Gary M. Introduction (a tail of medical woes, a great family, and the most loving spouse anywhere.)

garymeer

Hi, I am a very happily married man. My wife and I have been married for 36 years. We fell in love very quickly, and were engaged just a couple of months after we met. I was 20 when we married, and my wife was 24. We adopted 2 kids, and went through all the normal struggles of bringing up our kids, and then some.

Our son was mentally ill. He refused to take any therapy seriously, and instead tried to treat his symptoms with street drugs. As you can imagine, this got him into trouble with the law. To be able to buy his drugs he also sold them. He spent a year in jail after being caught. About a year and a half later he got caught again, and was looking at some more serious charges, and time in a state prison as opposed to the county jail he served his time in previously. This stress, along with his bipolar depression drove him to suicide. He left behind 2 children by 2 different mothers. His first son was the result of a one-night-stand, and the second was with a woman he truly loved, and was engaged to. We consider her our daughter-in-law to this day.

I spent most of the first 4 years of my 1st grandson's life babysitting him nearly every day. We did everything we could to help and support the mother of our 1st grandson. Unfortunately just before his 4th birthday she flipped out over something I said (and which she later admitted I was correct about). She has not let us contact our oldest grandson for the past 9 years. We hope that when he sees his birth certificate for his driver's education class he will get curious and look us up. His other grandfather knows we love him still, and how to contact us.

Our 2nd grandson we see very frequently, and when we are not seeing him he is calling us to let us know how his days are going. He turned 10 last summer, and he is a major source of joy in our lives He frequently spends weekends or longer at our house. However, as he is growing up, he is more involved in sports and other after school activities (which is a great thing), and we get to see him a bit less. Even so, we are deeply connected to him, and are very grateful that his mother and other grandmother are so open to having him in our lives.

Our daughter is a graphic artist and a budding real estate agent in one of the most prosperous areas of the state, and even the country. We are extremely proud of her, and the way she has met and overcome the challenges in her life. She has faced some serious medical issues already in her life, and has endured them with grace and bravery. She has now found what seems to be the love of her life, and we could not be happier for her.

My wife is a brilliant and beautiful woman. Like me, she is disabled. Despite this, she just completed her Bachelor's degree in web development from the University of Phoenix. She is now hoping to get a job, but understands af our age it will be difficult. Her backup plan is to develop web sites for the local businesses which cannot afford the prices charged by the larger firms. I am proud and just amazed at what she has done in getting her degree. While in school she faced some serious health problems, and managed to tackle them without missing a beat in her education. She has managed the difficult times we have had in the last 20 years with style, grace, beauty, and bravery. After our son died, we joined a survivors group. My wife is now an in-demand speaker for the group that helped us through our grief.

I myself am a retired Computer Scientist. I am also an active Roman Catholic Deacon. I have been retired on disability for about as long as I have been a Deacon. In 1999 I was forced to retire, as my hands had developed an extremely painful condition that did not allow me to type on a keyboard. In addition, I have Fibromyalgia, Psoriatic Arthritis, and degenerative disk disease. I have had to undergo 8 operations in the past 8 years (mostly spinal), and have some more coming. During a period of remission I started back in Graduate School to get my Master's Degree in Computer Science. I somehow managed this (from Wayne State University) in 2009. This was despite have back surgery and dealing with the grief from my son's death while I was in school. However, I was unable to secure a position upon graduation. This may have been for the best, as I have had 4 more major operation since I graduated. I am currently awaiting the implantation of a pain control device, as well as the possibility that I may require surgery on my left shoulder. (I had my right shoulder fixed a few years back). Once I am through with that, I may also to attempt another shot at working.

Due to my numerous orthopedic operations, I gained quite a lot of weight. After my 1st back operation my Doctor told me to forget about weight loss or even maintaining my current weight. I was instructed to eat as much dairy as possible (specifically ice cream and milk shakes), along with much more protein and carbs. This was to ensure that the bone fusion in my back healed properly. I have now had a number of these operations, and have the C5-C7 vertebrae in my neck fused, as well as the L1-L5 vertebrae in my lower back. All told, I gained close to 60 pounds since my first operation. I have lost about half of that so far, I have also become insulin dependent with my type II diabetes (it runs in my family). I have been getting very serious in managing my diet, as well as getting more exercise. I am finding the tools available in the MyFitnessPal quite valuable. I am glad that my exceptional wife found this site for me to use. I hope to be able to get back down to a health weight, and into better condition.

deladypilot

Hi Gary and welcome to MFP. You are obviously a very strong person so I have no doubt that you will reach your goal. Just take one day at a time are do not fret over the speed bumps along the way. Take some time to learn all the great things that MFP can help you with from supportive friends to meal options.

I will send you a friend request and be happy to support your journey

jorinya

Hi Gary,
Very sorry to hear about your son and all the the troubles that you have been facing in your life. You are truly an inspiration to anyone that hears your story. When I read your story I was reminded of the Book of Job and how he suffered but in the end everything was restored back to him. Keep your head up and continue the way you are going. You are doing an amazing job of getting yourself back to a healthy you. I had tears in my eyes just reading your story. I'm adopted and wish that my mum was the type of parent you were to your son. Some of my weight gain is because of how she used to treat me when she had a daughter of her own. No one understood my struggle with her and always listened to her lies about me. Even my own husband believed her. Thank God, I have wonderful supportive in-laws who I see as my true family. My Papa is ex military and gave me tips on working out, which was great. He calls me every night to ask me how my workout was and to tell me to remember to rest. Ive been married 14 years and have three boys ages 13, 11 and 8. And a little girl aged 3. My eldest boy is a struggle but I hope he will stop before he goes to far. The rest are wonderful and very supportive of my choice to lose weight and become a better mum for them.
I have a brother who is also adopted and he has turned out just fine. He is a highly qualified paramedic and also is a bouncer and plays rugby. Great role model for the local boys. He lost tons of weight and has competed in there ironman competitions. He is one of my inspirations but I've not told him. I can't wait to go home and show my so-called sister and her mum that I am thinner than them and see their face when they realise I am successful and doing well for myself.
Good luck on your journey and know that you have support here from us as well. Oh, your wife sounds like an amazing woman. Please give her a big hug from me and tell her she is an amazing woman.
Much love

Joanne