Favourite joke to date?

kelsierose094

I need some laughter in my day, so everyone - share the best joke you have heard to this day! Long, short, one-liner, riddle, anything

Mine is quite dirty.. "Why does a honey moon only last 7 days?"
Because seven days makes a whole week :laugh:

Took me a while to get it

Maribel_1986

:huh:

sam308lbs

I need some laughter in my day, so everyone - share the best joke you have heard to this day! Long, short, one-liner, riddle, anything

Mine is quite dirty.. "Why does a honey moon only last 7 days?"
Because seven days makes a whole week :laugh:

Took me a while to get it

nice!
"What kind of murderer has moral fiber?" — "A cereal killer."

UnwrappingCandy

Mine is quite dirty.. "Why does a honey moon only last 7 days?"
Because seven days makes a whole week :laugh:

Took me a while to get it

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

HS2305

Why did the baker have smelly hands? Because he kneaded a poo.

sam308lbs

Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A: It's Braille for "suck here".


Q: Why does Santa have such a big sack?
A: Cos he only comes once a year.

iggyboo93

What do you find inside a clean nose?
Fingerprints

How did Canada come up with it's name?
Someone pulled a bunch of letters out of a hat - "C" eh? "N" eh? "D" eh?

What do engineers use for birth control?
Their personality

That's pretty much my entire joke collection.

a_mandolin_

Guess what?

Chicken butt.

leebesstoad

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her
and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do
know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly,
you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife,
and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never
amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't
build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the
worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very
quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the
electric chair.

ScatteredThoughts

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her
and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do
know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly,
you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife,
and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never
amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't
build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the
worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very
quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the
electric chair.

:laugh:

rml_16

This one is very funny under the right circumstances and really needs to be said out loud, but it's one of the best:

Ask me if I'm a truck.

Are you a truck?

No.



We just call it the truck joke.

katiekatiekatie7

How do you make an apple crumble? Kick it in the crotch...

122ish

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two…. but I don’t know how they got in there.


How do u make holy water? ...you boil the hell out it.


Waka Waka Waka

jgido759

For Disney fans:

Why does Ariel (The Little Mermaid) wear sea shells?

Because she's too big for "B" shells and too small for "D" shells.

a_mandolin_

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter, he can't come to you anyways.

rubymax650

A man walks into a bar, buck naked with a pair of jumper cables around his neck.
The bartender takes one look at him and says "Alright, you can stay. Just don't start anything."