Those who have lost lots: how do you learn to accept the sagging and wrinkling?

2

Replies

  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    OP, I appreciate that you talk about your experience. I have lost about 50 lbs over the last 2.5 years, and have another 40-50 to go. With the last 10 I started noticing the skin on my inner thigh hanging, and my tummy is still folding over and sagging. I am at the point where I know I am going to have to accept that saggy skin is going to happen.

    I am not proud of how big I was, but I am proud of the amount of dedication it has taken to get to where I am now, and what it will take to get the rest of the way. I don't know if the lifts and tucks are in my future, not until I get there. By the time I do, I may just decide that it's fine to be comfortable with the remnants of the battle fought trying to reverse the damage I did through making bad choices and allowing my emotions to make my decisions. The skin will be a symbol of my strength and the recognition that this is my life and I am in control.
  • Cortneyrenee04
    Cortneyrenee04 Posts: 1,117 Member
    I'm in the same boat :(

    Considering surgery because parts of me seem pretty doomed...
  • BWBTrish
    BWBTrish Posts: 2,817 Member
    Come on you ladies...... chin up
    Like i said you will look awesome in clothes

    Only nude is for your self and partner who loves you despite you having extra skin.

    Be happy :)
  • Tubbs216
    Tubbs216 Posts: 6,597 Member
    earlnabby wrote: »
    rabbitjb wrote: »
    You don't know what you're going to end up with yet ..as it can take up to 2 years to recover as much as it's going to

    But in the long term you could have cosmetic surgery

    I do know what you mean ...but patience and then decisions

    That's basically where I am now. The wrinkly wobblies under my upper arms is the most annoying part, especially since I have developed nice muscle definition in the biceps from my lap swimming. My body can stop losing fat there and start losing more from the belly any time now! The belly wrinkles and saggy boobs I can live with for now (thanks to all-in-one body shapers and spanx), but we'll see how bad they get after I lose my final 40 lb (111 lb gone so far). My plan is to get to goal, wait a year, and decide what I want to do. I suspect surgery is in my future.

    Does anybody know: can they do a boob lift without implants? I may need a reduction too but right now they are kind of flat and saggy with nips that look like Marty Feldman eyes (looking in two completely different directions).
    Haha! Thanks for the visual. Yes, they can, but they often will try to get you to do a small implant too, because that gives a better shape and therefore a more 'pleasing' final result.
  • Tubbs216
    Tubbs216 Posts: 6,597 Member
    kjurassic wrote: »
    I don't have a choice but to accept it. Does anyone know where I can get a long sleeved, down to the ankle bathing suit to cover this mess???!!!!! :'(
    Time for a burqini?
    ebjpc9p3d23m.jpg

  • LaceyBirds
    LaceyBirds Posts: 451 Member
    kjurassic wrote: »
    I don't have a choice but to accept it. Does anyone know where I can get a long sleeved, down to the ankle bathing suit to cover this mess???!!!!! :'(

    Well, actually, yes I do. Don't laugh. I have been researching these for quite some time. Even before I started my weight loss process, I have been dealing with trying to find a swimsuit that would cover my upper arms. I have a double whammy of having a huge, deflated pouch on my upper arm from lipoma removal a few years ago, and added to my now-starting-to-really-sag upper arms, it is quite hideous. My arm looks very deformed.

    There are rashguards you can buy instead of a regular swim top. But what I've been seriously considering are what are known as "modest" swimsuits, which have many different styles and options. I want to be able to swim, not just have something to wear to the beach, so I want something streamlined that won't float around and get baggy when wet. Here are a few websites for you to peruse:

    https://modli.co/swimwear.html

    simply-modest.com/posecom/index.php

    I particularly like this site and it's where I will probably buy a swim top:

    http://www.sunwayuvclothing.com/maincat.asp?cat=1&bcat=17

    There are also complete full swimsuits online, tons of them, for Muslim women who want to swim but must be covered from head to ankle. People might laugh, but I am really glad to see that there are companies that provide swimsuits like this. Older and heavier women should have more options than the short skirted swimsuits that seem to be the only thing that appears on plus-size websites.

    I am almost 60 and am very worried about this sagging skin. My face is sagging already, and it scares me how much worse I'm going to look as I lose more weight. But I'm going to lose it anyway, because I am pretty certain that the statin drugs I am on for cholesterol are damaging my muscles and I want to be off them and the blood pressure medicine. Looking better would be a nice plus, but it appears that I will look much worse when I'm done. Although I am completely motivated and won't let that stop me, it certainly takes something away from my current success at losing weight.

    Oh, and yes, you can have a breast lift without implants. I asked my doctor this and it can be done. Just Google those terms, and check Image Search first and you will see several examples. Shockingly, because my doctor listed me as having "gynecomastia" (large breasts) and that I have back pain from them, he said my insurance would actually cover such a surgery, so you might want to check with your doctor and see if he says the same thing.



  • LaceyBirds
    LaceyBirds Posts: 451 Member
    I also want to mention that excessive loose skin and severely sagging breasts is probably a much scarier issue for single women who are still in the market for a relationship. Even at my age, one of the thoughts in the back of my head is that, once I am thinner, perhaps I might find somebody. But looking at my body, and knowing it will get worse, I probably should banish those thoughts. It's kind of sad.
  • Annie_01
    Annie_01 Posts: 3,096 Member
    LaceyBirds wrote: »
    I also want to mention that excessive loose skin and severely sagging breasts is probably a much scarier issue for single women who are still in the market for a relationship. Even at my age, one of the thoughts in the back of my head is that, once I am thinner, perhaps I might find somebody. But looking at my body, and knowing it will get worse, I probably should banish those thoughts. It's kind of sad.

    I agree. I am 62 and have been widowed for many years. So I am to a point that while I won't say that looks are entirely irrelevant...it is more about the health.

    Besides...maybe just maybe any man that I might be interested in has failing eye sight and won't notice all the saggy baggy stretched out areas of my body.



  • Merkavar
    Merkavar Posts: 3,082 Member
    Seems to me you already had accepted your overweight/obese body, why is it harder for you to accept a healthier, skinnier and saggy body.

    I just see it as more of a consequence of your actions, just got to accept it and move on.

  • Pootler74
    Pootler74 Posts: 223 Member
    edited June 2015
    LaceyBirds wrote: »
    I also want to mention that excessive loose skin and severely sagging breasts is probably a much scarier issue for single women who are still in the market for a relationship. Even at my age, one of the thoughts in the back of my head is that, once I am thinner, perhaps I might find somebody. But looking at my body, and knowing it will get worse, I probably should banish those thoughts. It's kind of sad.

    Exactly. A partner who has seen you at different sizes and been by your side as you have lost weight will be used to the changes. For anyone new, I can only imagine that a warning beforehand is going to be necessary. Once you reach a healthy weight, how you look with clothes on might (will) suggest that what's underneath looks vastly different to the reality. All that sagging, puckering, wrinkling, flapping, folding and so on could come as a hell of a shock.
  • Pootler74
    Pootler74 Posts: 223 Member
    edited June 2015
    Merkavar wrote: »
    Seems to me you already had accepted your overweight/obese body, why is it harder for you to accept a healthier, skinnier and saggy body.

    I think I did. It was only by accepting and loving the body I had, with all its imperfections, that I was able to change it.
    Merkavar wrote: »
    I just see it as more of a consequence of your actions, just got to accept it and move on.

    Yeah. I kind of do. On the one hand, as has been mentioned by a previous poster, I'm seeing it as battle scars from a hard-won war. On the other hand, I'm mightily pissed off that *I* did this to myself. This loose skin is the result of mistreating my body for an entire lifetime. (And on the other hand again, I'm perfectly aware of why I did that to myself. And why I don't need to now.)

  • Pootler74
    Pootler74 Posts: 223 Member
    nutmegoreo wrote: »

    I am not proud of how big I was, but I am proud of the amount of dedication it has taken to get to where I am now, and what it will take to get the rest of the way... The skin will be a symbol of my strength and the recognition that this is my life and I am in control.

    Yep. This. This is what I'm focussing on. It takes practice to remind myself of this when I look in the mirror. And I worry that even though I might accept my body, it's going to look really weird and perhaps even unattractive to any partner who has never seen the effects of massive weightloss before.
    lol i know i will sound boring now

    but by accepting the fact that i will have excess skin..( sorry for being so simple)

    BUT I WILL LOOK FABULOUS IN JEANS AND A TOP OR DRESSES AND SKIRTS!! B)

    Yeah, there is that. I can wear dresses now! I can tuck a top into my jeans if I want! I might even be able to walk in heels eventually. :)

  • LorraineRock
    LorraineRock Posts: 7 Member
    I lost 50lbs in 12 weeks, and didn't have any sagging or excess skin, I was 62 at that time. I was seeing a doctor who told me I should stop at that level for a while, and let my body catch up. I went back on the plan a year later, lost another 25 ( I had gained back 10). Now, 5 years later I have gained back another 10, and I am trying Paleo to lose that 10 plus another 50 to get to my goal weight. Still no sagging, but I do have stretch marks. The slower method seems to work, but I know some people on the program weren't so lucky, my doctor also suggested lipo on the balance of my rubber tire.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    Pootler74 wrote: »
    nutmegoreo wrote: »

    I am not proud of how big I was, but I am proud of the amount of dedication it has taken to get to where I am now, and what it will take to get the rest of the way... The skin will be a symbol of my strength and the recognition that this is my life and I am in control.

    Yep. This. This is what I'm focussing on. It takes practice to remind myself of this when I look in the mirror. And I worry that even though I might accept my body, it's going to look really weird and perhaps even unattractive to any partner who has never seen the effects of massive weightloss before.
    lol i know i will sound boring now

    but by accepting the fact that i will have excess skin..( sorry for being so simple)

    BUT I WILL LOOK FABULOUS IN JEANS AND A TOP OR DRESSES AND SKIRTS!! B)

    Yeah, there is that. I can wear dresses now! I can tuck a top into my jeans if I want! I might even be able to walk in heels eventually. :)

    I agree that from a self-confidence perspective it is going to be challenging. I have never been married, and rarely date due to confidence issues as it is. I have begun dating again, and I am finding that many men (particularly those who have children already) realize that a woman in her 40s+ will not have the same body as someone who is in their 20s. Some are still superficial and concerned about appearances, but if that's how they are, I am not really that interested in them anyway. Physical attraction is important to an extend, but I know that I find a man more attractive when he challenges me on an intellectual level. I would hope to find someone who feels the same and appreciates who I am as an individual. If he can't get past the saggy skin, then it's just not something that is going to work anyway.
  • Karen_can_do_this
    Karen_can_do_this Posts: 1,150 Member
    Pootler74 wrote: »
    Look at all these posts with no snark! This is why I love MFP. You're making me feel better about it. Thank you. :-)

    I was thinking the same thing... Go you awesome things!!! Keep up the awesomeness
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
    edited June 2015
    Well, this doesn't help the OP much, but I just want to say that I am also in my 40s and have had a completely different experience.

    I've lost more than 90 pounds. I don't have any wrinkles and my only excess skin is around my belly. My breasts are the same size and not at all saggy. I really do think that weight lifting has helped. It's interesting that the people who claim that lifting makes no difference are also people who do little-to-no exercise.

    I look fine in clothes and in a one-piece swimming suit. I actually get hit on a lot at the pool. I may have a tummy tuck at some point, but I hesitate to have surgery over something that is just a vanity issue. I did NOT do this to myself--I gained weight because of a serious illness.

    My weight/loss has not hindered me at all in terms of dating. I have good-looking guys in their 20s flirt with me all the time and have no problem finding interesting people to date. I wear dresses a lot and feel good in them. Some comfortable shapewear helps. I am a dancer, so I move well and with confidence even though my body is not perfect--I think that makes a big difference. I wear heels too...

    Do what you need to do in order to take care of yourself, be confident in your body and you will not have a problem.
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
    Pootler74 wrote: »
    LaceyBirds wrote: »
    I also want to mention that excessive loose skin and severely sagging breasts is probably a much scarier issue for single women who are still in the market for a relationship. Even at my age, one of the thoughts in the back of my head is that, once I am thinner, perhaps I might find somebody. But looking at my body, and knowing it will get worse, I probably should banish those thoughts. It's kind of sad.

    Exactly. A partner who has seen you at different sizes and been by your side as you have lost weight will be used to the changes. For anyone new, I can only imagine that a warning beforehand is going to be necessary. Once you reach a healthy weight, how you look with clothes on might (will) suggest that what's underneath looks vastly different to the reality. All that sagging, puckering, wrinkling, flapping, folding and so on could come as a hell of a shock.

    I've never warned anybody "beforehand." I've never received any negative comments. In addition to weight loss, I also have ten different surgical scars on my abdomen. It's really quite bad.

    Most men don't care as much as we think they do.
  • MamaBirdBoss
    MamaBirdBoss Posts: 1,516 Member
    edited June 2015
    I have kids who pull on swimsuit tops (very young), so I wear a rashguard. Also leaves me with less to slather in cream!

    I'm planning on experimenting with collagen induction therapy on my face....the cheap way, which is to pay a tattoo artist to dry needle you. :) People think I'm in my 20s, but in my 20s, I didn't have any lines AT ALL on my face. And now I do. And I don't like them. :) Anyway, that would probably do VERY well for the "thin/stretched" skin, too: http://originalskinclinic.com/services/collagen-induction-therapy/

    I'm using a ridiculous amount of chemical peels now to control pilaris keratosis, so I've got a big bottle of glycolic acid. I'm going try that on the bit of stretched skin that I have on my boobs. I'll report back if it works in a few months. :)

    No photos, though, for obvious reasons, but they wouldn't show anything, anyway. It's 95% texture.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    Merkavar wrote: »
    Seems to me you already had accepted your overweight/obese body, why is it harder for you to accept a healthier, skinnier and saggy body.

    I just see it as more of a consequence of your actions, just got to accept it and move on.
    What your incorrect assumptions lead you to believe has little effect on anyone else's feelings.

    Thanks for dropping by to kick people when they're down.
  • debsdoingthis
    debsdoingthis Posts: 454 Member
    kjurassic wrote: »
    I don't have a choice but to accept it. Does anyone know where I can get a long sleeved, down to the ankle bathing suit to cover this mess???!!!!! :'(
    something like this?dq83xpd88cva.jpg


  • NikiChicken
    NikiChicken Posts: 576 Member
    I've lost 92 so far and have 28 to go. I've got to admit, the loose skin is bothering me much more than I thought it would. I am hoping it will tighten up some as time goes by. I've even started to think about possible cosmetic surgery sometime in the future. I'll have to see where I end up after I get to goal and remain there for a while.

    In the meantime, I get professionally fitted for bras and they work wonders for 'the girls.' I also choose clothing that covers the problem areas - thighs, belly, inside my knees (!), etc. Bathing suits are the worst though. I was at a water park with my son yesterday and I found myself so self-conscious. I kept telling myself that even with the loose skin, I look FAR better than I did 92 pounds ago and to hold my head high!
  • Merkavar
    Merkavar Posts: 3,082 Member
    Kalikel wrote: »
    Merkavar wrote: »
    Seems to me you already had accepted your overweight/obese body, why is it harder for you to accept a healthier, skinnier and saggy body.

    I just see it as more of a consequence of your actions, just got to accept it and move on.
    What your incorrect assumptions lead you to believe has little effect on anyone else's feelings.

    Thanks for dropping by to kick people when they're down.

    What are you talking about?

    What assumption? What kicking when someone is down?

    I'm confused.
  • Qskim
    Qskim Posts: 1,145 Member

    I've lost more than 90 pounds. I don't have any wrinkles and my only excess skin is around my belly. My breasts are the same size and not at all saggy. I really do think that weight lifting has helped. It's interesting that the people who claim that lifting makes no difference are also people who do little-to-no exercise.

    At one point I thought my boobs were going to survive too. However, this dramatically changed the closer I got to goal. Literally overnight for me - bras became empty. I have lifted all throughout. I kick box, I walk. I have visible abs with loose skin.

    Boobs are not a muscle (underlying). Mostly fat. Where fat is lost from, what happens to your skin is largely genetic and the sum of your history (pregnancy, prior obesity/weight loss history, ageing). Weightlifting and time will only mitigate so much. The rest you have to accept.

    I think W/L for me has helped to compensate to a large degree - swap one physical dissatisfaction for another I can feel proud of - I'm strong. I think everyone that has lost a large amount of weight hits the same point as the OP at some stage but you get through it. You have to really because going back isn't going to make you happier.

    I could be 250lbs+ and out of breath with no loose skin or be the best I am with what I've got and be a strong example of that grace and wisdom.

    I try and look at my body as a story of my life. See this scar? This mole? This skin disorder? Loose skin? It's all a story.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    triciab79 wrote: »
    tomatoey wrote: »
    triciab79 wrote: »
    Since you are in the loss mode still I bet you even have the uneven pockets of fat still. I hated those but most of them are gone now.

    Oh yeah? Are your BMI and body fat % quite low?

    Actually they improved before even the skin started to bounce back. I was 135-118 still losing but not working out so at 5'4" I imagine I still did not have what would be considered a low BF% and my BMI was in the normal range for my height and age. You don't lose weight evenly across your body. I had this lopsided stomach thing where you could actually see a mass of fat just hanging on one side and not the other, plus there were some on my thighs, around my knees, back,behind my arms, and even my face. They weren't like normal fat that seems to coat an area, they were pockets. They made me look lumpy naked and made my face look swollen.

    This is my face at about 135 I had lost about 70lbs in the previous 6 months and things were lumpy everywhere. Notice the lopsided jaw line, that was real, there was more fat on that side of my face.

    newpic_zps1f5fbde5.jpg

    This is 6 months later at 118
    P1000702578x1024_zps309ff432.jpg




    Ah, I see - thank you for sharing.

    I don't remember noticing that sort of phenomenon, except for at my belly, where there's more fat on one side than the other and that is more evident with a lower BMI. (Though I might have missed this sort of thing happening elsewhere).

    It sounds like everything sort of settled at 118, then?

    You look great :)
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    Merkavar wrote: »
    Seems to me you already had accepted your overweight/obese body, why is it harder for you to accept a healthier, skinnier and saggy body.

    I just see it as more of a consequence of your actions, just got to accept it and move on.

    Cognitive dissonance, not unusual when people get to GW. You lost weight; you had expectations; the reality is different and can be disappointing
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    Pootler74 wrote: »
    LaceyBirds wrote: »
    I also want to mention that excessive loose skin and severely sagging breasts is probably a much scarier issue for single women who are still in the market for a relationship. Even at my age, one of the thoughts in the back of my head is that, once I am thinner, perhaps I might find somebody. But looking at my body, and knowing it will get worse, I probably should banish those thoughts. It's kind of sad.

    Exactly. A partner who has seen you at different sizes and been by your side as you have lost weight will be used to the changes. For anyone new, I can only imagine that a warning beforehand is going to be necessary. Once you reach a healthy weight, how you look with clothes on might (will) suggest that what's underneath looks vastly different to the reality. All that sagging, puckering, wrinkling, flapping, folding and so on could come as a hell of a shock.

    I've never warned anybody "beforehand." I've never received any negative comments. In addition to weight loss, I also have ten different surgical scars on my abdomen. It's really quite bad.

    Most men don't care as much as we think they do.

    Self-consciousness can be a real mood and confidence killer, though, and it isn't always rational. (And sometimes it is rational, because it's rational to make comparisons. if your body is objectively different from the norm in ways that are commonly perceived as negative, it's hard not to make those attributions about your body.)

    Nobody's cared about belly or legs or thighs that I've noticed - those are more issues I look at when I sometimes nitpick alone, but don't really interfere as far as inhibitions. Boobs, no one's overtly behaved in anything but a positive way. One guy, though - he was nice and everything, but he did admit to seeing what I was talking about (this was soon after I hit GW, and this was after a bit of wine - I don't think he'd have allowed himself to say that sober, super nice guy, and I wouldn't have talked about it otherwise.) Better to stay mum for sure - just calls attention to things they might not have noticed otherwise, and signals lack of confidence. (Which you might feel, but it's not great to show it imo).

    But after that, it was hard not to think about it or to not let it affect how I felt (and behaved, a bit).

    mrsbaldee wrote: »

    I've lost more than 90 pounds. I don't have any wrinkles and my only excess skin is around my belly. My breasts are the same size and not at all saggy. I really do think that weight lifting has helped. It's interesting that the people who claim that lifting makes no difference are also people who do little-to-no exercise.

    At one point I thought my boobs were going to survive too. However, this dramatically changed the closer I got to goal. Literally overnight for me - bras became empty. I have lifted all throughout. I kick box, I walk. I have visible abs with loose skin.

    Boobs are not a muscle (underlying). Mostly fat. Where fat is lost from, what happens to your skin is largely genetic and the sum of your history (pregnancy, prior obesity/weight loss history, ageing). Weightlifting and time will only mitigate so much. The rest you have to accept.

    I think W/L for me has helped to compensate to a large degree - swap one physical dissatisfaction for another I can feel proud of - I'm strong. I think everyone that has lost a large amount of weight hits the same point as the OP at some stage but you get through it. You have to really because going back isn't going to make you happier.

    I could be 250lbs+ and out of breath with no loose skin or be the best I am with what I've got and be a strong example of that grace and wisdom.

    I try and look at my body as a story of my life. See this scar? This mole? This skin disorder? Loose skin? It's all a story.

    Great attitude :D

    I think it's a bit harder to feel ok about having a body story as a woman, though... Hard to shake the idea that men's stories signal the development of "character", growth, etc, while women's body-stories mean loss of youth, beauty, all of that. I don't want to feel this way. And I don't think this way in any other area of life. And it's easy for me to tell myself to think differently, but when it comes to just knee-jerk feelings, I don't know, they just come :/
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    lol i know i will sound boring now

    but by accepting the fact that i will have excess skin..( sorry for being so simple)

    BUT I WILL LOOK FABULOUS IN JEANS AND A TOP OR DRESSES AND SKIRTS!! B)
    It's a good outlook. Very positive,healthy, happy.

    Good for you. :)
  • Pootler74
    Pootler74 Posts: 223 Member
    Merkavar wrote: »
    Kalikel wrote: »
    Merkavar wrote: »
    Seems to me you already had accepted your overweight/obese body, why is it harder for you to accept a healthier, skinnier and saggy body.

    I just see it as more of a consequence of your actions, just got to accept it and move on.
    What your incorrect assumptions lead you to believe has little effect on anyone else's feelings.

    Thanks for dropping by to kick people when they're down.

    What are you talking about?

    What assumption? What kicking when someone is down?

    I'm confused.

    Don't worry. I didn't take it as a kicking. It's true. I did this to myself. However I'm conscious of all the reasons for it - food was the best tool I had in my arsenal for making me feel better. And now it's not.
  • nicola8989
    nicola8989 Posts: 381 Member
    I do worry about this as well - especially losing my boobs! But hey, you should be so proud of yourself. So what if you did this to yourself - plenty of other people have done the same but you had the dedication and determination to make a change. But not only that - you help other people on a daily basis to do the same. If I didn't have you and others like you cheering me on I would have given up on this a long time ago.

    In terms of practicality - have you tried dry body brushing? I'm a big believer in it - it really cleared up my cellulite when I did it a lot a few years ago, trying to get back in the habit now but as you know it's hard to treat your body well when you don't like it much. It improves your circulation and it's meant to help with loose skin. Also moisturiser with cocoa butter in really helps with any stretch marks etc. Palmers is great.

    I do think that when we are bigger we tend to just glance at our bodies and look away as quick as possible - I know I do! We can also be in denial about how much we weigh and what our bodies look like. Losing weight, exercising and eating well make you scrutinise your body and just generally more aware of it. Please try not to beat yourself up you are so awesome!
  • Qskim
    Qskim Posts: 1,145 Member
    edited June 2015
    tomatoey wrote: »
    Pootler74 wrote: »
    LaceyBirds wrote: »
    I also want to mention that excessive loose skin and severely sagging breasts is probably a much scarier issue for single women who are still in the market for a relationship. Even at my age, one of the thoughts in the back of my head is that, once I am thinner, perhaps I might find somebody. But looking at my body, and knowing it will get worse, I probably should banish those thoughts. It's kind of sad.

    Exactly. A partner who has seen you at different sizes and been by your side as you have lost weight will be used to the changes. For anyone new, I can only imagine that a warning beforehand is going to be necessary. Once you reach a healthy weight, how you look with clothes on might (will) suggest that what's underneath looks vastly different to the reality. All that sagging, puckering, wrinkling, flapping, folding and so on could come as a hell of a shock.

    I've never warned anybody "beforehand." I've never received any negative comments. In addition to weight loss, I also have ten different surgical scars on my abdomen. It's really quite bad.

    Most men don't care as much as we think they do.

    Self-consciousness can be a real mood and confidence killer, though, and it isn't always rational. (And sometimes it is rational, because it's rational to make comparisons. if your body is objectively different from the norm in ways that are commonly perceived as negative, it's hard not to make those attributions about your body.)

    Nobody's cared about belly or legs or thighs that I've noticed - those are more issues I look at when I sometimes nitpick alone, but don't really interfere as far as inhibitions. Boobs, no one's overtly behaved in anything but a positive way. One guy, though - he was nice and everything, but he did admit to seeing what I was talking about (this was soon after I hit GW, and this was after a bit of wine - I don't think he'd have allowed himself to say that sober, super nice guy, and I wouldn't have talked about it otherwise.) Better to stay mum for sure - just calls attention to things they might not have noticed otherwise, and signals lack of confidence. (Which you might feel, but it's not great to show it imo).

    But after that, it was hard not to think about it or to not let it affect how I felt (and behaved, a bit).

    mrsbaldee wrote: »

    I've lost more than 90 pounds. I don't have any wrinkles and my only excess skin is around my belly. My breasts are the same size and not at all saggy. I really do think that weight lifting has helped. It's interesting that the people who claim that lifting makes no difference are also people who do little-to-no exercise.

    At one point I thought my boobs were going to survive too. However, this dramatically changed the closer I got to goal. Literally overnight for me - bras became empty. I have lifted all throughout. I kick box, I walk. I have visible abs with loose skin.

    Boobs are not a muscle (underlying). Mostly fat. Where fat is lost from, what happens to your skin is largely genetic and the sum of your history (pregnancy, prior obesity/weight loss history, ageing). Weightlifting and time will only mitigate so much. The rest you have to accept.

    I think W/L for me has helped to compensate to a large degree - swap one physical dissatisfaction for another I can feel proud of - I'm strong. I think everyone that has lost a large amount of weight hits the same point as the OP at some stage but you get through it. You have to really because going back isn't going to make you happier.

    I could be 250lbs+ and out of breath with no loose skin or be the best I am with what I've got and be a strong example of that grace and wisdom.

    I try and look at my body as a story of my life. See this scar? This mole? This skin disorder? Loose skin? It's all a story.

    Great attitude :D

    I think it's a bit harder to feel ok about having a body story as a woman, though... Hard to shake the idea that men's stories signal the development of "character", growth, etc, while women's body-stories mean loss of youth, beauty, all of that. I don't want to feel this way. And I don't think this way in any other area of life. And it's easy for me to tell myself to think differently, but when it comes to just knee-jerk feelings, I don't know, they just come :/

    Sometimes, I like to imagine that all of us are the pioneers of weight loss technology. We are the cusp of a world where obesity no longer exists (I have great imagination). There will be elders with loose skin that mark the end of an era and we will be revered lol.

    Eta: I have two girls (and three boys)... I'm very conscious of being a good model of self/acceptance for them..maybe that helps too. I know my own mother and grandmother were that for me.