Anyone struggle with family support?

tessaenickel

Hi MFP world,

I recently joined but I have been on my health journey for a while. I think the hardest thing I have had to deal with is my family! I love independently with my partner, but whenever I visit my family, any progress I have made goes out the window.

They encourage me to lose weight and then turn around and make me feel guilty for not eating food they serve (that is not at all what you would call weight loss encouraging). I feel like they aren't supportive through their actions even though they are with their words.

Has anyone else had to deal with this? What worked for you? Or is this just something everyone has to deal with?

tulips_and_tea

Sadly, this is common and you will find multitudes of threads on this very topic if you search. The advice is generally the same: no one can MAKE you feel guilty. No one can MAKE you eat food you do not want. It's not easy, but you HAVE to set your boundaries and stick to it.

If your family offers you food you do not want, a polite, "No thank you" will suffice. Either bring your own food, or eat smaller portions of what they serve and do not discuss it. The more you say the more they will pester you. Be firm and consistent. Eventually they will learn.

megantischner

It's not easy, but you need to say "no" to your family and then stick by that.

peaceout_aly

I live 1,200 miles from my family with my partner. He is pretty great at adjusting to whatever I'm eating - he knows that whatever I make for dinner, he's eating, and he can snack on whatever healthy things I have around the house or order out if he's still hungry. However, he swears that I'm not eating enough. Some nights, I'll make him dinner and just have a meal replacement shake to save on calories if I went a little too crazy with fruit throughout the day, and he'll end up trying to force me into eating whatever he's indulging on. He also hates my late-night gym sessions, which is understandable. I usually go from 8-10PM (I work full-time, come home at 6PM and cook dinner, then do homework because I'm also a full-time student, so late night is really my only option) and he is always trying to scheme me into staying home, ha! It takes a lot of dedication, and you have to really practice your ability to say no and not give in. You can do it. I promise.

tulips_and_tea

One more thing I wanted to add: in some cases family (mothers and grandmothers particularly, but I don't want to stereotype) equate food with love. So, they may be encouraging you to get healthier, but when you reject their food, they may see it as a rejection of THEM. Food and emotions are generally entwined.

If this is the case with your family, you may need to state directly that you choosing not to eat something they serve or in the amount they'd like you to, does NOT mean you don't love and appreciate them. It's strictly about the food. Can be a touchy subject, but it is common, so I thought I'd mention it.

tessaenickel

BZAH10 wrote: »

One more thing I wanted to add: in some cases family (mothers and grandmothers particularly, but I don't want to stereotype) equate food with love. So, they may be encouraging you to get healthier, but when you reject their food, they may see it as a rejection of THEM. Food and emotions are generally entwined.

If this is the case with your family, you may need to state directly that you choosing not to eat something they serve or in the amount they'd like you to, does NOT mean you don't love and appreciate them. It's strictly about the food. Can be a touchy subject, but it is common, so I thought I'd mention it.

I think this might be it. Especially my mom (a stereotype but it's true!). Thanks everyone who has responded!

alykief wrote: »

I live 1,200 miles from my family with my partner. He is pretty great at adjusting to whatever I'm eating - he knows that whatever I make for dinner, he's eating, and he can snack on whatever healthy things I have around the house or order out if he's still hungry. However, he swears that I'm not eating enough. Some nights, I'll make him dinner and just have a meal replacement shake to save on calories if I went a little too crazy with fruit throughout the day, and he'll end up trying to force me into eating whatever he's indulging on. He also hates my late-night gym sessions, which is understandable. I usually go from 8-10PM (I work full-time, come home at 6PM and cook dinner, then do homework because I'm also a full-time student, so late night is really my only option) and he is always trying to scheme me into staying home, ha! It takes a lot of dedication, and you have to really practice your ability to say no and not give in. You can do it. I promise.

Haha I deal with that with my partner too. The other day he confessed that he was hiding chips in a different cupboard because he felt so bad for buying them when he knew I was trying to be healthy! He is probably the most supportive but my family is still learning.