I'm going to tell the truth

litus_81

I don't have anyone to talk to about this or anyone that might understand. I recently found some journals about trying to lose weight from about 5 years ago, the thing I realized is I'm a sham. I'm going through the same thing I was years ago! I thought I've been seriously trying to lose weight but that must not be the case. I'm wasting so much of my life and I'm not sure what to do now. I've only gained weight because let's face it I pig out. Didn't seem like it at the time but that's what it is. I'm finding myself spending over a hour to eat one meal! Just let me eat a lil bit more I'll think or this isn't very much. I'm not sure when it became okay to eat 2 burgers. I think I've ate just to have something to do or if I felt bad or if I felt happy, any feeling was a reason to eat. I used to weigh 130 lbs but now I'm almost 300 lbs. I've stopped having friends because I feel so embarrassed of myself, so being alone only makes you eat more. I have a little anxiety so when I try to exercise I'm always wondering if it's normal to feel like this or why is my heart beating fast, am I going to die?? It's so ridiculous. I get very snippy with people or can get upset about things people do but it's because I'm mad at myself, I see that now. It can be confusing because I do have willpower, I stopped smoking, I completed a very hard degree program but when it comes to food I can't do it. I think what's obvious here is I haven't wanted to do it. I really have thought that all these years I've been trying, really making an effort but I wasn't really trying. Before I ate a donut or stopped for fast food I would think you could make a sandwich at home but I'll end up stopping. I've been lying to myself! The worst lie you can tell. This is a big realization for me that I'm a phony but I don't want to be. I'm still young enough that I can lose weight and enjoy life and myself. I'm not sure how to start. I've seen when I do manage to eat pretty well healthy I'll gain a couple pounds but if I still go to McDonald's it'll go back down where it was. I have no idea how to cook healthy. I think I read magazines or think of a exercise plan and there's so much to choose from I start feeling overwhelmed so I stop trying. Is there anyone that can give me baby steps of how to start? In my head I know that eating right and exercising is what to do but there's some disconnect to my brain with that. I'm very type A and I'm stopping myself before I can start. It's so funny that I have anxiety about my health, bout being overweight and how's my heart doing and all that and the way to stop my anxiety is to stop eating bad food but I don't! I can solve my own problem so why can't I do it?? I'm not sure if anyone will read this but this is my way of saying out loud that I was wrong, that I never really tried hard enough, and I know I've got no one to blame but myself. It's all on me. I guess either truly lose weight or shut up whining about it.

irishdancer214

Hang in there!!! I'm definitely sending you a friend request and I'll message you too...keep an eye out

Winterlover123

I'm so freaking glad I'm not the only who has realized and felt like this

EmmaFitzwilliam

::Hugs:: It's not easy. I have some baby steps to suggest.

1. Start small. All the diet resources say "learn to love kale!" "eat more (vegetable)!" "try this trick!" or my favorite, "resign yourself to never eating (fun food) ever again, and always choosing (inadequate substitute)".

And all they do is put you off of even really wanting to try.

So start small. Start with logging what you eat. Don't fill in the goals yet (if that's possible). Just find out where you are.

2. Don't look at the end game. When I first started, wanting to lose 85 pounds, I never dreamed I would get to where I am today in terms of my food choices. I'm short, and sedentary. MFP calculated 1450 calories per day for my goal. That I would have trouble reaching 1200 calories and would feel satisfied and happy with my food choices never entered my mind.

3. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Find out what *does* work; what trade-offs you *are* willing to make. I don't have time or inclination for produce prep. I use canned tomatoes, and buy pre-cut vegetables. It works for me.

Feel free to add me if you want to chat more about small steps and strategies.

Ohwhynot

Have you thought about seeing a therapist to help you with this? You're being VERY hard on yourself, and that's really quite counterproductive.

You have the drive but it seems like you're getting into analysis paralysis. I think when you're Type A, you need to have firm definitions on things, and diet and health is seemingly uncategorizable. I am the same way. Let's break this down... you don't need to be a good cook to lose weight. You don't need to stop going to McDonald's (I go like 2x a week). You don't need an exercise plan. All you need to do is be truthful with what you're eating. Get a real idea of how much you are actually eating. Do it for the data, don't do it to feel ashamed. Then, when you see just how much over your budget you're going, decide, "Today, I'm going to shoot for 2000 calories." Don't go whole hog and think you can go from overeating to near-starvation. Then, after a few days of 2000 calories, cut back until you're at a calorie deficit you can live with.

Best of luck to you.

ZakiJaye

I totally empathise, I can't say I have been exactly where you are but I have been in a very similar place, The advice I would give is not to try to change your whole life at once. Just pick one thing and make it part of your routine. (I started by going swimming just once a month. When that was part of my life, I upped it to going once a week. When that was part of my life I stopped drinking fizzy drink and so on)

Trying to change your whole life all at once is a huge task, take it a tiny bit at a time. Learn to cook one healthy meal and add it into your routine, then add another. Of course this way it will take much longer to lose the weight than doing it all at once but it will reduce your anxiety about the change and failure, and give you a overall higher chance of success.

sofaking6

OK so:

1. You are not the only person who has existed in a long-lived state of denial about how much they eat. Witness probably 90% of everyone else here.
2. Your eyes are open - keep them that way by using the app to log everything you eat. Everything. Start with just that, just being totally honest about what you're eating. You don't have to share your food diary, you can keep it just to yourself, but either way you must do it.
3. My highest weight was 170 but I felt the exact same way when I started exercising after a long time of not doing it. Take it slowly - go for walks, that is plenty - and get to know your body as it is. No denial about that either. If you want to, look on Youtube for walking workouts, there are a lot of cool ones you can do right in your living room if you prefer. I only work out in my living room, it's great.

So that is my advice to you. Start with logging everything and taking a walk 4-5 days a week. Read the forums here, especially the stickied posts like How to Get Started on Your Path to Sexypants. A lot of people here have put a lot of time and effort into helping us noobs, so take advantage of that Also, hugs to you since you're feeling low now, but with your honest attitude I see only success ahead of you.

try2again

Being honest w/yourself is a great start and will serve you well on MFP! Don't get all bogged down with "plans". Do this now: fill out your MFP profile and get your calorie recommendation. Log your food religiously and don't eat over that recommendation. Don't worry too much about your food choices, but nutrition is a wonderful thing. You won't die if you go for a walk, but don't try to change your lifestyle overnight. Relax. One good choice leads to another.

Nuke_64

I think the most important thing is accepting the fact that the choices you made got you where you are and you have done that--Good for you.

To start slow, just start tracking the food you eat. Since using MFP, I have actually got over my reluctance to go to McDonald's because I have realized if I order just a cheeseburger and small fries, its 510 calories and it fills me up (along with my other meals for the day). Normally I would get a Bic Mac and large fries at 1060 calories. Tracking what you eat will start you on a path of understanding the choices you are making.

Good luck.

Genome88

I want to start by saying it's going to be okay! Whether you lose weight or not, that doesn't define you as a person. Weight may not even be all that correlated with health. Diet and exercise are much better predictors of diabetes and heart disease, however healthy diets and more movement generally also lead to a lower BMI. So, if the number on the scale is contributing to your anxiety, throw it out. Or at least put it in the back of the closet and only drag it out once a month. Focus on your health instead.

So, baby steps. I would say the first thing to do is to start logging your food. For the first week you might not want to restrict your calories, just log to see what you've eaten and get an idea for how much you eat in a day. Then, start making one new choice each week. Maybe for the first week, cut down fast food visits to once or twice a week, if you normally eat takeout 3 or more times a week. The second week you could start choosing one new easy recipe to make each week. Maybe just a fancy sandwich even. Personally, I love making crock pot soups and then freezing them in single servings for lunch later on. Or you could start eating vegetarian one day a week. These are just some suggestions.

As for exercise, start with just walking. 20 minutes a day 3 days a week. Or maybe only once a week. Or maybe just start by parking at the back of the parking lot anywhere you go. Whatever you need to get started moving. You can up this slowly, week by week as you feel more comfortable walking longer. And if you don't increase your movement one week, that's okay too. Just try to decrease it, at least not by much.

Anyway, I hope you might find some of this helpful. I do have a lot of easy recipes I like to make (mostly in the crock pot - throw stuff in and leave for the day!). I'll friend you, so feel free to ask for suggestions if you're lost on where to start with recipes.

mbaker566

you've started a big journey, one step and day at a time

rsclause

Healthy food doesn't always taste good at first. Example, I use to drink sweet tea a lot. I hated unsweet tea. I walked into mcdonalds one day and saw the calories when I make it a meal and said right then no more. Un sweet tea tastes great now. I don't get fries or burgers either. I control portions and changed my diet, I shop mostly in the produce aisle now and love it. Lost weight and feel great. You just need to decide if you want this, if you do, go all in.

jgnatca

Your story sounds so familiar I am sure most of us in my weight loss therapy group could relate. Heck, thin people with an eating disorder could relate. I don't think you are a fraud. Many of us have passing thoughts about reforming our health in one way or another but get sidelined over and over again. After all, it's a big undertaking with uncertain success. Even if you achieve a great loss, there will be few who will understand. It will take months for your efforts to show.

jgnatca

I am going to recommend a program that really helped me separate the emotion that attaches itself to weight loss, and a trouble shooting technique that really helps mark progress. I took the six week Chronic Disease Self Management Program licensed by Stanford. I see that there are several centers in Dallas that offer it.

AsISmile

Love this post: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1
There are a lot of great recommendations in the must read post at the top of every sub forum.

Also, I did read and am so glad you came to that realisation. You just did the most important thing to start your weightloss journey.
It will be hard, but I'm sure you can do it. Best of luck to you.

sissypriss22

You are a great place to start...a real change...examine the root of why you eat and where it all started what caused it to turn into what it is now? Make one promise at a time to yourself ....don't make it a diet make it a lifestyle change one baby step at a time..
As I read your post it was me I have felt the same way ...a captive to the food in my life...but through God and realizing what and where it started I have been able to change ...nope haven't lost any weight ...YET but I am slowly getting there....DONT MAKE it about loosing weight making it about being FREE so that you won't keeping judging yourself through negative perspective!!

jgnatca

Another word about your self-talk. If a close girlfriend was struggling with her eating habits and her weight, would you use this same language surrounding her failure?

"sham...wasting...embarrassed of myself...I'm mad at myself...I wasn't really trying...I've been lying to myself...I'm a phony...I was wrong, that I never really tried hard enough... I know I've got no one to blame but myself. It's all on me. I guess either truly lose weight or shut up whining about it."

My fellow type-A accomplished woman, I bow to you for all you have achieved! All power to you.

jgnatca

Around baby steps, the temptation of fast food and home cooking, here's a primer on how to get started.

1. Get used to logging your food. This should be your only goal for the first two weeks. The act of logging will educate you on what you are truly consuming, and what foods really add up.
2. You get hungry and the fast food is right there calling your name. Get used to carrying around better snacks so you are better prepared to take care of your hunger when it hits. This could be cheese and crackers, 100 calorie snack packs, those little single serving yogurt shots, or a protein bar.
3. Cooking can be nearly the same as you've always done it, with a little more care with how much fat/cheese you add. Using the MFP method, you will learn what a good portion really looks like. If it looks teeny tiny on the plate, learn to fill the rest of your plate with salad greens. Or cooked greens.

And count your successes rather than your failures along the way. Everyone has bad days. That doesn't mean you've failed at life or failed at weight loss. Push the reset button daily and try again.

And it's never too late to reset your life. I'm in my fifties.

samgetsfit606

I am exactly the same and it is this cycle the worst part for me is that I was doing really well and had achieved a place I was happy at.

Xo_c_e_b_xo

The first step is admitting it and you should be proud you've come on here to do something about it
Like everyone else is saying log your calories truthfully.
I find the 'in 5 weeks you will weigh' thing when you complete really motivating. Like when I've worked really hard at the gym and eaten within my calories it will say a brilliant weight but if I have a 'bad day it could go up by like 9 pounds! I think 'no I want the old number back to I train more the next day and eat better'

Good luck ! You can do it !

whmscll

I suggest a weight-loss support group, too. Knowing you are not alone in what you're going through and being able to express your frustrations to people who have been there and get it is incredibly powerful. Overeaters Anonymous? Go in person. Online is better than nothing, but going in person is best.