Balancing Chronic Illness and Weight

jessltc

Back story: I met my husband 10 years ago and were sporadic friends only hanging out for a few months at time. He nearly died from Ulcerative Colitis 7 years ago. It nearly ruptured his colon and led to it being completely removed over 3 major surgeries. I moved 700 miles away in 2011 we started dating in 2012 long distance. He told me he believed he no longer had Ulcerative colitis because well... he didn't have a colon any more. In 2013 we married. I celebrated losing 25 lbs in time for our wedding and was running 6-10 miles a week. That same year we went to some IBD doctors and they diagnosed him with mild to severe Crohn's Disease. It rocked us.

In the last 2 years I've felt so overwhelmed and depressed. Shortly after getting married I stopped running. Started eating what my husband was eating (starches, starches and more starches) and packed on 90 lbs in the last 2 years. NINETY (bleeping) POUNDS. I'm having to buy new clothes every couple of months. I can't afford this. I sneak eat all the time. I feel suffocated in an addiction to starches and sugars like never before. I've never really enjoyed my job, but now I despise it.

I bought an older home in 2012 and repairs unexpectedly pop up ever couple months. I like working on our house but not when I feel the way I do now (plus we can't afford to hire a professional)

I know I need to take one thing at a time. But some days it seems they all fall on me at once.

I took off work today. I've been sitting in my dining room trying to create a menu for the next 7 days. I've had to skip over 95% of the recipes because they don't sit well with my husband or are too high calorie/too carb loaded for me. I can't go grocery shopping anyways because I have $0.53 in my bank account (at least until payday tomorrow).

I glance outside. Think about how the lawn hasn't been mowed in 2 weeks and we still have a hole to fill in from when our water main broke. My husband usually can't help with a lot of the house maintenance because he's exhausted after working all day and trying to manage his illness. Plus he hates working on the house.

I don't mean to have a pity party. I just need to vent I suppose.