Looking back is crushing. Being the fat friend

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MinmoInk
MinmoInk Posts: 345 Member
edited June 2015 in Motivation and Support
I was looking back in my friends facebook photos, which I untagged myself from back then, and I saw myself. I was happy in the pictures but it was so painful to see that I was THE fat friend. Everyone else was skinny and beautiful and never had problems with weight, but me I looked huge.

I have lost quite a bit of weight since then but it really hurts to see myself like that. I feel transported right back in that place as soon as I looked at it. As if nothing changed... i'm still the largest friend from my old HS group, but I don't much keep in touch with them anymore. I don't know how to deal with this, its really messing with my head.

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  • Pandora_and_her_box
    Pandora_and_her_box Posts: 240 Member
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    I know how you feel, hun, most of my friends are gorgeous and tiny, but I think everyone feels that way sometimes. If not the the 'fat' one, then the ugly one, the unsuccessful one - whatever it is in life that they're insecure about. There might be things about you, personal qualities you have that make your friends feel inadequate! Just because they're skinny, doesn't mean they have perfect lives or don't wish they could be different too.

    Well done on your weight loss and taking control of the situation. Try and feel proud of what you've achieved and how far you've come when you look back at those old photos and don'the forget, there's more to you than weight or how you look. You are worth much more than a number on the scale or a dress size. X
  • ManiacalLaugh
    ManiacalLaugh Posts: 1,048 Member
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    I was the "fat friend" too in HS, although admittedly, that was amongst a group of guys, which probably created a different dynamic. My two best guy friends were so skinny, that they had to buy the smallest size pants they could find, fold over the waists, and then belt them that way so they would stay on their hips.

    Now, one of those friends exercises like crazy to keep the weight off. The other one has completely let himself go and probably weighs 250-300 lbs.

    My point is that time changes everything. One can either change for the better, or change for the worse. It sounds like you've opted for the former. Now it's time to take the past and make a lesson out of it, but not live by it. I keep a picture of myself from HS next to those two super-skinny guys. Although I still feel slightly disgusted by it, I know I am not that person anymore. I've grown (figuratively, not literally, thank goodness), I've had life experience, and I've achieved my own successes. I have nothing in common with that girl.
  • bigblondewolf
    bigblondewolf Posts: 268 Member
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    BFDeal wrote: »
    Yeah, it's only been like 9 years. Probably perfectly normal to still be thinking about high school this much.

    Rude much? Not everyone had a great experience in high school and it's natural to look back on it with a bit of sadness if you didn't feel they were your best years.
  • Jruzer
    Jruzer Posts: 3,501 Member
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    Just remember that they all had their own struggles too. Those of us with weight problems just have more visible struggles than many other people.
  • Alicue21
    Alicue21 Posts: 14 Member
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    I know how you feel. I wore a bigger size in middle school and high school than I do now in my early 30's. All my old photos show me as the fat girl, and I had much of the same feelings when I started my weight loss journey looking back at old photos. I'd feel terribly ashamed, but then time passed and I realized how beautiful I was and am. I may not have been thin back then but gosh darn it, I was still awesome and pretty! Some of the world is not kind to big girls, I get that, but that's not all the world. Remember that. Learn to love yourself more and don't feed the demons in you that refuse to. You are beautiful regardless of weight. Weight loss should be a journey you take to better yourself not to become happy with yourself - hope that makes sense. It's the best investment you could ever make. Plus, when you do love yourself people will gravitate to you because confidence cannot be faked and is alluring like a bug to a light. I can tell you that your teens and early 20's suck and you are bombarded with images that make you think you're not beautiful or thin enough - you are. Ignore that mess, work on you and love what you are and what you want to become for you.
  • RhythmGypsi
    RhythmGypsi Posts: 79 Member
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    Ugh, please ignore the idiot pizza troll above this comment, commenting on a post in the MOTIVATION AND SUPPORT forum.

    LAME

    We don't tend to have a time limit on our pain. It ceases to hurt once we've found a way to make peace with our pasts. I will never forget how uncomfortable I felt in high school -- I just kept growing every year. It really sucked :( I can tell you though, after having dropped 45pds, my old high school friends didn't treat me any differently :smile:

    It was really wonderful, because they saw me as the same person, no matter what I looked like. I also had an equal amount of male and female friends in school, so it was nice to know that my personality was what they were interested in being friends with.

    I say that even if you are feeling a bit bummed, remember that you are choosing to make a great change for your Life :) And, when you start having pictures taken of you now, you'll have a great timeline of before and after. I absolutely love it when people gasp when they see how different I looked 10 years ago (yes, I still remember times back then). One might think the typical response would be, "Look at how fat you were!" What I tend to get instead is, "Look at how much you've changed! You've worked really hard for this transformation! That is so awesome!!!"

    Those are the kind of comments that I'm after, because that's exactly what I did, and how I'm still happy with everything that I've gone through. I never would have learned to feel like my self-worth was important if I didn't question it from time to time. Now I don't wonder. I know I'm worth it :) And, so are you!!! <3
  • mmd575
    mmd575 Posts: 88 Member
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    This post really resonated with me. I am experiencing the same thing! Just know that you are not alone. I still can't look at my old pics, but I'm also constantly reminded of my old self when people point out how much weight I've lost. It's good and bad at the same time. But I feel it's one of those things where over time it gets easier. And it takes realizing while physically you are not that person, emotionally you feel the same. If you are able to see a therapist you should give that a try, it helps me to talk it out to my psychologist.
  • RMLMoore
    RMLMoore Posts: 130 Member
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    Remember you did say you were happy. Don't let the weight rob you of that. You are in a different place now but that doesn't mean that there was nothing good about the past. And there may be those looking back thinking "I wish I was as happy as she was".

    "Comparison is the thief of joy".
  • brynnsmom
    brynnsmom Posts: 945 Member
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    BFDeal wrote: »
    Yeah, it's only been like 9 years. Probably perfectly normal to still be thinking about high school this much.

    You know, I'm pushing 40 and while I don't dwell on the fact that I was the"fat friend" in high school, reading posts like this one certainly stir up those old feelings of shame and inferiority. There are things that cut deep that some of us never completely let go of.

    OP, it's great that you've changed for the better. You can believe not all of them are "skinny and beautiful" now. Don't live in the past. Onward!
  • ginny92802
    ginny92802 Posts: 66 Member
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    I guess if there's one thing to like about being over 40, it's lack of Facebook pics when I was at my heaviest. I do have one picture that I have kept of me and two friends, and I am standing behind them hiding myself as best as possible to avoid showing up in the picture. You see two girls smiling and me just from the double chin up with an uncomfortable look on my face.
  • irejuvenateme
    irejuvenateme Posts: 96 Member
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    You said "Everyone else was skinny and beautiful and never had problems with weight" and I understand it must be painful - I grew up with comments about small biceps from my dad (I was maybe 12!) and afraid to take my shirt off at the pool/beach. But the truth is you never know what was going on in their heads - they may have had plenty of insecurities - Focus on you. You can't control the past, but you can learn from it and have your own joy now.
    My main issue may not have been weight back them but boy was it self-esteem!
    Anyway it shows a lot of strength to be able to post this, whatever weight you were or you are, you seem to be a pretty substantive person and clearly in a different place now. There is a lot I wish I would have done differently myself, maybe I would be doing what I love for a living instead of something I merely "like well enough" but today is a new day.

    Onward and forward, right?! Have a good weekend.
  • MinmoInk
    MinmoInk Posts: 345 Member
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    Wow everyone in here is so nice! Thank you for all the replies so far... I really am appreciative of everyone's comments and it was a little overwhelming :'(<3

    I do realize that many of my friends were, and still are, going through hardships of their own. I still keep in contact with many of them but not as a circle, just individually. I feel that jealously is an ugly thing and boy was I jealous of them, I have moved past that now. I love my friends dearly, even if we all don't talk much.

    These pictures I was referring to was from 2009, so about 6 years ago. Heavens no I don't have any actual pictures of me while I was in high school haha. We were all using Xanga and Myspace anyway :) I was even heavier in high school. I do agree that painful and hard times are not easy to forget, and to see the pictures they evoke emotions within us and make the wounds feel fresh again.

    I'm very relieved to post it and to have people to share these feelings with, I'm happy to hear what everyone has to say. Thanks guys. I don't have many (really any) friends here on MFP so if someone wants to add me as a friend I'd be very happy :)
  • Zowiesb
    Zowiesb Posts: 19 Member
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    I'm mortified to see pictures of myself and I don't let people take photos of me but I don't want to be like this anymore. My suggestion to you though (and I don't know if it will work) is take a photo of yourself now and look and see if you feel more positive about what you're seeing. You're never going to be completely free of the past but that doesn't mean it should be the image of yourself you focus on. It sounds like you worked really hard and when you see those photos to remember that and who you are now.
  • MinmoInk
    MinmoInk Posts: 345 Member
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    Zowiesb wrote: »
    I'm mortified to see pictures of myself and I don't let people take photos of me but I don't want to be like this anymore. My suggestion to you though (and I don't know if it will work) is take a photo of yourself now and look and see if you feel more positive about what you're seeing. You're never going to be completely free of the past but that doesn't mean it should be the image of yourself you focus on. It sounds like you worked really hard and when you see those photos to remember that and who you are now.

    Thank you so much. I firmly believe you'll get there! I did that yes its my profile picture now. Thank you so much Zowiesb!
  • lilbthebasedgod
    lilbthebasedgod Posts: 34 Member
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    I can totally relate to this, as I've been the fat friend in the group my entire life. I'm only 19 right now, and I still struggle with this being a junior in college and it is not easy being surrounded by much thinner peers all the time. However, we must think about the fact that we have done something about it, and celebrate the small successes we achieve throughout our fitness journey. Whether it's the fact that you can now walk up that flight of stairs that once left you winded a month ago, or that you feel much better about the dietary and fitness choices you make now compared to back then, be proud of yourself! You've worked really hard to get here today, and don't ever look back - just keep moving forward, take it one day at a time :)

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