anyone else struggle with their relatives trying to discourage you??
sugarcoated2015
Posts: 89 Member
Man I don't know why people can't try to be happy for you or encourage you to keep working hard.I excitedly told my aunt and showed her my clothes were fitting looser and she was like "yeah yeah you already told me.whatever." and god forbid I get a headache or a stomache because she automatically says that it's because of the diet.
I just feel like people never like seeing others feel good like why all the hate??
I just feel like people never like seeing others feel good like why all the hate??
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Replies
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Don't talk about it with them? I don't discuss my loss with people offline unless they bring it up. Some will be happy for you, some will be jealous, some will feel guilty that they're not tackling their own problem. Stop looking for validation from people who don't want to hand it out.0
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I think it just takes time for people to adjust to the changes we make no matter what the reason. I dealt with a good amount of hate but it passed. Stay strong and do this for yourself.
Of course if a good well intended friend offers that what you may be doing is too much take the time reflect on your motives.
I can't just count off all comments as being bad
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Sadly I think it is there own insecurity and perception about their body image or ability to eat a certain way. It really makes people uncomfortable unless they are feeling successful too. It is not personal against you. Talking about dieting triggers all kinds of reactions whether family or not. I am VERY happy for you and your success! It is not easy as I can attest. You need people with the same goals and likes. This is a great community for support. I found people locally by using meetup.com in my area for exercise groups that do things like bike, run, hike or just likes dogs. Keep up the good work!0
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Yes, my husband. ugh.
I have lost a total of 43 lbs since I started losing weight and he has not said one word, not a one.
He said well he sees me everyday but seriously how do you not notice someone has gone from a size 18 to a 10?
He also complained I was too happy.
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happygalah wrote: »Yes, my husband. ugh.
I have lost a total of 43 lbs since I started losing weight and he has not said one word, not a one.
He said well he sees me everyday but seriously how do you not notice someone has gone from a size 18 to a 10?
He also complained I was too happy.
This makes me very sad. Shame on him. But my guess is that he's now very insecure.
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happygalah wrote: »Yes, my husband. ugh.
I have lost a total of 43 lbs since I started losing weight and he has not said one word, not a one.
He said well he sees me everyday but seriously how do you not notice someone has gone from a size 18 to a 10?
He also complained I was too happy.
This makes me very sad. Shame on him. But my guess is that he's now very insecure.
^^^ this may very well be the case. Some men (not this one) who don't have a positive image of themselves may fear their partner's new found determination to improve their health, weight, and fitness... especially if the male has his own issues he isn't looking at.
He may fear you are doing this for someone other than yourself and it's not him. Or he may be morose that he doesn't have the same will you do to improve himself. There could be all sorts of things at work here... if you have the ability to open up an honest conversation on the topic, asking him might be revealing and helpful.
As for the OP... sounds like you should just ignore your aunt. I'm guessing she isn't very supportive of anything you do. Too bad for her, you are doing the right thing!
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yup0
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I had a friend who was like that ALL THE TIME about EVERYTHING. She was depressed and in a crappy place so she wanted to drag down others--not consciously.
I mostly ignored it. Eventually, she got un-depressed (looong story, not relevant) and she stopped trying to tear successful people down and started to get ambitious herself.0 -
I'm getting old and gnarly and when people tell me I can't - I push back.
Old n gnarly is beautiful. Or stubborn or something. 0 -
What is your weight, height and age? How many calories are you currently eating? Sometimes, relatives expressing concerns might actually mean that there is something to be concerned about.0
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I never bring up my weight loss unless I'm asked about it and when I am I'm direct and to the point. If someone is unsupportive I tend to quickly change the conversation.0
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sounds like it's human nature. everyone knows what a challenge it is to get fit and be healthy in our time. Actually, I'm expecting that kind of reaction already. It happened before in my previous attempts to get fit. So, I think what people are suggesting here is very reasonable. Don't bring the fitness talk around people who can't handle it. They might not be as ready as you are to tackle that issue in their lives, if it is an issue for them.
Haters gonna hate, as they say. If you come across someone who is genuinely pleased for your success, never let them go
They are a rare sort you don't see every day in humankind! 0 -
@happygalah sorry that your husband does that, like others say, maybe he has issues he hasn't taken care of etc.
@aggelikik I weigh 169 and am 18, I eat like 1200 cal daily, sometimes a little less sometimes a little more.She just thinks that one is starving if one doesn't eat bread or tortillas.
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sugarcoated2015 wrote: »@happygalah sorry that your husband does that, like others say, maybe he has issues he hasn't taken care of etc.
@aggelikik I weigh 169 and am 18, I eat like 1200 cal daily, sometimes a little less sometimes a little more.She just thinks that one is starving if one doesn't eat bread or tortillas.
i would be starving. adore both
jk
but some people are just negative and we can love them despite that but not rely on them as part of our support system.
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Damn if I don't I know it. I'm the only one who is getting healthier in my family and I get crap for it ALL the time. Its very frustrating0
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sugarcoated2015 wrote: »@happygalah sorry that your husband does that, like others say, maybe he has issues he hasn't taken care of etc.
@aggelikik I weigh 169 and am 18, I eat like 1200 cal daily, sometimes a little less sometimes a little more.She just thinks that one is starving if one doesn't eat bread or tortillas.
Hmmm, realistically, a 1200 cal goal, unless you are extremely short, it is a very aggressive goal for your age and height. Not saying necesserily unhealthy, but perhaps aggressive enough to justify some concern from relatives. Is there a reason you have your calories so low? How fast are you trying to lose?
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I didn't mention what I was doing to anyone. Not even DH at first, until he noticed (about 25 lbs in). I never invited comments either, but you get them anyway whether you want them or not.
I think if you're not willing to handle the complete range of possible responses you might get (from completely supportive to completely unsupportive) it's best just not to bring it up. Tough sometimes when you want to share success, I know.0 -
It's sad that the people closest to us can't be supportive of our successes.
My closest friend has been supportive, my next closest friend makes nice comments (calls me "slim" LOL!), my
mom says she likes the changes, my doctors & their staff are all happy with the changes.
I'm lucky to not have experienced serious discouragement. I've gotten a couple comments (from the same person,
not a relative, and I don't put much stock in his opinion re: my weight) that I'm skinny enough already. I'm still 25
lb over the top of a healthy BMI range. Not stopping 'til I get there.
The only real discouragement I've gotten was from my doctor, who thought that my goal of 165 wasn't attainable.
Um, excuse me, that's only 10 lb under the top of a healthy BMI for my height, and I'd still be well toward the top
of the range.
Once I get there, I'll see how I feel & look. Might maintain, might lose a little more. Don't know yet.0 -
I wouldn't say discourage as much as make comments, that might seem like compliments, but b/c I know them it is their offhand way of making a dig at what I'm doing. I love them to death but sometimes you just gotta smile and move on...I'm getting/staying healthy for me and can only hope they would be happy.0
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My mother-in-law is the worst. When I say no to her desserts, she acts like it is a personal attack. Then she tells me I eat too much because I have 3 meals and a snack between breakfast and lunch and then lunch and dinner. There is no winning with her!0
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Sort of. I'm always being asked what I would like to eat - 'would I like X as well... You're not eating very much.'0
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I've lost 65 pounds in the last two years and comparing my current weight to my old weight, yes it is a dramatic difference. I have had people comment that I'm getting too skinny or that I shouldn't lose any more weight. I believe they are just so used to seeing you with the additional weight that it seems different to see you with less weight. People generally don't like change, so they feel like you are doing something that isn't healthy. You should just tell them that you feel great and are healthy so you'll do what's best for you. Do what makes you feel best in regards to your body weight and health.0
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Nope... I don't discuss my weight loss goals with family or anyone.0
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Just my 2 cents......
Do you want pie/ice cream/bread etc.? No is a complete sentence! Please respect my no. To avoid hurt feelings at family events: Dear Auntie, Mom, Dad, Sis you make the best cake, pie, cookies, etc, no thank you I'm full may I take some home for later. You don't need to tell them it is going in the trash.
Offer to help clean the kitchen - squirt dish detergent on tempting foods - nobody wants to eat soap.
When someone says hurtful things - exclaim "OUCH!!!" and walk away. Most people are shocked and shut up. T
Any time we change, our relationships change. People like the status quo and will react/behave in odd ways to keep things the same. It takes time for folks to catch up to the change - remember we have been working really hard for a long time to see results. Sometimes our weight loss success is a magnifying glass of their failures & insecurities. Love them! Bless them and forgive them for being human.
Silently chant/think.....THANK YOU!! Your opinion/concern/ignorance/indifference gives me the courage, strength & resolve to keep going. Thank you for reminding me, I love ME more than your opinion. THANK YOU!!0 -
@aggelikik I'm 5'2 I'm not really trying to lose quickly, I have felt good with what I've been eating but she always says that if you lose wight by counting you will gain it back.
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I've started and failed so many times it got to where I could practically hear people rolling their eyes when I mentioned my new diet plans. I keep it to myself now, share only with MFP pals.0
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sugarcoated2015 wrote: »@aggelikik I'm 5'2 I'm not really trying to lose quickly, I have felt good with what I've been eating but she always says that if you lose wight by counting you will gain it back.
Is she a doctor or dietitian? No? Then I would say her opinion doesn't really count for much.
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happygalah wrote: »Yes, my husband. ugh.
I have lost a total of 43 lbs since I started losing weight and he has not said one word, not a one.
He said well he sees me everyday but seriously how do you not notice someone has gone from a size 18 to a 10?
He also complained I was too happy.
Have you ever seen The Other Guys? Theres a part where Will Ferrell explains why he is so mean to his wife. Something like if he admits she's beautiful, and kind and wonderful that she might start realizing it too and leave him (I haven't seen the movie in a while, so I'm paraphrasing). I think he thinks if he gives you praise, your ego will inflate and you'll leave him for someone hotter. You may want to have a chat with him, or consider marriage counseling or something. This doesnt sit right, he should be happy for you.
Honestly, I don't really tell people I'm losing weight. I'll let them bring it up. I have a feeling that a lot of the negativity is from people who arent happy, but dont want to do anything about it, instead using their energy on being jealous. I don't have room for negativity. If the person will be happy for you usually they're start with "you look great!" or "have you lost weight?".0 -
happygalah wrote: »Yes, my husband. ugh.
I have lost a total of 43 lbs since I started losing weight and he has not said one word, not a one.
He said well he sees me everyday but seriously how do you not notice someone has gone from a size 18 to a 10?
He also complained I was too happy.
What a terrible attitude he has to your success.
Keep going, you're doing so well!
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happygalah wrote: »Yes, my husband. ugh.
I have lost a total of 43 lbs since I started losing weight and he has not said one word, not a one.
He said well he sees me everyday but seriously how do you not notice someone has gone from a size 18 to a 10?
He also complained I was too happy.
No such thing as being too happy! Your joy comes from within. Shine on Beautiful!
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