Never Good Enough for Myself

TraceyLynn089

Over two years ago, I decided to finally take action about my unhappiness with my body. I was 230 lbs at 5'5" and had spent almost my entire life being overweight. If that wasn't enough of a health concern on it's own I am also a juvenile diabetic. I accomplished what I wanted to do. I lost nearly 80 lbs and got down to around the 150 lb mark and my diabetes is in much better control. In the process, I took up running and have now run 2 half marathons and have a full marathon scheduled for the fall. I am in good shape and am fitter than I have ever been. I have been able to successfully maintain this weight for over a year now. However, I AM STILL NOT HAPPY WITH MY BODY. I have been un-successful in getting all of my stomach fat off and have this admittedly stupid goal in my mind to get down to bikini shape even if I can only maintain it for a short while. I go through stages where I will be happy at the weight I am at but then revert right back to loathing my body, thinking I need to be leaner, stronger, skinnier. Deep down I think I know that getting to where I think I want to be at isn't going to make me happy either. And, I just want to be able to eat a cookie or a slice of cake on occasion without feeling so damn guilty. I want to eat that burger that I've been craving every once in a while and not feel like I need to run 10 miles just to make up for it. I want to be able to take a rest from exercise when I am exhausted and not feel like a failure. I want to be happy with myself and with my body...But despite knowing that I am often being too hard on myself, I cant seem to pull myself out of this train of thinking. It is like no matter how much ive accomplished, I will never be good enough for myself. I don't even know that I am asking for advice on this one...I know this is something I need to figure out on my own. But I feel better when I write (or rather type) things out and what better place than here.

snowflake954

I don't think you should be figuring this out on your own---I think you should look into counseling. You need help to be happy with yourself, and as you're describing your situation, I don't think you'll be able to. This will be a good investment in your future. Do you always want to think this way? You are a huge success, and still it's not enough. I urge you to go and learn how to make peace with yourself. Best.

tulips_and_tea

Just a couple of random thoughts, but first of all, great job! You've lost a lot of weight and vastly improved your health!

So, after being heavy for a long time it takes a long time for your mind to catch up. Your mind still sees yourself as overweight at times. That will hopefully change over time.

Are you angry at yourself for taking this long to get healthy? If so, let it go. Water under the bridge. You are very young and have a LONG life ahead of you. Sometimes it's depressing to look back and wonder what our life would've been like under different circumstances. Wondering about it is okay. Letting it bother you to the point of interfering with your present and future is not. Give yourself advice as if you'd give a friend if they were in the same situation.

There's also the part where we think our lives will be magically better and we will be happy once we reach a certain weight. That's not the case. We will still carry the same issues and struggles and what not, but I think that initial disappointment that that fairy tale didn't come true is hard to get over.

What else? I know you mentioned extra weight on your stomach. Again, you are young. Keep working out and give it time to bounce back.

lapierrecyclist

You have accomplished an enormous amount in a short period of time and you're successfully maintaining your weight loss so far. It's normal to hit a plateau and normal to feel a little burned out. So maybe it's time to try something different. Can you swap out some of the running for cycling, say? And/or add weightlifting into the mix? Find a new friend to run or work out with? Doing something new might help it feel like less of a grind. Bear in mind that for weightlifting, it'll take about six to eight weeks of working out 3x a week before you start seeing results. But you will.

As for food, I'm wondering if you are getting enough to fuel your workouts, especially protein? I find that I have a lot less craving for cookies, etc. if I eat more protein (hard-boiled eggs, cheese). If you're logging all your calories and especially if you're getting plenty of exercise, you should be able to work in a burger here and there and still stay within your calorie goals.

Progress, not perfection. You are OK and worthwhile and you matter, just as you are. You are on the right track and you'll find some solutions that work for you.

TraceyLynn089

lapierrecyclist wrote: »

You have accomplished an enormous amount in a short period of time and you're successfully maintaining your weight loss so far. It's normal to hit a plateau and normal to feel a little burned out. So maybe it's time to try something different. Can you swap out some of the running for cycling, say? And/or add weightlifting into the mix? Find a new friend to run or work out with? Doing something new might help it feel like less of a grind. Bear in mind that for weightlifting, it'll take about six to eight weeks of working out 3x a week before you start seeing results. quote]

I started doing Jillian Michaels videos to incorporate some strength and higher impact cardio. Started with 20 day shred and am now on week 2 of Ripped in 30. I have seen definite process in my muscle definition and even in my endurance when I run. Not to mention I have lost a few pounds as well. Running to me is enjoyable and I use it as "me" time so I don't like to push myself too hard or else I start hating it. But I have been very consistent with the videos and plan on starting the body revolution after I finish 30 day shred.