Binge eating will be the death of me. Help?

CleanBEAN1

After going 3 weeks without binge eating, I completely lost it and ate everything in sight these past THREE DAYS! My unhealthy relationship towards food began a year ago and it just keeps getting worse as time goes on. I would binge maybe once a month, but now it's once a week. Counting calories as a way to lose weight was introduced to me 2-3 years ago even though I was already at a healthy weight. I was 17 at the time and not all that happy with my body, so I decided, why not? I have nothing to lose if I start tracking my calories and weight every day. I remember 3 weeks into it, I lost 4 pounds while eating 1200 calories and exercising vigorously every day. I was very happy and decided to have a cheat meal because of how restrictive my diet was. This all went downhill once I realized I had gained back all the weight after having a few days of freedom. I didn't feel terribly guilty and I never punished myself; just went back to a 1200 calorie diet until I was happy again. This was my plan for the rest of my life because getting fat was almost as scary as death to me. I was NEVER happy with my face or my smile, so I tried to compensate by having a decent body. Along with this came the struggles of food allergies and restrictive diets (soy free, gluten free, vegan). I was on this diet for 4 years and craved pastries, chocolate, dairy, and processed foods the whole time. Yesterday was the first day I splurged on all of the foods I was not allowed to eat and it felt like heaven, up until I got severe stomach pains and hives. This was temporary, but the guilt was not. I decided to fast for a period of almost 2 days and over-exercise to compensate for the weight gain. All was good until I gave into the urge to binge YET AGAIN after a few days passed. I ate an estimated 5000-6000 calories each day I binged. This is 11700 calories over my maintenance in total (which is 1600). I've tried weight lifting as a way to improve confidence while eating normally, but my restrictive diet and lack of energy led to zero progress over the seven months I spent lifting. Now I'm back, worse than ever; my head bombarded with visuals of food, fears of eating those foods and strong desires to eat them. Food is all I can think about and it's killing me in every way possible. I can't even study at school without thinking about it. Skipping classes due to guilt and shame after binging became a norm. Fear of getting seen in public after binging is also taking over my mind. As of now, I'm 120 pounds at 5'4 (that's the most I've ever weighed at the age of 19). I gained 5 pounds just this week due to binging. Tomorrow I have no other option but to fast and exercise all day. Please help before I become obese or commit suicide? I would appreciate advice and I want to thank anyone who read this lengthy post.

etelou

I feel for you you, I really do. This must be a terrible thing you're going through which is why i'm recommending that you talk to someone about it...a school counselor or psychiatrist to be exact. This doesn't seem like an issue that's going to go away anytime soon. From your statement it seems that its getting harder to control these binge eating sessions so getting control of that should be on your priority list. It's not normal for you to live on a restrictive diet for a long period of time and then overexercise on top of that, it's really not. Moderation will help you lose weight but I think that you've overdoing this due to the negative body image you seem to have of yourself. If you can speak to a counselor, please do. At least you'll have a way to air out these feelings and try to figure out what might be setting you up for failure. Good Luck!!!

zoeysasha37

It sounds like you need some professional help. Does your college have a counselor that you could speak to about this?

Vickilick

Sorry to read your comment, it sounds like you've had a difficult relationship with food but it's definitely something you can get in control and I wouldn't go as far as saying suicide is an option.
Please seek professional help as suggested above and let us know how you get on as we'd all love to hear when you're doing much better

jenmovies

Whoah! Slow down here. Firstly, go talk to the school counsellor or chaplain asap. Secondly, it's stress. I remember university. Why do you think the 'Freshman 15' is a thing? Stress causes our bodies to go into survival mode. You need a stress management plan ASAP. You need to also organise your study schedule with some planning, digital calendar and 'to do' lists.

Secondly, DO NOT BUY the trigger foods. Did you know you can eat endless amounts of cucumber? Slice it up and have with a low-cal (not low fat) dip option for example. Carrots are good too.

From your description, you are a slim girl. At 19, it is easy to lose weight and easy to maintain it. Do not panic!

Your starvation and extreme exercising is really unhealthy, and it is causing your body again to go into survival mode. You need good energy to be able to concentrate on class, study and assignments. Try to get more protein (chicken, eggs, broccoli, protein shakes) and just use MFP to count everything you are eating. Do not forget to count your exercise, including all your walking/running around campus.

I think you are really panicking about a lot of stuff. Break it down into smaller parts, and do one thing at a time. Really, just breathe!

PLANNING. This will help you deal with all the extreme stress of school, help you prepare meals and snacks that are better for you to grab on the go, and help you to relax. Make sure you get some good cardio exercise most days (even if brief) as this will help you deal with the stress, and cause you to feel happier. SLEEP is really important too. It helps you heal, and have a normal human body cycle.

Keep reminding yourself that eating those bad foods is you PUNISHING YOURSELF. It is certainly not a treat, especially with your food allergies.

SUPPORT. Finally, do you have a roommate or friend who can help you? Maybe look up some on campus support groups? Or post something in the school classifieds so you can find a friend or two to keep on the right path?

I really feel bad for you. I hope you can get some good help soon. Just break it down into one little bit at a time. You are super lucky to be so young and still slim. I fully believe this situation is easy to remedy, you just need to relax and start to take steps to resolve the underlying issues. BIG HUGS!

DucktasticallySlim

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Do you have a friend or a counselor you can talk to? It sounds like you are having some serious negative feelings towards yourself. No matter how much weight you gain you are worth more than a number on a scale. There is more to life than weight and how you look. Find the things that make you happy again and do those things instead of eating. I requested you as a friend. Send me a message anytime you need a friend.