to be treated that way by anyone. If this is a once off thing and he's normally the sweetest bloke on earth have an honest chat to him about how his actions were hurtful. If he really loves you he'll apologise and do better. But, if this is one of many similar occasions then dump him. You deserve a better man than that and I'm told that there are many out there in the big wide world.

As for me, I'm still rocking the single life. It's not so bad and it's certainly a hell of a lot better than being with the wrong bloke.
All the best for your journey.

TheCareerDiva

@minizebu yes, I just think he's very literal sometimes, almost two much so! they can be frustrating at times because I want him to just get it. lol

I like your suggestions for how to let him know what's going on with me. I do tend to get worked up sometimes lol

Oh well, at least we both have knowledgef we have work to do!

TheCareerDiva

@OdesAngel admittedly my one comment was probably a bit passive aggressive. And somewhat tongue-in-cheek I certainly wasn't expecting him to just walk on! Especially when he could tell I was struggling. But anyway as he pointed out no one's perfect and everything is a life lesson on both sides. Like I mentioned before me having to adjust to his literalism, and him having to learn how to read me will probably always be something we have to work on.

TheCareerDiva

@LadyLots2Lose thank you for the encouragement!I think part of it was he was having a rough dayand part of it is him not knowing how to deal with me at certain times, what's the best approach. Now that conversation we have had before. I can take jokes And tell it like it is,with the best of them as well as give it out, but I tried to explain to him later there is a time and place for everything. and this was in public as well which I might not have mentioned.

I tried to get him to understand that for me in the moment of distress is not the time to push me.I mean you see me struggling and have a having a hard time and you're going to make it worse? That's the part that hit me the wrong way. He has been supportive at other times. I can still see his bright smile and his very enthusiastic I'm proud of you a few weeks ago when I told him I had started exercising again.

we've been dating for a little over a year, and became exclusive last fall. Both of us are bigger people, and we both need to practice better healthy habits. Intermed conversation he was trying to force me to agree to go walking with him on Saturday. I'm thinking no way Jose with that attitude! Lol but we'll see if he mellows out it'll be cool and I would enjoy it.

This is the first serious relationship ive been in quite some time (last one was probably 2-3 years ago.) I was married for several years from 2002-2009 that was an 11 year relationship. Since then he would be the third of what I would call actually a boyfriend or true relationship in the over 7 years I've been single again. I really hope things work out because at this stage of the game I'm going to be 44 in August and I would hate to have to start over in the dating game again! Ugh! Lol