Jabba the Hutt: A story of bullying

Livgetfit

Today is one of the worst days I've ever had. Today, through a message missent to me instead of the intended recipient, I found out that my colleagues call me Jabba the Hutt behind my back.

This is just one part of the scenario playing out at my work. There's a much bigger bullying situation going on where 3 of a team of just 5 of us make nasty comments about me. I've been threatened with social isolation at work. The truth is I'm already isolated but the confrontation devastated me none the less.

People can be horrible. People who hurt others intentionally are beyond my understanding.

My question to you is, has anyone ever had to shake something like this off? If so how have you gone about it?

I'm in a bit of a state to be honest. This comment is so personal and so targeted at my appearance. I'm struggling not go back to my old emotional eating reaction.

What's it all worth if people are going to call me that anyway? What am I worth when that's what people see when they look at me?

I just want to give up and never get out of bed again

tiptoethruthetulips

I am sorry this is happening to you.

This is about them not you at all and while they called you that name, its not about weight. It makes them feel good to belittle someone to make them feel better about themselves. The bitterness of the small minds of the collective! What type of organisation do you work for?

The social isolation and ganging up is bullying no doubt about it. Is there a team leader or HR person you can take it to. Is there an Acceptable Behaviour (or similar) policy? If not, http://www.workcover.nsw.gov.au/health-and-safety/safety-topics-a-z/bullying - look it up, they will have resources for you

There is also
http://www.fairwork.gov.au/employee-entitlements/bullying-and-harassment

Remember this is not about you and what you are worth....it's totally about them and their total lack of character, ethics and morals.

Does your workplace have an employee assistance program that includes counselling? If so, it would be great for you to get support from there

Please do something about this, do not let it continue any further, ensure these people are held accountable. Everyone has the right to be treated with respect and treated fairly and you should be able to feel comfortable at work, without feeling of being gossiped about or ganged up on.

snowflake954

This is hard. Do you have a superior that you could show it to and talk about the problem? These people will not stop on their own, unfortunately. To work in that environment will be difficult. I would look for a new job, but when quitting, would tell them all that their bullying was the reason you left. They will have to find the next victim. I wish you luck. Some people have to pull others down to feel important, and hide their own weaknesses. Please try to remember that the problem is with them not you. Best of luck.

williab3

When I moved back into my old house a neighbor of mine that had not seen me in a long time exclaimed at how fat I had gotten. What she said really bothered me and it was the final straw that would lead to a lot of diet and exercise. I soon realized that what she said didn't bother me because SHE thought I was fat. What she said bothered me because I thought I was fat. But it also caused me to loose 25lbs and get my health together. If my neighbor had said I was too tall it would not have phased me because I like my height. The truth is you have to be happy with you. People will ALWAYS say something bad about you behind your back. Whether it's mean spirited, cruel or just criticism. You can't let what others say determine how you feel about yourself. If your happiness is tethered to the actions and thoughts of people you don't like you will never be happy.
My general rule--- If you are not my friend I assume you are saying something bad about me. May seem negative but I don't let it keep me from smiling.

PS
I think you are a little hottie! What do you think?<--IMPORTANT QUESTION

gpstreet

Totally unacceptable behaviour and the bullys should be outed for the scum they are.

You cuold go to a senior manager or HR department if you have one. Legally I am sure they have to deal with it. Keep the email as a record and start making a diary of actions you take and reactions you experience.

You may feel that ousting the bullys is not the thing to do. Snitching on your colleagues is never right, right ? Wrong !! we are not children anymore. This behaviour hurts you, interfers with your work and should be recgonised and apologised for.

As for you. You do not need to change physically especially not for those types of people.

As for Jabba the Hut ? Was not Habba the hut the strong minded dangerous gangster godfather of Tatooine. Impentrable to jedi mind tricks and kept Hans Solo as a painting. I also understand he dated Princess Leia for a short time. In short, don't mess with the galactic mafia.

julescba04

Jabba the Hutt???? You don't look very big at all.

Azurite27

I struggle with these kinds of thoughts all the time due to going through the same thing 20 years ago in elementary school. My entire class got in on it and isolated and bullied me. It's still part of my psyche today and I struggle to feel accepted and assume people just don't like me.

But being that this is at work, I would take the evidence to a senior manager, if trusted, or directly to HR. You shouldn't have to deal with this.... no one should.

liftlovelunge

Print the e-mail and bring it to Human Resources immediately. I work in HR and bullying/harassment is a very serious offense. The individuals who are harassing you need to face the consequences of that type of behaviour. It's totally unacceptable and I'm sorry you've been put in a position where you have to deal with it.

Livgetfit

Thank you all. I am in between a rock and place because this is a new job and my visa is dependent on it. I have taken it to my manager who took them aside as a group. This has made it worse. I'm terrified to go in to the office and afraid for my future. It's awful.

I just keep visualising Jabba the Hutt and feeling sick at the thought of it.

follyman

Try your best to let it roll off your shoulder. I noticed that bullies mostly bully to get satisfaction from their victims. In high school I had a guy nickname me UPS(ugly piece of sh--). When I didn't give any reaction when he kept saying it he eventually stopped. Hard toll emotionally though.

Livgetfit

Unfortunately it's gone beyond that now, it has to be dealt with. The stress has put me in a bad place. I had a bout of bulimic behaviour today. I keep looking at pictures of Jabba the Hutt. I'm so disgusted but it alternates between being with myself and the bullies

2shoes123

Don't let them have that place in your head/heart. They do not deserve your energy. Call your friends that build you up and see you for the great person that you are. Please realize that they are lacking character, not you.

tiptoethruthetulips

Please seek some counselling as soon as possible, and please if they continue the behaviour make sure you report it again.

If your organisation has an acceptable behaviour policy or bullying policy become familiar with it, and ensure your employer abides by it, it may be that you will need to lodge a formal grievance if their behaviour continues or gets worse.

If your visa transferable to another employer?

yesimpson

I've no advice beyond what others have said, but I am sorry you have to experience such childish nastiness!

PrimalGirl

Hi
That's absolutely awful, but as someone who works in a law firm I can tell you right now that you have a case - with hard evidence - and you can take your company and those individuals to court. You're being bullied and your manager hasn't done anything about it.
If you threaten legal action, they will have to act - either disciplining or dismissing the people who are bullying you. I know that's a massive step to take, but they probably expect to get away with it because they know you need the job. But you're the one who has the power - your company is legally obliged to deal with this and if they don't, you can sue them.
So take your power back - from them, from their comments. You're beautiful. Now you need to be strong too.
Good luck!

Betty_Canada

I would probably respond by showing up to work in a Darth Vader mask, but that's just because I'm rude that way.

Unfortunately, because your supervisor / HR are not responding to this other than finger wagging, which is making it worse because now they've been caught out and instead of stopping, they're blaming you, you may feel like your only option may *be* to leave.

The problem is, that's the equivalent of handing over your paycheck because you're being beat up for your coffee money. It won't solve the problem, and it won't leave you feeling very good.

As Primal Girl said with physical evidence, you have the option of going over your supervisor's head, who obviously isn't taking this seriously. You may need to. Not necessarily because you want to get even, but because if you run away, you may never stop running. (Says the girl who tried that route once or twice and realized that running doesn't solve the problem.)

Look, even if your work visa is dependent on a job, the government s not going to stand for clear cut harassment with evidence, because there are laws about that sort of thing.

You are beautiful, and whatever you choose, I hope you find peace and joy and grace and don't let these people break you. They're not worth it. Do what you need to do to nourish your heart.

-Betty-

Phoenix7078

There's nothing I or anyone else can say to make you feel better in the face of such mindless cruelty. It hurts: I promise it won't hurt forever. However, just because a couple of your colleagues are juvenile morons that's no reason for you to give up. I guarantee for every one person who is willing to be cruel there are 100 that will love you for who you are and support you in what you want to do. Just look at the replies here! You are far more than other people's opinion of you.

They don't matter. If they're so shallow that they can only feel better by being horrid to someone else then they don't just deserve scorn, they deserve pity because they are vile creatures and likely to come unstuck. Screw them!

Feel free to friend me. I have more than enough support to go round

snowflake954

PrimalGirl wrote: »

Hi
That's absolutely awful, but as someone who works in a law firm I can tell you right now that you have a case - with hard evidence - and you can take your company and those individuals to court. You're being bullied and your manager hasn't done anything about it.
If you threaten legal action, they will have to act - either disciplining or dismissing the people who are bullying you. I know that's a massive step to take, but they probably expect to get away with it because they know you need the job. But you're the one who has the power - your company is legally obliged to deal with this and if they don't, you can sue them.
So take your power back - from them, from their comments. You're beautiful. Now you need to be strong too.
Good luck!

^^^^^^^^^^This!

deoliveiraf

Not much I can add other than these ladies must be skinny-twigs to be calling you Jabba the Hutt. Based on your profile pic, you are an attractive young lady making herself even better, and the Hutt comment is greatly unwarranted (as is any bullying).

I know it may be difficult, but keep doing your thing. Get healthier. Get fitter. Then let one of them become the office Jabba the Hutt!!

dutchandkiwi

You mention your visa dependency - from your profile as you are in NSW, I think this is an Aussie visa?
A friend of mine had a bullying (and some other things) case called against her employer when on a non-resident NZ visa. She won and her visa was not directly affected, her lawyer made damn sure of that. Now that was NZ and 10 years ago, but still being on a visa does not mean having to roll over and play dead. You do have rights too, and if the emploer does not protect you they may be liable too.

When I was on my workvisa in NZ I recall that the visa was transferable in certain circumstances. You can call the immigration services on that sort of thing pretty easily, plus a lot is on the websites, just investigate and talk to a good lawyer if needed, but do take it up with HR again. I found this Australian website and may contain some useful information for you https://www.fwc.gov.au/

So sorry you have to go through this.

NishaPhilips

Hi!
The people who bullied you with those nasty words simply show how tiny their brains are. you are not what these people say. i have heard similar things but i know i am beautiful inside out so are you . their words don't make you. I have this problem of emotional eating too. but then I make my self understand why am I even wasting my emotions on such people.
REMEMBER YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU ARE STRONG