I'm READY....

RideRunRepeat

Alrighty - so after weighing myself this morning I see that AGAIN I've gained back the 6 pounds it took me the last month to lose. Over the last year I've been losing/gaining the same 8-10 pounds as a result of eating and living my life the way I want to- then turning around and hiding in my room to binge eat until I don't even know who I am anymore and tell myself I really don't care.

But I do care. And I'm ready. I'm ready to truly let go of this weight and everything that has been keeping me here. My extra weight/comfort food have always been a huge emotional buffer for me. Whenever I begin to drop the pounds my anxiety rises, I cover myself up, and hope no one notices because somehow I convince myself that I'll eventually fail so I figure if I'm going to fail I might as well mean to. But I'm done living in the safety of my comfort zone. I'm done with being so afraid of failure that I've begun to fear success as well. I'm ready to actually DO this...I'm ready to live my life in reckless abandon and give it my all. I'm ready to take responsibly for MY LIFE and if I fail then at least I'll go down fighting. But I'm ready. I want to actually live my life and I'm ready to let go of all this crap that has been holding me back and weighing me down.

Can't get really criticized when I'm hiding inside a body I know isn't really me. No one can tease me if my ridiculing voice rings the loudest. Words of my failure won't hurt me when I know I'm not really trying. But I want this. I want my life, my mind, and my body to be a clear, healthy, vibrant representation of who I really am.

I'm ready to put myself out there. I'm ready to live my life free of my crutch, my security, and those walls that have been shielding me because I've realized that those very same walls have become my prison. Even posting this...I could post this and no one could reply or even care. But I care. I'm posting this not only for myself but because maybe someone else out there has been or is in the same place that I am now and I think we need to know that we are not ALONE. No longer should we or will we be afraid to be who we really are because I know that who we truly are is someone who is powerful, alive, and free.

THIS is me. Life is truly precious and I'm not about to keep wasting mine. So let's do this. Let's be courageous and stand firm against all the lies, the self doubt, the fears, the haters, and every obstacle that has tried to snuff out the glorious light that is in each one of us.

Thank you all who took the time to read all this. Peace and love to each one of you on your journey!