OT: Therapist Dying

jnv7594

I wasn't sure where to put this, so I just put the OT in front of it in case. It may get deleted...not sure. Anyway, I'm just curious if anyone else has dealt with this and how you handled it. I suffered a lot of abuse during my childhood and have suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life as a result. Prior to seeing my current therapist I saw another one for about four years. My previous therapist died of brain cancer. Several months after, I started seeing my current therapist. I have also seen her for nearly four years. She just told me yesterday that she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I couldn't believe it. What are the odds to have two therapists pass away from brain cancer? I'm having a harder time this time around. I have more of a connection with this therapist. She knows me better than anyone and knows things about my past that NOBODY else does. I realize it's a client/patient relationship, but that doesn't make it any easier. Anyone else deal with something similar, and how did you handle it? It's funny because she would normally be the person I would talk to about this, now I feel I can't. It's a very lonely feeling. And of course, I feel devastated for her. I can't imagine what she's going through. It would feel strange for me to meet with her now knowing my problems right now are pretty insignificant compared to hers. Yet, she still wants to continue our appointments...I think to keep some normalcy in her life.

agreenid

jnv7594 wrote: »

I wasn't sure where to put this, so I just put the OT in front of it in case. It may get deleted...not sure. Anyway, I'm just curious if anyone else has dealt with this and how you handled it. I suffered a lot of abuse during my childhood and have suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life as a result. Prior to seeing my current therapist I saw another one for about four years. My previous therapist died of brain cancer. Several months after, I started seeing my current therapist. I have also seen her for nearly four years. She just told me yesterday that she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I couldn't believe it. What are the odds to have two therapists pass away from brain cancer? I'm having a harder time this time around. I have more of a connection with this therapist. She knows me better than anyone and knows things about my past that NOBODY else does. I realize it's a client/patient relationship, but that doesn't make it any easier. Anyone else deal with something similar, and how did you handle it? It's funny because she would normally be the person I would talk to about this, now I feel I can't. It's a very lonely feeling. And of course, I feel devastated for her. I can't imagine what she's going through. It would feel strange for me to meet with her now knowing my problems right now are pretty insignificant compared to hers. Yet, she still wants to continue our appointments...I think to keep some normalcy in her life.

She is your therapist, you are not hers. As terrible as it is, if you feel like you can't talk to her about everything anymore, you need to find another therapist.

jgnatca

Rough, rough, rough. I think you need to transition to yet another therapist, while continuing sessions with this one. You need someone to talk to about your feelings about this upcoming loss. Everyone's grief is different and everyone's way of managing the grief is the right way.

jgnatca

OH, I have a movie recommendation that I think you would enjoy. The emotions are so real; the actors are amazing, really. They better get some academy nominations for this one. The movie is called "Love and Mercy" and it's about Brian Wilson's life (member of Beach Boys). There's some heartbreaking family stuff in there that I am betting you would relate to.

NuggetLovesEdie

"As terrible as it is, if you feel like you can't talk to her about everything anymore, you need to find another therapist."

Or talk to her about WHY you feel like you can't talk to her about everything anymore.

While I have been fortunate to have not lost a therapist through death yet, talking to my therapist about things I don't want to talk about is usually a pretty illuminating way to approach things because it helps me to see things like I feel the need to protect the therapist and understand it's not my job to take care of them.

jnv7594

jgnatca wrote: »

Rough, rough, rough. I think you need to transition to yet another therapist, while continuing sessions with this one. You need someone to talk to about your feelings about this upcoming loss. Everyone's grief is different and everyone's way of managing the grief is the right way.

I think you're right. It's just tough. We were setting up my appointment for this week. She sent me a message asking me if Friday worked. I haven't responded. I don't know what to say. I feel selfish for saying this, but I don't know if I feel comfortable continuing to see her knowing what I know. Maybe that makes me a terrible person, I don't know. Maybe I should schedule and then see about finding another therapist in the meantime.

jnv7594

jgnatca wrote: »

OH, I have a movie recommendation that I think you would enjoy. The emotions are so real; the actors are amazing, really. They better get some academy nominations for this one. The movie is called "Love and Mercy" and it's about Brian Wilson's life (member of Beach Boys). There's some heartbreaking family stuff in there that I am betting you would relate to.

Thank you for the recommendation.

jnv7594

NuggetLovesEdie wrote: »

"As terrible as it is, if you feel like you can't talk to her about everything anymore, you need to find another therapist."

Or talk to her about WHY you feel like you can't talk to her about everything anymore.

While I have been fortunate to have not lost a therapist through death yet, talking to my therapist about things I don't want to talk about is usually a pretty illuminating way to approach things because it helps me to see things like I feel the need to protect the therapist and understand it's not my job to take care of them.

That's a good point. My problem (an maybe part of why I'm in therapy, lol) is I'm a people pleaser. I always put people before myself in my life. I don't want to hurt or offend anyone I think because of the hurt I felt growing up that others put me through. It would be really hard for me to talk to her about this for those reasons, but maybe it's time to man up and do it I guess. I also don't just want to cut her off with no explanation. That wouldn't be right either.

ColdPlum

This is the perfect topic to bring up in therapy with her. Even if all you can manage is "I have a lot of feelings about what you told me in our last session, but I feel like I can't talk about them with you" and go from there. This is grist for the mill, and you have a beautiful opportunity here to choose being with these very difficult feelings WITH someone, rather than all alone. I would imagine that your childhood taught you deal with tough feelings quietly and by yourself. You don't have to keep doing this. Tell your therapist how uncomfortable you feel, how scared you are about the idea of her dying, how angry you are that she might leave you, that this is happening again, how much you love her and depend on her. This can be a beautiful gift, a door to deeper intimacy, and a place to metabolize feelings that have been locked away for a long time. You can do this.

brisingr86

No experience to speak from so take this with a grain of salt. I would still make at least one more appointment with your current therapist and talk about why you feel like you need to find someone new. Especially if this is someone you've felt a connection with and believe knows you, they may be able to make some good recommendations for colleagues that would also be able to have a good connection with you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do and working through this tough time.

jnv7594

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the advice. I think you're right. I decided to schedule with her at least one more time and talk things over. If for nothing else, for some closure. That was one thing I didn't have with my other therapist as her symptoms came on suddenly and I never got a chance to talk to her again before her passing. This will be hard, but that was worse I think.