Mourning Binge Eating

sapphire1166

I've never officially been diagnosed with a food disorder, but based on my habits starting as a young teen (buying food in secret, gorging on junk food, hiding all evidence) it's obvious I'm one of the millions that has a very unhealthy relationship with food. It shows it my weight.

For the past two months I've been on MFP and logging faithfully. I've lost nearly 24 lbs and am down a dress size. I was feeling SO good about it and felt committed to making this a lifetime thing...until a few days ago.

Since then I've been really down about not being "able" to binge anymore. For some insane reason I'm really sad about knowing that if I stay with this change, I'll never again be able to eat a family-sized bag of Cheetos and 4 donuts in one sitting, washing it down with a milkshake. I was never one to feel guilty about eating all that, so that's not what I'm sad about. I never felt physically good after a binge session like that, so why am I sad about not doing it anymore?

I've been making sure I get treats every day (maybe a little too much), so it's not like I'm depriving myself and obsessing. What's the deal? Why do I feel depressed about never again eating 4,000 calories in one sitting and feeling like crap after? Is this something I just need to wait out until the feeling goes away?

discretekim

This is the reason everyone suggests professional help for eating disorders. Because they are so complex and u can't just treat the symptoms.

EmmaFitzwilliam

Professional consultation is probably the best suggestion. ::hugs::

2marsh

I agree with the professional help sentiment but would add this: it's not always easy to find a therapist who is a good fit, so try not to get discouraged if it doesn't work on the first try. Group therapy can also be very helpful for not feeling alone in the struggle. As for what you might be mourning, I can't be sure, but for me, I realized that bingeing was one way for me to get exactly what I "wanted." Life goes so rarely just the way you'd like it to. You can't control other people, things may or may not go the way you want at work, but you can fill your grocery cart with whatever you want and decide to put it in your face. Unfortunately, that sort of decision making leads to consequences that few of us want down the road. So for me, I can get some of the satisfaction I used to have in bingeing by looking for areas of my life where I can exercise more control and really get what I want, and then letting it go when I can't get what I want or be in control.
Don't know if you have similar feelings underneath - just my experience. Hope you feel better with time!