So down on myself

coco1175

I'm in the world of horrible self-hate over my body is actually getting in the way of getting back in shape.

I'm 40, and need to lose about 35 pounds. I'm a single mom who works full-time, and I'm in grad school. I know that working out daily and eating well would help me manage stress and be a happier, healthier mom. I was actually a sinewy cross country runner in high school, and am having a really hard time even engaging in life, because I feel so unattractive. I want to swim with my kids at the public pool, to date without worrying so painfully about rejection, try on clothes without wanting to sob at the sizes that fit and the reflection in the mirror.

This weekend, I am getting away with old college girlfriends...they are both sweet, wonderful, supportive, strong women...but I don't even want to go. And I definitely don't want to take pics...but I also don't want to tell my friends that.

I've been dealing with this counterproductive self-hate While trying to lose weight for over 5 years. I tried therapy and was handed Prozac, which I used for only 3 days due to side effects. I don't want drugs. I want weights and cardio and good food.

I don't know how to finally get motivated... Please help!

Cchioles

You're First Step Was Asking For Help.. You're In The Right Place!

JessicaLester2

Hi! I'm going to be hosting an accountability group on facebook if you are interested starting June 1st. Just a group of people motivate each other to reach their goals and feel better about themselves. I would love to have you join us!

4anewstart

Coco- what helped me is to read inspirational quotes about weight loss. My fav is " Don't be disappointed by the results you didn't get, from the work you didn't do." I have this posted in my kitchen. Changing is work- but worth it. This reminds me that I have to actively and intentionally participate in my own positive decisions before I'll see results.
JessicaLester2 how can I join your accountability group?

cjsacto

Have fun with your friends! Treasure that opportunity. You are more than what you weigh (a cliche but true!). You are accomplishing a lot in your life, what size you are right now is a tiny part of who and what you are. You are taking steps to be healthier, and that's really important, but don't miss out on opportunities to experience joy. Be kind to yourself. One site that has helped me with body image is www.mybodygallery.com. 35 pounds to lose isn't that extreme. Look at some photos of others your height and weight. Do you think they deserve to be hated because of their size, or do you think they are just people living their lives and trying their best?

coco1175

Thank you SO much. That site does actually help!

irishdancer214

I'm a good bit younger, but I fully understand how you feel... we live in a society that tells women to love their bodies...yet shows them that the only bodies worth loving are size 0 and curvy in all the right places. I am here too because I want to finally be able to say "let's go swimming!" Rather than finding every reason to avoid putting on a swimsuit...I'm here so that I can take pictures of me with my friends...and actually want to show them off because I don't feel totally fat....and I'm here to be healthier so my joints aren't hating me for the rest of my life due to the extra weight I'm making them carry. LET'S DO THIS!!

cj94404

I am not remotely fit and I get the bathing suit issue but I recommend drawing the line at avoiding activities due to your perceived body "flaws". Your kids will remember swimming with you, not whether you were a size 1 or 16. And if you think others at the pool are judging you shrug it off. You can't control their thoughts. And most people are into their own activities and aren't going to linger on you. The advantage of being 40 is toughness. You aren't 16 and unsure of your strengths.

Good luck and find a comfortable suit and swim. Playing in the water burns calories.

JottRuthClaire

You may want to consider not giving up the effort to find the right medication. I take medication for depression, and it is not a "happy pill" - it just makes managing the drastic ups and downs easier. Makes my brain synapses get into shape. You still have to put in the effort.

coco1175

Thanks! I've thought about that...

crispaholicshaz

oh Coco, go and enjoy your self, life is much too short to waste a minute worrying over something we can't change over nite.. Your on the right path celebrate that.
I am 44 in 21 days, an the heaviest I've ever been. (12 stone 3lb & only 5ft 3..) I've just come off anti-depressants after nearly 3yrs on them & its taken 14days to start feeling "normal".. i use HEAD SPACE app... to relax. its only 10minutes per day.. i do mine when going bed, helps me sleep.. or if i feel stressed.

anbtjp

I am the same age as you and just two weeks ago I was feeling the way you are. The difference is that I have 100 lbs to lose. I wish at 35lbs overweight I would have started doing what I am doing now. I like to think that in 6 months I could look like I do now or I could look slimmer...the time is going to pass anyway.

KingsGirl4

I am anti-pills. If it's not a matter of life and death then be strong and use the power of your mind. I believe in mind power so much - you don't need pills to get better.

Definitely go on the trip with the girls! You will gain so much inspiration while you are in good spirits. Every little experience we have counts in the long run. If you are down for the challenge, I challenge you to spend 10-15 minutes in the morning at the hotel gym or better - take a walk outside. You will enjoy yourself much more on your trip and feel less "guilty" when indulging

coco1175

Thank you both!
I have checked out the hotel gym...and early am solo workouts do amazing things for me...so I'm making that a goal! :-)