Self loathing, ladies time

Hollisamara

I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by posting this, maybe I just need to vent and see if anyone else feels the same as me? ....
Every month, when it's ladies time, I go through a really depressive stage of self loathing. About 11 days before my period my appetite increases, then a few days after that I get hot flushes, cold sweats, I cry all the time, my anger is horrendous, but worst of all I feel suicidal. Not that I would actually do anything, but sometimes it seems a better option. When I look in the mirror I see fat, I see a huge person with flabby arms, a big belly and thunder thighs. It gets me down and I spend all my time hating myself. It Doesn't help that I binge a lot around this time too. I feel like my body is torturing me, I have all the pains but no period, it's like a waiting game each month. Then one day I will come 'on' and four days later all is peaceful. I am back to my normal self. It's more than just PMS, it feels a million times worse. I saw a program talking about PMDD (pre menstrual dysphoric disorder) and the whole time I watched it I was thinking 'that's exactly me' basically it's really bad PMS which effects you mentally. Turns you psychotic almost. Treatment is anti depressants which I'm already on.... Anyone else ever heard of it/suffer?

scolloby

I can only sympathise, menstruation has always screwed my head, but it got significantly worse when I reached 49, my doctor said my hormonal levels were having a last hurrah and that he thought they'd be over in the next 18 months - well I'm now 54 and they show no signs of disappearing. The level of bleeding has become horrendous and I am anaemic. To make matters interesting, I have also recently been diagnosed with ITP, where your immune system kills your own platelets, luckily, a 'funny turn' led me to the hospital and a blood test revealed both the anaemia and a platelet score of 13 - which accounted for all the large bruises appearing on my body. The upside of this, is that the steroids I am receiving have not only decreased the bleeding but also have affected my moods very positively (they can however make you suicidal), so maybe anti-depressants could work for you if you found the right one? Some people have to go through several before they find the one that works for them. Alternatively, something that could control your hormones a little? I think a visit to the doctor to discuss could be helpful, find out what you options are.

pineapple_peach10

I totally know what you're talking about. I get like this also at certain times in my cycle. I'm actually just coming out of it right now.

I feel depressed, alone, anxious. I definitely get the self loathing part as well. I don't really think logically during that time at all.

I am also on meds but still feel this way. Now that I'm aware of it, I try to prepare for it every month.

I'm sending you a FR

TavistockToad

jellytot3 wrote: »

I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by posting this, maybe I just need to vent and see if anyone else feels the same as me? ....
Every month, when it's ladies time, I go through a really depressive stage of self loathing. About 11 days before my period my appetite increases, then a few days after that I get hot flushes, cold sweats, I cry all the time, my anger is horrendous, but worst of all I feel suicidal. Not that I would actually do anything, but sometimes it seems a better option. When I look in the mirror I see fat, I see a huge person with flabby arms, a big belly and thunder thighs. It gets me down and I spend all my time hating myself. It Doesn't help that I binge a lot around this time too. I feel like my body is torturing me, I have all the pains but no period, it's like a waiting game each month. Then one day I will come 'on' and four days later all is peaceful. I am back to my normal self. It's more than just PMS, it feels a million times worse. I saw a program talking about PMDD (pre menstrual dysphoric disorder) and the whole time I watched it I was thinking 'that's exactly me' basically it's really bad PMS which effects you mentally. Turns you psychotic almost. Treatment is anti depressants which I'm already on.... Anyone else ever heard of it/suffer?

have you mentioned any of this to a doctor/therapist?

LeanButNotMean44

jellytot3 wrote: »

I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by posting this, maybe I just need to vent and see if anyone else feels the same as me? ....
Every month, when it's ladies time, I go through a really depressive stage of self loathing. About 11 days before my period my appetite increases, then a few days after that I get hot flushes, cold sweats, I cry all the time, my anger is horrendous, but worst of all I feel suicidal. Not that I would actually do anything, but sometimes it seems a better option. When I look in the mirror I see fat, I see a huge person with flabby arms, a big belly and thunder thighs. It gets me down and I spend all my time hating myself. It Doesn't help that I binge a lot around this time too. I feel like my body is torturing me, I have all the pains but no period, it's like a waiting game each month. Then one day I will come 'on' and four days later all is peaceful. I am back to my normal self. It's more than just PMS, it feels a million times worse. I saw a program talking about PMDD (pre menstrual dysphoric disorder) and the whole time I watched it I was thinking 'that's exactly me' basically it's really bad PMS which effects you mentally. Turns you psychotic almost. Treatment is anti depressants which I'm already on.... Anyone else ever heard of it/suffer?

While not as extreme as your symptoms, I also have many of those issues each month. The world just looks different in my eyes right around/during the lady time. I feel like a heifer, what little I have on top becomes extremely tender/sensitive about 2 weeks prior, I am CONVINCED I have miraculously gained 30lbs overnight and that my clothes are bursting at the seams, and I want to eat everything in sight. I feel like I have 1-1.5 weeks per month where I feel "normal", and it has only gotten worse as I have gotten older (not to be discouraging).

Pinkemi

This is so weird.. I was literally thinking about this this morning!

AsISmile

I suffer from pms and really bad cramps. My doctor advised me to just continue taking my birth control pill and skip the stop weeks.
So basically I take a pill every day of the year and don't get any periods. My doctor explained me it is not harmful in any way.

Only downside: If I forget one pill, my period will start 1,5 days later. But the good thing is I skipped the entire pms stage

nicola8989

I have suffered from depression and anxiety in the past and it was particularly bad around my time of month, similar to the way you describe - I still have anxiety but not so bad. I think I had PMDD as well. I used to be on Microgynon and was terrible on that but have switched to Cerazette and my hormones feel much more even now and my mood doesn't seem as affected by my time of month. Is this an option you can discuss with your doctor? If you are on any birth control the hormones will make everything worse (that's what I've found anyway) - or could even your moods out a bit.

Hollisamara

I have tried several different anti depressants and have been on the current ones for about 3 years now. My dr is trying to encourage me to wean off them. I've tried talking to different Drs but none of them are particularly helpful. I had the mirena coil until the beginning of the year and since having it removed my PMS has been worse, also my periods are heavier than before the cool was put in. (I only lasted about a year with the coil, it gave me too many problems) same with different types of the contraceptive pill, my body doesn't seem to like any of them.

MamaBirdBoss

Yep, definitely sounds like PMDD. If it's still bad, no reason to wean.

Weight loss lowers depression and the severity of PMDD in most people, though.

REGULAR exercise works as well as SSRIs.

So with weight loss and regular exercise, you may be able to get off them.

But in your case...since you obviously don't want to get pregnant, just go on hormonal birth control and don't have periods anymore. Seriously. It WILL NOT hurt you.

If your doctor says it will, someone should kick him in the balls for being an idiot.

MamaBirdBoss

scolloby wrote: »

I can only sympathise, menstruation has always screwed my head, but it got significantly worse when I reached 49, my doctor said my hormonal levels were having a last hurrah and that he thought they'd be over in the next 18 months - well I'm now 54 and they show no signs of disappearing. The level of bleeding has become horrendous and I am anaemic. To make matters interesting, I have also recently been diagnosed with ITP, where your immune system kills your own platelets, luckily, a 'funny turn' led me to the hospital and a blood test revealed both the anaemia and a platelet score of 13 - which accounted for all the large bruises appearing on my body. The upside of this, is that the steroids I am receiving have not only decreased the bleeding but also have affected my moods very positively (they can however make you suicidal), so maybe anti-depressants could work for you if you found the right one? Some people have to go through several before they find the one that works for them. Alternatively, something that could control your hormones a little? I think a visit to the doctor to discuss could be helpful, find out what you options are.

Have you talked to your doctor about uterine ablation therapy or a hysterectomy (sparing the cervix) for the bleeding once you get your platelet issues under control?

amyenman1

jellytot3 wrote: »

I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by posting this, maybe I just need to vent and see if anyone else feels the same as me? ....
Every month, when it's ladies time, I go through a really depressive stage of self loathing. About 11 days before my period my appetite increases, then a few days after that I get hot flushes, cold sweats, I cry all the time, my anger is horrendous, but worst of all I feel suicidal. Not that I would actually do anything, but sometimes it seems a better option. When I look in the mirror I see fat, I see a huge person with flabby arms, a big belly and thunder thighs. It gets me down and I spend all my time hating myself. It Doesn't help that I binge a lot around this time too. I feel like my body is torturing me, I have all the pains but no period, it's like a waiting game each month. Then one day I will come 'on' and four days later all is peaceful. I am back to my normal self. It's more than just PMS, it feels a million times worse. I saw a program talking about PMDD (pre menstrual dysphoric disorder) and the whole time I watched it I was thinking 'that's exactly me' basically it's really bad PMS which effects you mentally. Turns you psychotic almost. Treatment is anti depressants which I'm already on.... Anyone else ever heard of it/suffer?

hi is amyenman you not fat

amyenman1

hi is amy enman you fack