Anxiety/depression and weight loss

brittanybock

I'm not really sure how to start so I'll just spit out what is on my mind. It's kind of all over the place and I suck with grammar/spelling so... you've been warned.

I have battled with depression and anxiety for maybe 4 or 5 years now. I didn't really know what was going on or what to call what I was going through. I changed my birth control multiple times thinking that was messing with my hormones making me irritable and down right unhappy for no reason. No success. It really put a strain on my relationship with my boyfriend which made me hate myself even more because 'why couldn't I just be happy and carefree?' Luckily, he is a great person who has stuck with me through thick and thin.

After I graduated college and entered the work force things got really bad. I would have these episodes where my breathing would become shallow and rapid and an uncontrollable emotional flood from deep down would work it's way to the surface. It felt like an elephant was standing on my chest and I could not breathe. All I wanted to do was to be alone away from the world until I felt better. Sometimes I would have to run to the restroom and silently cry which would help the anxiety pass faster. I had nothing to worry about or feel anxiety from. I had a job, decent income, great boyfriend, amazing dog, a couple close friends. On the outside I was secure but on the inside I was falling apart. I tried everything from eating better and exercising (which was a struggle because most of the time I was too tired or too down to make myself exercise). I lost the weight thinking that was the cause of my unhappiness only because my anxiety was so bad I had no appetite ever. I hated myself for how I looked. Once I lost the weight I still felt the same way and still had panic attacks and would get scared to go to work the next day.

I finally went to see the doctor because after doing much research I came to the conclusion that I could be depressed or something. I hate admitting that or even saying that because that word comes with such a negative connotation. I have been on medicine for about a year now. It has helped me with not feeling so anxious and crying all the time. I still do get depressed and down in the dumps sometimes where I want to be alone for awhile. Nothing specific upsets me I just feel blah and frustrated. When I feel like that the only thing that makes me feel better is food. I hate that that is the only thing that can make me feel better. While I'm chewing and swallowing I am so happy but when the plate is clear I am immediately sad again and feel sick. I know that it is a cycle that only I can stop obviously because I just typed it but when I'm in the moment I just do not care. So I eat. And eat. And eat. And eat. So I've gained all the weight I've lost back. (20lbs) I hate myself for doing that but food makes me happy but it also makes me sad. I go through the motions at the gym but don't see anything and I'm tired all the time. I am really struggling with getting happy and focused on my weight loss goal. Not only do my clothes not fit very well anymore but I do have high cholesterol. I look hot when I'm 20lbs lighter and for once in my life (2 years ago) I enjoyed taking pictures or seeing pictures of myself. Now, I'd just rather now.

I can't go talk to someone about this because 'ain't nobody got time fuh dat'. Plus, I don't want any of the *kitten* at my work to know I'm dealing with this because... let's be honest, it's weird. Anyway, if there is anyone out there dealing with the same thing or has gone through this I'd love to hear your story too.

marcosdt10

Hello .. Im marcos ☺I am very thankful that I found myself again... For the past year or so , iv been going through some tough ***** as well, dealing with anxiety, panic attacks, and mild depression.... I thank god and my family for helping me pull through .... Im back doing what i love doing and this is what makes me feel my #BEST.. And that is lifting and eating right... It was very tough for me to get to where I am today... I became very anti social and all I wanted to do was sleep sleep and sleep... The result of that was gaining 35 pounds of fat... And it didn't make my condition any better... There were times when I though maybe today would be my last day in this planet...I also had those episodes where my blood pressure would rise and eventually ended up with me fainting.. (Scary right ?) I decided one day that enough was enough ...I headed to the gym with the fear of having another panic attack while I worked out but my motto after that was ***** fear ... For those suffering from mental disorders or anything that is holding you back from achieving your goals.., believe in yourself , things will get better , stay active !! Sometimes youll feel like giving up... Fight through it and i promise that things will be better.. .. Feel free to add me. I copied and pasted this from one of my posts but I can relate to what you are going through.... Because of eating and working out and just staying positive... My condition has gotten a lot better I haven't gotten an episode for almost 6 months now.. And trust me.. When I talked about it with people even Dr... They thought I was crazy because it just suddenly came with no explanation... Just stay positive things will get better trust me ..

try2again

brittanybock wrote: »

I still do get depressed and down in the dumps sometimes where I want to be alone for awhile. Nothing specific upsets me I just feel blah and frustrated. When I feel like that the only thing that makes me feel better is food. I hate that that is the only thing that can make me feel better..

You're not weird- I bet we'd all be surprised just how many people probably struggle with similar issues and just don't tell anyone. I've never had issues with panic attacks, but these other feelings you describe are spot on. In fact, I was really unhappy when I joined MFP because, like you said, even when depressed I still enjoyed food and I thought to get the weight off I'd have to sacrifice that too! Thankfully it hasn't worked out that way- I'm eating really well and enjoying plenty of good things. That being said, I guess I don't really have the answer for you, except that my diet and exercise truly has helped my moods and that, in turn, has led to less of the type of eating that you talk about. I make sure to prepare foods that I really enjoy so I don't feel deprived, and when those moods hit I *try* to handle them responsibly- put on my favorite music and get some kind of workout in, take a nap if that's feasible, or maybe indulge a little. Yesterday I had 2 M&M cookies before lunch- took the time to really enjoy them- was satisfied and able to make good choices the rest of the day. For you, with a relatively small amount to lose, if you could tap into some joy exercise-wise (and believe me, if I can, you certainly can ) I bet it would be a big help. Wish you the best

NataBost

brittanybock wrote: »

I can't go talk to someone about this because 'ain't nobody got time fuh dat'. Plus, I don't want any of the *kitten* at my work to know I'm dealing with this because... let's be honest, it's weird. Anyway, if there is anyone out there dealing with the same thing or has gone through this I'd love to hear your story too.

It wasn't until very recently that I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression. I was having panic attacks and severe issues with fatigue and motivation. I probably gained the most during that time, but I'm almost back to where I want to be. I have been to several talk therapy sessions and it has helped greatly. Consider making time if you can. No one at work needs to know if you don't want them to know. And if you still are reluctant to see a counselor, reach out to someone you trust so that you can unload.

365andstillalive

You have perfectly described how I feel during anxiety attacks with that elephant comment.

The reality is, mental health has a stigma and while I can understand not wanting your co-workers and others in your life to know you're struggling, you'd be surprised how liberating it is not keeping it a secret. Once people in your life know, they can often do things to mitigate your anxiety and follow your cues on how you like to be treated. Its by no means an easy step, but its one to consider. We weren't meant to go through this struggle alone.

I know you're avoiding talk therapy for a similiar reason, but seeing a therapist was the best thing I ever did. It let me sort through issues in my life (many I didn't even realize I actually had until they became reoccurring themes in discussion) and has made me feel like a much more stable person, it's also allowed me to get off the medications I was on for anxiety and depression. I've been without medication for nearly 3 years now, but I still check in with my psychiatrist every 6 months or so. Originally I was going about twice a week.

50ShadesOfAwkward

Depression and anxiety are an interesting combination of issues, I also struggle with both, depression causes an immediate, "I give zero fvcks about anything" and anxiety very much cares about every freaking detail and also cares how everyone in the entire world would feel about it. It's a horrible combination, because you sit in your guilt and can't stop yourself from making it happen again, and again, and again. I picked up a hobby, that helped, especially since it was crafty and had an obvious end point and then there was the reward of having a thing at the end (knitting and crochet have both been scientifically proven to aid in anxiety and depression). You could also talk to your doc about changing the dose or the medication you're on. Also, see a therapist, it is amazing how nice it can be to talk to someone who is a third party to your life and entirely on your side.

lowery_meghan

You took a great step in the right direction by seeing a medical professional. My gentle suggestion is to also visit a person that specializes in mental health (psychiatrist) to make sure you are on the *right* medication, and then also to supplement those visits with mental health therapy/counseling. You are doing a lot of things correctly and you should be applauded for your efforts. I bet if you took it a step further, you'd find better results because it sounds like you need to talk through your issues and triggers you are struggling with. Please continue to seek additional help and assistance - that's what they are there for!

Sending good vibes and support your way!

clarey742015

I suffer with anxiety and depression,have lots of crap going on,could really do with more friends for motivation.would anybody like to add me as a friend to help each other xx

ItAintMagic

Oh, honey, you are soooo not alone! I've battled chronic depression since I was a teenager and a few years ago I also developed an anxiety disorder. Even though I've been on meds (again) for over a year, I still have issues. The anxiety is the worst. Like you, I didn't know what it was. I just knew I was extremely irritable, to the point that I wanted to break and smash things, which was very unlike me. At work, the slightest things could build to a point that I had to go cry in the bathroom to let some of it out. I felt like I was angry all the time over the smallest things. Then it got to a point where I felt overwhelmed with everything and would go into a panic attack. That one is still a real battle - I stopped going out with friends because I can't deal with a bunch of people around me, even if they're my friends. I can't drive after dark or I freak out when I can't see the road because of curves. The last time I drove in the dark was a few months ago and I almost ran off the road 3 times and had to pull over twice to let cars behind me pass me. When I finally got home, I basically ran to my room and cried and shook uncontrollably for about 20 minutes. Driving in the rain, or even being in a car with someone else driving in the rain, is about the most terrifying thing for me. And I used to drive everywhere, in all kinds of weather. I once drove 6 hours through the outer ring of a hurricane, in the dark! And I know how food can be such a comfort, especially when I'm in a depression. Amazingly enough, I just recently found out how a good walk can help pull me out of that, or at least enough that I don't want to clean out the cupboards. I also eat a lot of protein bars - not ones really high in sugar content, but are still sweet - chocolate chip, peanut butter, cinnamon and oats - you can see through my food diary that they are a staple of my diet now. But they are much healthier alternatives to what I used to gorge on. And I do occasionally let myself have something really decadent, without guilt, to keep me from going on binges. I have had 2 or 3 binges in the past couple of months, but I just say "tomorrow is a new start" and that keeps me from spiraling out of control. So I guess my best advice would be to keep healthy but satisfying alternatives to your binge foods around and, as stupid as it seems, when you're really down in the dumps go walk around the block a few times before diving into food. Please feel free to add me as a friend and drop me a line if you ever need to talk. You can do this. I have faith in you.

aBlueCrayon

Wow! It sounds like I literally just read pages from out of my own diary. I know all too well where you were coming from and currently are! I've been struggling for an easy 5-6 years with depression/anxiety and I just began taking medication back in March. My world has turned upside down for the better I feel like since I started. Now I'm trying to get fit, but I'm running into a similar problem. I like eating all of the sudden and I don't want to stop. I've gained ten pounds from it. I'm really fighting myself to not eat as much as I want to, but I still indulge myself on a daily basis. I can't outright stop eating food, so for now I'm just monitoring what I eat on this app so I can keep in the back of my mind what I've had today. Sometimes it works to deter me from eating and while I may feel a bit frustrated, I've gotten better at dealing with it by just being busy and active as much as I can! I'm wishing you the best of luck overcoming this, I'd be happy to lend you an ear and support anytime you need it!

Mexicanbigfoot

^ this. You are not weird AT ALL. I am in my mid-30's and I've dealt with depression since I was in my teens. I have planned twice to take my own life, but luckily I have people around me who care and I was able to get help. I was in-patient at a mental health facility for 2 weeks and then I was outpatient for another 2 weeks. At the current time, I take 2 anti depressants and I see a psychiatrist every 3 months. I was seeing a therapist for awhile; at first I would go twice a week, then once a week and then once ever 2 weeks. I have not been for over a year but I know that if I ever needed to go, I could pick up the phone and someone would be there. I, too, dealt with a lot of my issues with food, but I am a lot heavier than you. None of the people I work with know about my mental health issues and I don't intend to tell them. My boss (who I'm very close to) knows but I chose not to tell anyone else outside of my family. Sometimes there is no "reason" for depression. If you are seriously having trouble, there is NO shame in talking to someone. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks and don't let that fear of what people think stop you from getting help if you really need it. I wish you luck, feel free to add me or send me a message if you want to talk more. I will be happy to answer any questions about my personal experiences.

vinerie

Your elephant comment resonated with me. Also, when I get a panic attack I can't think; I am completely alienated from my thoughts and I just want to run, run RUN away and hide. Food is a comfort for me, too. When I have a bad panic attack, I will often seek comfort food. I haven't had one in a long time, thank goodness, but that is because I manage it with meds that I take before the scenarios in which I often get panic attacks (I have MAJOR performance anxiety, so public presentations/talks are a huge issue for me).

As for the day-to-day anxiety, I used to also be on a regular anti-depressant to "put a cap" on the anxiety, as my doctor described it. It worked very well, but I didn't like how I felt. I felt like I was on mute. Everything was muffled, including my emotions. So I cycled off it and actually feel pretty good right now. I was thinking about this the other day, and I think one of the reasons I'm feeling good is because I"m eating right and exercising. I've never eaten more leafy greens in my life (lots of kale) and I truly do feel a difference in my mental state.

Anxiety is the WORST. It's like wearing this invisible backpack that is incredibly heavy, but no one can see, so they don't realize what you're dealing with.

I'm sorry you're struggling. I think the best thing is to acknowledge it and seek help from professionals who understand that anxiety and depression are real. Managing it takes more than just smiling and putting yourself in a good mood! (God I hate when People say 'just RELAX!').

Good luck to you.

aaliceinw

Hi. It sounds like you and a lot of people here are suffering from Major Depression, which is a clinical diagnosis and not weird at all. I was diagnosed a few years ago. In this case dieting, exercise and gaining new healthier habits alone will not help you to understand what is triggering the negative behaviors, nor how to respond to them differently.

There is something called Cognitive Behavior Therapy, which helps to identify the triggers and provide real coping skills to avoid the anxiety attacks and change your responses to these triggers.

There is a lot of other things out there to support but psychological therapy is usually the best approach initially to get the professional support that you first need.

I've been off all meds for 6 months now and was on them for 5 years.

CSARdiver

You are not strange, weird, or alone and sometimes it is much better to use internet friends as the anonymity allows one to break barriers we wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with friends and family.

A friend of mine suffered from PTSD for years and believe he described it best: "It's not that I don't understand why certain things affect me. It's that I cannot understand why it doesn't affect you the same way". It really isn't that the rest of us weren't affected, but we just kept it buried. The key is that once he recognized it and accepted help he was able to turn it around and eventually used it as a growth opportunity. I hope you do the same.