Advice on a babysitting dilema PLEASE!

leavinglasvegas

I have a 10 year old girl. Our daily routines are, in my opinion, normal and healthy. I prefer that when the weather is nice, kids play outside and interact with one another. I limit the TV and electronics and encourage reading and playing games. We eat meals at the table and I don't have junk food in the house. If I do, its a treat, but I don't really restrict. My daughter understands portion control and all that jazz... (well shes 10, so there are times when I catch her with a bag of chips in front of the TV. I quickly correct that by offering a coffee filter for a handful of chips and say after this show that will be enough TV.

Anyhoo.... I'm babysitting my friends son. He is 9 and their lifestyle is quite different. He just sits on the couch playing his video game. Will not go outside, wants to watch TV, doesn't get along well when playing games, can't sit at the table when eating...(he stands and is constantly moving around. They don't have a table and eat in front of the TV) My food is gluten free and vegan, almost always fresh cooked and loaded with veggies. He always wants to eat, but never what I have. It wouldn't be fair to let him eat crap while my daughter can't in my honest opinion..... I do not know what to do. My daughter isn't perfect either and they aren't exactly best friends. His mom doesn't really have any advice. She says thats just how he is, he doesn't play with other kids. This is normal to them.

I feel kind of bad because he HATES coming here. Has stated that several times. But his parents are working long hours so theres not much we can do right now. Since I don't have a boy, I don't know what the heck to offer him to do that doesn't involve TV or video games. It wouldn't be fair to say, "well, since thats what you do at home you can do it here". I'm not comfortable with that because I feel that its just not healthy and I can't honestly justify it in my own home. When we go out, he just asks non-stop, "when are we leaving" doesn't matter how fun whatever we are doing is.

Any advice would be helpful. I don't know what to do. Thanks.

Vallandingham

Ask his parents.

leavinglasvegas

I should also point out that I have a rather busy life myself. I can't sit here for 12 hours and entertain kids. I need things that will allow me to still clean, cook, work on my job search, etc. The things I would do if it were just me and her. Ya know?

leavinglasvegas

Ask his parents.

They say just let him watch TV or sit there. Its no biggie to them. I just can't stand to see him sit there and hate being here. Kind of hurts a little, lol. I guess thats my own issue to deal with maybe.

LAgal

How often do you have to baby sit him?

sabrinafaith

OMG! I would just tell him, that at your house, these are the rules. Maybe invite another kid over that they both may get along with. Also, try board games. Some kids just don't like going outside, but you have to get creative to get them away from the tv. Maybe he likes crafts??? Try building something, make a fun project. I'm sure if you google you'll find a bunch of things. When it comes to meals, maybe just make him some whole wheat pasta with tomato sauce and ricotta cheese. I know you eat vegan, but he doesn't, and its not fair to expect him to either. You can add sweet peas to get a veggie in there too. Its not a perfect dinner, but its pretty balanced.

leavinglasvegas

How often do you have to baby sit him?

It was monday thru friday after school till when ever his parents got out of work. Usually about 8pm. My daughter has karate and dance 4 days a week, so it was easier because we were always on the run, then we'd get home have dinner and his parents would arrive shortly after.

Now school is out. So its m-f from about 10-8ish.

sabrinafaith

Btw, the tv thing would annoy me too. I think of it as being somewhat like neglect.

weaklink109

I don't have kids, but I do know that hyperactivity or ADD or whatever they are calling it these days can be affected by diet. Sugar, additives, etc. In a related vein to the second poster, I would ask, is there any point in talking to the parents about how their current practices might be contributing to his problems. He surely doesn't sound like a happy kid, and he is only going to get more difficult to handle, and unhappier as he gets older.

I don't envy you. Good luck.

EDIT: I wrote the above when only the second post was showing, and at first, I was going to change it, but now with more information, I still think it is worth having a serious chat with the parents. I also liked the other suggestions posted. I don't feel qualified to tell anyone how to keep a kid entertained, but I do agree that it is your house and your rules.

Good luck...it sounds like it could be a long summer at your house.....:ohwell:

Rhonnie07

It's your home, he should abide by your rules. he needs to understand that along with his parents. Have his parents get him something that is creative to do at your home. Such as a drawing kit or model that he can put together. They have snap together for his age group and can be very entertaining for a young boy. Make him use his imagination. Make it fun and let him decide . make sure he understands that TV is not an option.
As for food , eat it or go hungry has always been my opnion. I was raised to eat what was put ont the table.

skygoddess86

I would just have to say this isn't working out. They can find an arrangement where someone who would be fine letting him zone on electronics. But do you really want to spend your summer this way? It sounds awful and it is hardly fair to your daughter.

lilchino4af

Not having any kids yet but know enough friends who do, it sounds to me like he's lacking discipline and set rules/enforcement. Just enforce the rules you have and don't cater to him; it's your house and you're the boss. Eventually (provided you stay consistent) he'll learn that and (hopefully) will accept it as what it is. Good luck!

As for food , eat it or go hungry has always been my opnion. I was raised to eat what was put ont the table.

Same in our house! With my brother, my parents had to throw in the caveat "if you don't finish dinner, you don't get dessert". He'd sit there for 3 HOURS poking at his cold green beans just to eat a small treat afterwards :laugh: So glad I didn't have a sweet tooth when I was young!

leavinglasvegas

OMG! I would just tell him, that at your house, these are the rules. Maybe invite another kid over that they both may get along with. Also, try board games. Some kids just don't like going outside, but you have to get creative to get them away from the tv. Maybe he likes crafts??? Try building something, make a fun project. I'm sure if you google you'll find a bunch of things. When it comes to meals, maybe just make him some whole wheat pasta with tomato sauce and ricotta cheese. I know you eat vegan, but he doesn't, and its not fair to expect him to either. You can add sweet peas to get a veggie in there too. Its not a perfect dinner, but its pretty balanced.

Hmmmm, maybe I can interest him in some science projects that we have. Otherwise, when I offer the moonsand, play dough, or painting, coloring etc, he says no and just stares at the wall.

As far as food, my daughter is not vegan, just dairy free and gluten free. We have allergies, so I don't bring those foods in the house because I don't want to have any accidents that could cause need for the Epi pen... I let them have a say in what we eat. I think its the lack of junk food, eating at the table, and portions that bother him. Like I'll say if you want seconds you have to finish all of what you have and if your still hungry then you can have another burrito or more pasta. At first I would give him the seconds and he would end up wasting a whole plate of food. Like, he'd ask for another burrito before he finished his veggie, then take 2 bites and be done. I can't afford that, I'm unemployed. His parents give me a little money to cover, but its still a waste.

sarahricks

I just have to say I'm sorry. It's really hard to get a kid to enjoy something he hasn't grown up doing. I think your best bet is just laying down what you expect. Only so much TV and if they don't eat what is prepared then they're probably going to get hungry. I know it's hard but some times being tough on the matter gets the best results. Maybe in the long run this will help him out and he'll be able to look back and be some what thankful. Than again maybe not.
Good Luck.

Vallandingham

Ask his parents.

They say just let him watch TV or sit there. Its no biggie to them. I just can't stand to see him sit there and hate being here. Kind of hurts a little, lol. I guess thats my own issue to deal with maybe.

Whether you agree or disagree is not really the issue. Believe me, I understand your position, but I sometimes tell my daughter when she has issues such as this..."They didn't consult you when they made the rules. Your only choice is whether to play the game or not."

sabrinafaith

BTW, Have you thought about doing outings? LIke age appropriate stuff. Circus, or something interesting that he may enjoy. Get the parents to fund his share of the adventures. Maybe a natural history museum?

laughingdani

I have babysat a lot and it may sound harsh but I think when a child is under your care they should follow and accept your rules. If he doesn't like to eat your food then he just doesn't eat. Hopefully it would only take him skipping one meal for him to want to atleast try your food. Most kids will eat almost anything if they are hungry enough. If you have video game systems I would just put them away when he is over. Hopefully your daughter would understand that they aren't an option when he is over and she can play then when he is gone. Like with the food, he will appreciate getting out of the house and doing something productive if he is bored enough and video games aren't there to entertain him. As for the whining, I just say ignore it. Obviously he has learned that whining gets him things or reactions. I am sure his parents placate him just to shut him up. In my experience I have had parents who have told me that their kids don't like eating certain things and within a few days I have gotten them eating those foods. It also helps that my 4 year old daughter eats healthily and isn't picky at ALL. When kids see other kids eating something new they want to try it too. Also, I try to make junk food healthy like personal pizzas, let the kids make their own. Use flatbread (I use "Flatout" brand) as the crust (90cal each and diferent flavors). Spread tomato paste or salsa as 'sauce'. Sprinkle on low fat or skim cheese and lots of veggies. Bake for about 10 min on 350 degrees til brown around the edges of the 'crust'. This has always been a big hit at my house with kids, especially when they get to make their own! You feel like you are eating something bad when it is oh so good. You could even get some turkey pepperoni or maybe vegan sausage crumbles for the boy.

If worse comes to worse just let him sit there on the couch all day and be bored. It's his loss if he doesnt want to participate in outdoor activities. And if the food situation gets too bad ask the parents to make his lunches and send them with him. I know it will be hard for your daughter to get to see him eating that stuff but atleast you won't have to buy it for him.

robin52077

If it was me, it would be "my house my rules". Especially since you are on a budget and can't be buying extra stuff for him or wasting food.
I thought you meant you were a PAID babysitter. Those kind of hours should be bringing in a hundred bucks a week or more easy. I paid 150 for one child and 250 for two before they were school age......thank god they're older now!
If you are just doing a favor, then perhaps you explain to the parents that they should look for other arrangements. I don't think it's fair to you or your daughter to spend your whole summer dealing with this.

skinnykatie

I still remember the fun stuff we did with our babysitter during the summer. One of my fav childhood memories is of the Science Fair we had in her backyard. I am only guessing, but I think we got a science project book from the library and made a volcano, some sort of project using the sense of smell, something with pulleys.....again, I don't remember the details, but I do remember that it was fun. We invited some of the other kids home on summer vacation too. Good times!

vineas

I don't have kids, but I do know that hyperactivity or ADD or whatever they are calling it these days can be affected by diet. Sugar, additives, etc. In a related vein to the second poster, I would ask, is there any point in talking to the parents about how their current practices might be contributing to his problems. He surely doesn't sound like a happy kid, and he is only going to get more difficult to handle, and unhappier as he gets older.

I was about to say the same about the diet of the kid in question. I know my 5 yr old son's behavior is _much_ improved from a few months ago once my wife and I changed our eating patterns for the better (and his as well). It was a difficult transition period (that is not quite over with), but obviously well worth it. Maybe talk to his parent's about the diet and behavior at home - it may be viewed as some as intrusive, but it depends on your relationship with them. As far as your house goes, I agree with the others that you don't change your rules and your routine for this kid, it's not fair to you and not fair to your daughter.

One other thing, and please don't take this the wrong way - if you are watching this boy for 10 hrs a day, 5 days a week - you're a babysitter anymore, you're a daycare. I hope you're not being taken advantage of here. I've known other people to be taken advantage of in similar ways (by the things you've said and how conflicted you are here, you definitely seem to be in this category) and it's always ended badly. It may be good to step back from the situation, do as skygoddess86 says and just tell them (and yourself) that it's not working out.

ladyofivy

Honestly, I think you have to make a choice:

Do you want him to be happy? Or do you want you to be happy?

Your lifestyle clearly doesn't match his. I'm not sure why his parents would ask you to sit vs someone who has a similar lifestyle. You seem like a wonderful person, the fact that you care enough to find an answer proves that. But perhaps you need to consider an alternative perspective.

Your daughter goes to someones house to be watched all day in an unfamiliar environment. They force her to eat food she doesn't know or like, and they make her do housework or care for the other kids the entire time that she's there, because they are a large family who lives by the morals that a child should be raised to know how to be an adult. The food is healthy, but it's meat-based.

The lives of these people certainly conflict with your ideals, although they aren't arguably wrong. They are something that you are uncomfortable with, and when the parents ask you what to do about it, you tell them, "Just let her do what she's used to." But they push for her to still do what *they* do, because they feel that it's just plain the better way.

I'm not saying that having a child who only watches TV or plays video games is healthy by any means. What I am saying is that you can't change a child who isn't yours because once they are home they'll go directly back to what they know. They realize that this is a temporary situation, so why would they change?

My first thought would be to tell the parents that he's unhappy, and perhaps they should seek alternate care somewhere that he's more comfortable.

If you are unable to do that, I'd start offering him choices. Compromise with him, but *really* compromise. For example 30 minutes of game time can be bought with 30 minutes of reading time. A barter system can be invaluable. I'd consider buying him snacks that he likes, because it's not really fair to force food that he really doesn't like. In fact, allergists will tell you that you should never force a child to eat anything, (not that you are) simply because they may have an emotional/internal allergy to it that they can't explain.

I know that my opinions vary greatly from probably everyone else here. But it's the alternative and honest perspective. Like I said, you seem like a really wonderful person, and I genuinely hope that you find a great solution. Take care!