SO Sabotage
Replies
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MamaBirdBoss wrote: »atypicalsmith wrote: »MamaBirdBoss wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »Well, keep expecting it. I hope it happens for you. I've learned that men are not fixer-uppers and I don't care to waste the energy on flaws I can't live with. A man who desperately needs to change something in his life (150 pounds overweight!) and only complains about it had better be worth it to OP.
There's an old saying: "Women marry men thinking they can change them and they can't, and men marry women thinking they will never change and they do."
More like, men marry women expecting them to act like they're still dating...and also clean up after then like a mother and a maid combined and then get butthurt when they discover they've married a partner, not a domestic slave.
I don't clean up after my CHILDREN like that. I'm not raising incompetent sons. They know how to clean and dust and vacuum their own rooms, and they do chores, too, that increase with age.
Their wives will be very lucky.
Still not sure about the wife of the oldest one. LOL. I kinda hope I hate her so I won't feel the need to warn her off...
My son married the wife from hades - the only person he ever dated who felt threatened by his mother. He has not spoken to me since about a year after they got married. Oh, well.0 -
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No, he wants to be less fat. He doesn't want to lose weight. HUGE difference. People who want to lose try to do it. People who say they'd like to lose, but don't really work at it don't really want to lose.
Start by eating what you've always eaten, but eat less of it. That should help your budgetary concerns. You don't need to eat "rabbit food" to lose weight. Also, does your BF actually want to lose weight himself? Unless he does, there is exactly nothing you can do to make him.It changes because we only have so much money for a budget and he won't eat "rabbit food". It's way out of my budget to buy two separate menus
He does want to lose weight but he's unmotivated. He has 150 to lose
If he says he wants to, he's kidding himself. You have to leave him be and focus on you.
Wow to the assumptions.
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I know someone whose husband fired his maid when he married. Because, see, he had married one. And he wanted the house spotless and would throw his clothes everywhere. Seriously. And yes, she worked fulltime.
The kids' toys that are left out in my house after cleaning time go into a bin. Want your toy? You have to ransom everything in the bin with chores (not JUST the toy you want). I'm nicer than my friend. She just throws them away.
I got sick of picking up after my husband. We had a come-to-Jesus when I started making (MUCH) more than he does--he used to use the fact that he was the primary bread winner to do less. FUNNY THING, but when I started making a lot and he was #2, we needed a yard guy and a housekeeper who cooks. Didn't need that when I was trying to balance a family and a start-up business, ohhhh no.
Anyway, I put a hamper on his side of the bed, and when he leaves his crap scattered around the house, I put it in the hamper because I'm done picking up and putting away after him (and he was in SERIOUS denial about his degree of filth-creation). He started to just pick through it for what he wanted. I told him the next step would be me putting it WAY out in the garage if he didn't CLEAN EVERYTHING when he touched the hamper, and the step after that was me pitching it. He couldn't just have a huge pile of his stuff that he picked through when he cared to get anything and continued to scatter around the house. GRRRRR.0 -
You did get some helpful comments. The "is he forcing food down your throat" comments were expected. I know first hand it is a tough mental battle to not care about what your partner in crime does. It takes a lot of will to not care that your SO scoffs down 2 cheeseburgers while you sit with your salad and hard boiled eggs. It IS tough. You have to try your hardest to just focus on you. Keep reminding yourself how important your body and health is to you. Hopefully someday he'll learn from your habits and follow in your footsteps to become a healthy him. For now, discuss meal plans that you both can be happy with that fit into your budget. Good luck!0
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atypicalsmith wrote: »MamaBirdBoss wrote: »atypicalsmith wrote: »MamaBirdBoss wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »Well, keep expecting it. I hope it happens for you. I've learned that men are not fixer-uppers and I don't care to waste the energy on flaws I can't live with. A man who desperately needs to change something in his life (150 pounds overweight!) and only complains about it had better be worth it to OP.
There's an old saying: "Women marry men thinking they can change them and they can't, and men marry women thinking they will never change and they do."
More like, men marry women expecting them to act like they're still dating...and also clean up after then like a mother and a maid combined and then get butthurt when they discover they've married a partner, not a domestic slave.
I don't clean up after my CHILDREN like that. I'm not raising incompetent sons. They know how to clean and dust and vacuum their own rooms, and they do chores, too, that increase with age.
Their wives will be very lucky.
Still not sure about the wife of the oldest one. LOL. I kinda hope I hate her so I won't feel the need to warn her off...
My son married the wife from hades - the only person he ever dated who felt threatened by his mother. He has not spoken to me since about a year after they got married. Oh, well.
That's sad.
I'm hoping he develops some sense of at least personal hygiene that's not imposed from above before he hits college. LOL. But, hey, if he doesn't, the whole female-in-his-life thing may be entirely moot....
I'm already thinking of the conversation: I swore I taught him to change his clothes and shower regularly and do laundry and vacuum and clean dishes. I really did. I promise!0 -
Just buy enough of what you want to eat to serve you. He can spend his half of the budget on what he wants to eat. I've been buying my boyfriend chicken and beef and what not for years even though I'm a vegetarian. After all, we don't have to eat the same things.0
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Deconstructing recipes can work really well- we have a couple different food intolerances in the family, as well as a family member on the spectrum who cannot handle things "mixed".
I cook a lot of my dinners in stages- I prep everything before the pan goes on the stove, then, I usually start with the meat- chicken for stir-fry, steak for stroganoff, porkchops, whatever- before the meat's all done, I pull off most and finish the portion for my son, then put the rest back, and continue with the rest of the recipe.
If I'm serving something over pasta, I make gluten free pasta or rice for myself.
If we are having something smothered in tomato sauce, I cook everything up to the that point, stick one portion in another pan, and have a large pan with tomato sauce cooking next to a smaller pan with fauxmato sauce.
Sandwiches mean bread for 2, tortillas for 1 and either gluten free bread, lettuce wraps or corn tortillas for me depending on what we have on hand. The kids even have this routine down and can be trusted to keep me gluten free when they are in charge of fixing lunch. (Every now and then, Mom's ends up on a salad)!
Pizza night is a riot! Homemade sauce, 2 batches of dough in the bread machine, one plain pepperoni with no cheese, one bacon and sauteed veggies, and one on a frozen gluten free crust, the same bacon and sauteed veggies with fauxmato sauce- everyone's happy and gets their needs met.
Another hint- We always keep greens ready in the salad spinner, as well as carrot and celery sticks, and small tomatoes. Everyone can always substitute their favorite raw veggie side, and I can pull together a wonderful dinner of personalized salads in less than 5 minutes!
Hope this helps!0 -
Deconstructing recipes can work really well- we have a couple different food intolerances in the family, as well as a family member on the spectrum who cannot handle things "mixed".
I cook a lot of my dinners in stages- I prep everything before the pan goes on the stove, then, I usually start with the meat- chicken for stir-fry, steak for stroganoff, porkchops, whatever- before the meat's all done, I pull off most and finish the portion for my son, then put the rest back, and continue with the rest of the recipe.
If I'm serving something over pasta, I make gluten free pasta or rice for myself.
If we are having something smothered in tomato sauce, I cook everything up to the that point, stick one portion in another pan, and have a large pan with tomato sauce cooking next to a smaller pan with fauxmato sauce.
Sandwiches mean bread for 2, tortillas for 1 and either gluten free bread, lettuce wraps or corn tortillas for me depending on what we have on hand. The kids even have this routine down and can be trusted to keep me gluten free when they are in charge of fixing lunch. (Every now and then, Mom's ends up on a salad)!
Pizza night is a riot! Homemade sauce, 2 batches of dough in the bread machine, one plain pepperoni with no cheese, one bacon and sauteed veggies, and one on a frozen gluten free crust, the same bacon and sauteed veggies with fauxmato sauce- everyone's happy and gets their needs met.
Another hint- We always keep greens ready in the salad spinner, as well as carrot and celery sticks, and small tomatoes. Everyone can always substitute their favorite raw veggie side, and I can pull together a wonderful dinner of personalized salads in less than 5 minutes!
Hope this helps!
I love it! That's my style. I also make a big salad Sunday nights and just keep adding to it all week long. So if everything else is a bust, my kids can always eat the salad (and I use it for my lunch, too).
I realize OP is talking about an adult, and not kids, but the method applies!0 -
Deconstructing recipes can work really well- we have a couple different food intolerances in the family, as well as a family member on the spectrum who cannot handle things "mixed".
I cook a lot of my dinners in stages- I prep everything before the pan goes on the stove, then, I usually start with the meat- chicken for stir-fry, steak for stroganoff, porkchops, whatever- before the meat's all done, I pull off most and finish the portion for my son, then put the rest back, and continue with the rest of the recipe.
If I'm serving something over pasta, I make gluten free pasta or rice for myself.
If we are having something smothered in tomato sauce, I cook everything up to the that point, stick one portion in another pan, and have a large pan with tomato sauce cooking next to a smaller pan with fauxmato sauce.
Sandwiches mean bread for 2, tortillas for 1 and either gluten free bread, lettuce wraps or corn tortillas for me depending on what we have on hand. The kids even have this routine down and can be trusted to keep me gluten free when they are in charge of fixing lunch. (Every now and then, Mom's ends up on a salad)!
Pizza night is a riot! Homemade sauce, 2 batches of dough in the bread machine, one plain pepperoni with no cheese, one bacon and sauteed veggies, and one on a frozen gluten free crust, the same bacon and sauteed veggies with fauxmato sauce- everyone's happy and gets their needs met.
Another hint- We always keep greens ready in the salad spinner, as well as carrot and celery sticks, and small tomatoes. Everyone can always substitute their favorite raw veggie side, and I can pull together a wonderful dinner of personalized salads in less than 5 minutes!
Hope this helps!
I love it! That's my style. I also make a big salad Sunday nights and just keep adding to it all week long. So if everything else is a bust, my kids can always eat the salad (and I use it for my lunch, too).
I realize OP is talking about an adult, and not kids, but the method applies!
Oh it totally applies. My guy is a 30 yo picky child lol
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lol!0
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OP, are you only talking about dinner, or all meals? If it's just dinner, i say treat it just like lunch or breakfast - I assume you don't mirror all of your meals? Honestly, I don't know why most people treat dinner like it's something so special. It's just another meal.0
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Deconstructing recipes can work really well- we have a couple different food intolerances in the family, as well as a family member on the spectrum who cannot handle things "mixed".
I cook a lot of my dinners in stages- I prep everything before the pan goes on the stove, then, I usually start with the meat- chicken for stir-fry, steak for stroganoff, porkchops, whatever- before the meat's all done, I pull off most and finish the portion for my son, then put the rest back, and continue with the rest of the recipe.
If I'm serving something over pasta, I make gluten free pasta or rice for myself.
If we are having something smothered in tomato sauce, I cook everything up to the that point, stick one portion in another pan, and have a large pan with tomato sauce cooking next to a smaller pan with fauxmato sauce.
Sandwiches mean bread for 2, tortillas for 1 and either gluten free bread, lettuce wraps or corn tortillas for me depending on what we have on hand. The kids even have this routine down and can be trusted to keep me gluten free when they are in charge of fixing lunch. (Every now and then, Mom's ends up on a salad)!
Pizza night is a riot! Homemade sauce, 2 batches of dough in the bread machine, one plain pepperoni with no cheese, one bacon and sauteed veggies, and one on a frozen gluten free crust, the same bacon and sauteed veggies with fauxmato sauce- everyone's happy and gets their needs met.
Another hint- We always keep greens ready in the salad spinner, as well as carrot and celery sticks, and small tomatoes. Everyone can always substitute their favorite raw veggie side, and I can pull together a wonderful dinner of personalized salads in less than 5 minutes!
Hope this helps!
I love it! That's my style. I also make a big salad Sunday nights and just keep adding to it all week long. So if everything else is a bust, my kids can always eat the salad (and I use it for my lunch, too).
I realize OP is talking about an adult, and not kids, but the method applies!
Oh it totally applies. My guy is a 30 yo picky child lol
Don't coddle a grown man... it's only gonna get worse.0
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