Mental aspect of gaining

L0VE3UG

Hey MFPals,

At the end of April I decided I wanted to really buckle down and focus on gaining muscle. I read a *kitten* load of articles, hired a trainer, and became active on body building forums to gain as much knowledge as I could. At that time, my weight was 116 with 17% BF on a 5'5" frame. I've been lifting 4-5x per week and eating between 2200-2600 cals. The other day, I weighed myself and came in at 122. I don't know how much my BF went up, but after I took pictures and compared them to before I had a mini meltdown.

I feel stronger, but I also feel very bloated and gross most days. I struggled with an ED for many years, and 122 is the highest I have been in over 10 years. I'm trying not to focus on the scale, but I'm having a hard time as I don't like the changes I see in the mirror. I want more muscle but want to remain lean; I feel like the muscle I have put on is making me look fatter...

I don't know if this is temporary, if there is a growing pains phase people go through with gaining or what but it's been a pretty uncomfortable ride so far. Has anyone had some similar issues that could offer advice on handling the mental aspect of the process?

tiffanyaiv

Yes the mental aspect is going to be hardest for me!! But we need to remember that we are more than the number on the scale which doesn't tell us much anyway and as long as we are in the healthy range that's all that matters!!

jimmmer

Bulking and cutting is a process. You'll look better and worse and better again at various stages through the process.

You may have to run several bulk/cuts ultimately to get where you want. That means you are going to have to wrestle with (and accept) looking various different ways along the way.

I would urge you to become less emotional about your self-image if you want to get where you want over the long term. Nothing ruins a bulk quicker than jumping off early because you've talked yourself into believing you've become a blob. You need to be more dispassionate and analytical - take photos, use a tape measure, track metrics. Decisions made on observable and comparable data trumps decisions made in the heat of a mini-meltdown every day of the week!

EzRemake

Especially early on, your body is adapting to the increase in average daily calories, and the carbs that go with them. This means more water retention, so you're bound to feel 'fat', especially if you're used to cutting or maintaining a weight.

Eventually the water retention balances out, and usually you end up not having gained nearly as much as you'd thought.

naomimonks83

If you are on an ed recovery journey, you need to remember, and this is simple yet so blatantly true, muscle weighs more than fat.
You are going to struggle with gaining muscle, as your reflection is going to alter, but remember that is what you want, that is your chosen destination.
Like you said, you've read all you need to know on how to get lean and muscley.
You just have to squash old thoughts on your appearance Hun, no that your mind is playing tricks on you, keep rationality at the forefront of your mind, it's a battle, and it will take time and repetition.
Keep going and fighting them demons and clearing your path to a happy healthy mind body and soul Hun.
You can do it.

tiffanyaiv

naomimonks83 wrote: »

If you are on an ed recovery journey, you need to remember, and this is simple yet so blatantly true, muscle weighs more than fat.
You are going to struggle with gaining muscle, as your reflection is going to alter, but remember that is what you want, that is your chosen destination.
Like you said, you've read all you need to know on how to get lean and muscley.
You just have to squash old thoughts on your appearance Hun, no that your mind is playing tricks on you, keep rationality at the forefront of your mind, it's a battle, and it will take time and repetition.
Keep going and fighting them demons and clearing your path to a happy healthy mind body and soul Hun.
You can do it.

I love this!!

naomimonks83

It's true Tiffany

L0VE3UG

Thanks for the replies! It's definitely hard going from needing to be as small as possible to purposely putting on weight. Jimmmer, your suggestion to track more than just photos is something I'm going to start doing. I hadn't weighed myself since I started, and didn't take any measurements. I prob. would have avoided a panic attack if I had more to go off of than photos. And you are right about being less emotional about my image...what's that silly saying? Fat is not a feeling? Lol but it's true.

Naomi - it's easy to let rationale go and let the distorted thinking take over. I've definitely realized that recovery is on-going; changing the way I perceive myself while going against what has been my "norm" for so long is mentally taxing! Thank you for the encouragement.

tiffanyaiv

L0VE3UG wrote: »

Thanks for the replies! It's definitely hard going from needing to be as small as possible to purposely putting on weight. Jimmmer, your suggestion to track more than just photos is something I'm going to start doing. I hadn't weighed myself since I started, and didn't take any measurements. I prob. would have avoided a panic attack if I had more to go off of than photos. And you are right about being less emotional about my image...what's that silly saying? Fat is not a feeling? Lol but it's true.

Naomi - it's easy to let rationale go and let the distorted thinking take over. I've definitely realized that recovery is on-going; changing the way I perceive myself while going against what has been my "norm" for so long is mentally taxing! Thank you for the encouragement.

This is so great thank you for sharing!!

jdscrubs32

jimmmer wrote: »

Bulking and cutting is a process. You'll look better and worse and better again at various stages through the process.

You may have to run several bulk/cuts ultimately to get where you want. That means you are going to have to wrestle with (and accept) looking various different ways along the way.

I would urge you to become less emotional about your self-image if you want to get where you want over the long term. Nothing ruins a bulk quicker than jumping off early because you've talked yourself into believing you've become a blob. You need to be more dispassionate and analytical - take photos, use a tape measure, track metrics. Decisions made on observable and comparable data trumps decisions made in the heat of a mini-meltdown every day of the week!

I second what @jimmmer said OP. I lost a load of weight years ago and even though I was going to the gym for years, I was always worried that if I ate more, I would go back to what I was. Started with a PT last year and once he knocked it out of me that I would never go back to what I used to be like, I got over the mental aspect of it. I'm around your height and when I started this at the start of last year, my weight was 55kg/121lbs. I'm now between 66-68kg/145-149lbs which has happened slowly over the last 8 months since I started the calorie level I'm on. True there are some days in which I feel gross because my bodyfat has gone up as well but not hugely but I get over that because I know when I stop this and switch to maintenance, that will slowly come down. Doing all this to get stronger with the weights and to feel good because I was too skinny for a long time.

Don't weigh yourself every day. I only weigh once a month and I look at the long term figures over the short term numbers.

Good luck.