Motivation for a teenage girl

siltsu2014

Hello all! I've been over weight most of my life but luckily I've never been bullied or anything about it. Since last year I've started a journey of self love and acceptance that has boosted my confidence a bit. But I'm still not okay with being fat. I think about losing weight daily and it's one of my main goals in life.

Recently I was at a party when my friend asked to speak with me privately. She asked me if I could speak with one of her guests about being over weight. The girl is over weight, too, the only one of her siblings and feels really bad about it. My friend said "you're so confident and beautiful and okay with yourself, can you give her some words of encouragement. Like when dealing with relationships and the like." I'm not sure how I feel about giving out a message that I'm okay with myself when I'm really not but in this situation I couldn't say no to my friend and to this girl. I said she could come and talk to me when she feels like it and I can try to give my best support.

Of course I have a few things to say about bodypositivity and such but I'm not sure if that's enough. Do any of you have some advice to give to this girl? About anything really, bodypositivity, weight loss etc. I'd really appreciate it since I'm dreading the moment when she comes to speak to me a bit because I really want to be supportive but I also don't want to say something I don't mean. Also I never speak about my weight in public because it's something I just want to hide so I really need to practice some lines beforehand

nineteentwenty

Aww, the poor thing.

The most liberating thing I learned is that I am NOT my body. I'm a mind, a spirit. I'm driving this body like you'd drive a car, and it does not define me.

SherryTeach

@siltsu2014, are you also a teenage girl?

leslisa

For reference, I am a recovered anorexic. I guarantee nothing anyone said to me really helped until I began to understand the underlying issues I had that had developed my feelings of inadequacy.

I think, more important than talking to her is listening to her. Hear what she is saying. Try to understand her feelings. Show her she is important because you want to hear her story and not just give her your own or shove a bunch of optimistic crap down her throat. Anyone can tell anyone else what they should do, how they should feel. To have someone listen and hear is so much more important in my opinion. Believe me. EVERYONE wanted to fix me. Everyone knew what was best for me. But they didn't. Because every situation is different. No two people, even in the same family, are raised the same way. You have no idea what is going on in this girl's home, with her family, how she is treated at school, what she experiences at anytime except when she is with you.

Based on what she says you may find advice or thoughts within yourself that instinctively emerge. If one of those thoughts is that you struggle with self worth then let her know that. If you appear perfect she may feel even more imperfect.

Finally, while the most important thing is to love oneself, to find beauty and grace and happiness in oneself, it is so much easier said than done. I'm wondering if anything you can say to her in five minutes (or even five hours) is going to help significantly. It's not like it is in the movies. Those who are insecure have a life long struggle.

I'm not saying do not have a conversation with her. Each conversation she has may provide a little speck of light, a little glimmer of how life could be. Enough specks of light and eventually, one day, she might find herself standing in the sun.

Best of luck. It is a good thing you are trying to do.
leslisa