Fine line between accepting yourself and trying harder

QueenOSpades

I'm curious to know how some of you determine what that fine line is between when it’s a good time to accept yourself as you are and the time when you should actually look at yourself and say “I need to do better”?

As for myself I’ve been having an internal tuggawar for the past couple of months where one day I'm OK with where I am health/fitness wise and on other days I feel totally guilty about "self-sabotage" that happens (skipping training sessions, indulging on a beer or two with friends, etc.)

I’m finding it real hard to determine if "OK" is good, or if it's just me trying to make excuses for prioritizing other things in my life.

How do you guys/girls deal with your own self-image?

MostlyWater

It's pretty hard.

For example, I unexpectedly gained a few lbs which I'd like to lose. I'd like not to starve in the process, however.

Part of me wants to say you're 50 year old, it could be worse. And the other part of me says, just eat smaller portion sizes and fill up more on fruits and veggies.

So I get you.

cwolfman13

the primary reason i do the things i do is for my health...not that I don't like the look that comes with it, but i really focus primarily on health. if i stop doing the things i do for my health, i will no longer be healthy...therefore, there really isn't an "enough" or a finish line or anything like that.

i will always work towards health and the betterment of myself.

you should be able to live a healthy lifestyle to include your fitness and still be able to have a life. i can tell you right now, fitness is very important to me, but it comes in behind my family for sure. i think a lot of people think they need to be going 100 mph all of the time to be fit and healthy...and they don't.

agreenid

First of all "a beer or two with friends" isn't necessarily self-sabotage.

For me, being social and being able to hang out with family and friends and not be sad in the corner munching on carrot sticks is a huge deal. Which is why this time, for the first time, I'm looking at this as a lifestyle change, not a diet. 90% of what I eat during the week is food I've made. I go to the gym. Most days, I stick to my calorie counts.

When I'm out, most of the time I try to get the healthiest option. But sometimes (like last week) I went for a burger and tots (I love tots). It was a treat and it was awesome. The next day I was back to what I normally eat and well within my goals. This weekend we had an unexpected visit from a family friend and had a huge dinner at my Dad's. I ate a little over everything and logged it at best I could but mostly just enjoyed myself.

Granted, I've only been doing this slightly over 2 months. But I've lost 20lbs so far and found a way to do it where I'm not denying myself things. I can still have a drink or hang out with friends for dinner or go to cookouts. I have to be in control of what I put in my body and if I indulge or even overindulge, I know that the next day I have to just get back on the normal track (for me). It's going to be like this for the rest of my life (even when I'm at maintenance calories) so it's important that it's sustainable. Let go of the guilt or the need to feel bad when you "slip". Guilt for me leads to bad bad places of just binging and thinking "what's even the point?". It's a journey and I'm in this for the longhaul. Most days right now I feel great but there are days when I really don't. Those are the ones that I try extra hard to make my workouts and eat right because that helps the mental bit.

999tigger

Objective analysis. What are the benchmarks you are comparing yourself against, happiness, BMI, performance, weight? I think you should always be working towards self improvement, but also be aware of keeping it in perspective, being happy and realising there are other things. Like wolfman, then health is something I pay attention to, but that also includes mental health. I trust myself to not shirt, take responsibility but not overdo it.

The level at which you settle? Ask yourself why that level.

QueenOSpades

Thanks for all of your different perspectives!
I hope others will read this too.

ElizabethKalmbach

For me, I will *always* try to do better, with the understanding that I have to make one decision at a time, based on my abilities of that moment. Some days I can absolutely do better, and I do. Other times, I can only do my best, and that's nowhere near the level I had previously achieved.

However, as long as I can remain "aware" of my decisions and feel confident that I did my *best - AT THE TIME,* then I can be pretty satisfied with myself overall.

futuresize8

I believe accepting yourself means celebrating where you are in the world, in this life and not letting fear of your appearance or health keep you from embracing all that there is to do. AND, at the same time, acknowledging that you deserve to be the best version of yourself that you can be and doing something about it. So...I am not a size 8 yet, but I still bought a GREAT swimsuit that is flattering to wear to the beach...yet I continue to exercise and and monitor intake and make healthy choices daily. I accept and embrace where I am right now, and I continue to work to improve. That's my balance!

Jad31te

For me.. well lets just say I know my choices in life have gotten me to a point were I am unhealthy. We went to a funeral recently and when I saw the photos of my 14 year old and I, Our weight seemed to smack me right in my face! It woke me up, and I knew then I had to make a change and I had to lead by example. Not just for me, but for him. I am not and have not been happy since I put on the weight and I guess I am not looking for a diet but a healthier life style and IMO.. this is the best way I can love not only me, but those around me who are looking to me for an example.. such as my children.

msf74

"Your best weight is whatever weight you reach when you’re living the healthiest life you actually enjoy." ~ Dr Yoni Freedhoff

If you believe you are doing your best and you are happy that is good enough. If you don't then change it.

aBlueCrayon

This year I've packed on some weight that I'd like to lose asap, but at the same time I know I want to still enjoying socializing and my meals. Most days I try my best to meet my caloric goal with the help of exercising, but days and weekends to occur where I'm with friends and hey, I want to have some drinks and go out for food! I like my drinks and I don't worry too much about their calories even though I know fruity alcoholic drinks are pretty high up there typically. As for the food, deeeeefinitely going to stack up those calories, especially if I'm ordering something at a restaurant. Sometimes I'll try to let my healthy side influence what I order to eat to be just a bit more healthy, but you know what, I've got one life and I want to enjoy the hell out of it. A couple drinks and a meal won't kill me, it just means I need to work harder on my goals for the next couple of days. I don't feel guilty. I'm just happy I'm around people who want me around and I'm enjoying myself.

CSARdiver

I look at it more as accepting limitations today, but planning on personal gains for the future. Not limited to the physical, but a balance between physical, mental, and spiritual. I would argue that having beer with two friends is very necessary and in no way sabotage.

Live in the now...plan for the future.

SueInAz

msf74 wrote: »

"Your best weight is whatever weight you reach when you’re living the healthiest life you actually enjoy." ~ Dr Yoni Freedhoff

If you believe you are doing your best and you are happy that is good enough. If you don't then change it.

I like this.

For me, it's all about balance. My husband loves me the way I look now, too, but I plan to keep striving for a little more muscle and a little less fat. I'm not ever going to be someone who eats what others consider a "clean" diet and that's fine with me. I limit my calories most days so I can enjoy myself when I'm with family and friends. I run a few days each week both because I both enjoy running and because it allows me to eat a little more. I lift weights a few days each week and it's enough to see some muscle tone and to get stronger. I've never let myself get to the point where I've had more than 10-15 pounds to lose so the last four years I've been using MFP have never been about losing weight as much as they have been about balancing out my lifestyle.

And OP, I agree that the things you are describing as "self-sabotage" really aren't. Missing the occasional training session won't cause a problem. Neither will enjoying a couple of beers with friends. If you enjoy those things then you should allow yourself them on the occasional basis. Rest days are actually good for you and the stress reduction from having a few beers with friends is, too.

must_deflate

I can't get motivated unless I can get myself good and disgusted about my muffin-top.
When I get into the mode of "Oh, you're fine, your BMI is in the right range and you look darn good for 55(yikes)", that's when I start eating too many cookies and drinking too much wine. It's a slippery slope. I cannot afford to get complacent. But that's just me.

must_deflate

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