Trying to stay on track

emilyemtb

Hi all! I'm taking a moment to introduce myself, in the hopes that I can meet some people who are potentially in a similar situation to me. I'm Emily, I'm a new mom (little one is nearly 10 months), and I work in EMS. I've struggled with my weight since puberty, partly due to PCOS. When I was diagnosed, there wasn't a lot of information (at least in my area) on the disorder, and the only "solution" was birth control. My teenage years were spent yo-yoing from one medication to the next in the hopes of finding a solution. I gained quite a bit of weight, and carried most of it through high school. My senior year, I developed an eating disorder. I'd literally starve myself if the scale hovered too close to 200. At one point, I'd dropped myself to 160 (I'd love to be there now!) 12 years later, I'm a mom, and I work in a career field that demands health and fitness, even though I (and many of my colleagues)are far from healthy or fit. I'm trying to make this journey count this time, because I want to be a healthy role model for my daughter, be an active mother to her, and I want to be around to see her grow up. This is hard because I feel like I'm doing this all alone, and I keep losing motivation. Bad day at work? It's ok to have a donut, or cupcake, or three...

I'm hoping I can meet some like-minded people, that don't mind giving me a swift kick-in-the-*kitten* when I need it. I'm at my heaviest (aside from pregnancy), and for the first time in many years, I'm ashamed of myself. I've been avoiding cameras, mirrors, and any situation that makes me body conscious, and it's time to stop hiding and do something about it.