I can't do it

3girls4tara

I can not get my head to get it. I know why I need to do this....I know how to do it.....I have the tools to do it but I sabotage myself everyday. I have no support at home. I'm going through a lot of stuff. I work full time have 3 kids and we are always on the go. I hate myself. I want to change but my mind doesn't stay focused.

I felt so fat and awkward tonight at a bbq. I'm so sick of sucking it in. I'm sick of crying and feeling like a failure. I need to be a better role model for my kids.

I did pretty good tonight but then at 1030 when I wanted something to munch on instead of just having a glass of water and going to bed like I tried to talk myself into......I drove to the store and bought a bunch of junk.and binges until I felt so sick.

What do I do to get my mind to stay on track?

Lizrobin3108

Try to find something else to do besides eating that you can do to relieve your anxiety. Weight loss isn't easy but you haven't failed unless you give up. You are making a lifestyle change. What is your calorie goal?

If you are constantly binging you may need to take to a doctor about it.

seska422

Plan late-night snacks into your calorie budget if that's something that you like. There's no reason to go to bed hungry every night. If they are part of your plan then you won't feel like you are cheating and then just throw in the towel.

My goal is to set up my meals so that I don't feel deprived. You have to find a game plan that works for you.

Don't let one day get you down. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Don't beat yourself up about times you go over. That's part of life. The important thing is to figure out why and then think up ways to avoid that why in the future.

sarahdayski

i try and keep some calories back as i always enjoy a late night snack, some low calorie crisps, some rice cakes and i find multi packs of cadburys crunchie bars are only 150cals so ideal for a sneaky cheat. Its not easy but once you start losing weight and seeing the change in your shape that is what will motivate you to keep going, dont give up, just start today as a new day x

Harlequin1983

It sounds to me like you know what you have to do!! Changing everything at once is hard! Start with baby steps! Small changes create big results!! Try grabbing a protein bar instead of a candy bar! It helps me when i want something "junk foody" but its not really junk food. Try adding in water along with your soda to start and then cut soda a little at a time. If you need an ear, my inbox is always open. Feel free to add me!

zoeysasha37

Making a life style change isn't easy. It takes time. I've been exactly where you are. I was over weight and hated it, but yet kept over eating. It was a vicious cycle.
Finally when I had to go into the plus size section to buy jeans, I realized I really needed to do this. I would literally cry in the stores because I hated that nothing looked right on me I felt awful. That day I went and got myself a food scale .
I didn't deprive myself,I ate cupcakes, candy , whatever but just limited my portions. It's going to come down to calories In / calories out. Once I wrapped my head around the portion control and moderation, things got much easier. Learning how to weigh and log accurately took time, but I got the hang of it.
It came down to the fact that I was ready to change. Yes it was tough at first, yes I had plenty of set backs. But I did it. Motivation has to come from within. When your ready to change, you will. There's nothing Anyone can say to make you do it.

47Jacqueline

The thing about failing before is you get more information about yourself. People think change should be easy, but it's not. The more times you fail, the closer you are to succeeding.

mls100771

Don't use four letter words! (IE: Can't, Don't, Won't)

CandyMonster160

You CAN do this. We all slip up, it's just part of the journey. Try not to be so hard on yourself, you can do this. There are such great resources and people on this site, continue to reach out and we can all motivate and support each other.

JulesAtkinson1

seska422 wrote: »

Plan late-night snacks into your calorie budget if that's something that you like. There's no reason to go to bed hungry every night. If they are part of your plan then you won't feel like you are cheating and then just throw in the towel.

My goal is to set up my meals so that I don't feel deprived. You have to find a game plan that works for you.

Don't let one day get you down. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Don't beat yourself up about times you go over. That's part of life. The important thing is to figure out why and then think up ways to avoid that why in the future.

^^^ This. Because I have a husband who is fighting stage 4 metastatic cancer, I try to give him all the nutritional support he needs to maintain his weight. So, he likes late night snacks, because he has trouble sleeping. If he's not sleeping, chances are I'm not, so I budget in a snack into my calorie count. If I go over 20 or 30 calories by doing it, no biggie. If it's more, I exercise a little more the next day.
I also agree that binging, if happening regularly, is a symptom of a more serious issue and you need to seek a professional opinion about it. If it just happens every once in a while, try putting a large motivational poster on your fridge and cabinets. How about something like "5 reasons I want to lose weight", or "5 reasons my children need to see me setting a good example". Just a thought.

tberrycastle

You most certainly CAN do it, and the answer exists in doing it ONE DAY AT A TIME. Some of us are (food) addicts in the truest sense of the word and when the food controls you, rather than you controlling the food (As in the scenarios you shared) we become miserable, overwhelmed, and feel out of control. Taking control of your relationship with food is the first step toward success. Actually, if you follow OA (Over-eaters Anonymous) they would probably tell you that step one is admitting your powerlessness over your addiction to food. But anyway...

Meetings or no meetings, acknowledge the true issue (Addiction) and then tackle it ONE DAY AT A TIME. Sometimes this becomes ONE HOUR AT A TIME. And sometimes, ONE MINUTE AT A TIME. And what this means is that you can do anything for ONE DAY (Hour, minute.) You really CAN conjure up enough self control to manage short periods of time. I speak from experience. I always give myself full permission to PIG OUT tomorrow, without restraint of any kind. Then...."Tomorrow" becomes Today, and JUST FOR TODAY, I can do this. And so on.

Set your calorie goal fairly high (Set your MFP to lose one pound per week) so you don't feel too restricted. Make a list of your "Trigger" foods, favorite binge items, then substitute them for something acceptable. Examples of mine (Lays plain potato chips became Chester's cheese puffs, and big bowls of ice cream every night became a Skinny Cow salted caramel bar every evening.) Tell yourself the truth here: you don't have to give up the things you love, you just need to learn to regulate them. Control them, so they are not controlling you.

Success breeds success. So, for you, I would start DAY ONE where you change nothing, but drink much more water than you normally do. DAY TWO, add a serving of vegetables, or subtract (Or substitute) one snack. Stick with those two changes for a few days. Then, after a few days, add a bit of exercise (You can even count cleaning house, LOL.) When you realize that you CAN do these things successfully, and consistently, (And DO log them on MFP) then build your master plan around calorie control and nutrition. After you have a solid plan, jump into it ONE DAY AT A TIME. And don't tell yourself horror stories...you are NOT going to starve, you are NOT going to give up all of your much loved foods, you are NOT going to give up your comfort/coping tools.

Regarding support at home, you do have support here on MFP. I raised three children alone and understand those struggles well. Plan ahead. Consider weekly menus. Get the worst of the junk food (Binge items) out of the house...nobody needs them. JUST FOR TODAY, no last minute trips to the store for munchies. Keep healthy foods readily available (Cook chicken breasts and cube them up for sandwiches, salads or snacking.) String cheese, peanut butter, Chester's cheese puffs, fruits and veggies, baked sweet potatoes, Chocolate or Vanilla Soy Milk... all of these things should be available and encouraged. In moderation. And add your own list. Keep peanuts and raisins in your purse in a Ziploc. Add dried cranberries, a handful of chocolate chips, banana chips, whatever, whenever. When you feel the urge....dive into your snack stash!

Regarding the BBQ, no reason to let it get the best of you. Make sensible choices JUST FOR THIS BBQ :-)
If your only change is avoiding three helpings of potato salad, and eating half the desserts that you normally would, I would still count that as success because you are utilizing conscious choice in your eating habits.
Take control this very hour. YOU are the master...and food is your servant (To serve the health of your body and mind.) THAT is the correct relationship.

You can do this!!!!

Jaxxie1181

You have to decide for yourself you're no longer going to allow yourself to make excuses and feel defeated. Weight loss is part science (calories in/calories out) and part mental. If you believe you're just going to fail, chances are you will. A lot of us have busy lives. I'm a mom and I watch my toddler nephew during the week. For years I said, "I hate my body, I hate myself, I hate being fat" and yet I never did anything about it. I guzzled sodas, ate bags of Skittles, ate frozen pizzas, chips, etc. and lead a fairly sedentary lifestyle. For years it was a vanity issue. It upset me I didn't look cute in my clothes or I hated seeing my body in the mirror; however, once I hit my 30s it began to impact my health as well. I'd be sitting in a chair and start gasping for air. I would get winded just walking to the car or getting out of the bath tub. All of my undergarments cut into my skin. My hands and feet swelled to the point where I didn't recognize them as my own any more. That was when I said to myself, "no more!" You have to do the same, and really mean it.

One part of your post I find a bit troubling, and I'd highly recommend you try and seek some professional help for, as it may be a sign of disordered eating habits - you say you get in your car late at night and drive to the store to buy junk food for binges. Most people are prone to late-night snacking, but most people are not going to make the effort to get in the car and go to the store to buy junk food. Something, mentally, compels you to do that. Since you say you aren't getting support at home you definitely need some sort of support system.

My last piece of advice is take baby steps if you find going in head-first is overwhelming and setting you up for a crash. Just modify some things about your eating habits. Just being mindful about your portions and tracking every single thing you put in your mouth besides water will make a world of difference, even more than depriving yourself of things that you enjoy eating.

ninerbuff

It will be done when you COMMIT. It's one thing to desire something, an actually different thing to commit to it. There are no excuses or quitting once you really commit to something. And it's also a great example for you kids to see and watch you do.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

ibamosaserreinas

I have certainly been where you are and have felt what you felt. I think many of us have hit that "rock bottom" and had to make decisions. When you say that you want to change I have to argue that you may not be there yet. You may not want it badly enough yet.

Really wanting it means having a lot of tough love and saying "no" to yourself.

Helping myself mentally get there involved listing out in detail all of my reasons for wanting to change, visualizing what it would be like to lose the weight, and detailing all of the actions that would get me there and all of the actions that wouldn't.

There is a lot to be said for the phrase, "eyes on the prize".

maineapple

I think a BBQ is a challenge for anyone when you are trying to lose as most of the foods are fattening. If I am planning to attend something like that, I would bring a healthy salad to contribute to the meal. Then, make most of your meal the salad. Add a little bit of the meat being cooked and a couple of tablespoons of the potato salad. Keep in mind that if you are still hungry you can always go back, but chances are you won't be hungry.

You need a plan of attack for family gatherings and BBQs in the summer time. Fill up on raw veggies before getting to the gathering, or better yet bring a platter of raw veggies and some low fat ranch dressing. Drink a large container of flavored water and slowly chew your food (remember it takes 20 mins to feel satiated).

As moms, we often take care of everyone else but ourselves. The problem is that if we don't take care of ourselves we may have health problems and might end up not being around for our families. You are worth it, and don't feel guilty taking some time for you.

I would encourage you to set some goals on the MFP site. Make the goals reasonable and achievable with some effort. As you get closer to your goals you will see the progress and this will motivate you further on. One day at a time and little steps - it is not a race.

mbaker566

you can do it. just do this one day at a time. Maybe consider talking to a dr or look into OA if this really does seem out of your control.

prepackage snacks and drinks for yourself. it helps. Or help with the cooking so you can make healthier options. and when your brain tells you that you can't do it. find a mirror and look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself that you can do it and that you are worth it. It's really about you, family and all that is secondary. you have to want it for yourself